Seham

I really need any advice that is out there, Please. I am so hurt and so torn that I just don't know what to do.

I have raised my grandchild since he was just a baby. I have had custody of him for over a year and a half now under SRS. The courts are telling me that if I bring my Foreign Fiance over then I will not be allowed to adopt my grandson or get Legal Permanent Guardianship because then they would not be able to do a back ground check for security on my Fiance since he is from another country. He has resided in three countries and they said they would need to check all three of these. He is Muslim and originally from Morocco. They have already labeled him as a terrorist and didn't hesitate to tell it to my face.

I told the courts that he has to have official papers and documents to be able to come over in the first place and asked them if this would work. You know what they asked me?????? How will they know if those papers would be official or not?

This is the most recent letter from my lawyer:

"The Assistant County Attorney informs me that if the parents’ rights are terminated, the case goes to Kansas Children’s Service League (KCSL), the state adoption contractor. KCSL will then decide who should adopt Dawson. You would definitely be considered as an adoptive resource, because your grandson lives with you, has made a lot of progress with you, and you are family. There is, however, no guarantee that KCSL would choose you as the adoptive resource. KCSL has a pool of families who want to adopt children, and they can consider persons from this pool as adoptive resources for Dawson.

If not for your impending marriage to your Fiance, I would say that you would probably be chosen as the adoptive resource for Dawson. In the event that KCSL does not choose you as the adoptive resource, you would have to go back in front of the County judge and fight the decision.

Complicating this process is your marriage to your Fiance. KCSL must do a homestudy on all potential adoptive parents, and part of this is a background check. KCSL is required to determine if a potential adoptive parent has a criminal record or is on a child abuse registry. If KCSL cannot access your Fiance's records in Morocco, Russia, Italy and where ever else he has resided, then you could well be rejected as an adoptive resource.

If you decide that what you want to do is to adopt Dawson, then you probably need to call off the marriage to your fiance. You would have to withdraw from the immigration process as well. When your adoption of your grandson is final, you could revisit the matter. Once again, however, if you are still in the immigration process when KCSL does the home study, they may well require that a background check (of their choice) be done on your fiance and if they cannot do it, there is a very good possibility that they may remove you from consideration as an adoptive parent.

I understand that this is a difficult choice, and that it does not seem fair to you that you have to make this choice. The fact remains, however, that Dawson has been abused, and brought into the child in need of care system, and that the system functions this way. If you marry your fiance you may not be able to adopt Dawson."

This makes me soooooo sick to my stomach every time that I read it. If I get Permanent Legal Guardianship in which they are willing to give me in the upcoming court case and I bring my Fiance over, they said they can take My Grandson from me anytime. If I fight for Adoption, in which will also be a veryyyyy lengthy process, I still may not get him if I stay involved with my Fiance.

I have been divorced for over 18 years now. I am 42 and I have raised three children on my own. My youngest one went off to college the same summer that I got my grandson. I had sooo many plans and one was to be with my Fiance. I have waited and sacrificed my life for so long for my children and now the Courts are asking me to do it again when I feel I shouldn't have to.

I am hurting soooo deeply being away from my Fiance as it is, but I do love my Grandson so very much.

Please, anyone, I am so overwhelmed. I just don't know what to do and I just don't understand why my lawyer will not support me a little more by getting this information in which is needed to back me up in court. Maybe it is because he is from a free legal service. I don't know, but I really can not afford to pay the pretty fees that other lawyers ask for.

My grandson and My Fiance are the two most important people in my life and if I lost either one, my life would be so incomplete. I love them both so much.

Thanks everyone for your replies and I will take into consideration every thought that is written.

Bluegrass Lass

I'm not sure what to tell you Seham, this is a horrible situation for anyone to be in. However, there is one statement that jumps out at me. You said their response was, "How do we know that the documents are official." First off, which docs were they referring to. And I assume this was a statement from the Adoption Courts and not Immigration officials?

The US Customs and Immigrations Service runs background checks on every single person that is petitioned for with a K1 visa. If THEY deem your fiance as a terrorist that is one thing. If USCIS runs the checks, and determine he is not a terrorist, how can the Adoption Court judges go against what the FBI has determined about your fiance?!?!!? Also, as part of the K1 petition, your fiance has to go through an interview at the overseas US Embassy - where he will need to bring background/Police checks from every country he has lived in since the age of 16. Obviously there are a lot of background checks involved in the K1 process, and if your fiance "passes" them all, proving he is a law-abiding citizen, on what basis can the Adoption Courts say he is not, when the US government has determined that he is? Just a question that I would pose to your lawyer. And if he is not familiar with immigration at all, I would suggest he speak to one who is in order to understand just how much the US will delve into your fiance's past.

Good Luck, hope I helped at least a little!!
Jamie

meauxna

This is essentially the same thought I had a first read. Why not approach the Adoption people with the information about what his Immigration process entails? They are very likely NOT familiar with how in-depth Homeland Security is these days.

Bluegrass Lass

Very true Meauxna. And this might be a lot easier (and faster!) information for her to obtain rather than waiting to see if her fiance would get approved the K1.

majken

I'm not so sure that the background checks they do for adoptions is the same as that of the CIS. I think they'll be more concerned with child abuse issues and criminal records rather than just terrorism.

I know that adoption agencies do a thorough background check on potential adoptive parents, including job histories and personal references. That's probably where the difficulty might come in with respect to the OP's fiance.

Maybe the OP can reassure the adoption agency of resources (letters and contact information for friends/family of her fiance plus a fully documented employment/financial history or whatever else they require). I have a friend who had adopted several children, and it seemed like she was in constant battle with Children and Family Welfare.

In any case, good luck to the OP.

Rete

There is one problem with that and that is that certain nationalities cannot get police certificates. If her fiancee is a citizen of such a country, there will be no official police clearance certificate forthcoming which would show that he has no arrests for abusive behavior nor a child molester.

My gf is legal guardian to her two grandchildren as well and during the time wait for guardianship to be approved, no one, including myself or my husband were allowed to be in her home. The court papers which she showed me clearly state that anyone who has not been cleared by the State of Massachusetts was not to be allowed into the home while the children were present. And, that included the children's mother whose only visitation had to be attended by another court certified person.

It is a very very difficult situation you are in. I can understand the court's stand on this but it doesn't mean I don't feel for you and hope that you can turn this around. No one wants to have to make this choice. But it might well come down to it and then you will have to decide between one or the other.

Rete

Seham

Hello Everyone, I do appreciate all of your kind words, inputs, and thoughts.

I have notified these people and I have given them a list, including my lawyer, of all the steps, papers, documents and all that is required to process a Visa for my Fiance, but it was the Assistant County Attorney that said, how do we know they would do a complete and thorough check or the documents are official or not?

I just don't know what to do, but I really am getting a head full of information to think about on these forums.

Thanks again so much!

Pallyn

I am sorry you are going through this. I hope that you won't have to make the decision between your grandson and your fiance and here is my suggestion. If they are going to doubt the thoroughness of the consular officer, they are, in effect, casting doubt on the ability of the consular officer and the consular interview proces to protect the US population from criminals. I would bring up that the officers at the consulate in any particular country have examples of authentic forms to compare his to.
I wish you good luck.

meauxna

(putting on my best Hyper)
WOW!!! Is that true?? That's SO unfair!!!

It does strike me as strange. Another of those weird worlds (like immigration) that the average person knows nothing of, until exposed.

OP, I wish you didn't have to have the pain I clearly feel from your post. All I can say is be creative, persistant and firm. You know you are doing the best for all involved.

Andy Platt

I don't know how long the adoption process will take but isn't a fallback
position to wait for the adoption to go through prior to your fiance coming
here? It's obviously not something to do before other avenues have been
pursued but it may be the best thing.

Andy.

--
I'm not really here, it's just your warped imagination
"Seham" <member20144@british_expats.com> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
    > I really need any advice that is out there, Please. I am so hurt and so
    > torn that I just don't know what to do.
    > I have raised my grandchild since he was just a baby. I have had custody
    > of him for over a year and a half now under SRS. The courts are telling
    > me that if I bring my Foreign Fiance over then I will not be allowed to
    > adopt my grandson or get Legal Permanent Guardianship because then they
    > would not be able to do a back ground check for security on my Fiance
    > since he is from another country. He has resided in three countries and
    > they said they would need to check all three of these. He is Muslim and
    > originally from Morocco. They have already labeled him as a terrorist
    > and didn't hesitate to tell it to my face.
    > I told the courts that he has to have official papers and documents to
    > be able to come over in the first place and asked them if this would
    > work. You know what they asked me?????? How will they know if those
    > papers would be official or not?
    > This is the most recent letter from my lawyer:
    > "The Assistant County Attorney informs me that if the parents' rights
    > are terminated, the case goes to Kansas Children's Service League
    > (KCSL), the state adoption contractor. KCSL will then decide who should
    > adopt Dawson. You would definitely be considered as an adoptive
    > resource, because your grandson lives with you, has made a lot of
    > progress with you, and you are family. There is, however, no guarantee
    > that KCSL would choose you as the adoptive resource. KCSL has a pool of
    > families who want to adopt children, and they can consider persons from
    > this pool as adoptive resources for Dawson.
    > If not for your impending marriage to your Fiance, I would say that you
    > would probably be chosen as the adoptive resource for Dawson. In the
    > event that KCSL does not choose you as the adoptive resource, you would
    > have to go back in front of the County judge and fight the decision.
    > Complicating this process is your marriage to your Fiance. KCSL must do
    > a homestudy on all potential adoptive parents, and part of this is a
    > background check. KCSL is required to determine if a potential adoptive
    > parent has a criminal record or is on a child abuse registry. If KCSL
    > cannot access your Fiance's records in Morocco, Russia, Italy and where
    > ever else he has resided, then you could well be rejected as an
    > adoptive resource.
    > If you decide that what you want to do is to adopt Dawson, then you
    > probably need to call off the marriage to your fiance. You would have to
    > withdraw from the immigration process as well. When your adoption of
    > your grandson is final, you could revisit the matter. Once again,
    > however, if you are still in the immigration process when KCSL does the
    > home study, they may well require that a background check (of their
    > choice) be done on your fiance and if they cannot do it, there is a very
    > good possibility that they may remove you from consideration as an
    > adoptive parent.
    > I understand that this is a difficult choice, and that it does not seem
    > fair to you that you have to make this choice. The fact remains,
    > however, that Dawson has been abused, and brought into the child in need
    > of care system, and that the system functions this way. If you marry
    > your fiance you may not be able to adopt Dawson."
    > This makes me soooooo sick to my stomach every time that I read it. If I
    > get Permanent Legal Guardianship in which they are willing to give me in
    > the upcoming court case and I bring my Fiance over, they said they can
    > take My Grandson from me anytime. If I fight for Adoption, in which will
    > also be a veryyyyy lengthy process, I still may not get him if I stay
    > involved with my Fiance.
    > I have been divorced for over 18 years now. I am 42 and I have raised
    > three children on my own. My youngest one went off to college the same
    > summer that I got my grandson. I had sooo many plans and one was to be
    > with my Fiance. I have waited and sacrificed my life for so long for my
    > children and now the Courts are asking me to do it again when I feel I
    > shouldn't have to.
    > I am hurting soooo deeply being away from my Fiance as it is, but I do
    > love my Grandson so very much.
    > Please, anyone, I am so overwhelmed. I just don't know what to do and I
    > just don't understand why my lawyer will not support me a little more by
    > getting this information in which is needed to back me up in court.
    > Maybe it is because he is from a free legal service. I don't know, but I
    > really can not afford to pay the pretty fees that other lawyers ask for.
    > My grandson and My Fiance are the two most important people in my life
    > and if I lost either one, my life would be so incomplete. I love them
    > both so much.
    > Thanks everyone for your replies and I will take into consideration
    > every thought that is written.
    > --
    > Posted via http://britishexpats.com

Rete

Yes, it is true and yes, and no, it is unfair. Fair to the children because the courts were trying to protect them from further abuse by limiting the people they were in contact with. Limited and protected visitation by their mother because the mother was one of the two adults with the abusive behavior. Mom's live-in boyfriend was the other abuser. I'm known these children since their first hour of life. Watched the youngest being tested in the nursey after birth. Would take them for lunch and ice cream whenever I would visit and was not allowed to do that while the guardianship was in process. Was hard to only have contact to them by phone for the year plus it took for guardianship to be granted. Now they have another sibling and we wonder how long it will be before that child is taken from its mother.

Rete

Bluegrass Lass

This is slightly OT from what the OP wanted to know, but I have a question along these same general lines. If my future hubby and I consider adoption, would we not be eligible for adoption strictly based on the fact that Scott went through the immigration process to get here?

Seham

Thank you Pallyn so much for your thoughts and wishes. You have brought up a very good point and I will be sure to keep this in mind and ready when the time comes. Right now, I am having to watch every step they take because they seem to be using everything they can to stop me from wanting to adopt my grandson. Why? I wish I could tell you because I know neither parent will ever grow up or change their ways. They had every opportunity to do that if they really cared for this child.

Thank you again so much for your opinion, thoughts and wishes.

Seham

Seham

Seham

Meauxna, thank you again so much for your understanding and kind words. Yes, there is a lot of pain involved here only because it really is hard for me to understand why I have to fight for my own blood, the one that I have raised since birth, and took under my wing when he was being abused. I gave up my second life to take my grandson in. I had raised all of my kids and was ready to send my youngest off to school and to be with my fiance when I took in my grandson and for now, all of that is gone. I just can't express the hurt.

Thank you so much for feeling me!

Seham