Originally Posted by sallysimmons

My heart just breaks for anyone in this situation. It's true that discussion and compromise are all possible, but in the end the bottom line is that one person wins and the other loses. Erica said she couldn't be happy if her husband was unhappy, but it seems he doesn't have the same qualms.

My (UKC) husband and I went through this when I first decided I wanted to go back to England. He point-blank refused and I honestly didn't know what to do. Part of me wanted to make it work here and part of me wanted to just go home and have a long-distance marriage. But I knew that would make both of us miserable. And I couldn't see any way out of it. If I won and persuaded him to return to the UK, he would be losing and he'd be miserable.

As it turned out, the reasons for us to move are so compelling that he ultimately came around (after I had given up trying to persuade him) and he's now as excited as I am. But when we talk about compromise in these situations, it really is a case of one person putting their partner first and the other one allowing that to happen.