Sarah

Hi everyone,
I drove Jeff to Manchester airport today after 3 blissful weeks together. This is the second Christmas and New Year we've been together as a couple but the first we actually spent together.
We had SUCH a good time, I sometimes can't believe I've managed to get myself this amazingly gorgeous, cool, charming, sexy, fantastic man. I still look at him sometimes and think
"Wow, he's my fiance!!" I'm sure you'll all agree with me that your particular fiance(e)/husband/wife is the most gorgeous babe on the planet as well but I assure you Jeff really is the most wonderful man on the planet!
So as you can imagine driving the love of my life in my old junk heap of a car to Manchester airport at 6am this morning to have him taken back out of my life again was not the nicest thing in the world.
I blubbed like a little kid in the departure lounge, hugging Jeff and feeling terribly self-conscious about the fact that I was bawling in public but also I have that flu-cold that the rest of the world seems to have aswell so I sounded like a croaky frog puking rather than a composed woman of 27 having a dignified weep.
Its such a weird feeling being alone again now after having him here for nearly a month. It doesn't feel right to be without him, I feel numb and zombie-like. I went to work after I drove back alone and was just on autopilot for the rest of the day.
The thought of having to go home without him there waiting for me was too much today, I came home and saw (of all things!) a snotty tissue of his that he'd left on the sofa (he has a cold too!) and took one look at that and started the frog-like crying again so I went out and bought not one but TWO tubs of ice cream, one of Haagen Daz, one of Ben and Jerrys and sat in front of the TV feeling sorry for myself and scoffing ice-cream.
I put on goodness knows how much weight over Christmas. I just can't take this much longer though. Has anyone else ever done this - this K1 is turning me into a lonely, sad (and fat) fruitcake.
Tell me I'm not the only one please!
It feels so wrong to be apart, if I could I would marry him tomorrow, we know we are meant for each other, we're so ridiculously in love but it feels so sad at the same time that we can't be together yet. The thought of sleeping alone tonight is horrible, so I'm pouring myself a large Gin and Tonic and waiting to hear that he has landed safely.
How do I get through this rest of this week? I feel so unbearably sad.
Sarah x

Bluegrass Lass

Hi Sarah,

I'm sorry you're going through this all alone right now. I know how you feel. My honey just flew back to the UK yesterday evening after several weeks together. I was a terrible mess last night, crying and hiccupping all over myself. I had to stop at the grocery store for milk and juice, and I kept getting all these looks because my face was so red and my eyes bloodshot (I'm not at my best when bawling).

I understand what it's like to drive back to that empty apartment/flat that feels soo empty and quiet, to look at that bed that seems too big for just one person. But you know how lucky you are to have met that most special person, and know that you have the rest of your lives in front of you. There IS a happy ending to all of this terrible heartache - that's what we all have to keep telling ourselves.

I'm hugging ya in spirit Sarah because we could all use one in these tough separations. All of us here are there with ya helping ya through this. <hugs>

Jamie

PS: Hope you get over that cold soon!

Steffi

Awww, hearing you go throughy this is nearly causing me to cry! I know EXACTLY how you feel!! I had to go through it too many times. Fortunately Patrick and I were able to see each other every month or two so we kind ofgot used to it. But of course I'd feel soooo empty every time we would have to leave each other. I would go into these really bad depressions for about a week and would just feel aweful. I think the only thing that really helped was to be in other's people's company because that would sort of take my mind off things. So try and hang out with friends and loved ones, that's the only tip I can give you. That and the thought that before too long that yes, ONE day, you WILL be together every night. You can crawl in the bed with him every night and snuggle him for the rest of your life. How long is it until you are hoping to have the visa process over with?
Just remember we have all been there at one point!!!

sibsie

Add me to the gang.

I had Steve over for just 10 days before Christmas. We had the best time ever and I was miserable as sin when he left. I was crying so much when I drove back from the airport that I lost my way and ended up in an industrial park in the middle of Valencia. It took me 2 and half hours to do the 50 min drive home.

Naturally I spent the rest of the day tracking his flights until he landed and I could call him again.

I had an awful moment in the days after he left. I got up to go to the loo and was half asleep. I was convinced he was still there, got back into bed put, went to put my arm round him but he wasn't there. I blubbed like the girlie that I am and was the most miserable I've ever been.

Thankfully around that time I'd got talking to Secret Garden on here a lot and she was a tower of strength for me.

You'll get through it Sarah and you have a whole selection of people on here who know exactly what you're going through.

You applied through VSC didn't you? It shouldn't be long now and you'll be back on that plane and back where you belong.

sibsie

Oh and to stop the comfort eating (says she scoffing a ton of popcorn) try focusing on having to get into a wedding dress!

cindyabs

You will get through this week, one day at a time (borrowing from AA etc) (hears "Addicted to love" playing, . No seriously we all have been there done that or are being there and doing that. It's no fun-we spent the almost the first 3 1/2 years of our marriage with him in the UK and me here. It was heaven when we were together and hell apart, but it was all to a good end and that is your finish line as well Sarah. It looms ahead, along with a good and happy life together. So hold to it, tighten the main sail, keep your pecker up and watch the ice cream intake.

That's my story and I'm stickin' to it!

Noorah101

Awwww, Sarah....I know exactly how you feel. Actually, I haven't seen my fiance for almost a year now, and I don't have the jagged crying spells I did at first. But I remember all too well how I cried at the airport in Turkey (he had little tears brimming too!), and the little crying spells on the long plane ride home alone. I'm kind of glad we haven't seen each other all this time. The highs and lows that go along with visiting are overwhelming. My fiance says he sat in the airport after I left for over an hour just staring into space, not wanting to get on the metro again for the ride home that we had shared every day for 3 weeks. :-(

Have yourself a little pity-party, eat all the comfort food you want, and then buckle down and be strong for both of you during the rest of this immigration journey :-) As mentioned, think of the wedding dress! :-)

HUGS,
Rene

Jan Alaska

Chin up ducks ! we've all been there, I think the best way to cope with that 'hollow' feeling is to look ahead to your life together and throw yourself into arrangements for your big move and wedding.

*huggs*

Jan

sphyrapicus

And all this time I thought Sarah was a she? Huh. This all sounds a bit too Freudian for me. Hmmm. And watch those pecker comments - I resemble those remarks.

Simon&Vik

Wow, do I ever sympathize....

Simon was here for a month, then I had to take him to the airport so he could go back to the UK.... I blubbered like a little girl. It was awful. Strangest thing was I was totally NOT self-consious about it... I didn't care about anyone else around. I was miserable, and my husband was leaving. So I let it all out...

I have no advise. I was pretty miserable for a couple wks. Then got better. (A bit, at least... I mean, he's still not here...) Then when Christmas came, I got worse. And stayed worse. Luckily, we're close to the point where he will be able to come and stay home. Every day is a struggle at this point, but we're getting closer.

SecretGarden

Hi Sara,
I am dead on my feet after having about four hours sleep in the last two days (Mr.P's interview you know!) and was just going to turn in when I saw your post. Had to sign in and offer some encouragement.

First off, I have been in your shoes of feeling like I was going to just wither away from crying at Heathrow and Chicago. Strangely I have always been approached after the goodbye by some very concerned and lovely person. This has happened every time (six in all) I've said goodbye to him, either over there or in the US. The last time in Chicago it was a woman in the elevator with me. She was in a wheelchair and was looking up at me and asked me what was wrong. Well, I did the best to explain to her without raining tears down on her and she said, I'd love to talk to you about it. So, we got out of the elevator and I sat on a bench in the parking garage and talked to her for about 15 minutes. She listened intently and looked at me finally, and said, "Honey, you have to *TRUST* that you're going to see him again, you have to *TRUST* that things will work out the way they are meant to be. You will be fine, this is just another bump in the road." This may not seem like much, but it made me stop and stare at her because just a month earlier I had gotten the word "trust" tattooed on my left ankle. (It was highly uncharacteristic of me to consider getting a tattoo, but I did it, and the reason I picked that word was because it's the basis of the whole thing, really, isn't it?)

When things have been very difficult between Mr. Pink and me, he will remind me of that incident and he'll say, "look at the ankle, love" and it helps a little to see a representation of what I need to do to get through it all. He always told me that "it *WILL* get better" and he was absolutely right. Even in my very darkest days I always believed him that it wouldn't always feel the way it was feeling right then. The sadness would give way, and I needed to look at the ankle and trust that.

In the "scary memorabilia" department, when he was here last July we had had a nice Guiness on the front porch of my home before leaving to drive to the airport in Chicago. I, like you, drove back alone in the dark, and it was so lonely and so desolate when I got back to the house. I went into the kitchen and noticed that he had left his Guiness glass on the counter, and it had left a dark and somewhat sticky ring. My house is pretty immaculate and I left that ring there on the counter for almost a month (yes, washed the glass.....). I told a close friend why it was there and she said, "well, you'll wipe it up when you're ready to let go of it." That was a wise statement. After those couple of weeks it *did* get better, and I *did* feel better, and the ring got wiped up. I *trusted*.

One thing I've also learned in this "leaving and being left" scenario is that it feels different. Up until July I had always been the one to drive back alone from the airport to an empty house and an empty bed, and wait for the "I made it back safely" phone call from the UK. There's a set of emotions that go along with that. The last two visits have been me leaving him in the empty room, and one thing we've always done is leave a little surprise for one another on the pillow to come back to. I felt completely different being the one to think up and leave my little surprise when I walked out of his house. I knew how he would be feeling as I had been through it before, and to be honest I think I was more worried about him and the way he would take it than I was myself at that time.

Sara, your Jeff loves you dearly and you love and adore him too. It will get better, and you will be together again. I always tell Mr. Pink to look down at his hand and picture mine in it. You've got to *trust* that things will turn out the way they're meant to, and you have to remain strong and hang in there for one another. The main thing is to talk talk talk talk talk incessantly about how you feel, always keep the lines of communication open. Don't hide from the hard stuff. Ask one another the tough questions and share those hard emotions.

It *will* get better. Look at the ankle and *trust* it.

Hugs,
~SecretGarden

Fireman543

Hi Sarah and all you other lovelorn Gals and Guys they say absence makes the heart grow fonder. Waiting for that call for the interview does the same so take it in your stride you will make it eventually. You all have computers and maybe even better a web cam in which case if your loved one has the same as well call him/her up and look into each others eyes in real time.
1 it will cheer you both up
2 it will allow you to say those things that only the 2 of you understand, and
3 it will keep your love going as it was when you were together.

Thats what Sigrid and I did even to the extent that at 3am I was actually falling asleep in UK at the computer cause I had been up since 6 am the previous day. Have patience and let your love for each other grow stronger the magic envelope will arrive and from then on its all down hill to the flight across the atlantic to your loved one. Best Wishes to you all
Brian (UK & USA) and Sigrid (USA)

katie4998

Sarah...
I can completely relate to your post...I just spent a (far too short) 5 days with my wonderful fiance, and dropped him off at the Seattle airport on Sunday morning. This time was no different from all the other "leavings" we've had to deal with. We try to keep it short, as hard as that is, so that it's a little easier to walk away, but...let's face it, that's impossible. You were so lucky to have spent all that time with him - every chance to be together is such a blessing. AND, you're so lucky (as unbelieveable as it seems at this point) that you're going through VSC...we're going through TSC & are only 2 months into the waiting game. You'll be with him soon, and forever...that's what keeps me going through all of this - thinking about how FANTASTIC it's going to be to spend each and every day with him, and not have to worry about any trips to the airport and big huge bawl sessions on the way home. You can get through this, Sarah...ice cream or no ice cream! Just remember, you've always got everyone here to talk to, and we've all been through it, many of us, it appears, quite recently. We're here for ya!

HunterGreen

Can I join the list.... just this Monday my guy left again after 12 days and our first Christmas/New Years together. I feel like a zombie. My 5 yr.o. daughter has come downstairs every night crying, missing him. Doesn't make it better seeing her like that. Can't count the boxes of Kleenex I went through so far.
What makes it worse this time is we hardly got to have any fun together - the day he arrived, Christmas Eve, my daughter got admitted to the hospital with what they thought was appendicitis. Wasn't that thank goodness, but they kept her for observation for 3 days. In the meantime I caught a mean flu... after that he had it for a bit... so basically we only had the last 2 days of his stay to do some fun things together (like going out to eat). Now that all three of us are finally feeling better, he's gone... figures. I'm trying to shine instead of whine but I feel f'ing miserable. It's great to be able to vent here for a bit... Hang in there everyone, it WILL get better. <--- me, trying.

Elaine

WiAnSiempre

Sarah and all,

I know exactly how you are feeling. Although it's been awhile since we've seen each other, I went to visit him in October and remember that awful hollow feeling I felt when I had to get on that plane alone to return to the US. I think I sobbed and cried the entire flight home. The guy sittting next to me probably thought I was some kind of mental case! With time the feelings get a little easier to deal with. I was a wreck for about a week after. Me and my fiance talk everyday. I know that's expensive but it's the only thing that's getting us through this. He is such a great support for me. He is feeling the same, but when I call him upset or sad, he always puts a smile on my face. He tells me "it will be ok, I love you and we will be together soon forever, calm calm." Then he usually comes out with some joke or something. We hopefully don't have too much longer to wait but I just take it one day at a time. I do have my 16 year old son (from my previous marriage)with me, and he has been a great support to me. Just being a mother of a teenager will keep you quite busy at times !

Hang in there and always know that this will end and you will be together soon.

Chin up!
Angela