Please reconsider leaving us. While it pales in comparison to what you appear to be enduring, I have gone through depression myself and was able to find the help (albeit in the UK) to come out the other side. It never really 'goes away' but you can, with the right help, find ways to deal with it. Medication did help me and it is also helping my son, so explore all avenues open to you but don't discount them completely. Remember as well, if the pills don't work, that's because everyone reacts to drugs in different ways. No doctor worth his salt would consider anyone useless for a given medication not working.

Listen, I often feel myself like the world's biggest misanthrope and a lot of the time I really don't care for other people but you are not better off alone. You are not hated by all humans - least of all by the membership of this forum and I hope you feel welcomed enough to stay around and let us try to help you through what is clearly a difficult time for you. Please understand that anything that might trigger an episode on this site would always be utterly unintentional. There is a community of people here who value your input and contribution and don't want to see you go.

I don't know if this is of any use to you, or even if you have already seen this, but I know you are in BC and if I remember correctly you are close to Vancouver, so I did a quick search and came up with this link to a mental health care portal that may allow you to find some help.

We all need a break from things sometimes, but please check back in if you can. Remember, when it seems hopeless and you feel the way you do now that you can find your way through to the other side. It is not a simple process and you can't just get over something like this but there are people around who can and will help you find ways to deal with it and it does get easier.

Jsmith - you once gave me a very useful link to DBT courses close to my town. We are now paying $50 per week for the therapy for my daughter Is that even within the realms of your budget? I suspect not but there appear to be at least four practitioners in Chiliwack. Call them and see what they charge or if they have any assistance for payng fees. Relying on the provincial system to help you out is proving futile to you right now.

I'd pay for you myself if I could

Don't go, we love seeing and reading your posts, you bring a lot of sense and information and we, and I, would really miss you.

If you cannot afford quality mental health care you might consider this, since you are above average at expressing yourself.
Forbes Welcome.
Don't discount the possibilities, I know a young woman who raised sufficient money for surgery on her pet rat.

Whilst I understand the need for a man cave every now and then, don't shut down too much, you obviously need to do what's good for you but I can't help thinking as weird as we all are, we're quite useful for offloading, raising a smile etc. You're a much loved member of BE and we'd honestly miss you around the place.

I don't hate you. I don't want you gone. I will miss you if you're not here. I will wonder about you and worry about you as I do other BE members who don't post any more. This is your thread, fill it with whatever you like (within the rules of course ) and we'll be here reading and responding.

This song popped into my head when I read your post

If people like you leave, this place will be filled with people like me.

That can't be good. Ask moneypenny.

He's not wrong.

That's not what you normally say.

I'm feeling generous tonight.

Come on J -- jump back into the sandpit! We're all friends here and you're one of the gang!

Holds up hand, fellow depressive here. I've done talk therapy off and on for many years. Sometimes I felt it has helped. Most recently it was a style called "internal family systems" a bit more structured than sitting on a couch bitching.

Another thing that helps me is regular good vigorous exercise. For my wife when she was recovering from post parting depression it helped to do this in early morning sunshine to help build up serotonin. Running round the block is free and you don't have to talk to anyone.

Please stay!

and please feel free to come on here, rant at whatever you want to, say whatever ypu want to, no-one will be upset, and no-one will try to be a smart arse and make inane comments, and if they do the power of the internet will be down on them.

hey jsmith! please don't leave us, I love reading your totally real, honest posts - on an internet full of frauds pretending to be something they are not, you are a breath of fresh air. I am sorry life is hard right now, you are valued, you are loved. Remember that. I have also had some very tough moments and struggled, reach out to friends, get a hug. When we most want to hide, that is when we need others and it is so counter-intuitive to get out and just ask for what we need. Well done for telling us you are in a tough place, now allow us to tell you how much we all think of you and how much we want you in our lives albeit online. Here is a big ((((((HUG))))). You are loved.

WHOA!!

No no no.

Take some time to breathe, regroup, pull back, if necessary, but don't go.

(You do realize, I hope, that some of us who've experienced mental health issues are/will be worried & will hunt you down to make sure you're ok??)