I lost my father in September after a long illness. Thankfully we were able to jump on an aircraft the night I received the call and stay enough time to be at the funeral. If you manage to get back or not the whole experience was terribly sad and difficult to rationalise.

Theres no real advise in your situation other than to stay in touch with your family and share your grief, it certainly helps to talk in these situations.

I rather disagree with that. Firstly, I don't think an useemly display of emotion is appropriate for those of our nationality. Secondly, the expectation that one feels and wishes to express grief, places undue pressure on funeral attendees who are there simply out of obligation; it's akin to expecting people to be excited about Christmas.

thanks everyone, you've been really helpful.

sadly i am here on implied status right now... I changed jobs so I had to apply for an extension before I apply for PR plus my gran was adamant that I should stay here and not risk going back to the UK and not getting back in. It makes it a little easier to know that.

Talking to my family is definitely helping - or rather listening, I tend to off load on my friends then be the shoulder for everyone else in my family but talking of any kind does help. It's good to know others have been in my situation... I love living here but the homesickness does get to you at a time like this! Luckily a good cup of tea usually helps too

I like the planting a tree idea... thanks. I might do that

my gran passed in January this year, and as I'd just been home a few weeks before, couldn't go back again for the funeral. it was sad, but I just went to a place I knew she would have loved if she'd been here and thought about her for a while in peace.

I'm sorry to hear of your loss.

Everyone handles their grief differently. Both my father and FIL died suddenly earlier this year...we were able to go to the UK to attend the funerals. In some ways I think it is easier to cope with when you live overseas...because you haven't seen that person on a regular basis. For instance my father used to call at my sister's house every day around 4.30pm. My parents went to her house one evening each week for dinner...now he's gone her routine is disrupted...whereas his death hasn't really affected my day to day life. Of course I still miss them both and feel tearful when I think about them...but I think it would have been worse had I still lived in the UK.

I went back to the UK a few weeks ago for the first time since the funerals. I missed them both more then...it was strange going to their homes and not seeing them there.

My daughter who is 24 didn't go to the funerals...she had just started her first job and was only allowed one or two days off for the funerals. It's a little difficult to go from Toronto to Manchester...attend a funeral and be back at work in Toronto within 2 days. Then do it all again 4 weeks later.

A few years ago a dear aunt died and I couldn't go to her funeral. When it was time for the funeral to begin I sat quietly and thought about her and the fond memories that I have. Maybe you could pay your respects to your grandmother by doing something similar.

thanks. her funeral was at 4.30 this morning my time and I stayed up so I'd be awake for it. I ended up watching riverdance (it's one of the many shows we used to be crazy about when i was a kid - I'm a dancer and she's always been a big fan of theatre) and thinking about her so that was a good start. I think this afternoon I'll try the planting thing and then maybe try finding somewhere she'd've liked.

thanks to everyone, it's great to get such support from you guys. This site is awesome