For the lovers of the english language.....
Aug 1st 2009, 10:39 pm
#1
RETIRED Realtor
Thread Starter
Joined: Aug 2006
Location: Winnipeg, Manitoba
Posts: 2,087
For the lovers of the english language.....
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
10. Time flies - like an arrow. Fruit flies - like a banana.
11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass'
16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'
17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
20. A backward poet writes inverse.
21. In democracy, it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.
22. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
10. Time flies - like an arrow. Fruit flies - like a banana.
11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass'
16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'
17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
20. A backward poet writes inverse.
21. In democracy, it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.
22. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
Aug 1st 2009, 10:44 pm
#2
Banned
Joined: Oct 2008
Location: the GTA
Posts: 3,824
Re: For the lovers of the english language.....
Clever stuff.
Aug 1st 2009, 10:58 pm
#3
Tea Drinker
Joined: Nov 2006
Location: Kamloops, BC
Posts: 5,387
Re: For the lovers of the english language.....
LOL.
Aug 1st 2009, 11:06 pm
#4
.
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 20,185
Re: For the lovers of the english language.....
Boom boom. 
Aug 2nd 2009, 4:40 pm
#5
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jul 2006
Location: Cochrane, Alberta
Posts: 7,861
Re: For the lovers of the english language.....
I love stuff like this - great use of the language 
Aug 2nd 2009, 7:05 pm
#6
Born again atheist
Joined: Jul 2005
Location: Europe (to be specified).
Posts: 30,259
Re: For the lovers of the english language.....
Utter rubbish.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
Cheers.
Novo.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
Cheers.
Novo.
Sep 10th 2009, 8:19 pm
#7
Tea Drinker
Joined: Nov 2006
Location: Kamloops, BC
Posts: 5,387
Re: For the lovers of the english language.....
Last night, I kept dreaming that I had written Lord of the Rings. The wife said I'd been tolkien in my sleep.
Sep 10th 2009, 8:28 pm
#9
Swollen Member
Joined: Nov 2005
Location: Toronto (thank goodness)
Posts: 1,267
Re: For the lovers of the english language.....
Eye Halve a Spelling Chequer
Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rarely ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect in it's weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.
-- Sauce unknown
Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rarely ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect in it's weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.
-- Sauce unknown
Sep 10th 2009, 8:33 pm
#11
Forum Regular
Joined: Oct 2007
Location: Richmond, Vancouver, BC
Posts: 161
Re: For the lovers of the english language.....
LOL 
Cheered me up today....
Cheered me up today....
Sep 10th 2009, 8:35 pm
#12
Tea Drinker
Joined: Nov 2006
Location: Kamloops, BC
Posts: 5,387
Re: For the lovers of the english language.....
I may be moving to Australia next year as a Network Technician. The LAN down under.
Sep 10th 2009, 8:56 pm
#15
Tea Drinker
Joined: Nov 2006
Location: Kamloops, BC
Posts: 5,387
Re: For the lovers of the english language.....