Me Mother, being a bit old and confused, got news of her being Islamified the following Tuesday and turned up at the hospital with all her old hearing aids. "I thought I'd be hearing in kilo-wotsits" she explained, barely audible under her burqua.

My son said that a recruiting sergeant came round to their school and told all the boys that joining the Army was the only way to avoid becoming a Muslimist. He took off his cap, pointed to his crew-cut and said, "If you're not with us, you're against us, know wot i mean?"

But Muslims get everything free anyway.

yet more gender discrimination in the name of religion. It's bs that this is allowed to go on.

Here's to the elderly confused. My auntie was distressed to find she suffers from that insidious Islamist disease, al-Zheimers. Perhaps she, your ma and Oink's nan could all go round cjones' dad's mosed on his al-Lotment and eat infidel turnips in secret?

My FIL does pronounce it like that

I call BS.....total BS.

'ere, do you remember when they Islamified the money? Cor, knock me dahn with a sacrificial virgin, made me 'ead hurt like I'd misjudged the height of the floor while aiming at the Mecca Ballroom, that did.

He said it was their patriotic duty to eat a bacon roll every day as well, while facing West so that their arse pointed East.

I think I've met that chap. Did he also have a particular opinion as to which hand one should wipe one's bottom with, and whether figurative depictions of a deity figure should be compulsory in decorative art?

When I was at school we had a recruiting policeman come to class. He was only there for about five minutes of questions at which point he looked out over the class, shook his head and left.

OK, so on the one hand the policies were popular, hence the "easy votes" but simultaneously "average folks back home" hate the policies.