The Undecided Scot

Hi everyone,

I know this is the Middle East Forum (and my current base is the US) - but I am sure my scenario will be familiar to some on this website

Would like to hear your views on family living in one country and one spouse living in another. Does anyone have any experience of this? And if so, grateful for your advice/thoughts.

Ideally the perfect scenario would be for me to work within Europe and travel home at weekends. If I don't relocate to Europe in the next few years then I may have to look at my family living in UK and me living in the US.

The timing would need to be in the next few years so my children could move back without too much difficutly; due to education; etc. My wife and I have talked the issue through and are pretty certain that we don't want our kids to be in the US longer term.

Also, we would like to retire to Spain. This is another reason why we would like our family to move back to Europe. We couldn't see ourselves retiring to Spain if the kids were in the US.

If I had to stay in the US I would see my wife and kids about every three months and Summer holiday's as they would come to the US for the Summer break. I don't want to leave my employer as the pay and conditions are too good so what's the alternative. Could the 'split base' option work or not ??? Any advice greatly appreciated...!!

IndieG

Hi,

I cannot comment whether it will work for you or not, however it is very common out here in Dubai. I know of many friends and colleagues where the husband is living in Dubai and the wife and kids live in Canada/Australia/NZ. I didn't hear of any problems. Once the wife and kids got their passports (after 3 years), they returned to Dubai.

I guess it wouldn't be too much of a problem for you hopefully, especially since you plan on visiting each other once in three months.

Hope this helps.

Anya

trailingspouse

We lived one year with my husband working in Qatar during the week and coming home to Dubai on weekends and then another year with him working in the far east of Russia and only getting home every 3 months (for 2 weeks at a time). We did this for the sake of our son's education but would never do it again.

Personally I think living apart is very risky for a marriage, no matter how strong it is. Inevitably you both have to develop separate lives in order to stay sane and it's very easy to drift apart, even if there's no hanky panky going on. If it's just for a couple of years while the kids finish school, I would say give it a go. Longer than this, I would say try and find another way. But this is a very personal decision. What works for one family will not necessarily work for another.

secretdubai

Lots of people do it, but it's a hell of a strain on a marriage. Particularly somewhere like the Gulf, where there is a long established industry targeting "single" men. Enough marriages in Dubai break up when some silly middle aged fker convinces himself that a 22-year-old Russian girl genuinely likes him for his "looks and personality", and the wife and kids are basically fked off while the new bride makes her way through his wallet and bank accounts.

So when the wife and kids are already in the UK, the position is even more vulnerable.

I know this isn't true of all men, or all single women/prostitutes, but let's face it, we all know people it's happened to.

LakesLassie

No.

The Undecided Scot

Mmmm....why not?

Do you, or do you know someone, who has had experience of the 'split base' option? Would be grateful for your shared experiences.

Bob

There's a few people in the US forum who have done this, mainly because of visa issues though...Noorah what's it, can't remember off hand, anyway she is one of them, so might be worth trawling through and seeing experiences.

It certainly isn't easy and a breaker of many relationships, but that doesn't mean that it is always the case.

LakesLassie

Sorry - was being a bit flippant. That's just my opinion to be honest. I am sure you will find people with personal experience of how it can work, as well as those who found it didn't. When we first came over here I arrived about 6 months after my other half, although he had regular trips home. It was bloody hard - it takes quite a bit of re-adjusting when you get back to living under the same roof again.

As trailing spouse said, it can be very risky for even the most solid of marriages. Not worth the risk in my opinion, but that's only my opinion. I just think that things like moving abroad are best done and experienced as a family together otherwise what's the point really?