For the lovers of the english language.....
Sep 10th 2009 | 9:13 am
#17
Curiously Wise
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 942
From: SW Calgary
Re: For the lovers of the english language.....
A piece of string walks into a bar.
the bar tender says "Hey you, string! get out of here! we don't serve string in this bar!" so the string walks outside into the alley, ties himself into a knot and frays his ends up as much as he can.
he walks back into the bar.
the bartender says "hey! aren't you that piece of string?!"
the string replies "nope, frayed knot!"
J
the bar tender says "Hey you, string! get out of here! we don't serve string in this bar!" so the string walks outside into the alley, ties himself into a knot and frays his ends up as much as he can.
he walks back into the bar.
the bartender says "hey! aren't you that piece of string?!"
the string replies "nope, frayed knot!"
J
Sep 10th 2009 | 9:41 am
#18
.
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 20,188
Re: For the lovers of the english language.....
What happened to the cat that swallowed a ball of string?
She had mittens.
She had mittens.
Sep 10th 2009 | 11:47 am
#19
half a century
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 10,222
From: Sarf Lundun to East Van :)
Re: For the lovers of the english language.....
Oh Lordy!
Sep 10th 2009 | 4:31 pm
#20
Tea Drinker
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 5,387
From: Kamloops, BC
Re: For the lovers of the english language.....
England doesn't have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
Sep 10th 2009 | 5:08 pm
#21
Forum Regular
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 224
From: Whistler, BC
Re: For the lovers of the english language.....
C, E-flat and G go into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve minors," and E-flat leaves. C and G have an open fifth between them and after a few drinks, G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me, I'll just be a second."
A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor and sends him out. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and shouts, "Get out now. You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."
Next night, E-flat, not easily deflated, comes into the bar in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says: "You're looking pretty sharp tonight. Come on in. This could be a major development." And in fact, E-flat takes off his suit and everything else and stands there au naturel. Eventually, C, who had passed out under the bar the night before, begins to sober up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest.
So, C goes to trial, is convicted of contributing to the diminution of a minor and sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an up scale correctional facility. The conviction is overturned on appeal, however, and C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.
The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest and closes the bar.
_____
A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor and sends him out. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and shouts, "Get out now. You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."
Next night, E-flat, not easily deflated, comes into the bar in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says: "You're looking pretty sharp tonight. Come on in. This could be a major development." And in fact, E-flat takes off his suit and everything else and stands there au naturel. Eventually, C, who had passed out under the bar the night before, begins to sober up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest.
So, C goes to trial, is convicted of contributing to the diminution of a minor and sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an up scale correctional facility. The conviction is overturned on appeal, however, and C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.
The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest and closes the bar.
_____
Sep 11th 2009 | 1:58 am
#22
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 7,866
From: Cochrane, Alberta
Re: For the lovers of the english language.....
C, E-flat and G go into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve minors," and E-flat leaves. C and G have an open fifth between them and after a few drinks, G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me, I'll just be a second."
A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor and sends him out. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and shouts, "Get out now. You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."
Next night, E-flat, not easily deflated, comes into the bar in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says: "You're looking pretty sharp tonight. Come on in. This could be a major development." And in fact, E-flat takes off his suit and everything else and stands there au naturel. Eventually, C, who had passed out under the bar the night before, begins to sober up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest.
So, C goes to trial, is convicted of contributing to the diminution of a minor and sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an up scale correctional facility. The conviction is overturned on appeal, however, and C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.
The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest and closes the bar.
_____
A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor and sends him out. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and shouts, "Get out now. You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."
Next night, E-flat, not easily deflated, comes into the bar in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says: "You're looking pretty sharp tonight. Come on in. This could be a major development." And in fact, E-flat takes off his suit and everything else and stands there au naturel. Eventually, C, who had passed out under the bar the night before, begins to sober up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest.
So, C goes to trial, is convicted of contributing to the diminution of a minor and sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an up scale correctional facility. The conviction is overturned on appeal, however, and C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.
The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest and closes the bar.
_____
Sep 11th 2009 | 7:48 am
#23
.
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 20,188
Re: For the lovers of the english language.....
Why did Proudhon only drink herbal tea?
Because all proper tea is theft.
Because all proper tea is theft.
Sep 14th 2009 | 2:26 am
#24
Tea Drinker
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 5,387
From: Kamloops, BC
Re: For the lovers of the english language.....
The cost of a galvanized hull is enough to zinc a ship.
Sep 14th 2009 | 2:27 am
#25
Tea Drinker
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 5,387
From: Kamloops, BC
Re: For the lovers of the english language.....
Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.
Sep 14th 2009 | 2:28 am
#26
Tea Drinker
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 5,387
From: Kamloops, BC
Re: For the lovers of the english language.....
I need to do my philosophy homework but I just Kant.
Sep 14th 2009 | 2:44 am
#27
.
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 20,188
Re: For the lovers of the english language.....
Woman walks into a pub and asks for a double entendre.
So the barman gives her one.
So the barman gives her one.
Sep 22nd 2009 | 12:05 pm
#28
Tea Drinker
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 5,387
From: Kamloops, BC
Re: For the lovers of the english language.....
The astronomer's research project didn't win him the coveted Galaxy Award, but he did receive a constellation prize.
Sep 22nd 2009 | 12:15 pm
#29
.
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 20,188
Re: For the lovers of the english language.....
A philosopher and a sociologist are holidaying at nudist camp. The philosopher turns to his colleague and asks, I assume you've read Marx?'
'Yes', replies the sociologist, 'I think it's these wicker chairs.'
'Yes', replies the sociologist, 'I think it's these wicker chairs.'
Sep 22nd 2009 | 1:58 pm
#30
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 483
From: Ontario
Re: For the lovers of the english language.....
From an advert: 'Our mattresses are for the rest of your life'
