NatalieLucy

My husband keeps having second thoughts about moving back. We agreed to give it a trail run for 3yrs so he can get citizenship. However with the new rules possibly going into effect next year he's not so sure now. He doesn't like the 5yr plan. We started looking into all the pros at living over from the benefits and Medical. His opinion is changing on that to, he says he wants to raise our son in country where the values are better. In the regard you don't get things handed to you. He says at least here in the US he'd have to work for things to get them. I'm sure he just doesn't want to move over there and these possible new immigration rules are just an excuse. The thing is I want to move back I do think we will have an easier life back in the UK. I worry so much about the medical side of things now that my son is here. I don't know what to do.

Mummy in the foothills

I'm sorry but he's talking a load of bull**** making judgment calls like that about another country (If he said that about UK). Values are not better in the US, they have given us Girls gone wild, Sixteen and pregnant, Jersey Shore. etc etc etc. He must be living in a bubble, My Dh was complaining today about the number of drug dealers (trying to flag him down to sell) and daytime hookers, when he went to the nearest city to go buy work tools and visit WalMart.
Your childrens values are what you teach them. If he wants to live in the worst part of town it's no different from here, Bloody awful.
He's making a load of excuses and sounds like he's been reading the daily mail

Giantaxe

You do realize you're being played like a violin, right?

NatalieLucy

Maybe but if he doesn't want to move I can't force him; and where does that leave me. I have no idea how to approach this with him anymore.

NatalieLucy

I know he's just making excuses and just doesn't want to move. He started to warm to the idea but then just as easily goes cold again.

Margaret3

Parents instill values not countries

Karrie72

Ugh, that is my worst nightmare, I feel for you. My deal with my husband has always been after 25 years here we go back to the England. Well we're at the 20 year mark and I talk about it every day as if it's a given, sad I know but I'm terrified he'll back out!

NatalieLucy

I just think it's funny how he's making a big deal of 5yrs when I've been in the US for 7yrs. I married him not the country!

NatalieLucy

I agree!

DDL

No disrespect NatalieLucy, but you should have thought about the ramifications of marrying someone from another country before you married him, but I certainly hope that you don't base your ultimate decision on the things that people in this forum are telling you. This is a very private decision between you and your husband. The last thing you need is someone who doesn't even know you telling you that you're being played like a violin.

NatalieLucy

Well I wish I had thought about it but love makes you do crazy things. When I moved over here I was young and head over heals. I didn't care about these issues then. Now I've grown up lived life out here and I'm a new Mother. These things make you see the light so to speak.

This is something that me and my husband
need to talk about in depth. Do I think I'm being played no, I think my husband is scared and is very comfortable here. I just don't know how to approach him anymore on the subject. I'm scared that I've made my bed and now I have to lie in it. I love my husband very much but it makes me sad that I'm apart from my family and country.

Lorna at Vicenza

I agree. Not everybody sits down and thinks "well what might happen in 10 years or less or more and what if we have kids?" and then checks out the laws.

I was on my own in Italy for 7 years before I even met my OH. Now we have two kids but I didn't know then that if I ever got sick of living here I couldn't just go back 'home' with them. I had no idea when pregnant that Italian kids of Italian fathers are highly protected from "escaping" foreign mothers and that the mother can get done for kidnapping.

I'm not unhappy here and I'm not planning a kidnapping - but it is fair to say that when in love, you don't automatically think about what you might have to do if it doesn't work out... or which laws you might get caught up in.

cheeky_monkey

25 yrsthats telling him

Karrie72

It's so true, love is blind especially when you are young and adventurous...you just don't think about the far reaching future.
I do thing a woman can possibly put themselves in an extremely vulnerable position by marrying overseas. There can be a imbalance of power between the two spouses with the spouse on home turf having the upper hand. It doesn't help not having your own family around to keep an eye out and help you out when needed. It can be very lonely and you can't just go home as yes its typically illegal to take the children out of the country. I know my husband would never let me do that. When things go wrong there are just not many options...
Have you tried subtle brainwashing and compare and contrasting conversations. I google the heck out lots of scenic photos of the U.K and ask hubby to just imagine spending the day there. They do say men are visual creatures

Karrie72

That's quite long enough don't you think? My turn!!