Unspeakable things....
 

Pet owners
Life is a bit quiet on here at the moment so let's lower the tone ;) Having owned golden retrievers for more years than I care to remember, there have been a number of times when they have done unspeakably bad things, wrecking stuff, producing waste clearly concocted in hell from both ends, eating all sorts of foul things and doing other seriously bad stuff- have any of your pets done likewise or is it just our misfortune?

I need to see where the bar is set before admitting to what Stinky and his predecessors used to get up to. Equally what amazing and good things have they done which have warmed your heart and surprised you? :cool:

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Our dog destroyed our week old 50 inch super swanky TV when he was four months old, we were watching Underworld and he wandered into the room just as one of the werewolves jumped out at one of the main characters.

Pup, being young and stoopid roared and leapt to my "defence" - straight into the TV and proceeded to annihilate it with claws and teeth. I was amazed he didn't get an electric shock, and didn't hurt himself but he was his usual smug self and couldn't understand why my husband was angry with him when he had so fearlessly and instantly protected me :rofl:

Fortunately we had insurance on it, but it was a bugger trying to get them to believe what had happened!

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A whippet ate my knobs. We were gone no more than five minutes before returning to no cruise control, single speed wipers and a grittily contoured radio volume control.

He has also eaten the controls in a rented van, by some miracle they didn't inspect it, and most of the couch on which I sit. Oh, and he tunneled through the drywall to get out of a hotel room when he was inside, we were outside, and the lock failed so we couldn't open the door.

Whippets are nervous dogs.

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Delilah, a horse, had a habit of lifting her head and backing up. She was at her worst when the girth was tightened, "cinchy" they call that here, but would do the same at unpredictable moments. She broke numerous cross ties and when fitted with an unbreakable nylon neck rope, tore burn marks in the back of her neck. When tried with hobbles, she failed to get the idea and cut her ankles. She did all of this when first mounted as well so one's first few minutes on the horse were all about trying to achieve forward motion and circles, I found it quite frightening.

One time I was experimenting with not having her tied, I tightened the girth, she jumped backwards, flipped over completely and put a foot through the arena viewing room window. Fortunately it was safety glass and cracked rather than shattering. That was not good for the window, the saddle, the horse nor the amazed onlookers.

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And wait until we get on to the goldfish!

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I haven't any horrendous stories to tell, I'm afraid. However, I could tell you about the last dog I had, who was the most amazing pup I've ever owned. Somehow knowing that I couldn't hear well, she would come and get me when the phone rang, someone was at the door or the computer 'pinged' to tell me I had mail and pawed me and licked my hand to wake me up if she heard my alarm go off. She was never trained to do it, it was all instinctual with her. Oh and god help anyone who might raise their voice in my presence or come towards me - she went into 'protect' mode and would stand across me if I was sat down (or in front if stood up) and growl with bared teeth, to warn them off.

I do miss her.

:)

Edited to add - oh yes I do!

I looked after a friends dog for a long weekend once, back in the UK. Damned dog chewed through the window sill trying to break out, chewed through the back door - and got out - then scrambled and jumped the 6' fence at the back and ran off.

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Charlee has not really ever done anything super bad.

But she did chew through a laptop cord once as a puppy when she was 6 mos old or so. But she has never touched a cord since.

Overall she is pretty well behaved.

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My sons dog chewed through a seat belt because of separation anxiety!

Newfie pup pulled the flooring up in the kitchen.

Sister's golden swallowed socks and they'd come out the other end intact.

But to help Stinkypup with his revelations I would say the worse dog I have had would chew threw underwear she pulled from the dirty laundry or would take certain items ladies dispose of in the bathroom bin and eat them... yup you guessed right! 🤢🤢🤢

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Yeah- so mine aren't so bad then- Stinky was so naughty as a pup and so disobedient despite my best attempts at training- I am ashamed to admit that I was getting nowhere with the uncontrollable seemingly deaf to all commands hound so I resorted to a shock collar that apparently had the range of four football pitches. I distinctly remember running after the little sod running full pelt across the local sugar beet fields of North Norfolk, the air was blue with my shouted expletives- he was a dot on the horizon, well out of range of the remote controller of the zapper collar. Needless to say I returned the equipment, shame I couldn't return the bloody dog :frown:

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Unspeakable things? Sorry, can't talk about it..

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I still want to believe that hamster loved me. :(

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Unspeakable things done by pets, not to them :frown:

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Oh okay. :(

So I had this indoor cat that apparently had been declawed. Had her for year and half, never so much as a tickle let alone a scratch. Then I bought a very expensive leather club type chair. It got it delivered, I then went out for dinner, when I came back the cat had scratched the naff out of it. Didn't even know it had back claws. For an instance I thought of grabbing that cat and putting it down the garbage disposal. I guess it taught me to live with the imperfections of behaviour.

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I had a horse once that used to be pretty destructive. He tore down an internal wood wall in a stable once and was standing on it in the morning, got out and galloped up and down over some new baby trees. Picked up a ram by its fleece and shook it (that didnt turn out well at all :( for the ram) and used to bite anyone that he could reach. Other than that he was a stellar horse in traffic (had no fear) and would jump pretty much anything.


My dogs eat any poop they can get ahold of, even if its not their own, its gross. I once pried open my dogs jaws to remove a dry-ish cow pat type piece of runny dog crap. It was a nauseating moment. One of our dogs likes to burp in your face. :(

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Tame stuff here. A previous cat used to take a dump behind chairs.

Current cat deliberately pushes things off shelves or the table to get attention.

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Wonderful thread-convinces me that I'm so right NOT to have any more dogs..ever, ever again.We do have 3 cats though-only one is a problem but he's a boy so that explains everything.

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This fella...in whom's mouth, butter would not melt, I'm sure you'd agree judging by the photo...has been with us since December when we rehomed him from the SPCA. In that time he's escaped the backyard numerous times, become a nuisance barker resulting in visits from the town enforcement officers and a threat (since detracted) of violence from a neighbour, eaten sundry things he shouldn't have, including poo from the cats litter tray and is a general PITA who requires a lot of training.

He's a good looking, affectionate dog, but has me seriously questioning whether dog ownership is worthwhile.....

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My lovely lovely lurcher clawed and knawed through a bedroom door and then half way through the front door before giving up and jumping out of a 2nd floor window onto the high street, he trotted across the road and into the pub, I was only in Tesco! Gotta love separation anxiety, which is now thankfully much better!

Also had a special needs TB chestnut mare who used to throw herself on the floor when she decided she had had enough of what ever was going on. Also when she was bored of being lunged she would turn in and run directly at me, thankfully she always stopped but I never waited for the day she didn't and used 2 lines to long line her, just incase!

Life is so much more 'fun' with animals :D

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My cat led the pet's escape party from a friend's house. We were staying with them and our cat wasn't impressed by having to stay indoors so she climbed up the mud room wall, pulled out a loose plank and scarpered through the woodshed. The other cats followed. Damn immigrants not following local customs.

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Daisy is just, well, she's just in a Daze. Henry, he used to do the whole Andrex Puppy thing with the toilet rolls, he did eat some dry wall.

He did escape once without me knowing, I had gone for a shower and Henry was in the backyard (fenced). A neighbour on the opposite crescent whom I hadn't actually met before was banging on the door. "Your dog, the big black fluffy one, is running down the road" After checking the yard, I threw some clothes on, whilst calling my husband from work, went running after him. He was about 2 miles away, absolutely terrified of the Hot air balloon that had appeared in the sky, to this day, Hot Air Balloons are his nemesis, he needs to protect us from these orbs that just appear - even if they are on the distant horizon.

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Stinky was always a scavenger of all things disgusting-even what he himself produced although this was typically modified and frozen so he ended up going out for a wee and then digging up one of his poopsicles..... He was doing this first time we met him as a six-week-old and sadly never changed -perhaps we should have chosen more wisely. I think that he became the most ill when he consumed a pile of what I think was fox poo which looks definitely sourced from a very sick fox

His predecessors, two female golden retrievers were generally more genteel although I do remember one day walking up above the hills near Rochdale with them up a deep ravine -they went ahead and delightfully managed to locate where someone had used a bush as a toilet and both of them avidly tucked in.

Even to this day, I remember leading them both, now in disgrace down the stream, trying to get them to drink from the stream to try and wash their mouths out, then getting in the car and driving along with all four windows down, retching back to the house. I then got a couple of old toothbrushes and scrubbed their teeth as the bile was rising - this smell was only exceeded when the older of the two once rolled in deer shit and I don't think that I have ever smelt anything so disgusting which permeated the house for the next couple of weeks despite repeated scrubbing and disinfecting.
:sick:

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Smudge, who died in January, was a cute ball of pure pain in the arse. He was very intelligent and quick to learn but as stubborn as they come.

Chewed the corners of rugs;
Chewed/sucked the corners of cushions;
Ate shoes, bloody great chunks of leather missing, and straps on sandals devoured;
Slept with his nose in slippers;
Andrex puppy'd too many loo rolls to count;
Chewed through countless pairs of the kid's underwear, and would go nosing through the laundry on the rare occasions the stuff actally got picked up off their bedroom floor; we called him a perve.
And like so many others, rolled in anything disgusting, and ate anyone's poop;
In his last years he was on steroids a lot and he ate anything, I think he was constantly hungry.
Honestly, they are disgusting creatures and we love 'em to bits.

I'm now left with our dozy spaniel, who would cuddle you to death, but god, she's pretty stupid.

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Black lab lurcher cross, could clear the 5ft fence in a single bound, ran through cats and instantly killed them every time. At the beach would swim out to sea until you could just see the pin head of black, away for hours, completely unable to house train her. Mad as a box of frogs...was a rescue dog...I wonder why...after two years of agony, she went back to the kennel we got her from. Life in Cyprus eh!

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Ye Gods some of these are revolting! :blink: I am thanking my lucky stars that despite his foibles Fluffy is not remotely food orientated so hasn't eaten anything nasty. He would like to eat our neighbour though, and said neighbour is a vomit inducing specimen of a human being so I guess that counts.

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Only really had two dogs that caused problems, one took advantage of us being out for the afternoon to snaffle a huge cone of crochet cotton and chase all over the house with it, think some 200m of cotton around the furniture etc, and the resulting taffle was incredible, we did try to undo it, but after 6 months of trying in our spare time we just gave up and binned the lot. the other dog was an escapologist, and could squeeze between our garage and next door's and get into the next street, she was also the one that decided to have the pups (we knew she was having them) on the spare bed, we were told that dogs like peace and quiet to give birth, so we weren't really expecting her to produce on the bed, where there was another dog as well, and the computer was on playing quite loud music, the first we knew was the cry of the first puppy.

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Left our quite young Blue Tongued Lizard on the sofa whilst I went to the kitchen, came back and found half the buttons on the tv remote were no more. She'd hadn't swallowed them thankfully but the remote was buggered.

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My cat has her own way of reminding me that her litter box needs cleaning or that I'm 10 minutes late feeding her. She takes a dump on the bed (always on my side).

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Another cat of ours likes to eat - anything. Poop scooping I saw a long flat pale thing, eek! Is it a worm? An unpleasantly closer look showed that the worm had writing on it, the elastic from a bunch of broccoli.

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Mine likes to eat grass. When I see her doing it, I get the kitchen towels and Fantastic out because I know I'll be seeing that grass again somewhere indoors.

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I've just thought of something annoying which FluffPup does, it was tricky because I adore him and tend to thin the sun shines out of his rear, and its not something which annoys me but my husband :D

In the evenings husband and I sit on the sectional sofa, each at one end with our feet up. Fluff lies on the floor next to me with his head resting in my lap, facing me so that we can gaze adoringly at each other ;). My husband then has to perform a mission impossible type move to get off the sofa if he wants to as Fluff's bulk stretches top far and he has selective hearing when my husband asks him to do things.

That's one other point of disagreement between the two, Fluff is immediately and immaculately obedient every time to my every whim if its me asking him, however he ignores my husband whenever possible, and when he finally does do as asked he has a facial expression along the lines of "I hope you realise what a favour I'm doing you by obeying, you owe me one".

He loves winding my husband up, and he's pretty good at it. We use washing up bowls for this food and water bowls, and if I'm annoyed with my husband Fluff will go and get husbands socks or shoes, or on one occasion his cell phone (!!!) and dump them in his water bowl. :rofl:

Good job my husband loves Fluff really!

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I was always told that eating grass was a system dogs, and cats, used to make themselves sick if they had eaten anything that wasn't good, for them.

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A previous cat ate the elastic 'string' that goes around meat - discarded after cooking.

We knew this only after discovering the loop hanging out of her arse.

It made my eyes water imagining her running through the bushes and having it catch on something. :eek:

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:nod: A vet told me that too.

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I was just thinking about a horse I had as a teenager who was a complete satanic monster to everyone except me. He was sweet, gentle and quiet as a lamb for me, which often fooled other people into thinking they could pet him despite my warnings.

He would throw every rider and then try and kick and bite and trample them, but he was never anything other than adoring to me thankfully.

He was huge and jet black too, his previous owner thought he needed to be put to sleep for his excessive aggression but I just clicked with him from the start, much to the horror of my horse-terrified parents, had to do some serious wheedling to convince them to buy him!

He was an amazing horse, real one in a million but cancer got him :(

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We have a couple of cats, one (a litter mate of the one you had) is semi-feral. He had worms. Wriggly things like maggots. Catching him and taking him to the vet was a game. Cats not keen on vets bite and scratch. Still, the worms the whippet originally came with were worse, they'd formed a ball filling his innards and had to be removed surgically, one giant lump of expensive teeming ugliness.

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Jeez dbd I think I'm going to lose my breakfast! Can't find a vomiting emoticon!

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Oh there is one, people often use it on my posts.

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Here's a belated one, just found it thanks! :sick:

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I have just gone seriously off chocolate-covered marshmallow biscuits.

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Oh that's an unspeakably unspeakable example of unspeakableness.