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2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
We returned to England in July 2003 from being in Sydney (for 2 years) with our new 6 month old baby boy (born out there, at the time) in tow. My partner had quite tough time with the pregnancy, our son was born 2 months early and was in intensive for around 7 weeks so she felt even more reason to return to the UK to have her family and mine supportive and with us. We believed it would be a shame to bring him up in another country however nice it was but for him to miss out on grandparents, uncles, aunties etc, family around. The in laws visited us in Feb 03 and this convinced us to make the return as we thought it would be nice to be part of one big family!!
For the initial few months on our return to the UK there was loads of excitement and everyone was happy, buzzing we were home, offering to babysit, take us out etc etc........we believed things were good and that life would be easier as well for us........ then.....sadly normality kicked back, everyone went back to their jobs, got on with their own lives and we began feeling different/isolated again as if we may as well have stayed in Australia as we would only see family on a handful of occasions which would need pre-arranging. Even close friends we had made prior to us leaving had also moved on, they didnt really understand our predicament or why we left in the first place and somehow although we had these expectations we would be part of a special family in reality people were just too busy doing their own thing. We began wondering why the hell did we give up everything to come back here and everyone is now doing their own thing? For those of you thinking of returning you really have to go back and re-visit why you left the UK in the first place? Although on the face of it we thought it is better quality of life it is also perhaps that if family were there in the first place for us supportive, understanding and close than the likelihood is that probably less people like me would find it easier to take the step and move abroad and start living our lives. It is only when you are on the other side of the world that you think back to the good times and your mind blocks out all the bad things which were possible subconscious motivators for you leaving in the first place. This is hard to understand as your mind plays tricks and blocks out the bad stuff, but if these assisted on you leaving in the first place they are bound to resurface on your return. Likewise I find family are now busy, have plans and we need to fit in appointments to see them. For those of you contemplating a return be warned, this is reality, you come back to, it is not like the olden days of years gone by where everyone in the street knows everyone, children playing outside for hours on end and family are popping in and out of eachothers houses helping one another. These days have almost gone, it is getting harder to find with people more and more worried for safety, children getting driven to school, and more entertainment indoors. Nowadays in the UK people all want our castle and keep and independance, material gain is very important and unless you happen to be fortunate enough to be born into such an open welcoming family (which if is the case you prob wouldn't consider this venture or do it all together....then u will be disappointed as we were when you make the decision to come back) Our little baby boy is almost 4 now and in that time we dont actually see family that often. Maybe grandparents occasionally but not as often as we would like as they have other priorities. In fact our little boy would probably get more quality time if we were in Oz and the grandparents/in laws flew over for three week periods and were therefore forced into doing things together as a family with us or when we would visit. I suppose it doesn't help that my partners mother passed away years back and her Father re-married, its never been the same. As for my mother, she has her fair share of other issues and although she means well her visits are like a whirlwind. Maybe thats what makes our move easier, but also shows we were deluded the first time into thinking when we come back things would be different now we have a child! Most people I know, although like the social get together have their own lives and want their Independence, there isn't the comradeship, Ti's a shame but Ive noticed a lot of this, what with the greater disposable income this is the way society has gone. I apologise to those of you who have supportive families and can only say that if I'm wrong for you guys I'm happy that I'm wrong here and appreciate what you have, i can only speak from our experience, but we would have traded money and Independence to family and values. This time we are heading straight back to Oz, we've decided that we now have to get on with our lives and that our values on how to live life are different to the rest of our families. I suppose my final thoughts on this are that we are all human and have a way of letting one another down from time to time, hence you have to do whats best and right for your little ones and yourself. Dont set up your expectations of others as this will allow them to fail and to frustrate you when really it is you who needs to change your perspective, think why you left England, obviously you possibly thought something was missing in your lives to venture away regardless of family. This time there will be no going back, the second time round is easier as you learn that England/family etc is not all its cracked up to be. We just now gotta decide on Perth or Melbourne. (I'm for Perth partner is Melbourne) but thats another story. :eek: spence |
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
Originally Posted by loveklein
We returned to England in July 2003 from being in Sydney (for 2 years) with our new 6 month old baby boy (born out there, at the time) in tow. My partner had quite tough time with the pregnancy, our son was born 2 months early and was in intensive for around 7 weeks so she felt even more reason to return to the UK to have her family and mine supportive and with us. We believed it would be a shame to bring him up in another country however nice it was but for him to miss out on grandparents, uncles, aunties etc, family around. The in laws visited us in Feb 03 and this convinced us to make the return as we thought it would be nice to be part of one big family!!
For the initial few months on our return to the UK there was loads of excitement and everyone was happy, buzzing we were home, offering to babysit, take us out etc etc........we believed things were good and that life would be easier as well for us........ then.....sadly normality kicked back, everyone went back to their jobs, got on with their own lives and we began feeling different/isolated again as if we may as well have stayed in Australia as we would only see family on a handful of occasions which would need pre-arranging. Even close friends we had made prior to us leaving had also moved on, they didnt really understand our predicament or why we left in the first place and somehow although we had these expectations we would be part of a special family in reality people were just too busy doing their own thing. We began wondering why the hell did we give up everything to come back here and everyone is now doing their own thing? For those of you thinking of returning you really have to go back and re-visit why you left the UK in the first place? Although on the face of it we thought it is better quality of life it is also perhaps that if family were there in the first place for us supportive, understanding and close than the likelihood is that probably less people like me would find it easier to take the step and move abroad and start living our lives. It is only when you are on the other side of the world that you think back to the good times and your mind blocks out all the bad things which were possible subconscious motivators for you leaving in the first place. This is hard to understand as your mind plays tricks and blocks out the bad stuff, but if these assisted on you leaving in the first place they are bound to resurface on your return. Likewise I find family are now busy, have plans and we need to fit in appointments to see them. For those of you contemplating a return be warned, this is reality, you come back to, it is not like the olden days of years gone by where everyone in the street knows everyone, children playing outside for hours on end and family are popping in and out of eachothers houses helping one another. These days have almost gone, it is getting harder to find with people more and more worried for safety, children getting driven to school, and more entertainment indoors. Nowadays in the UK people all want our castle and keep and independance, material gain is very important and unless you happen to be fortunate enough to be born into such an open welcoming family (which if is the case you prob wouldn't consider this venture or do it all together....then u will be disappointed as we were when you make the decision to come back) Our little baby boy is almost 4 now and in that time we dont actually see family that often. Maybe grandparents occasionally but not as often as we would like as they have other priorities. In fact our little boy would probably get more quality time if we were in Oz and the grandparents/in laws flew over for three week periods and were therefore forced into doing things together as a family with us or when we would visit. I suppose it doesn't help that my partners mother passed away years back and her Father re-married, its never been the same. As for my mother, she has her fair share of other issues and although she means well her visits are like a whirlwind. Maybe thats what makes our move easier, but also shows we were deluded the first time into thinking when we come back things would be different now we have a child! Most people I know, although like the social get together have their own lives and want their Independence, there isn't the comradeship, Ti's a shame but Ive noticed a lot of this, what with the greater disposable income this is the way society has gone. I apologise to those of you who have supportive families and can only say that if I'm wrong for you guys I'm happy that I'm wrong here and appreciate what you have, i can only speak from our experience, but we would have traded money and Independence to family and values. This time we are heading straight back to Oz, we've decided that we now have to get on with our lives and that our values on how to live life are different to the rest of our families. I suppose my final thoughts on this are that we are all human and have a way of letting one another down from time to time, hence you have to do whats best and right for your little ones and yourself. Dont set up your expectations of others as this will allow them to fail and to frustrate you when really it is you who needs to change your perspective, think why you left England, obviously you possibly thought something was missing in your lives to venture away regardless of family. This time there will be no going back, the second time round is easier as you learn that England/family etc is not all its cracked up to be. We just now gotta decide on Perth or Melbourne. (I'm for Perth partner is Melbourne) but thats another story. :eek: spence |
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
I must be missing something. :confused:
Lots of people have families who don't figure much in their day to day lives. They don't move to the other side of the world because of it. They just get on with their own lives, and the day to day chores, just like everyone else. I just don't see why having to prearrange visits, or less frequent visits is a reason to move 6000 miles away. Have you made any new friends since your return? If there are other reasons which you don't want to go into, then fine and I apologise for not 'getting it'. It just seems you are basing your happiness on how other people behave, rather than relying on yourself to make your own happiness. :) |
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
Originally Posted by ladyofthelake
I must be missing something. :confused:
Lots of people have families who don't figure much in their day to day lives. They don't move to the other side of the world because of it. They just get on with their own lives, and the day to day chores, just like everyone else. I just don't see why having to prearrange visits, or less frequent visits is a reason to move 6000 miles away. Have you made any new friends since your return? If there are other reasons which you don't want to go into, then fine and I apologise for not 'getting it'. It just seems you are basing your happiness on how other people behave, rather than relying on yourself to make your own happiness. :) Dont you guys cant make a life for yourself and just take your family as they are.... |
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
Originally Posted by eurotramp
I was exactly thinking that myself...why always blame other people for going to oz, coming back and and going to oz again???
Dont you guys cant make a life for yourself and just take your family as they are.... I might be wrong tho! |
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
I could go year on year without seeing any of my brothers, which made me feel bad cos one was even in the same town. But we had busy lives and so did they. We always got on well when we did meet up, but really we moved in different circles, and never got organised enough to meet up on a regular basis.
Since we have been out here (Canada) we exchange emails and photos and we chat from time to time on msn or skype. We actually have more contact now than we ever did when we were living in the same country!. We are hoping they will schedule us into their busy lives for a visit next year, but if they don't, well never mind, there's always the next year! :p The third brother doesn't keep contact and never did. He may as well be on another planet, let alone continent. I hear from the grapevine that he is well, and happy, and enjoying his instant family he married into, so good luck to him! I'm sure the parents miss our kids, but the boys are mid to late teens now, and I don't think they would be much more in contact if we were in the UK. I miss my parents but they are coming out to visit soon, bless them. We'll manage. |
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
Originally Posted by HiddenPaw
This time they are being selfish and living their life for them and not to please the family.
I might be wrong tho! |
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
Originally Posted by ladyofthelake
I understand that, I just don't understand the reason to go to Oz to do it. I could be very wrong, but the op gave the impression they're leaving because of the family, not for the love of OZ. That's why I asked is there something missing.
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Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
I have a close family and I know I will see lots of them when I am back, however my family didnt factor into my decision to go to the States and are only a consideration for my return amongst many other factors. If I dont see my family from one week to the next, big deal. We still love each other.
I believe that you have to find inner peace to feel a true sense of contentment with your life, for me outside factors are only a small part of that peace. |
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
We lived apart from family during the most trying of times (having babies). Now we have them nearby, it is really nice to go "visit Granddad's". I think that if you can hold it together without family - you can do just about anything afterwards.
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Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
Originally Posted by ladyofthelake
I understand that, I just don't understand the reason to go to Oz to do it. I could be very wrong, but the op gave the impression they're leaving because of the family, not for the love of OZ. That's why I asked is there something missing.
We are not running away from family, we wanted to give them the opportunity of having a close knit bond with our son and for him to develop a relationship with them. We thought this was important at the time, otherwise we were quite happy to have stayed in Australia. Thanks Morwenna and HiddenPaw for your comments you've more or less understood what I was trying to say. :) I just thought this thread would be useful for anyone who has children and it is playing on their heartstrings..... |
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
Originally Posted by loveklein
We returned to England in July 2003 from being in Sydney (for 2 years) with our new 6 month old baby boy (born out there, at the time) in tow. My partner had quite tough time with the pregnancy, our son was born 2 months early and was in intensive for around 7 weeks so she felt even more reason to return to the UK to have her family and mine supportive and with us. We believed it would be a shame to bring him up in another country however nice it was but for him to miss out on grandparents, uncles, aunties etc, family around. The in laws visited us in Feb 03 and this convinced us to make the return as we thought it would be nice to be part of one big family!!
For the initial few months on our return to the UK there was loads of excitement and everyone was happy, buzzing we were home, offering to babysit, take us out etc etc........we believed things were good and that life would be easier as well for us........ then.....sadly normality kicked back, everyone went back to their jobs, got on with their own lives and we began feeling different/isolated again as if we may as well have stayed in Australia as we would only see family on a handful of occasions which would need pre-arranging. Even close friends we had made prior to us leaving had also moved on, they didnt really understand our predicament or why we left in the first place and somehow although we had these expectations we would be part of a special family in reality people were just too busy doing their own thing. We began wondering why the hell did we give up everything to come back here and everyone is now doing their own thing? For those of you thinking of returning you really have to go back and re-visit why you left the UK in the first place? Although on the face of it we thought it is better quality of life it is also perhaps that if family were there in the first place for us supportive, understanding and close than the likelihood is that probably less people like me would find it easier to take the step and move abroad and start living our lives. It is only when you are on the other side of the world that you think back to the good times and your mind blocks out all the bad things which were possible subconscious motivators for you leaving in the first place. This is hard to understand as your mind plays tricks and blocks out the bad stuff, but if these assisted on you leaving in the first place they are bound to resurface on your return. Likewise I find family are now busy, have plans and we need to fit in appointments to see them. For those of you contemplating a return be warned, this is reality, you come back to, it is not like the olden days of years gone by where everyone in the street knows everyone, children playing outside for hours on end and family are popping in and out of eachothers houses helping one another. These days have almost gone, it is getting harder to find with people more and more worried for safety, children getting driven to school, and more entertainment indoors. Nowadays in the UK people all want our castle and keep and independance, material gain is very important and unless you happen to be fortunate enough to be born into such an open welcoming family (which if is the case you prob wouldn't consider this venture or do it all together....then u will be disappointed as we were when you make the decision to come back) Our little baby boy is almost 4 now and in that time we dont actually see family that often. Maybe grandparents occasionally but not as often as we would like as they have other priorities. In fact our little boy would probably get more quality time if we were in Oz and the grandparents/in laws flew over for three week periods and were therefore forced into doing things together as a family with us or when we would visit. I suppose it doesn't help that my partners mother passed away years back and her Father re-married, its never been the same. As for my mother, she has her fair share of other issues and although she means well her visits are like a whirlwind. Maybe thats what makes our move easier, but also shows we were deluded the first time into thinking when we come back things would be different now we have a child! Most people I know, although like the social get together have their own lives and want their Independence, there isn't the comradeship, Ti's a shame but Ive noticed a lot of this, what with the greater disposable income this is the way society has gone. I apologise to those of you who have supportive families and can only say that if I'm wrong for you guys I'm happy that I'm wrong here and appreciate what you have, i can only speak from our experience, but we would have traded money and Independence to family and values. This time we are heading straight back to Oz, we've decided that we now have to get on with our lives and that our values on how to live life are different to the rest of our families. I suppose my final thoughts on this are that we are all human and have a way of letting one another down from time to time, hence you have to do whats best and right for your little ones and yourself. Dont set up your expectations of others as this will allow them to fail and to frustrate you when really it is you who needs to change your perspective, think why you left England, obviously you possibly thought something was missing in your lives to venture away regardless of family. This time there will be no going back, the second time round is easier as you learn that England/family etc is not all its cracked up to be. We just now gotta decide on Perth or Melbourne. (I'm for Perth partner is Melbourne) but thats another story. :eek: spence |
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
Originally Posted by loveklein
We returned to England in July 2003 from being in Sydney (for 2 years) with our new 6 month old baby boy (born out there, at the time) in tow. My partner had quite tough time with the pregnancy, our son was born 2 months early and was in intensive for around 7 weeks so she felt even more reason to return to the UK to have her family and mine supportive and with us. We believed it would be a shame to bring him up in another country however nice it was but for him to miss out on grandparents, uncles, aunties etc, family around. The in laws visited us in Feb 03 and this convinced us to make the return as we thought it would be nice to be part of one big family!!
For the initial few months on our return to the UK there was loads of excitement and everyone was happy, buzzing we were home, offering to babysit, take us out etc etc........we believed things were good and that life would be easier as well for us........ then.....sadly normality kicked back, everyone went back to their jobs, got on with their own lives and we began feeling different/isolated again as if we may as well have stayed in Australia as we would only see family on a handful of occasions which would need pre-arranging. Even close friends we had made prior to us leaving had also moved on, they didnt really understand our predicament or why we left in the first place and somehow although we had these expectations we would be part of a special family in reality people were just too busy doing their own thing. We began wondering why the hell did we give up everything to come back here and everyone is now doing their own thing? For those of you thinking of returning you really have to go back and re-visit why you left the UK in the first place? Although on the face of it we thought it is better quality of life it is also perhaps that if family were there in the first place for us supportive, understanding and close than the likelihood is that probably less people like me would find it easier to take the step and move abroad and start living our lives. It is only when you are on the other side of the world that you think back to the good times and your mind blocks out all the bad things which were possible subconscious motivators for you leaving in the first place. This is hard to understand as your mind plays tricks and blocks out the bad stuff, but if these assisted on you leaving in the first place they are bound to resurface on your return. Likewise I find family are now busy, have plans and we need to fit in appointments to see them. For those of you contemplating a return be warned, this is reality, you come back to, it is not like the olden days of years gone by where everyone in the street knows everyone, children playing outside for hours on end and family are popping in and out of eachothers houses helping one another. These days have almost gone, it is getting harder to find with people more and more worried for safety, children getting driven to school, and more entertainment indoors. Nowadays in the UK people all want our castle and keep and independance, material gain is very important and unless you happen to be fortunate enough to be born into such an open welcoming family (which if is the case you prob wouldn't consider this venture or do it all together....then u will be disappointed as we were when you make the decision to come back) Our little baby boy is almost 4 now and in that time we dont actually see family that often. Maybe grandparents occasionally but not as often as we would like as they have other priorities. In fact our little boy would probably get more quality time if we were in Oz and the grandparents/in laws flew over for three week periods and were therefore forced into doing things together as a family with us or when we would visit. I suppose it doesn't help that my partners mother passed away years back and her Father re-married, its never been the same. As for my mother, she has her fair share of other issues and although she means well her visits are like a whirlwind. Maybe thats what makes our move easier, but also shows we were deluded the first time into thinking when we come back things would be different now we have a child! Most people I know, although like the social get together have their own lives and want their Independence, there isn't the comradeship, Ti's a shame but Ive noticed a lot of this, what with the greater disposable income this is the way society has gone. I apologise to those of you who have supportive families and can only say that if I'm wrong for you guys I'm happy that I'm wrong here and appreciate what you have, i can only speak from our experience, but we would have traded money and Independence to family and values. This time we are heading straight back to Oz, we've decided that we now have to get on with our lives and that our values on how to live life are different to the rest of our families. I suppose my final thoughts on this are that we are all human and have a way of letting one another down from time to time, hence you have to do whats best and right for your little ones and yourself. Dont set up your expectations of others as this will allow them to fail and to frustrate you when really it is you who needs to change your perspective, think why you left England, obviously you possibly thought something was missing in your lives to venture away regardless of family. This time there will be no going back, the second time round is easier as you learn that England/family etc is not all its cracked up to be. We just now gotta decide on Perth or Melbourne. (I'm for Perth partner is Melbourne) but thats another story. :eek: spence We did the same thing and left Oz for feeling our children were missing out on their family and of course the family were telling us this constantly on the phone. We loved it there and were settled within a year. The decision nearly tore us apart and the guilt trip was enormous. Our families were always complaining that we didn't see them enough, visit for Sunday Lunch and they couldn't babysit, my best friend even complained all the time that we didn't have our coffee chats as usual. We finally decided to come back to the UK after much decision making, thinking we were being completely selfish and made to beleive that our children were suffering as a result. The result was, we came back, my Father moved to Europe with his new wife, my other relatives moved to the other end of the Country (a premeditated move they never mentioned) and my so called best friend was too busy to see me for the first month I was back :( Nothing much has changed and we are worse off financially X 10 than we were before we left for Oz, our standard of living really sucks, accommodation is dire and we have no family around at all for any support :( I utterly understand where you are coming from and one day if the lady luck swings my way with a lottery ticket, we'll be back out there like a flash. |
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
Originally Posted by loveklein
We returned to England in July 2003 from being in Sydney (for 2 years) with our new 6 month old baby boy (born out there, at the time) in tow.
Out of interest, what visas did you have when you were living in Australia. Temporary or permanent? |
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
I had a mother in law who when my kids were young I could not of lived without...now I'm a grandparent I have my grandson 5 days a week so his mum who is not my daughter...or my sons now girlfriend can work...
I love having him...but I miss my own time...its put a stop to our own lifes in a way because his home life is not the best..we are his normal family life....I feel if I went on to do my thing I would be letting him down....but if he were to move away...I would have to do my own thing...so if he moved back I'm sure I'd not still have the time for him that I have now....this must happen when we leave family behind...life goes on...they miss us...but if we return they are not going to drop everything...maybe its worry that if they do...we'll only go again so they don't want to get to close....as you get older you get selfish...you've done your child care....grand kids are just for Christmas and birthdays....holidays etc... |
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
Originally Posted by loveklein
Hi Lady of the Lake,
We thought this was important at the time, otherwise we were quite happy to have stayed in Australia. ..... Ah that's the bit that I missed. Just goes to show.... don't base your decisions on what you think other people want you to do. :) Best of luck for your return, may you settle and enjoy your new life. |
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
Originally Posted by Mally Lass
Sorry to hear of your disappointment, but happy to know I'm not the only one.
We did the same thing and left Oz for feeling our children were missing out on their family and of course the family were telling us this constantly on the phone. We loved it there and were settled within a year. The decision nearly tore us apart and the guilt trip was enormous. Our families were always complaining that we didn't see them enough, visit for Sunday Lunch and they couldn't babysit, my best friend even complained all the time that we didn't have our coffee chats as usual. We finally decided to come back to the UK after much decision making, thinking we were being completely selfish and made to beleive that our children were suffering as a result. The result was, we came back, my Father moved to Europe with his new wife, my other relatives moved to the other end of the Country (a premeditated move they never mentioned) and my so called best friend was too busy to see me for the first month I was back :( Nothing much has changed and we are worse off financially X 10 than we were before we left for Oz, our standard of living really sucks, accommodation is dire and we have no family around at all for any support :( I utterly understand where you are coming from and one day if the lady luck swings my way with a lottery ticket, we'll be back out there like a flash. Is there no way you can re-apply for your visa? surely if you were there before does this not stand you in good stead? In answer to your question JaJ re my visas.... and if this helps you as well Mally Lash we went initially on a WHV, which I then managed to convert to a 457 while out there being in IT. My partner then got a de-facto on the back of this. This time round we were quite lucky that my partner has a cousin in Melbourne so that, together with me being in IT has given us a second chance with a sub-class 139 skilled visa - which gives us residency. What I would say, is check all your options, speak to a migration consultant, thats what we did and if you can potentially get in by perhaps looking at gaining some qualification or changing your profession for a few years then go for it......I'm sure if you really want something bad enough it will happen. If you want to talk more just drop me a mail, Wishing you all the best....Spencer |
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
Originally Posted by loveklein
Thanks heaps for your response, I'm really sorry to hear your family left you in the lurch when you gave up everything you guys had. Sounds even worse than my situation :eek: Sometimes you feel bad or guilty about taking children away from a potential family upbringing, this is the way we felt. We were told how family could be an integral part to our sons upbringing, guilt trips offering babysitting etc, although on returning we realised after a few months the novelty factor had gone and we were on our own but now worse off!! (like u guys)
Is there no way you can re-apply for your visa? surely if you were there before does this not stand you in good stead? In answer to your question JaJ re my visas.... and if this helps you as well Mally Lash we went initially on a WHV, which I then managed to convert to a 457 while out there being in IT. My partner then got a de-facto on the back of this. This time round we were quite lucky that my partner has a cousin in Melbourne so that, together with me being in IT has given us a second chance with a sub-class 139 skilled visa - which gives us residency. What I would say, is check all your options, speak to a migration consultant, thats what we did and if you can potentially get in by perhaps looking at gaining some qualification or changing your profession for a few years then go for it......I'm sure if you really want something bad enough it will happen. If you want to talk more just drop me a mail, Wishing you all the best....Spencer I hope you can sort your situation out though and work out what's best for your own immediate family. Why do so many of us think that because we are related by blood, we owe them everything ? :confused: |
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
Originally Posted by loveklein
This time there will be no going back, the second time round is easier as you learn that England/family etc is not all its cracked up to be. We just now gotta decide on Perth or Melbourne. (I'm for Perth partner is Melbourne) but thats another story. :eek: spence
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Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
Originally Posted by loveklein
This time round we were quite lucky that my partner has a cousin in Melbourne so that, together with me being in IT has given us a second chance with a sub-class 139 skilled visa - which gives us residency.
Where did you stay before? If you fancy a house swap give us a shout, we are heading to Newbury in a few months ;) |
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
Originally Posted by eurotramp
I was exactly thinking that myself...why always blame other people for going to oz, coming back and and going to oz again???
Dont you guys cant make a life for yourself and just take your family as they are.... England will always be my home and I sometimes long for the day when I will be able to go back. In truth I don't know whether I could truly settle there again. |
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
Originally Posted by Jerseygirl
A bit like we remember the winters of our childhood...thick snow that went over the tops of our wellies...long hot summer days. When in reality it was not and is not like that.
Well, at least it was now and again. |
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
Thanks to the OP for a good original post. I think the point that comes out of a lot of posts is to really evaluate why you want to move in the first place and then remind yourself of those reasons along the way, and especially when things get tough. Most importantly, don't make people (be they friends or family) the basis of your reasoning as you're setting yourself up to be disappointed. It's been interesting reading all the posts lately from would-be, wannabe or actual ping-pongers and I just wish I'd read them (or maybe taken notice?) before putting ourselves into that situation.
As to weather Perth or Melbourne.....haven't been to Perth, but Melbourne is great! (And I believe Woodyinoz may well have a house coming available there....) |
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
Originally Posted by woodyinoz
I would say that if your partner is in IT you would be best heading for Melbourne or Sydney. The other cities will not have much to offer.
Where did you stay before? If you fancy a house swap give us a shout, we are heading to Newbury in a few months ;) Thanks very much for the offer, much appreciated :o although house swap may not be for us as as we are only looking to hopefully rent in Oz for around 6 months before buying out there and you would probably want us to be in your place a little longer than this. (our place, although we will be renting out!! may be a little small anyway as it is only a 2 bed terrace house although in a great location, very central in Newbury.) Out of curiosity wheabouts are you in Melbourne? why are you returning? and have you thought about trying another location over there before making the big move? |
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
Originally Posted by loveklein
Hey WoodyinOz!
Thanks very much for the offer, much appreciated :o although house swap may not be for us as as we are only looking to hopefully rent in Oz for around 6 months before buying out there and you would probably want us to be in your place a little longer than this. (our place, although we will be renting out!! may be a little small anyway as it is only a 2 bed terrace house although in a great location, very central in Newbury.) Out of curiosity wheabouts are you in Melbourne? why are you returning? and have you thought about trying another location over there before making the big move? Our reason for returning is ( don't read this Banjo and op ) family :scared: and for some strange reason I don't want to grow old in Australia. England is home and always will be. I think that only expats can understand this. We are hoping to live in a village around Newbury. My Mum lives in Ball Hill and FIL St Marybourne. We are close to both people and although we will never live in each others pockets just to be around for the few special times a year will be great, especially for the girls. After reading this post the thought of keeping our house here for a year as a back up seems the most sensible thing - I hope ;) |
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
Originally Posted by woodyinoz
I would never like to live anywhere else other than here! We are in the Dandenong Ranges in a small village called Sassafras. To us this place is perfect although many don't like the damp / cooler winters.
Our reason for returning is ( don't read this Banjo and op ) family :scared: and for some strange reason I don't want to grow old in Australia. England is home and always will be. I think that only expats can understand this. We are hoping to live in a village around Newbury. My Mum lives in Ball Hill and FIL St Marybourne. We are close to both people and although we will never live in each others pockets just to be around for the few special times a year will be great, especially for the girls. After reading this post the thought of keeping our house here for a year as a back up seems the most sensible thing - I hope ;) Hi WoodyinOz, Remember me???? We returned to the UK mid July because I was really homesick and wanted to be near family etc etc etc!!!!! To cut a long story short we came back to Oz 10 days ago for good this time. It didn't take us long to remember why we left the UK in the first place, Melbourne is without a doubt a better place for us as a family. Luckily we kept our house here and put the dog in kennels just to be sure, glad we did coz it would have been very expensive to ship everything (and the dog) back again. How about going for a long holiday and see how you feel after a while? Tracy |
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
Originally Posted by TracyAnne
Hi WoodyinOz,
Remember me???? We returned to the UK mid July because I was really homesick and wanted to be near family etc etc etc!!!!! To cut a long story short we came back to Oz 10 days ago for good this time. It didn't take us long to remember why we left the UK in the first place, Melbourne is without a doubt a better place for us as a family. Luckily we kept our house here and put the dog in kennels just to be sure, glad we did coz it would have been very expensive to ship everything (and the dog) back again. How about going for a long holiday and see how you feel after a while? Tracy |
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
Originally Posted by TracyAnne
Hi WoodyinOz,
Remember me???? We returned to the UK mid July because I was really homesick and wanted to be near family etc etc etc!!!!! To cut a long story short we came back to Oz 10 days ago for good this time. It didn't take us long to remember why we left the UK in the first place, Melbourne is without a doubt a better place for us as a family. Luckily we kept our house here and put the dog in kennels just to be sure, glad we did coz it would have been very expensive to ship everything (and the dog) back again. How about going for a long holiday and see how you feel after a while? Tracy Tracy, May I ask what it was that reminded you of why you left the UK in the first place? I'm interested as I was thinking about returning from Perth to (possibly) Wiltshire (that was where you were going to live, right?). Thank you for posting. Very glad you came to a swift decision that you're happy with. Exile |
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
Originally Posted by woodyinoz
:scared:
I thought that you was living with your parents. Everything sounded like it was going to be idyllic. I just wish that I could afford that trip home to check first. One of the main problems that we have found here is that the cost of living leaves us left with nothing to save for that much needed yearly trip home. I am pleased to hear though that you are now settled in your mind. Maybe we could catch up for a cuppa whilst we are in the same city ;) |
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
Originally Posted by TracyAnne
....We returned to the UK mid July because I was really homesick ......we came back to Oz 10 days ago for good this time.
Tracy
Originally Posted by Exile
..... I'm interested as I was thinking about returning from Perth to (possibly) Wiltshire ....
Another :eek: as maybe Wiltshire is the problem! That's where we are.... |
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
Originally Posted by woodyinoz
although we will never live in each others pockets just to be around for the few special times a year will be great, especially for the girls
it's taken me a while to realise that that's what family is about. I live 10 mins from family and we see each other sometimes once a week sometimes once a fortnight. We are all too busy to meet more often. I don't expect them to be on tap to babysit my children etc. however they are usually willing to help out if i ask -which isn't very often. when we do meet we have a good time and enjoy each others company. we celebrate birthdays etc. There is no presure. Things used to be different - i would get upset if they couldn't help us out for some reason or if Nana didn't make time to come and see the kids. Now i realise that life goes on and I take the kids to see nana. i am now much happier. |
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
I really liked your post OP - honest and true to what you feel. I would say the emotional tie we have to our friends and fmaily is very strong and I hate saying goodbye each time we leave them after visiting the UK BUT... its the rose tinted specs syndrome of thinking we spent every waking moment with our family and friends, which we certainly didnt, and forgetting the family rows and problems, which we now dont have living overseas!
I know we dont want to return to the UK, we love life here, we go back for summer and Christmas which we are very fortunate to be able to afford and family often come to visit so it makes it far more comfortable for us being here. The emotional pulls vary for each person - some find their return to the UK a massive relief and what they wanted - some like yourselves find that life isnt all about that. ITs each to their own and maybe it takes ping pomming to find that out. good luck to you - I hope Oz 2nd time round gives you all you what you're looking for - as we have found where we are. |
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
Originally Posted by banjo
Another :eek: as maybe Wiltshire is the problem! That's where we are.... It looked fine when I visited in April! What have you all done to it? :) Maybe I should go back to Dorset instead. Or perhaps I'll just move directly to Victoria and save a few thousand miles. :confused: |
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
The thought of ping-ponging and having 2nd thoughts is really scary for me. At the moment we have decided to return to the UK because mainly it is costing all our money and holiday time to visit friends and family. However, we can't afford to go back yet. We are saving every cent, and hope to be able to afford to return in about 10 months time or so.
We are not unhappy here, just haven't made any close enough friends to replace family in any way, and don't feel like we can afford to stay here. It was OK when our son was under 2 because the flights were so much cheaper, but now he is over 2 it is costing an arm and a leg. We are hoping for another baby, and if that happens, the cost of visiting is only going to get worse and worse. But of course, the whole time that we stay here whilst having made the decision to return, the second thoughts keep coming. It was hard when the weather was just nice - like a really nice british summers day. But it is starting to get hot again and I'm sure as soon as it get too hot to comfortably stay outdoors for any length of time, the thoughts of returning to the UK will be more favourable again. We never lived close to our families and only really saw them every few months, but that is going to be much much better than once every year (if we can continue to afford that). I really really hope that we are not going to be making a mistake as my other half has already said that this is it - once we go back he will not want to go anywhere else again, until retirement anyway. I guess what we both really want in life now is to feel settled somewhere and stay there, and because we are in limbo for at least another 10 months, we don't feel settled here. It's funny because I never thought I would hear mself say anything like that - I have always had itchy feet and not stayed in the same place for more than 2 years since leaving home at 18! But yes, the time has come! Too many decisions. Our son is a few months off being 3 years old and we have to decide if it is worth putting him into preschool here, or just wait til we get back?? |
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
well good luck with it all - that being in limbo certainly isn't great, but maybe it's better to just keep everything as normal as possible (ie send your little man to kinder) incase you end up staying. Who knows what can happen in 10mths to help you change your mind.
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Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
Originally Posted by Mummy
The thought of ping-ponging and having 2nd thoughts is really scary for me. At the moment we have decided to return to the UK because mainly it is costing all our money and holiday time to visit friends and family. However, we can't afford to go back yet. We are saving every cent, and hope to be able to afford to return in about 10 months time or so.
We are not unhappy here, just haven't made any close enough friends to replace family in any way, and don't feel like we can afford to stay here. It was OK when our son was under 2 because the flights were so much cheaper, but now he is over 2 it is costing an arm and a leg. We are hoping for another baby, and if that happens, the cost of visiting is only going to get worse and worse. But of course, the whole time that we stay here whilst having made the decision to return, the second thoughts keep coming. It was hard when the weather was just nice - like a really nice british summers day. But it is starting to get hot again and I'm sure as soon as it get too hot to comfortably stay outdoors for any length of time, the thoughts of returning to the UK will be more favourable again. We never lived close to our families and only really saw them every few months, but that is going to be much much better than once every year (if we can continue to afford that). I really really hope that we are not going to be making a mistake as my other half has already said that this is it - once we go back he will not want to go anywhere else again, until retirement anyway. I guess what we both really want in life now is to feel settled somewhere and stay there, and because we are in limbo for at least another 10 months, we don't feel settled here. It's funny because I never thought I would hear mself say anything like that - I have always had itchy feet and not stayed in the same place for more than 2 years since leaving home at 18! But yes, the time has come! Too many decisions. Our son is a few months off being 3 years old and we have to decide if it is worth putting him into preschool here, or just wait til we get back?? I notice you are in Sydney and to be honest with you, when we were in Sydney we found it especially hard to meet people and make close friends. Maybe that was just us, but we also had a little baby and found that the friends and family we had grown up with and got used to were on the other side of the world and as soon as we had a family felt we wanted them to be a part of our and our sons lives. I had my doubts more than my partner and looking back, was looking at family with rose tinted glasses, also friends tend to move on as well and now that you are a family, friends you had as partners/single life will treat you slightly differently. Im only saying this as i dont want to see you get to the UK and in 6 months be regretful. What I would say to you is if you are not feeling totally at ease, try somewhere else, go to another city, try getting another perspective of Australia. This will be easier for you guys than moving over and realising that you have made the wrong decision. Of course you could come back and everything could be great,but........if you are on a limited budget you could try another place in Australia. As for us we found it difficult to fit in with the lifestyle in Sydney like you but were unsure about Melbourne or Perth......so we are going to check out Perth probably first put our stuff in storage....if things work out there then will get worldy possessions shipped otherwise if we have itchy feet for Melbourne then we are free to check this out. What i am trying to say is once you get on the plane to the UK there is no heading back.......trying another city keeps the UK door adjar but buys you time to work out is going back what you really want? ....wishing you all the best in your decisions...... :o |
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
Originally Posted by ladyofthelake
I must be missing something. :confused:
Lots of people have families who don't figure much in their day to day lives. They don't move to the other side of the world because of it. They just get on with their own lives, and the day to day chores, just like everyone else. I just don't see why having to prearrange visits, or less frequent visits is a reason to move 6000 miles away. Have you made any new friends since your return? If there are other reasons which you don't want to go into, then fine and I apologise for not 'getting it'. It just seems you are basing your happiness on how other people behave, rather than relying on yourself to make your own happiness. :) |
Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
Hello from another prospective ping ponger. Back to Oz early 2007.
I have given up trying to explain to friends in the Uk why i am giving it another go. Even people who I considered to be close supportive friends have reacted by yelling "you are making a big mistake". Hardly anyone I know seems to understand that you you can love Australia/NZ/wherever, but find it very difficult and suffer homesickness, loneliness, feelings of isolation, that can overwhelm you and lead you to give up so easily.(6 months in my case) My friends have all said "but you hated Australia", and thats so untrue. I loved the country, I just found it very tough (i emigrated alone). Its only the ping pongers and prospective ping pongers on here who seem to understand. Just adding my two pennys worth!
Originally Posted by theguitardoctor
How true......sorry it took a move back to realise these things...but hello from another propspective ping-ponger....welcome to the club.....I'm hoping to be back in NZ late next year....!!
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Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
Originally Posted by Lord Pom Percy
Another Ping Pong Pom, the shipping companies love them. :p
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Re: 2nd Thoughts & Hindsight
The solution to all problems relating to this subject so far.
Money-Wedge-Cabbage-Folding stuff. Live in UK for six months/Oz six months--or alternate month about. The Royals manage a similar system,after a hectic day of ribbon cutting, shaking hands, eating caviar-Mustique for a month to get over it. |
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