2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
Aug 25th 2006, 6:23 pm
#1
Just Joined
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Joined: Aug 2006
Location: Perth, Australia Oct 06
Posts: 21
2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
We returned to England in July 2003 from being in Sydney (for 2 years) with our new 6 month old baby boy (born out there, at the time) in tow. My partner had quite tough time with the pregnancy, our son was born 2 months early and was in intensive for around 7 weeks so she felt even more reason to return to the UK to have her family and mine supportive and with us. We believed it would be a shame to bring him up in another country however nice it was but for him to miss out on grandparents, uncles, aunties etc, family around. The in laws visited us in Feb 03 and this convinced us to make the return as we thought it would be nice to be part of one big family!!
For the initial few months on our return to the UK there was loads of excitement and everyone was happy, buzzing we were home, offering to babysit, take us out etc etc........we believed things were good and that life would be easier as well for us........
then.....sadly normality kicked back, everyone went back to their jobs, got on with their own lives and we began feeling different/isolated again as if we may as well have stayed in Australia as we would only see family on a handful of occasions which would need pre-arranging. Even close friends we had made prior to us leaving had also moved on, they didnt really understand our predicament or why we left in the first place and somehow although we had these expectations we would be part of a special family in reality people were just too busy doing their own thing. We began wondering why the hell did we give up everything to come back here and everyone is now doing their own thing? For those of you thinking of returning you really have to go back and re-visit why you left the UK in the first place? Although on the face of it we thought it is better quality of life it is also perhaps that if family were there in the first place for us supportive, understanding and close than the likelihood is that probably less people like me would find it easier to take the step and move abroad and start living our lives.
It is only when you are on the other side of the world that you think back to the good times and your mind blocks out all the bad things which were possible subconscious motivators for you leaving in the first place. This is hard to understand as your mind plays tricks and blocks out the bad stuff, but if these assisted on you leaving in the first place they are bound to resurface on your return.
Likewise I find family are now busy, have plans and we need to fit in appointments to see them. For those of you contemplating a return be warned, this is reality, you come back to, it is not like the olden days of years gone by where everyone in the street knows everyone, children playing outside for hours on end and family are popping in and out of eachothers houses helping one another. These days have almost gone, it is getting harder to find with people more and more worried for safety, children getting driven to school, and more entertainment indoors.
Nowadays in the UK people all want our castle and keep and independance, material gain is very important and unless you happen to be fortunate enough to be born into such an open welcoming family (which if is the case you prob wouldn't consider this venture or do it all together....then u will be disappointed as we were when you make the decision to come back)
Our little baby boy is almost 4 now and in that time we dont actually see family that often. Maybe grandparents occasionally but not as often as we would like as they have other priorities. In fact our little boy would probably get more quality time if we were in Oz and the grandparents/in laws flew over for three week periods and were therefore forced into doing things together as a family with us or when we would visit. I suppose it doesn't help that my partners mother passed away years back and her Father re-married, its never been the same. As for my mother, she has her fair share of other issues and although she means well her visits are like a whirlwind. Maybe thats what makes our move easier, but also shows we were deluded the first time into thinking when we come back things would be different now we have a child!
Most people I know, although like the social get together have their own lives and want their Independence, there isn't the comradeship, Ti's a shame but Ive noticed a lot of this, what with the greater disposable income this is the way society has gone. I apologise to those of you who have supportive families and can only say that if I'm wrong for you guys I'm happy that I'm wrong here and appreciate what you have, i can only speak from our experience, but we would have traded money and Independence to family and values.
This time we are heading straight back to Oz, we've decided that we now have to get on with our lives and that our values on how to live life are different to the rest of our families.
I suppose my final thoughts on this are that we are all human and have a way of letting one another down from time to time, hence you have to do whats best and right for your little ones and yourself. Dont set up your expectations of others as this will allow them to fail and to frustrate you when really it is you who needs to change your perspective, think why you left England, obviously you possibly thought something was missing in your lives to venture away regardless of family.
This time there will be no going back, the second time round is easier as you learn that England/family etc is not all its cracked up to be. We just now gotta decide on Perth or Melbourne. (I'm for Perth partner is Melbourne) but thats another story.
spence
For the initial few months on our return to the UK there was loads of excitement and everyone was happy, buzzing we were home, offering to babysit, take us out etc etc........we believed things were good and that life would be easier as well for us........
then.....sadly normality kicked back, everyone went back to their jobs, got on with their own lives and we began feeling different/isolated again as if we may as well have stayed in Australia as we would only see family on a handful of occasions which would need pre-arranging. Even close friends we had made prior to us leaving had also moved on, they didnt really understand our predicament or why we left in the first place and somehow although we had these expectations we would be part of a special family in reality people were just too busy doing their own thing. We began wondering why the hell did we give up everything to come back here and everyone is now doing their own thing? For those of you thinking of returning you really have to go back and re-visit why you left the UK in the first place? Although on the face of it we thought it is better quality of life it is also perhaps that if family were there in the first place for us supportive, understanding and close than the likelihood is that probably less people like me would find it easier to take the step and move abroad and start living our lives.
It is only when you are on the other side of the world that you think back to the good times and your mind blocks out all the bad things which were possible subconscious motivators for you leaving in the first place. This is hard to understand as your mind plays tricks and blocks out the bad stuff, but if these assisted on you leaving in the first place they are bound to resurface on your return.
Likewise I find family are now busy, have plans and we need to fit in appointments to see them. For those of you contemplating a return be warned, this is reality, you come back to, it is not like the olden days of years gone by where everyone in the street knows everyone, children playing outside for hours on end and family are popping in and out of eachothers houses helping one another. These days have almost gone, it is getting harder to find with people more and more worried for safety, children getting driven to school, and more entertainment indoors.
Nowadays in the UK people all want our castle and keep and independance, material gain is very important and unless you happen to be fortunate enough to be born into such an open welcoming family (which if is the case you prob wouldn't consider this venture or do it all together....then u will be disappointed as we were when you make the decision to come back)
Our little baby boy is almost 4 now and in that time we dont actually see family that often. Maybe grandparents occasionally but not as often as we would like as they have other priorities. In fact our little boy would probably get more quality time if we were in Oz and the grandparents/in laws flew over for three week periods and were therefore forced into doing things together as a family with us or when we would visit. I suppose it doesn't help that my partners mother passed away years back and her Father re-married, its never been the same. As for my mother, she has her fair share of other issues and although she means well her visits are like a whirlwind. Maybe thats what makes our move easier, but also shows we were deluded the first time into thinking when we come back things would be different now we have a child!
Most people I know, although like the social get together have their own lives and want their Independence, there isn't the comradeship, Ti's a shame but Ive noticed a lot of this, what with the greater disposable income this is the way society has gone. I apologise to those of you who have supportive families and can only say that if I'm wrong for you guys I'm happy that I'm wrong here and appreciate what you have, i can only speak from our experience, but we would have traded money and Independence to family and values.
This time we are heading straight back to Oz, we've decided that we now have to get on with our lives and that our values on how to live life are different to the rest of our families.
I suppose my final thoughts on this are that we are all human and have a way of letting one another down from time to time, hence you have to do whats best and right for your little ones and yourself. Dont set up your expectations of others as this will allow them to fail and to frustrate you when really it is you who needs to change your perspective, think why you left England, obviously you possibly thought something was missing in your lives to venture away regardless of family.
This time there will be no going back, the second time round is easier as you learn that England/family etc is not all its cracked up to be. We just now gotta decide on Perth or Melbourne. (I'm for Perth partner is Melbourne) but thats another story.
spence
Aug 25th 2006, 6:44 pm
#2
Life's next chapter is?
Joined: Jul 2003
Location: NW England...for now.
Posts: 942
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
Originally Posted by loveklein
We returned to England in July 2003 from being in Sydney (for 2 years) with our new 6 month old baby boy (born out there, at the time) in tow. My partner had quite tough time with the pregnancy, our son was born 2 months early and was in intensive for around 7 weeks so she felt even more reason to return to the UK to have her family and mine supportive and with us. We believed it would be a shame to bring him up in another country however nice it was but for him to miss out on grandparents, uncles, aunties etc, family around. The in laws visited us in Feb 03 and this convinced us to make the return as we thought it would be nice to be part of one big family!!
For the initial few months on our return to the UK there was loads of excitement and everyone was happy, buzzing we were home, offering to babysit, take us out etc etc........we believed things were good and that life would be easier as well for us........
then.....sadly normality kicked back, everyone went back to their jobs, got on with their own lives and we began feeling different/isolated again as if we may as well have stayed in Australia as we would only see family on a handful of occasions which would need pre-arranging. Even close friends we had made prior to us leaving had also moved on, they didnt really understand our predicament or why we left in the first place and somehow although we had these expectations we would be part of a special family in reality people were just too busy doing their own thing. We began wondering why the hell did we give up everything to come back here and everyone is now doing their own thing? For those of you thinking of returning you really have to go back and re-visit why you left the UK in the first place? Although on the face of it we thought it is better quality of life it is also perhaps that if family were there in the first place for us supportive, understanding and close than the likelihood is that probably less people like me would find it easier to take the step and move abroad and start living our lives.
It is only when you are on the other side of the world that you think back to the good times and your mind blocks out all the bad things which were possible subconscious motivators for you leaving in the first place. This is hard to understand as your mind plays tricks and blocks out the bad stuff, but if these assisted on you leaving in the first place they are bound to resurface on your return.
Likewise I find family are now busy, have plans and we need to fit in appointments to see them. For those of you contemplating a return be warned, this is reality, you come back to, it is not like the olden days of years gone by where everyone in the street knows everyone, children playing outside for hours on end and family are popping in and out of eachothers houses helping one another. These days have almost gone, it is getting harder to find with people more and more worried for safety, children getting driven to school, and more entertainment indoors.
Nowadays in the UK people all want our castle and keep and independance, material gain is very important and unless you happen to be fortunate enough to be born into such an open welcoming family (which if is the case you prob wouldn't consider this venture or do it all together....then u will be disappointed as we were when you make the decision to come back)
Our little baby boy is almost 4 now and in that time we dont actually see family that often. Maybe grandparents occasionally but not as often as we would like as they have other priorities. In fact our little boy would probably get more quality time if we were in Oz and the grandparents/in laws flew over for three week periods and were therefore forced into doing things together as a family with us or when we would visit. I suppose it doesn't help that my partners mother passed away years back and her Father re-married, its never been the same. As for my mother, she has her fair share of other issues and although she means well her visits are like a whirlwind. Maybe thats what makes our move easier, but also shows we were deluded the first time into thinking when we come back things would be different now we have a child!
Most people I know, although like the social get together have their own lives and want their Independence, there isn't the comradeship, Ti's a shame but Ive noticed a lot of this, what with the greater disposable income this is the way society has gone. I apologise to those of you who have supportive families and can only say that if I'm wrong for you guys I'm happy that I'm wrong here and appreciate what you have, i can only speak from our experience, but we would have traded money and Independence to family and values.
This time we are heading straight back to Oz, we've decided that we now have to get on with our lives and that our values on how to live life are different to the rest of our families.
I suppose my final thoughts on this are that we are all human and have a way of letting one another down from time to time, hence you have to do whats best and right for your little ones and yourself. Dont set up your expectations of others as this will allow them to fail and to frustrate you when really it is you who needs to change your perspective, think why you left England, obviously you possibly thought something was missing in your lives to venture away regardless of family.
This time there will be no going back, the second time round is easier as you learn that England/family etc is not all its cracked up to be. We just now gotta decide on Perth or Melbourne. (I'm for Perth partner is Melbourne) but thats another story. spence
For the initial few months on our return to the UK there was loads of excitement and everyone was happy, buzzing we were home, offering to babysit, take us out etc etc........we believed things were good and that life would be easier as well for us........
then.....sadly normality kicked back, everyone went back to their jobs, got on with their own lives and we began feeling different/isolated again as if we may as well have stayed in Australia as we would only see family on a handful of occasions which would need pre-arranging. Even close friends we had made prior to us leaving had also moved on, they didnt really understand our predicament or why we left in the first place and somehow although we had these expectations we would be part of a special family in reality people were just too busy doing their own thing. We began wondering why the hell did we give up everything to come back here and everyone is now doing their own thing? For those of you thinking of returning you really have to go back and re-visit why you left the UK in the first place? Although on the face of it we thought it is better quality of life it is also perhaps that if family were there in the first place for us supportive, understanding and close than the likelihood is that probably less people like me would find it easier to take the step and move abroad and start living our lives.
It is only when you are on the other side of the world that you think back to the good times and your mind blocks out all the bad things which were possible subconscious motivators for you leaving in the first place. This is hard to understand as your mind plays tricks and blocks out the bad stuff, but if these assisted on you leaving in the first place they are bound to resurface on your return.
Likewise I find family are now busy, have plans and we need to fit in appointments to see them. For those of you contemplating a return be warned, this is reality, you come back to, it is not like the olden days of years gone by where everyone in the street knows everyone, children playing outside for hours on end and family are popping in and out of eachothers houses helping one another. These days have almost gone, it is getting harder to find with people more and more worried for safety, children getting driven to school, and more entertainment indoors.
Nowadays in the UK people all want our castle and keep and independance, material gain is very important and unless you happen to be fortunate enough to be born into such an open welcoming family (which if is the case you prob wouldn't consider this venture or do it all together....then u will be disappointed as we were when you make the decision to come back)
Our little baby boy is almost 4 now and in that time we dont actually see family that often. Maybe grandparents occasionally but not as often as we would like as they have other priorities. In fact our little boy would probably get more quality time if we were in Oz and the grandparents/in laws flew over for three week periods and were therefore forced into doing things together as a family with us or when we would visit. I suppose it doesn't help that my partners mother passed away years back and her Father re-married, its never been the same. As for my mother, she has her fair share of other issues and although she means well her visits are like a whirlwind. Maybe thats what makes our move easier, but also shows we were deluded the first time into thinking when we come back things would be different now we have a child!
Most people I know, although like the social get together have their own lives and want their Independence, there isn't the comradeship, Ti's a shame but Ive noticed a lot of this, what with the greater disposable income this is the way society has gone. I apologise to those of you who have supportive families and can only say that if I'm wrong for you guys I'm happy that I'm wrong here and appreciate what you have, i can only speak from our experience, but we would have traded money and Independence to family and values.
This time we are heading straight back to Oz, we've decided that we now have to get on with our lives and that our values on how to live life are different to the rest of our families.
I suppose my final thoughts on this are that we are all human and have a way of letting one another down from time to time, hence you have to do whats best and right for your little ones and yourself. Dont set up your expectations of others as this will allow them to fail and to frustrate you when really it is you who needs to change your perspective, think why you left England, obviously you possibly thought something was missing in your lives to venture away regardless of family.
This time there will be no going back, the second time round is easier as you learn that England/family etc is not all its cracked up to be. We just now gotta decide on Perth or Melbourne. (I'm for Perth partner is Melbourne) but thats another story.
spence
Aug 25th 2006, 6:53 pm
#3
my arm aches
Joined: Jul 2003
Location: the warm waters of Florida
Posts: 2,289
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
I must be missing something. 
Lots of people have families who don't figure much in their day to day lives. They don't move to the other side of the world because of it. They just get on with their own lives, and the day to day chores, just like everyone else.
I just don't see why having to prearrange visits, or less frequent visits is a reason to move 6000 miles away. Have you made any new friends since your return?
If there are other reasons which you don't want to go into, then fine and I apologise for not 'getting it'. It just seems you are basing your happiness on how other people behave, rather than relying on yourself to make your own happiness.
Lots of people have families who don't figure much in their day to day lives. They don't move to the other side of the world because of it. They just get on with their own lives, and the day to day chores, just like everyone else.
I just don't see why having to prearrange visits, or less frequent visits is a reason to move 6000 miles away. Have you made any new friends since your return?
If there are other reasons which you don't want to go into, then fine and I apologise for not 'getting it'. It just seems you are basing your happiness on how other people behave, rather than relying on yourself to make your own happiness.
Aug 25th 2006, 7:12 pm
#4
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Dec 2004
Location: Middlesex
Posts: 983
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
Originally Posted by ladyofthelake
I must be missing something.
Lots of people have families who don't figure much in their day to day lives. They don't move to the other side of the world because of it. They just get on with their own lives, and the day to day chores, just like everyone else.
I just don't see why having to prearrange visits, or less frequent visits is a reason to move 6000 miles away. Have you made any new friends since your return?
If there are other reasons which you don't want to go into, then fine and I apologise for not 'getting it'. It just seems you are basing your happiness on how other people behave, rather than relying on yourself to make your own happiness.
Lots of people have families who don't figure much in their day to day lives. They don't move to the other side of the world because of it. They just get on with their own lives, and the day to day chores, just like everyone else.
I just don't see why having to prearrange visits, or less frequent visits is a reason to move 6000 miles away. Have you made any new friends since your return?
If there are other reasons which you don't want to go into, then fine and I apologise for not 'getting it'. It just seems you are basing your happiness on how other people behave, rather than relying on yourself to make your own happiness.
Dont you guys cant make a life for yourself and just take your family as they are....
Aug 25th 2006, 7:57 pm
#5
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Oct 2003
Location: Nappyland
Posts: 2,886
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
Originally Posted by eurotramp
I was exactly thinking that myself...why always blame other people for going to oz, coming back and and going to oz again???
Dont you guys cant make a life for yourself and just take your family as they are....
Dont you guys cant make a life for yourself and just take your family as they are....
I might be wrong tho!
Aug 25th 2006, 8:19 pm
#6
little snowy owl
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 6,921
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
I could go year on year without seeing any of my brothers, which made me feel bad cos one was even in the same town. But we had busy lives and so did they. We always got on well when we did meet up, but really we moved in different circles, and never got organised enough to meet up on a regular basis.
Since we have been out here (Canada) we exchange emails and photos and we chat from time to time on msn or skype. We actually have more contact now than we ever did when we were living in the same country!. We are hoping they will schedule us into their busy lives for a visit next year, but if they don't, well never mind, there's always the next year!
The third brother doesn't keep contact and never did. He may as well be on another planet, let alone continent. I hear from the grapevine that he is well, and happy, and enjoying his instant family he married into, so good luck to him!
I'm sure the parents miss our kids, but the boys are mid to late teens now, and I don't think they would be much more in contact if we were in the UK.
I miss my parents but they are coming out to visit soon, bless them. We'll manage.
Since we have been out here (Canada) we exchange emails and photos and we chat from time to time on msn or skype. We actually have more contact now than we ever did when we were living in the same country!. We are hoping they will schedule us into their busy lives for a visit next year, but if they don't, well never mind, there's always the next year!
The third brother doesn't keep contact and never did. He may as well be on another planet, let alone continent. I hear from the grapevine that he is well, and happy, and enjoying his instant family he married into, so good luck to him!
I'm sure the parents miss our kids, but the boys are mid to late teens now, and I don't think they would be much more in contact if we were in the UK.
I miss my parents but they are coming out to visit soon, bless them. We'll manage.
Aug 25th 2006, 8:21 pm
#7
my arm aches
Joined: Jul 2003
Location: the warm waters of Florida
Posts: 2,289
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
Originally Posted by HiddenPaw
This time they are being selfish and living their life for them and not to please the family.
I might be wrong tho!
I might be wrong tho!
Aug 25th 2006, 8:27 pm
#8
little snowy owl
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 6,921
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
Originally Posted by ladyofthelake
I understand that, I just don't understand the reason to go to Oz to do it. I could be very wrong, but the op gave the impression they're leaving because of the family, not for the love of OZ. That's why I asked is there something missing.
Aug 25th 2006, 8:43 pm
#9
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Feb 2004
Location: Mid West >> UK
Posts: 1,239
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
I have a close family and I know I will see lots of them when I am back, however my family didnt factor into my decision to go to the States and are only a consideration for my return amongst many other factors. If I dont see my family from one week to the next, big deal. We still love each other.
I believe that you have to find inner peace to feel a true sense of contentment with your life, for me outside factors are only a small part of that peace.
I believe that you have to find inner peace to feel a true sense of contentment with your life, for me outside factors are only a small part of that peace.
Aug 25th 2006, 9:17 pm
#10
Account Closed
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 6,196
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
We lived apart from family during the most trying of times (having babies). Now we have them nearby, it is really nice to go "visit Granddad's". I think that if you can hold it together without family - you can do just about anything afterwards.
Aug 25th 2006, 9:27 pm
#11
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: Aug 2006
Location: Perth, Australia Oct 06
Posts: 21
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
Originally Posted by ladyofthelake
I understand that, I just don't understand the reason to go to Oz to do it. I could be very wrong, but the op gave the impression they're leaving because of the family, not for the love of OZ. That's why I asked is there something missing.
We are not running away from family, we wanted to give them the opportunity of having a close knit bond with our son and for him to develop a relationship with them. We thought this was important at the time, otherwise we were quite happy to have stayed in Australia. Thanks Morwenna and HiddenPaw for your comments you've more or less understood what I was trying to say.
I just thought this thread would be useful for anyone who has children and it is playing on their heartstrings.....
Aug 25th 2006, 9:34 pm
#12
Banned
Joined: Jan 2006
Location: Godzone, utopia, Paradise Island under the sun.
Posts: 1,177
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
Originally Posted by loveklein
We returned to England in July 2003 from being in Sydney (for 2 years) with our new 6 month old baby boy (born out there, at the time) in tow. My partner had quite tough time with the pregnancy, our son was born 2 months early and was in intensive for around 7 weeks so she felt even more reason to return to the UK to have her family and mine supportive and with us. We believed it would be a shame to bring him up in another country however nice it was but for him to miss out on grandparents, uncles, aunties etc, family around. The in laws visited us in Feb 03 and this convinced us to make the return as we thought it would be nice to be part of one big family!!
For the initial few months on our return to the UK there was loads of excitement and everyone was happy, buzzing we were home, offering to babysit, take us out etc etc........we believed things were good and that life would be easier as well for us........
then.....sadly normality kicked back, everyone went back to their jobs, got on with their own lives and we began feeling different/isolated again as if we may as well have stayed in Australia as we would only see family on a handful of occasions which would need pre-arranging. Even close friends we had made prior to us leaving had also moved on, they didnt really understand our predicament or why we left in the first place and somehow although we had these expectations we would be part of a special family in reality people were just too busy doing their own thing. We began wondering why the hell did we give up everything to come back here and everyone is now doing their own thing? For those of you thinking of returning you really have to go back and re-visit why you left the UK in the first place? Although on the face of it we thought it is better quality of life it is also perhaps that if family were there in the first place for us supportive, understanding and close than the likelihood is that probably less people like me would find it easier to take the step and move abroad and start living our lives.
It is only when you are on the other side of the world that you think back to the good times and your mind blocks out all the bad things which were possible subconscious motivators for you leaving in the first place. This is hard to understand as your mind plays tricks and blocks out the bad stuff, but if these assisted on you leaving in the first place they are bound to resurface on your return.
Likewise I find family are now busy, have plans and we need to fit in appointments to see them. For those of you contemplating a return be warned, this is reality, you come back to, it is not like the olden days of years gone by where everyone in the street knows everyone, children playing outside for hours on end and family are popping in and out of eachothers houses helping one another. These days have almost gone, it is getting harder to find with people more and more worried for safety, children getting driven to school, and more entertainment indoors.
Nowadays in the UK people all want our castle and keep and independance, material gain is very important and unless you happen to be fortunate enough to be born into such an open welcoming family (which if is the case you prob wouldn't consider this venture or do it all together....then u will be disappointed as we were when you make the decision to come back)
Our little baby boy is almost 4 now and in that time we dont actually see family that often. Maybe grandparents occasionally but not as often as we would like as they have other priorities. In fact our little boy would probably get more quality time if we were in Oz and the grandparents/in laws flew over for three week periods and were therefore forced into doing things together as a family with us or when we would visit. I suppose it doesn't help that my partners mother passed away years back and her Father re-married, its never been the same. As for my mother, she has her fair share of other issues and although she means well her visits are like a whirlwind. Maybe thats what makes our move easier, but also shows we were deluded the first time into thinking when we come back things would be different now we have a child!
Most people I know, although like the social get together have their own lives and want their Independence, there isn't the comradeship, Ti's a shame but Ive noticed a lot of this, what with the greater disposable income this is the way society has gone. I apologise to those of you who have supportive families and can only say that if I'm wrong for you guys I'm happy that I'm wrong here and appreciate what you have, i can only speak from our experience, but we would have traded money and Independence to family and values.
This time we are heading straight back to Oz, we've decided that we now have to get on with our lives and that our values on how to live life are different to the rest of our families.
I suppose my final thoughts on this are that we are all human and have a way of letting one another down from time to time, hence you have to do whats best and right for your little ones and yourself. Dont set up your expectations of others as this will allow them to fail and to frustrate you when really it is you who needs to change your perspective, think why you left England, obviously you possibly thought something was missing in your lives to venture away regardless of family.
This time there will be no going back, the second time round is easier as you learn that England/family etc is not all its cracked up to be. We just now gotta decide on Perth or Melbourne. (I'm for Perth partner is Melbourne) but thats another story. spence
For the initial few months on our return to the UK there was loads of excitement and everyone was happy, buzzing we were home, offering to babysit, take us out etc etc........we believed things were good and that life would be easier as well for us........
then.....sadly normality kicked back, everyone went back to their jobs, got on with their own lives and we began feeling different/isolated again as if we may as well have stayed in Australia as we would only see family on a handful of occasions which would need pre-arranging. Even close friends we had made prior to us leaving had also moved on, they didnt really understand our predicament or why we left in the first place and somehow although we had these expectations we would be part of a special family in reality people were just too busy doing their own thing. We began wondering why the hell did we give up everything to come back here and everyone is now doing their own thing? For those of you thinking of returning you really have to go back and re-visit why you left the UK in the first place? Although on the face of it we thought it is better quality of life it is also perhaps that if family were there in the first place for us supportive, understanding and close than the likelihood is that probably less people like me would find it easier to take the step and move abroad and start living our lives.
It is only when you are on the other side of the world that you think back to the good times and your mind blocks out all the bad things which were possible subconscious motivators for you leaving in the first place. This is hard to understand as your mind plays tricks and blocks out the bad stuff, but if these assisted on you leaving in the first place they are bound to resurface on your return.
Likewise I find family are now busy, have plans and we need to fit in appointments to see them. For those of you contemplating a return be warned, this is reality, you come back to, it is not like the olden days of years gone by where everyone in the street knows everyone, children playing outside for hours on end and family are popping in and out of eachothers houses helping one another. These days have almost gone, it is getting harder to find with people more and more worried for safety, children getting driven to school, and more entertainment indoors.
Nowadays in the UK people all want our castle and keep and independance, material gain is very important and unless you happen to be fortunate enough to be born into such an open welcoming family (which if is the case you prob wouldn't consider this venture or do it all together....then u will be disappointed as we were when you make the decision to come back)
Our little baby boy is almost 4 now and in that time we dont actually see family that often. Maybe grandparents occasionally but not as often as we would like as they have other priorities. In fact our little boy would probably get more quality time if we were in Oz and the grandparents/in laws flew over for three week periods and were therefore forced into doing things together as a family with us or when we would visit. I suppose it doesn't help that my partners mother passed away years back and her Father re-married, its never been the same. As for my mother, she has her fair share of other issues and although she means well her visits are like a whirlwind. Maybe thats what makes our move easier, but also shows we were deluded the first time into thinking when we come back things would be different now we have a child!
Most people I know, although like the social get together have their own lives and want their Independence, there isn't the comradeship, Ti's a shame but Ive noticed a lot of this, what with the greater disposable income this is the way society has gone. I apologise to those of you who have supportive families and can only say that if I'm wrong for you guys I'm happy that I'm wrong here and appreciate what you have, i can only speak from our experience, but we would have traded money and Independence to family and values.
This time we are heading straight back to Oz, we've decided that we now have to get on with our lives and that our values on how to live life are different to the rest of our families.
I suppose my final thoughts on this are that we are all human and have a way of letting one another down from time to time, hence you have to do whats best and right for your little ones and yourself. Dont set up your expectations of others as this will allow them to fail and to frustrate you when really it is you who needs to change your perspective, think why you left England, obviously you possibly thought something was missing in your lives to venture away regardless of family.
This time there will be no going back, the second time round is easier as you learn that England/family etc is not all its cracked up to be. We just now gotta decide on Perth or Melbourne. (I'm for Perth partner is Melbourne) but thats another story.
spence
Aug 25th 2006, 11:02 pm
#13
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Aug 2006
Location: ..not on the boat I missed !
Posts: 587
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
Originally Posted by loveklein
We returned to England in July 2003 from being in Sydney (for 2 years) with our new 6 month old baby boy (born out there, at the time) in tow. My partner had quite tough time with the pregnancy, our son was born 2 months early and was in intensive for around 7 weeks so she felt even more reason to return to the UK to have her family and mine supportive and with us. We believed it would be a shame to bring him up in another country however nice it was but for him to miss out on grandparents, uncles, aunties etc, family around. The in laws visited us in Feb 03 and this convinced us to make the return as we thought it would be nice to be part of one big family!!
For the initial few months on our return to the UK there was loads of excitement and everyone was happy, buzzing we were home, offering to babysit, take us out etc etc........we believed things were good and that life would be easier as well for us........
then.....sadly normality kicked back, everyone went back to their jobs, got on with their own lives and we began feeling different/isolated again as if we may as well have stayed in Australia as we would only see family on a handful of occasions which would need pre-arranging. Even close friends we had made prior to us leaving had also moved on, they didnt really understand our predicament or why we left in the first place and somehow although we had these expectations we would be part of a special family in reality people were just too busy doing their own thing. We began wondering why the hell did we give up everything to come back here and everyone is now doing their own thing? For those of you thinking of returning you really have to go back and re-visit why you left the UK in the first place? Although on the face of it we thought it is better quality of life it is also perhaps that if family were there in the first place for us supportive, understanding and close than the likelihood is that probably less people like me would find it easier to take the step and move abroad and start living our lives.
It is only when you are on the other side of the world that you think back to the good times and your mind blocks out all the bad things which were possible subconscious motivators for you leaving in the first place. This is hard to understand as your mind plays tricks and blocks out the bad stuff, but if these assisted on you leaving in the first place they are bound to resurface on your return.
Likewise I find family are now busy, have plans and we need to fit in appointments to see them. For those of you contemplating a return be warned, this is reality, you come back to, it is not like the olden days of years gone by where everyone in the street knows everyone, children playing outside for hours on end and family are popping in and out of eachothers houses helping one another. These days have almost gone, it is getting harder to find with people more and more worried for safety, children getting driven to school, and more entertainment indoors.
Nowadays in the UK people all want our castle and keep and independance, material gain is very important and unless you happen to be fortunate enough to be born into such an open welcoming family (which if is the case you prob wouldn't consider this venture or do it all together....then u will be disappointed as we were when you make the decision to come back)
Our little baby boy is almost 4 now and in that time we dont actually see family that often. Maybe grandparents occasionally but not as often as we would like as they have other priorities. In fact our little boy would probably get more quality time if we were in Oz and the grandparents/in laws flew over for three week periods and were therefore forced into doing things together as a family with us or when we would visit. I suppose it doesn't help that my partners mother passed away years back and her Father re-married, its never been the same. As for my mother, she has her fair share of other issues and although she means well her visits are like a whirlwind. Maybe thats what makes our move easier, but also shows we were deluded the first time into thinking when we come back things would be different now we have a child!
Most people I know, although like the social get together have their own lives and want their Independence, there isn't the comradeship, Ti's a shame but Ive noticed a lot of this, what with the greater disposable income this is the way society has gone. I apologise to those of you who have supportive families and can only say that if I'm wrong for you guys I'm happy that I'm wrong here and appreciate what you have, i can only speak from our experience, but we would have traded money and Independence to family and values.
This time we are heading straight back to Oz, we've decided that we now have to get on with our lives and that our values on how to live life are different to the rest of our families.
I suppose my final thoughts on this are that we are all human and have a way of letting one another down from time to time, hence you have to do whats best and right for your little ones and yourself. Dont set up your expectations of others as this will allow them to fail and to frustrate you when really it is you who needs to change your perspective, think why you left England, obviously you possibly thought something was missing in your lives to venture away regardless of family.
This time there will be no going back, the second time round is easier as you learn that England/family etc is not all its cracked up to be. We just now gotta decide on Perth or Melbourne. (I'm for Perth partner is Melbourne) but thats another story. spence
For the initial few months on our return to the UK there was loads of excitement and everyone was happy, buzzing we were home, offering to babysit, take us out etc etc........we believed things were good and that life would be easier as well for us........
then.....sadly normality kicked back, everyone went back to their jobs, got on with their own lives and we began feeling different/isolated again as if we may as well have stayed in Australia as we would only see family on a handful of occasions which would need pre-arranging. Even close friends we had made prior to us leaving had also moved on, they didnt really understand our predicament or why we left in the first place and somehow although we had these expectations we would be part of a special family in reality people were just too busy doing their own thing. We began wondering why the hell did we give up everything to come back here and everyone is now doing their own thing? For those of you thinking of returning you really have to go back and re-visit why you left the UK in the first place? Although on the face of it we thought it is better quality of life it is also perhaps that if family were there in the first place for us supportive, understanding and close than the likelihood is that probably less people like me would find it easier to take the step and move abroad and start living our lives.
It is only when you are on the other side of the world that you think back to the good times and your mind blocks out all the bad things which were possible subconscious motivators for you leaving in the first place. This is hard to understand as your mind plays tricks and blocks out the bad stuff, but if these assisted on you leaving in the first place they are bound to resurface on your return.
Likewise I find family are now busy, have plans and we need to fit in appointments to see them. For those of you contemplating a return be warned, this is reality, you come back to, it is not like the olden days of years gone by where everyone in the street knows everyone, children playing outside for hours on end and family are popping in and out of eachothers houses helping one another. These days have almost gone, it is getting harder to find with people more and more worried for safety, children getting driven to school, and more entertainment indoors.
Nowadays in the UK people all want our castle and keep and independance, material gain is very important and unless you happen to be fortunate enough to be born into such an open welcoming family (which if is the case you prob wouldn't consider this venture or do it all together....then u will be disappointed as we were when you make the decision to come back)
Our little baby boy is almost 4 now and in that time we dont actually see family that often. Maybe grandparents occasionally but not as often as we would like as they have other priorities. In fact our little boy would probably get more quality time if we were in Oz and the grandparents/in laws flew over for three week periods and were therefore forced into doing things together as a family with us or when we would visit. I suppose it doesn't help that my partners mother passed away years back and her Father re-married, its never been the same. As for my mother, she has her fair share of other issues and although she means well her visits are like a whirlwind. Maybe thats what makes our move easier, but also shows we were deluded the first time into thinking when we come back things would be different now we have a child!
Most people I know, although like the social get together have their own lives and want their Independence, there isn't the comradeship, Ti's a shame but Ive noticed a lot of this, what with the greater disposable income this is the way society has gone. I apologise to those of you who have supportive families and can only say that if I'm wrong for you guys I'm happy that I'm wrong here and appreciate what you have, i can only speak from our experience, but we would have traded money and Independence to family and values.
This time we are heading straight back to Oz, we've decided that we now have to get on with our lives and that our values on how to live life are different to the rest of our families.
I suppose my final thoughts on this are that we are all human and have a way of letting one another down from time to time, hence you have to do whats best and right for your little ones and yourself. Dont set up your expectations of others as this will allow them to fail and to frustrate you when really it is you who needs to change your perspective, think why you left England, obviously you possibly thought something was missing in your lives to venture away regardless of family.
This time there will be no going back, the second time round is easier as you learn that England/family etc is not all its cracked up to be. We just now gotta decide on Perth or Melbourne. (I'm for Perth partner is Melbourne) but thats another story.
spenceWe did the same thing and left Oz for feeling our children were missing out on their family and of course the family were telling us this constantly on the phone. We loved it there and were settled within a year. The decision nearly tore us apart and the guilt trip was enormous. Our families were always complaining that we didn't see them enough, visit for Sunday Lunch and they couldn't babysit, my best friend even complained all the time that we didn't have our coffee chats as usual. We finally decided to come back to the UK after much decision making, thinking we were being completely selfish and made to beleive that our children were suffering as a result.
The result was, we came back, my Father moved to Europe with his new wife, my other relatives moved to the other end of the Country (a premeditated move they never mentioned) and my so called best friend was too busy to see me for the first month I was back
Nothing much has changed and we are worse off financially X 10 than we were before we left for Oz, our standard of living really sucks, accommodation is dire and we have no family around at all for any support I utterly understand where you are coming from and one day if the lady luck swings my way with a lottery ticket, we'll be back out there like a flash.
Aug 26th 2006, 12:16 am
#14
Retired
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 34,649
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
Originally Posted by loveklein
We returned to England in July 2003 from being in Sydney (for 2 years) with our new 6 month old baby boy (born out there, at the time) in tow.
Out of interest, what visas did you have when you were living in Australia. Temporary or permanent?
Aug 26th 2006, 2:02 am
#15
Re vera, potas bene.
Joined: Jun 2005
Location: Cape Cod MA..Davenport FL
Posts: 2,405
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
I had a mother in law who when my kids were young I could not of lived without...now I'm a grandparent I have my grandson 5 days a week so his mum who is not my daughter...or my sons now girlfriend can work...
I love having him...but I miss my own time...its put a stop to our own lifes in a way because his home life is not the best..we are his normal family life....I feel if I went on to do my thing I would be letting him down....but if he were to move away...I would have to do my own thing...so if he moved back I'm sure I'd not still have the time for him that I have now....this must happen when we leave family behind...life goes on...they miss us...but if we return they are not going to drop everything...maybe its worry that if they do...we'll only go again so they don't want to get to close....as you get older you get selfish...you've done your child care....grand kids are just for Christmas and birthdays....holidays etc...
I love having him...but I miss my own time...its put a stop to our own lifes in a way because his home life is not the best..we are his normal family life....I feel if I went on to do my thing I would be letting him down....but if he were to move away...I would have to do my own thing...so if he moved back I'm sure I'd not still have the time for him that I have now....this must happen when we leave family behind...life goes on...they miss us...but if we return they are not going to drop everything...maybe its worry that if they do...we'll only go again so they don't want to get to close....as you get older you get selfish...you've done your child care....grand kids are just for Christmas and birthdays....holidays etc...