We gave my daughter one of those reality checks when she bitched about us upping her board when she started working full time. She pays $80/wk which IMO is a pretty good deal. She wanted to pay less, so I told her to sit down and work out how much it would cost her to live on her own with...

Unlimited food always at her disposal (not crap, but top quality food)
Cable tv
A pool maintained by someone else (me )
Internet
Heating and air con (not standard here)
Laundry service
All utilities
Car insurance in her name as a young driver
Etc.

She came back with her tail between her legs when she discovered just how much it costs to live. Her dad and I both work for a reason!

How anyone can charge a child, even an adult child "board and lodging" is quite incomprehensible and then reveling in dispensing some sort of "life of hard knocks" lesson and lecture frankly sounds extremely controlling at best.

My mother did this with me! It took me 4 years at uni to realise things were not as easy when your on your own in the big wide world!

As a teenager I thought I knew best but now I understand why she did it.

If a young adult is living at home and in a full time job, why should they not make a contribution towards the household. I think it is a valuable life lesson especially if all they not prepared to contribute. If you send them out into the world where mummy and daddy have paid for everything and then they are on their own, that is quite a shock.

I don't think anyone is 'reveling' about it here. It's 'tough love' but that is what is going to make kids more resilient in the future, when they might experience financial problems as an adult.

You are speaking to someone who will admit they were spoilt up until 15 years old (only child, both parents in good jobs) and then parents split and I'm told at 16 to get a part-time job if I want that phone/computer/pair of shoes etc. I wasn't happy at first but I learnt and now I don't regret what she had to do.

What life of hard knock lesson? Doing some research on the cost of living is reveling in some sort of "life of hard knocks" lesson?

And why shouldn't an adult who works full time pay their way? Maybe I should move home and live "board and lodging" free with my mother? Yeah, there's an idea. Never teach my kids responsibility and have them live at home the rest of their lives.

I know you think you're clever, but your constant sarcasm is really just ugly.

I have to agree with you, Oink. *wait for people to come commenting about how im spoilt so how can I possibly agree with Dorothy*

My cousin (who just turned 30) lived at home until just last August, when she moved out and bought a condo. From age 24-present she is a full time nurse making however much (probably alot) that a nurse makes. Her parents didn't ask her to pay them anything. Actually I think they rather enjoyed having her at home. She would do little things like cook supper a couple times a week, or allow them use of her car (that she paid for) when she was off nights and sleeping, and one parent had their truck out for whatever reason.


And bats, (i'm being serious) who are you with for internet? Because whoever they are, they're charging you a ripoff. You can have unlimited bandwidth from as low as $49.95/month. Which is pretty cheap.

My posts, yes, come from my view on life, which is younger than all of yours. Which is probably not as wise (as hard as this is to admit ) as yours. But, i'm also basing them off the different paths I envision my life going on. If I want to move countries (or provinces) and I can't afford it right at the moment, then i'll find a way. I saw this saying on the internet, "If you don't like where you are, move, you are not a tree". It's pretty accurate.

pretty much everyone I know has been expected to contribute to household expenses if living at home and working full time. It's usually a token amount but that token is significant in learning that you need to pay your own way.

Little things like cook supper twice a week!! Allow them use of her car! Dear me, your phrasing speaks volumes about your attitude to parents and living at home.

Unlimited internet is not available in my village. Simples. Of course the price is a rip off it's Bell.

Adult is not as simple as you think it is, definitely not simple if you try not to be selfish. You'll see but in the meantime you will continue with your teenage certainty.

I think you can teach practical and instrumental budgeting skills as they grow up, its long term process. Its hard enough for younger people to able afford to save up for a deposit on a property let alone have start paying their parents some arbitrary sum. I realize its not about the amount It seems to be more about how it makes the parent feel in control.

Maybe I was lucky as my parents adopted a form of Deweyan experiential learning when it came to these matters so by the time I went to university at 17 I was able to manage my financial responsibilities fairly easily without the need of parental control or input.

No, it has nothing to do with being in control - nothing what so ever.

It's about helping an adult child understand that they should be responsible, how nothing is free and to have some consideration. When I got my first job I gave my Father 60% of my nett income, it wasn't expected but I wanted to contribute. My Father didn't need the money, but why should he pay for everything when I was earning?

Too many adult children have absolutely no idea of the cost of living in the real world and have an attitude that the world (and their parents) owe them.

I know several people who have required their adult child to pay 'keep' but have not spent it, put it into a savings account and then when they have either got married or moved into their own place have given them the accumulated sum. Seems like a good idea to me.

I disagree with that thesis. Its not a logical position, its one that seems to propagated by a sense of resentment of by parents. Its a position and attitude that is extremely prevalent. When you see this argument, the wording is almost always the same. Phrases, like, “kids these days don't know how hard life is, "they don't know the value of money" "they wouldn't like it in the 'real world'", "Maybe they'll appreciate all the hard work and sacrifice we've made for them." etc. etc. its just hackneyed nonsense borne out of a need to shore up their waning power. Of course ‘they’ know cost of things. And if they don’t they can find out quite easily.

What a load of tosh.

That's not contributing IMO - no wonder she can afford a condo if she didn't have to pay rent.

One of my friends used to own a house and lost his job and had to go and live at home (hes nearly 29). He had debts as well that he paid off awhile ago now. A couple of weeks ago he was showing me houses he was looking at £235,000!!!!! - there is no way he has been contributing towards their household if he is looking at house prices in that region

Quite possibly.

Living off your parents once you are earning might sit comfortably with some but I could never do that. You might not need to contribute an equal share but food costs, use of cars, extra internet and TV channels would all put their outgoings up. Not to mention extra housework, cooking, gardening. If you live with people contribute properly, don't sponge off them. Oh and then don't expect your parents to pay out thousands for a fancy wedding too.

The parents are probably looking forward to when the kids leave home and when they get their lives back.

I'm glad I didn't have parents like you lot growing up. I feel sorry for your kids, it'd be like living with one Harry Enfield's self-righteous brothers.

And of course its all about power and control. The only reason people have children is to create meaning and agency in life, one nurtures while maintaining control. One only has to look at any primate colony to be able to generalize to human familial groupings. Its why teenage girls fall out with their mothers and teenage boys fall out with their fathers. They've known you're full of shite and understand about as much of the practices of "real world" as you do on Jupiter. They know you've been making it up as you go along.

Don't feel sorry for us. Feel sorry for yourself at your lack of understanding on the topic!