Funnies
Apr 19th 2007, 2:59 pm
#1
BE Enthusiast
Thread Starter
Joined: Apr 2005
Location: Prince George
Posts: 317
Funnies
Can you tell i'm getting bored waiting to go home?? heres some pretty crap funnies.
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The
ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jump lead walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you,
but don't start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:
"A beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other:
"Does this taste funny to you ?"
7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home'."
"That sounds like 'Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well, 'It's Not Unusual'."
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to
Dolly,
"I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," says Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!", exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to
look at either.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
find any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
13. What do you call a fish with no eyes?? A fsh.
14. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says,
"Dam!".
15. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have
your kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because" he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes
to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in
Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to
his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds,
"They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little,
which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad
breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by
halitosis.
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The
ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jump lead walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you,
but don't start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:
"A beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other:
"Does this taste funny to you ?"
7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home'."
"That sounds like 'Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well, 'It's Not Unusual'."
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to
Dolly,
"I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," says Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!", exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to
look at either.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
find any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
13. What do you call a fish with no eyes?? A fsh.
14. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says,
"Dam!".
15. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have
your kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because" he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes
to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in
Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to
his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds,
"They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little,
which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad
breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by
halitosis.
