Husband & Second thoughts
Jul 20th 2011 | 7:43 am
#16
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Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 472
From: Carlsbad , Ca
Re: Husband & Second thoughts
Not having a go at you NatalieLucy but FFS is he serious ??? If he is I'd go back to England and leave his ass behind - I'm only partially joking.
I never had kids here for that EXACT reason I would never bring a kid up in the US.
Last edited by Englishman43; Jul 20th 2011 at 9:14 am.
Jul 20th 2011 | 8:43 am
#17
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 13,212
From: San Francisco
Re: Husband & Second thoughts
No disrespect NatalieLucy, but you should have thought about the ramifications of marrying someone from another country before you married him, but I certainly hope that you don't base your ultimate decision on the things that people in this forum are telling you. This is a very private decision between you and your husband. The last thing you need is someone who doesn't even know you telling you that you're being played like a violin.
Jul 20th 2011 | 9:15 am
#18
Thread Starter
Forum Regular
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 85
Re: Husband & Second thoughts
It may be a private decision, but by posting multiple threads on this in a public forum the OP is clearly looking for public input. And seeing what she has said about her husband's behaviour in regards to moving back to the UK in these threads, "played like a violin" seems like a pretty accurate characterization imo.
Jul 20th 2011 | 9:17 am
#19
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Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 85
Re: Husband & Second thoughts
Englishman I agree! I'm maybe making my husband sound like a real bad guy he's not really lol. I just feel his views are very conservative and I'm very socialist. We do not see eye to eye on some things.
Jul 20th 2011 | 9:43 am
#20
The Kwisatz Haderach
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 8,080
From: North Wales
Re: Husband & Second thoughts
thats telling him
Thats what I told Dh, we've been married 25 years, he has picked the country for that time, now it's my turn. In 25 more he can pick. But we'll probably be too senile to know where we are.
Jul 20th 2011 | 11:26 am
#23
In the pink
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 3,326
From: USA
Re: Husband & Second thoughts
Jul 20th 2011 | 11:41 am
#24
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 19,115
From: Province of Vicenza
Re: Husband & Second thoughts
I try my hardest not to have a "potty mouth" (terrible expression) in front of my kids but when I cracked my head open and sliced my hand and dropped a cast iron pan on my foot it was very hard not to scream out "shit shit shit - my bloody foot" It was involuntary. When my kids asked me what that word meant I told them it was a bad English swearing word that mummy used in pain and panic and didn't want them to use it.... and they haven't so far.
Jul 20th 2011 | 12:01 pm
#25
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Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 472
From: Carlsbad , Ca
Re: Husband & Second thoughts
Oh God not you again.
Help the OP or go away - I did and she was rather happy with my thoughts.
Last edited by Englishman43; Jul 20th 2011 at 12:26 pm.
Jul 20th 2011 | 12:23 pm
#26
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Forum Regular
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 85
Re: Husband & Second thoughts
It's so true, love is blind especially when you are young and adventurous...you just don't think about the far reaching future.
I do thing a woman can possibly put themselves in an extremely vulnerable position by marrying overseas. There can be a imbalance of power between the two spouses with the spouse on home turf having the upper hand. It doesn't help not having your own family around to keep an eye out and help you out when needed. It can be very lonely and you can't just go home as yes its typically illegal to take the children out of the country. I know my husband would never let me do that. When things go wrong there are just not many options...
Have you tried subtle brainwashing and compare and contrasting conversations. I google the heck out lots of scenic photos of the U.K and ask hubby to just imagine spending the day there. They do say men are visual creatures
I do thing a woman can possibly put themselves in an extremely vulnerable position by marrying overseas. There can be a imbalance of power between the two spouses with the spouse on home turf having the upper hand. It doesn't help not having your own family around to keep an eye out and help you out when needed. It can be very lonely and you can't just go home as yes its typically illegal to take the children out of the country. I know my husband would never let me do that. When things go wrong there are just not many options...
Have you tried subtle brainwashing and compare and contrasting conversations. I google the heck out lots of scenic photos of the U.K and ask hubby to just imagine spending the day there. They do say men are visual creatures
Jul 20th 2011 | 3:14 pm
#27
Forum Regular
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 86
Re: Husband & Second thoughts
I'm not sure I have any useful input but I'm in a very similar situation to you (have been wanting to go home for ages, new mother etc). As a total aside, one of the main reasons I'm leaving is so I can raise my son in the UK and get him a decent education in a school that does not have a metal detector to search for guns at the entrance, but I digress...
Can you bargain with him? I think I remember you said you were going to get your citizenship first, so once that's sorted can you do a trial period of 1 or 2 years?
Can you bargain with him? I think I remember you said you were going to get your citizenship first, so once that's sorted can you do a trial period of 1 or 2 years?
Jul 20th 2011 | 5:35 pm
#28
Lapine Member
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 21,691
From: Austin, Texas in my own little world
Re: Husband & Second thoughts
NatalieLucy - get your citizenship and see if you can get your husband to agree to move to the UK for even a year. If you divorce here, you may have to fight to move your child back to the UK if that's your wish.
Jul 20th 2011 | 11:34 pm
#29
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Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 1,204
From: Maine
Re: Husband & Second thoughts
I'm not sure I have any useful input but I'm in a very similar situation to you (have been wanting to go home for ages, new mother etc). As a total aside, one of the main reasons I'm leaving is so I can raise my son in the UK and get him a decent education in a school that does not have a metal detector to search for guns at the entrance, but I digress...
Can you bargain with him? I think I remember you said you were going to get your citizenship first, so once that's sorted can you do a trial period of 1 or 2 years?
Can you bargain with him? I think I remember you said you were going to get your citizenship first, so once that's sorted can you do a trial period of 1 or 2 years?
Jul 20th 2011 | 11:36 pm
#30
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Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 1,204
From: Maine
Re: Husband & Second thoughts
Yes, it's pretty scary when you think about it. Divorcing here could have you ending up broke, alone and with no way of getting back to the U.K if your kids are here. Pretty bleak scenario...
