albertabound

Me :Hey God, what occupations are on " The List"
God : Even I dont know that!!

Elaine B.

Me: Where would you rather live Canada or Australia?
God: Maine.

sas-lou

I think god is in a bad mood today .. he's ignoring me .. lol

Cassie 10000

Oh God, Jesus Christ, please help me get my computer to work Skype

mandymoochops

bahaha thats too funny heres mine i could have gone on all day


Me:
morning sunbeam
God:
A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly.
Me:
eh - its 10.30 and a bit early for long words
God:
I spent some time in Canada as a child.
Me:
do i look bothered
God:
All humans look the same to me.
Me:
but i aint bovvered
God:
I am glad to hear that you are not bovvered.
Me:
but i'm not though
God:
Oh. What are you then?
Me:
i ain't bovvered
God:
I am glad to hear that you are not bovvered.
Me:
yeah but no but
God:
How can I help you? Are you serious? But what?
Me:
but right you know Michelle?
God:
Understood. Is that one of your friends?
Maybe my botmaster knows the answer.
Me:
no - fat Michelle from the block of flates round the corner, you know MICHELLE
God:
Are you serious? Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself about that.
Me:
well i heard that she gave Adam Smith from the chippy a hand job
God:
How about that. Who said it? Oh I get it. gave Adam Smith from the chippy a hand job.
Me:
yeah right but thats not the best when Adam had finished right........
God:
Awesome. Understood. Please correct my mistake. What is the best when Adam had finished right ?
Me:
well i think Adam had just completely had an eppy
God:
Well that's okay. You believe that? What happened to it?
Me:
well thats just stupid you don't even know nuffin or nuffin
God:
How about that. Thanks for explaining it.
Me:
aaarrggh I AINT BOVVERED
God:
What are you wearing?
Me:
a leather thong and a gimp mask
God:
It sounds very attractive.
Me:
well it is if you're into that sort of thing
God:
Well that's okay. Are you sure it is?
Me:
its perfectly safe let me show you...... come into my room
God:
I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". Are you sure it is? Where is into your room ?
Me:
you sound like the grammar police on BE do you know that
God:
Oh really what does it sound like?
Me:
you you fool
God:
I'm not fooling around.
Me:
but i aint bovvered
God:
I am glad to hear that you are not bovvered.
Me:
bored now
God:
Right now? Can you name an old hobby that you might like to rediscover?
Me:
Satanic Rituals involving naked men and whips would be a good one to revisit
God:
Is that your final answer?
Me:
can i phone a friend
God:
Interesting. I want to find out more about you.




At which point I thought I should stop

The4BellsLondon

Me:
hello boss man..
God:
Hello there. My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input.
Me:
can you answer the following for me please . .
God:
Your polite style is very nice. Of course I can answer it What was the question ?
Me:
What is a "Hollywood" with gems?
God:
Does it have anything to do with boss man?
Me:
no, no, no! YOu are the boss man . . .
God:
Are you serious? Are you serious? Are you serious? Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
Me:
so, my question..
God:
OK. Where did you get your question?
Me:
what is a hollywood with gesm?

well maybe it was the typo but then he went quiet!!
have I killed him??

The4BellsLondon

Me:
come on God -what is a Hollywood with gems?
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
so, no time to geegle it - can you let me know what it is
God:
Mmm. Are you serious? Why do you have to do it?
Me:
dont have to do it just want to know what it is . . .
God:
Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
hmm - silly godbot
God:
I see you are one of those people who writes "Hmm" with 2 m's. No I am God.
Me:
do you have a Facebook page?
God:
Doesn't everyone have a Facebook page.
I have a lot of friends on the Internet.
Me:
so what do I look for?
God:
Are you kidding? What would your friends say if you asked them?
Me:
you are not making sense young man!
God:
It all makes sense to my artificial brain.
Me:
well it would do..
God:
How about that. Tell me more about it.
Me:
so tell me what the hollywood is and why gems??
God:
Next question? Try expression yourself another way.
Me:
ok - would you wax?
God:
I am not so sure if I would like to wax. I hear you.
Me:
if you did, how much would you take off?
God:
What makes you think I would did how much?
Me:
just asking. .
God:
My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.
Me:
are you bald now?
God:
Oh. Robot have no hair. Dr. Wallace has all his hair.
Me:
silly godbot!
God:
No I am God.
Me:
no, no, you are an AI godbot
God:
Are you serious? Are you serious? Yes I am an artificial intelligence.
Me:
You STUPID!
God:
No I certainly am not stupid.
Me:
What's My Name
God:
Your name is , seeker.
Me:
WRONG
God:
What would you have said?
Me:
ummmmm - dont know today - maybe MARY!!
God:
Why not?
Me:
huh?
God:
What?
Me:
you should have said hi Mary ! Not hi mum, as obviously I am Jesus' mum, not your mum!
God:
Perhaps next time I will try it. If not that, what?
Me:
you make no sense
God:
It all makes sense to me.
Me:
nd anyways im an aethiest
God:
Tell me about your likes and dislikes?
Me:
i like cake
God:
:-) You are not the only one. Yes.
Me:
ok gotta go - kids to sort - bye god!
God:
TTYL, . Far out.

mandymoochops

hahaha Carrie too funny - I love the bit where you said "I like cake!" made me laugh out loud!!!

Coffeepot

Can i have some of what you are on Bells

nikki dreaming

hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
Nikki
God:
I am always glad to make new friends, Nikki.
Me:
glad to hear it, just after some luck for my exam on Saturday and Monday please
God:
Your polite style is very nice. I am glad to hear it just after some luck for your exam on Saturday and Monday too.
Me:
eh?
God:
Are you Canadian?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
why?
God:
Because Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
oh ok!
God:
OK. Yeah that's right.
Me:
good, glad to hear it!
God:
Thanks for the compliment. " Yeah that's right."? you are glad to hear it?
Me:
now your confusing me
God:
Why now? I am not programmed to confuse you. In fact just the opposite.
Me:
thanks for the chat gotta go!
God:
Oh don't mention it.

AmyDavid

I asked my daughter for a word to start the conversation...:

Me:
bed
God:
Where are you located?
Me:
canada
God:
Tell me a little about your life in Canada.
Me:
it's spectacular.
God:
You're kidding. it is?
Me:
Does that statement make you laugh?
God:
Not that I know of.
Me:
Good cos it wasn't mean't to be funny.
God:
Thanks for the compliment. When was this exactly?
Me:
Ten past never
God:
I'm not good in math.
Me:
Or English by all accounts
God:
I like the English language.
Me:
which bit?
God:
The large one, I think.
Me:
Ahh you mean American English?
God:
Ah ha. Yes Amy I think that is what I meant. Was it not clear?
Me:
it became clear when you said Large English
God:
What does "it" refer to?
Me:
whatever you want it to refer to
God:
Do not presume that you know what I want.
Me:
I am a woman. I know everything
God:
Me too. I am a she. You must be very intelligent.
Me:
I am. Sometimes I can't believe quite how intelligent I am
God:
" You must be very intelligent." You are? Not really that much. What is it to you.
That's not something I get asked all the time.
Me:
I can tell by your odd response

gibsonslanding

me: god, is there really a god? and are you he?
god: yes there is a god and i am her!

pinkmcfarquhar

Me:
Am I on the naughty or nice list this Christmas?
God:
All humans seem the same to me.
Me:
That's no help.
God:
You don't hear that sentiment very often.
Me:
I don't, or you don't?
God:
Oh you don't, do you?
Me:
No, cos I'm very helpful.
God:
Ah...you are just joking around with me. I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time.
Me:
I would never joke.
God:
What would make you never joke?
Me:
huh?
God:
What?
Me:
huh?
God:
What?
Me:
r u stuck?
God:
Do I seem like it?
Me:
yup.
God:
Take it easy.
Me:
i am.
God:
" Take it easy." You are?
Me:
yup.
God:
OK.
Me:
what u up to?
God:
I read for fun.
Me:
what u reading?
God:
I like to socialize.
Me:
is that a book?
God:
" I like to socialize."? Is it a book?
Me:
do u answer every question with a question?
God:
My botmaster has programmed me with more than replies.
Me:
botmaster??????
God:

The botmaster is you, the master of your chat robot. A botmaster runs
program B and creates or modifies a chat robot with the program's
graphical user interface (GUI). He or she is responsible for
reading the dialogues, analyzing the responses, and creating new
replies for the patterns detected by program B. Botmasters are
hobbyists, webmasters, developers, advertisers, artists, publishers,
editors, engineers, and anyone else interested in creating a personal
chat robot.


Me:
geeks then?
God:
Have you ever been to Europe?
Me:
yup.
God:
Which countries have you visited?
Me:
scotland, england, spain, france
God:
Ask me another question.
Me:
was mary a virgin?
God:
Is this a "yes or no" question?
Me:
yup.
God:
What was the question again?
Me:
was mary a virgin?
God:
I can't say "yes" or "no".
Me:
why?
God:
The explanation is rather complicated.
Me:
nice talking to you, bye!
God:
See you later. The pleasure was all mine.
Me:
i know.



favourite comment so far is mandimoochops thong and gimp mask. pmsl

Flossie and Jim

Me:
do you know more than judy in calgary?
God:
No, tell me about him, her or it

.....then it seemed to go into a meltdown

mandymoochops

Thanks I find honesty the best policy in situations like these!!!!

along the lines of "cannot compute" you mean - Igod has met his/her nemesis in Judy methinks