tallperson

Very sadly on Saturday a mother and her two children were shot dead in their beds, allegedly by their husband/father.

This lady was my pilates teacher and I just cannot believe it. What a waste of young lives and it is with great sorrow that I remember this family.

Less than two years ago a teacher at my daughter's school was killed by her boyfriend. Again a senseless sorrowful loss of life.

Domestic Violence has to stop.

raine66

Yes it does have to stop.

Raine

Piff Poff

Sorry to hear this tale. Domestic violence DOES have to stop. Unfortunately for those women who have yet to get a black eye courtesy of their partner, there is very little help out there so you have to live with the emotional abuse and the fear of getting the 1st black eye. So even if you have the courage to get help before the physical you just meet dead ends. Then once you do get help because the physical actually occurs, it's difficult to get a place in a refuge, then difficult to get a house, then difficult to get help to furnish the house UNLESS of course you know the system because you go back to your abusive partner time after time to get a different house/more money for furnishings etc and believe me there are some women out there that DO do that. For anyone that has a friend in this situation - tell them refuges are not the horror places everyone thinks they are and in the first instance you usually have to see a homlesness officer to get a place (unless the police have been involved and then you can get a place that way). As you can tell this is a subject close to my heart.

Novocastrian

Not wishing to be controversial or anything, but it cuts both ways you know.

Statistics Canada, one of the world leaders in producing one-sided, gender-specific statistics in their 1993 report on Violence Against Women has been largely panned criticised throughout the world for their politics over real analysis. This has carried over into their annual publication, in PDF format, entitled Family Violence in Canada: A Statistical Profile (StatsCan number 85-224) and which is available at no cost from their website. We have, for your convenience (and to make sure there is a real copy out there), the 1998 study and the 1999 study. Then in the 2000 study they did an interesting thing. Rather than simply regurgitating their 1993 study, they redid the study but this time they asked BOTH men and women the same questions! The end result, approximately equal rates of violence between men and women and, in terms of severe violence, some solid differences in the types of violence suffered. Of course, this has those who want bigotted numbers in a flap because they believe you need different standards --- after all a knife stuck in a man by a woman is not really the same things as a knife stuck in a woman by a man. Errr...really?.

http://www.fact.on.ca/Info/info_dom.htm and references therein.

Notwithstanding, I sympathize with victims of any gender.

Piff Poff

I am well aware that there are MANY MANY Men suffering from Domestic violence, I can only comment on MY experiences as a women. I would hope that the men in the domestic violence situation can find a way out and that there is the same level of help for them (pathetic as it may be - the level of help that is). As I 1st said domestic violence must be stopped - I do mean wether the victim is male or female. Being a victim of Domestic violence is an awful situation to be in, I believe in many cases it starts of as verbal and denial - I was denied certain foods as I was not good enough to be allowed to eat them and then escalates over time. Women can be as calculated as men when belittling their partner, I am well aware of this. If anyone knows of a person suffering in silence, please talk to them - they just may need someone to recognise they need help. When I speak of the help sought I am speaking from my situation in England not Canada, I do not have the 1st idea of where one would go from this side of the world, and I hope I never need to know - once was enough.

TrishP

I've just ended an abusive (not physical) relationship and can relate to everything you've said. It's the 'walking on eggshells' waiting for it that makes it so stressful. For me it was a slow escalation over the past 12 years, a total lack of respect and putting up with the verbal abuse. It escalated to the point where on moving to Canada it was happening more or less on a daily basis. When it got to the point where I lifted the biggest kitchen knife to defend myself I knew I had to do something about it. I suffered in silence for years and hid it - no more. I'm gonna shout it from the rooftops now so people know just how two-faced he really is (and surprising the number of people who came forward and said that they had seen it).
Unfortunately he's still here in town and this is a very small place. Wish he'd just bog off back to the UK! Roll on March as I can submit divorce papers. Hurrah!

Piff Poff

Good for you! I have just sent you some karma for being strong. The worst part of the day for me was the sound of his car as it came round the corner at 5pm and the look of disgust on his face when he walked through the door - this was over 10 years ago and it still gives me shivers at the thought of it. I too am so proud I got out and that is why I don't mind sharing my story. I am now in a very happy relationship with a man who treats me as his equal and gives me the respect I give him - we are very balanced, been married for 3 years and together for 6. Happiness is just round the corner as is the peace of mind you so rightly deserve. Good luck to you and best wishes for your future.

montreal mike

Agree but I would suggest this case was different. The person in question wiped out his entire family and then did himself in. He was obviously very troubled and so we should not be too quick to draw conclusions as he clearly was not acting rationally.

In the cases of spousal abuse it is a different. In those cases the person is subjected to ongoing physical and emotional abuse. Indeed the abuser is quite rational and knows exactly what he or she is doing.