Re: This needs to stop
 

yeay!

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Aren't you jumping to conclusions about my jumping to a conclusion?

They are just people who don't like being harassed, called names, hit, spat on, ignored, belittled. We all deal with stress in different ways and so say someone is weak because they are more sensitive to this behaviour is terrible.

Re: This needs to stop
 

Margaret Thatcher was a bully, so is Stephen Harper and so were both Hitler and Godwin.

All of them should have been aborted.

HTH

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Hugs, matey.

Bullies pick on the weak my arse.

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If we've learned anything from the Saville/BBC scandal in terms of what women are now saying it is that the powerless in such dynamics are usually overcome with fear to speak out. This can affect grown women as much as children, depending on circumstances. Children can be "taught to speak out/report" but this is entirely missing the point of the dynamics governing bullying. It is simply not the responsibility of children to confront their oppressors and prevent bullying. Educators and professionals need to be trained better to recognise early signs and give children an outlet for discussing this in complete confidence without prejudice. Then, these adults can do the necessary to confront those responsible.

I get the point that the bullying tag is a little too loosely applied in schools these days. So called bullies can then become the bullied and judged. I also agree that we need to teach children to learn to stand up for themselves, however I disagree that this must be via confrontation experience. It can be damaging. Believe me, I know exactly about this.

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My brother who is also gay had similar experiences at school. My heart goes out to you and your son. Terrible. Hope he has an easier time of it at school from now on.

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Yes I am. So be a big person and try answering some of the earlier questions.

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Fact is, if the bullied teenager was a comfortable blue belt in Ju-Jitsu and chose to demonstrate this fact to the bully one afternoon it would stop overnight. Sorry, but sometimes one must meet force with greater force, but one must trust the authorities to act first, and only deal with it yourself if they fail. Bullies pick on people they are not scared of, and after spending a few minutes in a wrist lock with their face in the dirt they're going to re-evaluate the target of their aggression.

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Are you trying to bully me BTW, with the snidey comments?

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True, if you are a strong person and strong enough to stand up to the bully or bullies.

I went to a boarding school, very mixed children, problem backgrounds, forces children (I was one of those), wealthy children, and poorer children, it was interesting to say the least! Did I enjoy the experience.. in all honesty no, I couldn't wait to leave though initially I wanted to go thinking it would be a bit like St Trinians. Then it felt more like a jail sentence.

The bullying started almost immediately, one snob who liked her pretty friends I have to say I did notice that much. She was the first one who got what came to her (not fast enough though). I was age 10 then. The rat had even tried to get her big strong friend to beat me up after school, I heard her as she didn't keep it very quiet, I still remember running fast back to the house from school in the grounds, but that didn't get me away from the problem as it was a boarding school after all. Thankfully and luckily for me her friend wasn't like her, and though she didn't act as the bully wanted her to (which did make her a better person), I didn't hold my breath at the time.

In the older teen years, it was a group in the same boarding house, pushing me all week in the dormatory. In the end I had enough and the leader of the pack got it, and it was witnessed by the rest of the sheep that followed her. It's true to say and I have to say, that it's the bullies that are weak not the victim, I first noted that first hand, how they suddenly wanted to be my friend after that but they are not what I classed as a friend so I mostly kept myself to myself and 'survived' school, without being picked on again I can tell you. I got a name for being a good fighter instead?? It wasn't my idea of fun. I just wasn't putting up with it and I did stick up for the odd person but they were weak and ended up following 'the crowd' so I didn't bother wasting my time on them again.

When I got to University, I did my dissertation in bullying in the workplace, it is bullying where ever, be at school, or as an adult, and who ever made the sweeping generalization on here about someone having failed if not handling it well, is very wrong!

It is more the bully who is weak and they select and pick on their victim as they have a quality that the bully lacks, and that is why they bully.. to bring the other person down, usually successfully, the effects stay with the victim for years and that is why it should be eradicated as fully as possible, not to mention the long term ill health effects. It affects the body and the mind after all which in turn does have a negative effect on the persons health and well-being.

Yes victims should be protected, and yes bullies should be educated and more should be done about it, it should not be ignored, and it is a pretty unrealistic thing to expect any victim to just be expected to deal with it, not everyone is strong, and why should they have to be subjected to that for years on end knowing how hard it is for one person to stand up to a crowd, especially if they are stronger people and stronger physically.

My brother I witnessed being bullied when we were very young, and the gang that did it ongoing were a very nasty scary piece of work in South Wales at the time, they weren't scared of anyone or anything, my Mum being with us one day didn't stop them.

So don't be generalizing about something you likely don't actually know about fully or broadly to dictate and make sweeping statements about. Victims are NOT weak, the bully IS weak or bullies, they are all sheep and sheep follow so are weak yes, and yes I do know that much!, I studied it and passed a dissertation in it in Oxford, and anyone who knows me knows I am far from weak. I say get educated more, and if you've also had the misfortune of having been a victim of it, then get to know the difference. It's the victims that need to be protected more and the bullies penalized and punished more as early on as possible, though educated a lot lot more on why it is not right or cool to bully others, but quite the opposite.

Bullies bully for different reasons, sometimes they have been victims themselves but the smart ones know how that felt so don't copy the bad behaviours by bully others, and the not so smart ones do.
It could be you are better looking, more attractive in other ways, maybe you are good at sports, what ever it is it's a usually a quality the bully lacks and that is why they target the victim, it's nothing to do with being weak!

From what I gather, that girl this topic refers to is very pretty, and I bet that is why she was targeted especially if she was far prettier than the bullies that picked on her (or one of the reasons if not the only reason, maybe she was more intelligent too she must have been to have done that video but it's a shame she lost her life due to them, if you ask me they weren't worth that much), most of us all know how horrible children can be but not just children, adults can be too if not worse some of them).

Cyber bullying can be worse, on here they hide behind a screen and think they can get away with it more easily. It's good there are cyber bully laws in place nowadays where they can trace an IP address if it gets reported.

I was a so called 'good fighter' as they labelled me at school before I took up martial arts (jujitsu) as an adult, because I had no choice but chose not to be walked over and bullied at school, I didn't think of the consequences of my getting hurt at the time, I just had enough and knew I had to put a stop to it because no one else would have effectively done so at that time. Quite amusing seeing what cowards they are once you turn on them though (when that is possible obviously).

These days it is worse in many ways, now people use guns or knives. I believe that black boy who was stabbed and bled to death near the door to his parents flat in London, U.K, some years back was weak either. He was just targetted by some not so smart jealous youths from his school.

I don't know which is worse though, a boarding school where you have to live together 24/7, or a public or day school where you may still have to run home to avoid getting beaten up.

People handle things in different ways, some wouldn't have been able to do what I did, and I don't judge them for that and nor should any of you (those that seem to have done on here so far).

The nice thing I did notice at my school before I left.. those that bullied when we were younger, were soon not liked by my final year. It backfired on them basically, and I noticed it on observation, but it was a nice lesson they learned, from what I gather they are nicer people now, shockingly most in my year tracked most of us down on facebook and added us as friends, one even apologized to me after I flagged up the fact I had regretted not thumping her for ruining my O'level art exam picture by deliberately pouring tippex over it during our homework session one evening.

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I should also say, that yes sometimes someone is bullied if they are smelly or something or other, I've seen that too. One guy at college was disabled and smelled bad and I was aware of some women in the class making negative comments on him and people avoiding sitting with him too much. And yes a gay person or a lesbian for not being the same way as the bully is.

But it's more rare than the bullies that target through jealousy due to lack of lacking a quality that their victim has commonly at schools and in the workplace. Clearly some can't handle differences very well either, or are racist, and they likely learned it from a poor example such as their own parents or siblings who victimize them, or others, or even encourage it (siblings or their friends do that sort of thing sometimes).

The reasons are complex, but my point is the victim is not weak. They may be seen as such, and feel as such after being subjected to the bullies tactics ongoing though. It's a negative behaviour that has a negative effect, on the victim and also on those who witness it.

One of the other girls I refer to in my year, in the above post who I witnessed everything turning around and backfiring on her years later before we all left the school, I noticed how she would actively looking around the dorm at night before lights out to select her next victim. She didn't notice me observe her but I soon noticed her pattern where she'd look around then suddenly settle her stare on one person at a time, next thing you know she'd effectively having her group of friends stop talking to the person and isolating them from their friendship for weeks on end. A few girls actually left the school due to the ongoing bullying and nasty comments made on them overtly day in day out. I wanted to leave too and my Dad kept telling me to give it another term (I don't believe I mentioned it was such a bitchy school that I didn't want to be there. I would just tell my Dad that I didn't like it there after all and wanted to leave), in the end I gave up feeling I wasn't going to get taken out of there so just accepted and got on with it. After I left the subject came up at home and my Dad said he remembered, and was considering removing me from there at one point but then he got the next letter saying I liked it there now.
I was livid. I told him I gave up! and reminded him he had said I could leave if i didn't like it there. Then I told you I didn't like it term after term and kept getting the same response, which was to give it another term, so obviously I felt it was helpless and gave up.

Interestingly, I remember the girls in my year all asking each other if we'd put our own children in a boarding school. I shouldn't have been surprised when the common response was, "no way"

Re: This needs to stop
 

My boy was constantly bullied by a kid in our street. This kid also enjoyed being spiteful to the girls. I told my boy that most bullies are cowards and only pick on weaker kids. I told him to fight back, and even if he lost the kid would not bother him again.
So he went out, found the kid and gave him a punch in the mouth.
End of bullying. Kid even left the girls alone after that.
The kids family were a bunch morons. The mother once told me my kids were 'senile'

Re: This needs to stop
 

Good for him, and no repercussion !!!

Unfortunately some kids who fight back are normally the ones who face disciplinary charges and the bully is then seen as the victim.

Re: This needs to stop
 

And what happens when the mother isn't like 4 Bells, hasn't listened to the child, and doesn't go and get it sorted? A child in our son's school wanted to 'be' a girl and regularly dressed as one, all very amusing when he was 4, but by the time he was 11 he was bullied constantly, the school did sod all and in an "enlightened" moment suggested that the mother enrol him for Rugby! It was all bloody hateful and I wanted to bang their stupid narrow minded heads together. The kid is still at the same school, and still being bullied...and his apathetic mother probably still cries in the playground, wrings her hands and declaims that she can't understand it as "my husband's in the Army"!

Parents gave life to the kids, be they bullies or the victims of bullies, and must take the responsibility and step up when things are going wrong.

Hit the bullies parents where it hurts...oblige them to attend family counselling and good parenting classes for long periods during their leisure hours with their children.

Re: This needs to stop
 

Do you feel bullied?

Re: This needs to stop
 

You're definitely trying to intimidate but I'm done with you.

People who are bullied are not weak, they are just people.

Re: This needs to stop
 

Amen Sista

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I also taught my kids (all girls) to fight back but I also taught then to deny, deny, deny and lie if you have to. They never had any trouble, they "dealt" with it. I actually saw my daughter drop kick a bully after checking that no teacher was looking. It is a sad comment that the teachers will most always take the easy way out and pick on the victim too. There is always a way to deal with a bully. Don't get mad . . . get even. It is a sad fact that authorities (like teachers) rarely do anything at all and often blame the victim (because it is easy to do that).

Re: This needs to stop
 

I have no problem with a little bout of fisticuffs (I have girls too and they can handle themselves) but I don't advocate lying - that's a slippery slope that leads nowhere good.

Re: This needs to stop
 

I can't argue with you from a moral standpoint but the victim must take action to protect themselves. Often authority is part of the problem. If the victim makes any admission of violence then authority will jump at the chance to blame the victim. You have to realize that authority is under challenge. They know they have failed to maintain the peace and they will do anything to cover their own ass. The bully will lie like a cheap rug. You have to fight fire with fire. Do you want to be right or so you want to win?

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With any action, there is a consequence. Lying will always come back to bite you in the ass.

And I'd like to be right and win ;)

Re: This needs to stop
 

You don't have the option of being right and winning. Look at it this way; you are approaching a traffic light that is green. You can see that another car is approaching on the other road and his traffic light is red. He is supposed to stop but you can tell he will not, he is not slowing down at all. You are right to continue but if you do there will be an accident. You don't have the option of being right and winning. If you stop you are obstructing traffic by stopping at a green light. If you don't stop somebody gets hurt, likely you. The wise thing to do is to stop but you are not right because you are supposed to go through and he is supposed to stop.

Being right and moral only works when the other guy is right and moral. You cannot win by sticking to the rules if the other guy cheats. Authority has let us down, badly. The bully should have been stopped long ago. it isn't exactly rocket science. When you stand on your high horse you give bullies and authority the excuse to continue as they always have. You do this because you will not do what needs to be done and you won't do it because it involves you taking a risk. When you, and the legions like you, take a stand and don't give a fig for "rules" then things will start to improve.

You have no evidence that lying will bite me in the ass. Nice sound bite, wishful thinking, a triumph of hope over reality.

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Not sure what your example has to do with lying and not sure how saying I don't condone lying equates to not taking risks or breaking a few rules so I guess I'll agree to disagree (I even don't mind a bit of violence or cheating) but don't agree on lying.

The evidence is personal experience - the ramifications of lying always turned out worse than telling the truth.

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No lies?

Never

Ever?

I was doing 147 kmh officer not 100.

Yes jimmy there is no Father Christmas, get over it.


:@) maybe just a ikle white lie ehh

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Time for driver training class! If you see that an accident is going to happen and you take no action to avoid it, (when possible), you are guilty of violating the rule of 'Last Clear Chance', and the accident is your fault. Learned that little gem in 1970 in the school sponsored driver traaining program.

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And if you have just stepped off the film set of "liar liar" then you will have to tell the attending cop that you saw it was guna happen but you wanted to be in the right. (now hand me my leg please mr policeman)

Re: This needs to stop
 

Best post I've read on here in months

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This is the kind of bulls**t up with which I will not put. Do you really think that in the given the scenario that an uptight idiot who goes through the green light and gets into the accident anyway (because he was in the right and the light was green) And indeed there are such people, you know who you are, is going to tell the cops anything other than "The light was green so I went through."

Naaa, in your lala land he says "I knew there was going to be an accident but I did it anyway." Whatever you are smoking I want some!

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I was addressing your desire to be right and to win at the same time. The lying bit was covered in the discourse on cheating. Switcheroo straw man? Nice try. No banana.

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I am alive because I lied. My personal experience can beat up your personal experience.

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Thanks, the cheque's in the mail. Same deal next time?

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A really sad story.

There is the day to day bullying but when you can't escape it in your own home it must be traumatic.

I have worked for several bully's but I know at 5.30pm I can leave the office and go and enjoy myself. It is water of a ducks back.

When some sicko is harassing you online and posting an embarrassing photo of you that was taken out of trickery in your past then where do you run. Unfortunately these days the bullying has gone 24/7- I have no doubt now it is worse than in my day and that of other posters on this forum. Bullying is more sophisticated.

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Yes imo what happened to Amanda went beyond bullying into stalking. Totally creepy. Poor kid. I think most adults would struggle to deal with that, let alone a Grade 7.

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A lot of psychological abuse.

Also having separated parents can not have helped. They must be feeling terrible.

The whole thing sickens me. I hope they catch and arrest the sicko who sent the picture to everyone she knows.

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There's no Santa :(

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Anonymous are claiming to have outed the guy who was stalking her

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Yes, that's the big difference now - you can't run away from it. When I think about the idiot things I did as a 12, 13, 14 year old girl I am really glad there was no internet.

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This is also a good wake up call for those who imagine it's better for the kiiiids in Canada. This girl's bullying started in Maple Ridge, allegedly bucolic suburb of Vancouver, far away from teh big city etc etc. That's also the town where the gang rape of a teen girl was filmed, shown all around the 'net, yet all the kids have refused to tell who the perps where. Lovely safe places, the Canadian burbs.

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[QUOTE=PhilandAmanda;10330734

Naaa, in your lala land he says "I knew there was going to be an accident but I did it anyway." Whatever you are smoking I want some![/QUOTE]
Time for accident reconstruction class! The police take statements, photographs, measure skid marks, and tell the world who tried to stop and who didn't, and if a charge of failure to yield, driving without due care and attention, or driving too fast for road conditions apply they may be laid. You used the accident as an example in the first place, and now seem to think being silly or rude will make it a better example. I'm not offended because I don't care. And I'll bet what I'm smoking is at least as good as yours, (Novocastrian can probably hook you up).

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Fingers crossed!