I want to go back, do I leave him?
#16
Re: I want to go back, do I leave him?
We've been here 4 months and I'm finding it difficult. I've made an effort since being here and made a couple of friends but i'm not very happy. I thought things would improve once I got the work authorisation through and could get a job (i'm an L2) but now I have it and spent the last 4 weeks looking and applying I am not getting anywhere. My old job in the UK is advertised and I want to see if i can get it back.
My husband travels alot so I feel like I am stuck here alone alot of the time and the travelling is only set to get worse. I don't want to leave him but I can't carry on feeling so hopeless.
Has anyone exeperince of one partner staying in the US and the other in the UK?
My husband travels alot so I feel like I am stuck here alone alot of the time and the travelling is only set to get worse. I don't want to leave him but I can't carry on feeling so hopeless.
Has anyone exeperince of one partner staying in the US and the other in the UK?
Have you created a completely new American resume or CV? It's more than just changing the spelling.
Have you been to your local library? It's likely to have a selection of books how to write an American resume/CV. That'll help.
Also, ask your husband to ask coworkers if they know of anyone who may have a job vacant that might suit you. Before he does that, have your resume/CV formatted correctly for Americans.
IMHO, it's a bit hasty to be thinking of returning to the UK.
#17
Re: I want to go back, do I leave him?
You should also consider temping if it's possible in your line of work as it can be hard to get straight into a permanent job when you have no local experience. Gives you a chance to ease into the workplace too after such a long break.
#18
Account Closed
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 15,019
Re: I want to go back, do I leave him?
Thanks all for your replies.
My husband knows how I feel about being out of work, although he doesn't know I am considering going back to the UK but to be honest I only have these thoughts because of feeling so hopless with the job situation. If I was working then it wouldn't matter so much that he was travelling.
My husband knows how I feel about being out of work, although he doesn't know I am considering going back to the UK but to be honest I only have these thoughts because of feeling so hopless with the job situation. If I was working then it wouldn't matter so much that he was travelling.
#19
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Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 719
Re: I want to go back, do I leave him?
you're not american are you only there was a newbie male on here the other day, just arrived in ny and worried about his wife not finding work and that she was wanting to return to the uk as she preferred it over living back here..all early days as well for them and i was wondering if that could be your OH??
#22
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 719
Re: I want to go back, do I leave him?
I have no idea at the moment. She's looking for jobs and has a few promising leads so maybe that will help things, but right now everything is incredibly negative. It's hard because I have a job and work long hours so she must feel lonely. It's easy to come out with the usual bullshit about getting used to your own company, going for walks, getting involved in groups etc etc...but thats no substitute for having a job, earning money and having a group of frends. I'm hoping things will be ok, but the ball is in her court. I can help as much as I can, but I'm not moving anywhere.
#23
Re: I want to go back, do I leave him?
You're in a different country so understandably things are different. Job hunting for four weeks is not a long time at all considering.
Have you created a completely new American resume or CV? It's more than just changing the spelling.
Have you been to your local library? It's likely to have a selection of books how to write an American resume/CV. That'll help.
Also, ask your husband to ask coworkers if they know of anyone who may have a job vacant that might suit you. Before he does that, have your resume/CV formatted correctly for Americans.
IMHO, it's a bit hasty to be thinking of returning to the UK.
Have you created a completely new American resume or CV? It's more than just changing the spelling.
Have you been to your local library? It's likely to have a selection of books how to write an American resume/CV. That'll help.
Also, ask your husband to ask coworkers if they know of anyone who may have a job vacant that might suit you. Before he does that, have your resume/CV formatted correctly for Americans.
IMHO, it's a bit hasty to be thinking of returning to the UK.
Good advice. You should also be aware that the US job market is far more ruthless, rude and disorganized than it is in the UK. If you don't hear back from people at all - thats considered normal here. If you are kept hanging forever.....also seemingly acceptable. Telling people they will call back and never do.....par for the course. As is changing interviews last minute. Stringing people along......seems to be the thing to do here. The large corporations more often than not take forever to make hiring decisions, and often post false or potential contract win dependent-speculative job ads, that are seen floating about on the likes of Monster etc for months.
Sounds depressing - I know - and sometimes (often!) is - but my point is that if you know about how it is, you can deal with it a bit better - there's nothing wrong with you in particular, almost everyone gets messed about/blanked.
#24
Re: I want to go back, do I leave him?
I have no idea at the moment. She's looking for jobs and has a few promising leads so maybe that will help things, but right now everything is incredibly negative. It's hard because I have a job and work long hours so she must feel lonely. It's easy to come out with the usual bullshit about getting used to your own company, going for walks, getting involved in groups etc etc...but thats no substitute for having a job, earning money and having a group of frends. I'm hoping things will be ok, but the ball is in her court. I can help as much as I can, but I'm not moving anywhere.
The best thing to do is get on with it in the meantime.
#25
Re: I want to go back, do I leave him?
I think if you leave, you might regret it in the future.
somebody mentioned temping - that's what I did when I first arrived. Shitty jobs, like sales and waiting tables at weddings - but I made friends, got out of the house and felt purposeful (plus earned money.)
The only way out is through. Stick at it.
somebody mentioned temping - that's what I did when I first arrived. Shitty jobs, like sales and waiting tables at weddings - but I made friends, got out of the house and felt purposeful (plus earned money.)
The only way out is through. Stick at it.
#26
Re: I want to go back, do I leave him?
We've been here 4 months and I'm finding it difficult. I've made an effort since being here and made a couple of friends but i'm not very happy. I thought things would improve once I got the work authorisation through and could get a job (i'm an L2) but now I have it and spent the last 4 weeks looking and applying I am not getting anywhere. My old job in the UK is advertised and I want to see if i can get it back.
My husband travels alot so I feel like I am stuck here alone alot of the time and the travelling is only set to get worse. I don't want to leave him but I can't carry on feeling so hopeless.
Has anyone exeperince of one partner staying in the US and the other in the UK?
My husband travels alot so I feel like I am stuck here alone alot of the time and the travelling is only set to get worse. I don't want to leave him but I can't carry on feeling so hopeless.
Has anyone exeperince of one partner staying in the US and the other in the UK?
Why not do as others have suggested...take a temporary job...who knows what that may lead to? At the very least it will give you some experience of working in the US.
#27
Re: I want to go back, do I leave him?
Four months is a bit early. I've met people who have moved from one side of the US to the other who have had the same feelings as you for even longer. It is an adjustment that you have to get started on and into, and it will not be as easy as flipping a switch and starting a new life.
I'd say keep at the job thing, but also try to get out more. Take a look at meetup.com and see if there are any likeminded people like you around, or check out 'Welcome Wagon' and meet other folks new to the area. Be a bit active in getting out there and it will help pass the time and before you know it you'll have a social circle and things to do.
I'd say keep at the job thing, but also try to get out more. Take a look at meetup.com and see if there are any likeminded people like you around, or check out 'Welcome Wagon' and meet other folks new to the area. Be a bit active in getting out there and it will help pass the time and before you know it you'll have a social circle and things to do.
#28
Re: I want to go back, do I leave him?
Thanks all for your replies.
My husband knows how I feel about being out of work, although he doesn't know I am considering going back to the UK but to be honest I only have these thoughts because of feeling so hopless with the job situation. If I was working then it wouldn't matter so much that he was travelling.
I will keep at the job hunting, you guys are right, 4 weeks of looking is nothing and I am lucky that I am authorised to work I know some spouse's cannot.
So thanks again, I will try to be more positive.
My husband knows how I feel about being out of work, although he doesn't know I am considering going back to the UK but to be honest I only have these thoughts because of feeling so hopless with the job situation. If I was working then it wouldn't matter so much that he was travelling.
I will keep at the job hunting, you guys are right, 4 weeks of looking is nothing and I am lucky that I am authorised to work I know some spouse's cannot.
So thanks again, I will try to be more positive.
Based on my own experiences, my suggestion to anyone just moving over to America: Before I moved over from England a friend of mine made me set a cut off point at which time we would look to move back. At the time my wife and I set a two year cut off point and it worked out very well. No matter how crap things got following the move, I always knew that I had a light at the end of the tunnel and was willing to keep my head down through the crap, rather than jump on the next plane home, because I had that get out clause already in place.
#29
Re: I want to go back, do I leave him?
I felt the same way , as soon as I got my green card I found a job, the pay really is low here compared to the UK.
what part of NY state are you in?
I have been here now 18 months, my wife left me 6 months ago, so feeling alone again and its not easy at all I can tell you, but stick with it and things will turn around.
It's a slow process to adjust and you still have your spouse, you may need to just talk and get out together more.
Also try and find some Brits in your area, I did and found them very helpful in many ways, when you talk to them they will all tell you it takes time and every one of them said they wont go back now.
ALL THE VERY BEST ILM
what part of NY state are you in?
I have been here now 18 months, my wife left me 6 months ago, so feeling alone again and its not easy at all I can tell you, but stick with it and things will turn around.
It's a slow process to adjust and you still have your spouse, you may need to just talk and get out together more.
Also try and find some Brits in your area, I did and found them very helpful in many ways, when you talk to them they will all tell you it takes time and every one of them said they wont go back now.
ALL THE VERY BEST ILM