cindyabs

Rather than a Freudian slip it was a Jungian chemise,

Britgrrl

Hi Sarah et al,

Just add me to the list of "I know how you feel"s. Lig (UKC, I'm USC) and I have been together for over four years and I've often felt like our entire relationship has consisted of saying hello and goodbye in airports. But after four long years of sporadic travel and being apart at Christmas and New Year's, this year he finally arrived for good (just two weeks ago!) and we FINALLY began a new year and new life together. I cannot tell you how good it feels, and trust me when I say that when all's said and done you'll be stronger for going through the process and you'll appreciate your time together even more.

It won't be long now, hang in there and I say eat all the ice cream you want - wedding dresses come in all sizes!!

Take care.

mcjimbo

Sarah,

I feel exactly the same way, although for me I had to leave my fiancee at New Orleans airport in the USA on the 30th December after 2 amazing weeks together.

We are due to marry this coming July, and finally our by then 2 year long wait will be over. What we K1 people have to endure, is more than I can think most people could ever bare.

Its hard to find people who understand, other than this wonderful forum I would like to call a support group .

I suggest you post on here more often, the good news and the bad, and you will find people throughout the UK and the world who are in the same situation, sympathetic and can totally relate to your situation.

I see my fiancee roughly every 2 months which costs me a fortune, but if I didn't see her everyday on my webcam, read her instant messages and email, speak to her on the phone, or see her regularly then it would effect me.

When I feel down I look at one of the many hundreds of photo's of my fiancee, and to me she is the most beautiful person in the world. I love her more than anything, and I know if we can beat this depression from the separation our marriage will be a breeze.

Good luck with the K1, and if your feeling blue we are all here for you.

Take care,

James

katina

I vividly remember feeling just like this! Clem and I first met (in person) back in 1996 and he didn't move here until 2003! What seemed to work pretty well for me is trying to distract myself -- maybe going to a movie with a friend even if I didn't feel like it, etc. Maybe it would be a good time to get those household things done that have piled up -- like organizing a closet, cleaning out the garage, putting old photos in a photo album, etc. I do remember that the first day is the worst, and then it gets a little easier each day after that...

dbark

Hi Sarah,

I hope you don't mind me chiming in too. I totally relate to how you are feeling. Kurt and I had five trips back and forth before we could be together for good, each time it was harder to leave each other. It is like a complete body-wrenching, not just heart-wrenching. When it was my turn to drive home alone from the airport after an awful farewell, I listened to the song "Babe" by Styx, which also happens to be one of "our" songs, although it took on a new meaning the first time I drove home alone after his first visit. For those who don't know the song, it is about leaving someone you love. And yes, it shows my age...... The lyrics are here:-

http://www.lyricsfreak.com/s/styx/132959.html

Anyway, the wrenching feeling got worse with each departure, but you know that if the two of you can feel that way, then you must love each other very much, in fact you are *meant* to be together, indeed you *will* be together. I also firmly believe that if you can both get through the forced separation that the immigration process brings, then it will make your relationship that much stronger. Not much of a comfort, I know. But SecretGarden is right, you have to trust, to believe in your relationship, and know that everything will be all right. I once read a truism here in the newsgroup, unfortunately I can't remember who said it, but I know it helped to keep me going through those dark moments that we all have sometimes - "It will be OK in the end, and if it's not OK, then it's not the end."

So Sarah, keep the faith, keep on doing all the wonderful things you have been doing up till now to keep feeling close - emails, phone calls, letters and cards by snail mail, care packages, etc. and you will eventually get through this. And let me tell you, that when you do, ohhhhhhh .... it is so worth it! I have been here in the US for three months now, and it is even more wonderful than I could imagine!

Take care,

Debbie

jcapulet

Sarah,

I know how you feel too, I remember all those times we had to say goodbye at the airport The first time we met in person was a wonderful week together...when I finally had to return home, we were crying like babies! When I got home and met Cory back online, he told me after I left, he walked round and round the airport for an hour.

The last visit before we were married, in November 2002, I kept asking him at the airport if he was going to shave that day. He probably thought I was nuts (well, I had gotten him a new shaver for Xmas). Later that day, he found a little note I left in his shaver bag, telling him that I loved him. I left a few more in other places...reading SecretGarden's post reminded me of when I did that I also left him a gift that he could only open when he got home from the airport. It sure is a lot to go through, saying goodbye to he one you love at the airport!

I know how sad and empty you feel now...but you'll get better. Think about your wedding, and how happy you two will be when you're together for good...I bet it won't be long until you're in each other's arms again.

Warmest hugs,
Juliet

shona66

Sarah,
My fiance (also called Jeff) came over for a short visit over Christmas. I know exactly how you feel. He had to leave for Niles on New Years Eve. This is the second time that we have met and it seems to have got so much harder. I just felt completely numb as if my heart had been ripped out. I couldn't even cry until I got home. I was supposed to go to a family party that evening but just needed to be alone . I didnt want to talk to or face anyone. I have never missed anyone so much in my life and never felt so much pain being parted from someone i love so deeply.

The days following have been very up and down. We have talked by yahoo messenger every day for about 2 hrs , sometimes speaking on the phone twice a day as well. We have only just filed our petition to NSC (OMG) 2nd Jan and know there is a long and difficult wait ahead. Hun I totally empathise with the pain you are feeling. I just couldnt wait to get back teaching my class, seeing the smiles on the childrens faces.-that helped keeping busy. I also went out looking for wedding dresses trying to be optimistic and planning for the better times. I joined this forum in the hope of some emotional support . Something I read here helped. It said spend the time being with family and friends and those you love who you will be leaving and make the most of that time what is left. Some days its hurts so bad i know but there WILL come a time when you are together as will we. I Just pray for that day for you and everyone else who is trying to cope with all of this.


Love and Hugs


Shona

ms_bhon

Awww, Sara, I read your post and almost started to cry! And my husband and I have been living together as husband and wife since June of 2001!

(Our timeline's on kamya and also our home page which is in my profile)

But- oh- how I remember how difficult the time apart was! I didn't get a tattoo, but what we used to do, at least when he was flying back to UK, which was usually an evening flight, was to toast with a bit of the bubbly before I drove him to the airport (less for me as I was driving). We'd toast how much in love we were. we'd toast how lucky we were to have found each other. I'd still get a bit teary eyed, but it would turn the send off into a bit more of a jovial-"boy I'm glad we at least got to spend *some* time together" rather than a mini-series drama. And yes, I would come back to the house and still smell him on my sheets and miss him terribly. When I'd leave to come back to the US, it was usually a morning flight- so no champers- but about 1/2 the time I'd make my way to the airport on my own (he lived in London), so once leaving his flat, my attention was focused on getting my luggage on and off the tube, etc, etc. It wouldn't be until I was on the plane that the meloncholy would set in- but I would try to train my brain to think of the time I just had, replaying it over in my head, rather than the empty bed that awaited me when I got home.

A number of very successful couples I know spent a portion of their time as a couple apart. It really has the ability to stregthen the relationship, and also, once you're finally together its helps you from taking each other for granted like some couples who didn't have these kinds of hurdles.

The first year we were married we faced the "worse, poorer and sickness". First 9/11, then some health problems for me, then his dad passed away, then it took him close to 14 months to find a full time IT position...

But how different it is, and how lucky I feel to have him! :-), no matter what the circumstances...

Time will pass and eventually you *will* have your life together and it'll be wonderful, and fabulously mundane, and this will all be a memory...

Hang in there, hon!