In Jerusalem, a female journalist heard about an very old Jewish man who
had been going to the Wailing Wall to pray, twice a day, everyday, for
60years.. So she went to check it out.

She went to the Wailing Wall and there he was!
She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to
leave, she approached him for an interview.......

"I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. Sir, how long have you been coming to the
Wailing Wall and praying?"

"For about 60 years."

"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"
"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray
for all the hatred to stop and I pray for all our children to grow up in
safety and friendship."

"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"


"Like I'm talking to a f****** brick wall !"

To nick a Robin William quote:

"You're going straight to hell for that one...."

But then I think you knew that route was prob pre-defined before you posted that eh? .....

That was never in question !!

Did you hear that they had to stop teaching drivers ed. and sex ed. at the same time in UAE high schools?

It tires out the camels to fast.

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
4 pints of low fat milk, half dozen eggs, a carton of orange juice,
an iceberg lettuce, a large jar of coffee, and a 1 lb of bacon.

As she was unloading her items at the check out, a drunk standing
behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly
stated, "You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was
intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.
She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing
particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped
off the drunk to her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what,
you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk slurred
"Cause you're a minger!"

PMSL.......................good one

Talking about brick walls.. try this:

A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits they stopped at was that of the breeding bulls. They went up to the first pen and there was an attached sign that read: "This bull mated 50 times last year."

The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said: "He mated 50 times last year." They walked to the second pen which had a sign which
said:

"This bull mated 120 times last year."

The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said: "That's more than twice a week, you could learn a lot from him." They walked to the third pen and it had a sign which read in capital letters: "THIS BULL MATED
365 TIMES LAST YEAR."

The wife, now so excited that her elbow nearly broke her husbands ribs,
said: "That's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one."

The husband looked at her and said: "Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow."


NOTE: The husband's condition has been upgraded from critical to stable, and he should eventually make a full recovery.

ZooZ

Zooz - definitely k worthy....

Number 5:

A man bumps into a Woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.

They are both quite startled.

The man turns to her and says "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 323."


Number 4:

A businessman boards a flight and is seated next to a gorgeous woman.

He notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics.

He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book. It says that American Indians have the longest penises and Greek men are the best in bed. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"
"Tonto Papadopoulos, nice to meet you."


Number 3:

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm.

The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I have a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."
The husband, rejected, turns over.

A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"


Number 2:

A couple had been married for 50 years.

They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."
"I know," the oldman said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."
"Well," Granny snickered, "Let's relive some old times."
Whereupon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."
"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your Pancake."


Number 1:

Bill worked in a pickle factory.

He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had terrible compulsion.

He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.
His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed.

He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home.

His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
"What's wrong,Bill?" she asked.
"Do you remember that Itold you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickleslicer?"
"Oh, Bill, youdidn't."
"Yes, I did."
"My! God, Bill, what happened?"
"I got fired."
"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
"Oh...she got fired too."

Old but good...

here is a short one.. and thanx for the K on the bull joke..

A pompous minister was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas.
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink.
He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by brazen whores than let liquor touch my lips."
The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too. I didn't know we had a choice."


ZooZ

All fantastic!!

Zannie x