Funerals
 

I attended a close frinds sons funeral this week and it got me thinking about what I want when I die.

See I don't believe in all the Christian / Catholic / muslim or in fact any religious doctrines, or religion full stop, and tbh the only funerals i've been to have been in a church where people sing hymns, give praise blah blah blah.

Now I don't mean to offend anyone really I don't - if thats your bag then wicked - but it soooooo isn't mine.

So what the hell do I do when I die????? I did a google search and theres a group called the humanists who do non religious stuff - but it's a group - and therefore a bit like a religion in itself even though they don't believe if that makes sense.

Do you have to be "sent on your way" by someone church like - or can I be cremated and have friends stand up - tell funny stories - and then have a party afterwards, without all of the bible, hymn, Matthew Mark Luke and John stuff that apparently goes with it???????

Re: Funerals
 

My father's funeral was a Humanist one. It was a good do, as these things go. Friends said nice things, I read a poem, songs were sung, music was played.

I think you can do what you want at your own funeral. In as much as you will be dead and so unable to actively contribute. The thing about funerals though is that they are for the living and so what happens there isn't actually about you, the corpse and your needs. So your funeral needs to be whatever comforts your man, your family etc.

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That'll be a party round the firepit then!!!!!

They were all brought up Catholic but none of them (aside from the 'old' members of the family) go to church or anything.

My family respects my beliefs (or lack of them) and tbh whilst I can absolutely understand what you are saying - I would be beyond mortified to know that if, when I died I was buried cremated etc with all the ****** ******* ********* that surrounds a religious funeral of that persuasion.

I mean really, could you imagine if you were Christain, and followed the thought process above and the rest of your family had a muslim / baptist (insert other belief thingys here) because thats what would make them happy?????????

I'll have to get something written down I think :thumbup:

Re: Funerals
 

Just had to return to UK for my fathers funeral, all a bit unexpected but i know many on here have also worn the T shirt etc..
Anyway my mum didn't want it morbid and said it was a celebration of his life, he wasn't at all religious so the service was simple and the minister read out a nice piece that had been written from lots of notes given to her by family members of their memories of him. We were all told to wear something casual, even bright but no black. I think it helped lighten the mood.
She told me the other day that everybody she has met since said what a lovely day it was and then added "oh that sounds bad but you know what we mean"

Shame about the complete crap weather though, he would have been moaning on all day about it!

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That sucks about your dad, sorry mate - but the funeral sounded like a nice (:blink:) event.

Still not for me though as theres a person upfront with a bible.

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Oh no bible, it was a simple crematorium although we did say the Lords Prayer.

I was a bit miffed as the week i went it pissed down in UK but was mid thirties in Kelowna. Bloody inconsiderate thats what i say. :frown:

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I went to a friends funeral when i was a teenager and the Funeral Director addressed us at the Crem - not a bible in sight! They played Queen on the way in and Metallica on the way out!

I have also been to a funeral for a Marine which was in a church and they played The Proclaimers "I'm Gonna Be"

Re: Funerals
 

I have decided for no funeral ceremony whatsoever. I will go from the place I die in a cardboard box (no embalming) direct to the crematorium and straight from the vehicle into an oven. No service and no visitation.
This is becoming more common and is known as the Simple Alternative. If someone wants to hold what's known as a Memorial Service afterwards then it's of their doing and not something I would want.

Re: Funerals
 

I lost my dad about three years ago :( and we opted for a humanist service as he was not a religious man. We had a Humanist Celebrant lead the service. It was held at the local crematorium but all crucifixes and anything else connected with religion were removed. The service was all about my dad and nothing to do with god or religion. The celebrant spoke about my dad, my sister read something she had prepared about my dad on behalf of us kids and my dad's cousin spoke about my dad in his younger days too. Even my husband got up and read a poem. We had a couple of pieces of music that my dad liked played. It was really nice; no hyms, prayers or anything connected to religion in any way. As far as funerals go, it was really nice and so many people have since said that it is the sort of service they would like for themselves.

Re: Funerals
 

Good idea to get your preferences down in writing, not that it'll make any difference when you're gone. I don't know how widespread it is, or whether Canadian Catholics have the same traditions, but the members of my family who are Catholic are still deeply resistant to cremation in spite of it not officially being banned these days (afaik).

We've been looking at the green burial route but the ease of doing this depends on your province. A couple of years or so ago BC finally registered/licensed the first site, somewhere near Victoria (:lol:) so we're good to go.

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I had a phone call late March to say my mother was not feeling well. I phoned her made her go into hospital and booked my flight to Wales (via half the world) for a few hours time.

I threw some things is a bag and went to bed to try and get some sleep only to be rang and told my mum had died. I spent hours on airplanes trying to think what she would want as a fitting tribute to her life, she was not religious.

Well to cut a long story short Mand, it's hard to try and think what send off a dead person would want when you feel so bad. I'm and only child so had nobody to discuss anything with, but I do have a fantastic Aunt who helped.

We found a poem in a family bible, we found a minister in his 20's who asked me a few personal questions then turned them into a great and funny talk for a few minutes and we sang hymns that I know my mother liked.

We played a classical piece of music from a TV program that she loved and I wanted Calling all Angels by KD Lang but the undertaker could not download it so he put on some other crap. But most importantly it was great to see her brothers and sister and cousins all remembering Frances for what she was.

So I think I'm trying to say, write it down Mand - tell them what you want and let them deal with their greive in their own way.

My song of choice is Queeen Don't Stop Me Now. My daughter cringes but I said you better play it :rofl:

Re: Funerals
 

Have you thought of asking your family what they would want, what would comfort them when you die?
I do not for a moment mean that you don't count, but maybe if you had an idea of what they would need to comfort them at the worst time in their lives you would have a better starting point.

Funerals are for the living not the dead, but nonetherless the departed should have some input into what they want. So if the Bible and the Catholic rites are important to them could you have two 'services'? Could you allow them something which would be of comfort to them and still have another 'event' which celebrated you as the person they all knew and loved.

If you have been considerate and loving towards these people in life why would that stop with your death? and vice versa!
Why should your death be any less creative than your life?

However, I hope it is a very long way off!!!

Re: Funerals
 

I want either a green burial if it's possible or a cremation, either way I want a tree planted on top of me and a muskoka chair at the side - the tree on top is the important part. I don't want any religious stuff and I certainly do not want an open coffin (having experienced a funeral with one earlier this year I can't think of anything worse for the family and mourners).

I know the mourners (if there are any :eek::rofl:) will want a bit of a do, what they do will be up to them, moochops idea of beers and weiner roasting around a fire pit works for me as does Queens Don't Stop Me Now (fave band and all that), but as I won't be there then whatever the people left behind want that comforts them will be fine. I know the ritual of a funeral and the wake after really helps those left behind, something cheap and cheerful will do though:thumbsup:

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Elvis is buried in his back garden, next to the fish pond.

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[QUOTE=Auld Yin;8809416]I have decided for no funeral ceremony whatsoever. I will go from the place I die in a cardboard box (no embalming) direct to the crematorium and straight from the vehicle into an oven. No service and no visitation.
This is becoming more common and is known as the Simple Alternative. If someone wants to hold what's known as a Memorial Service afterwards then it's of their doing and not something I would want.[/QUOTE]

This is exactly what my daughter chose to do and what I have already written in my will and 'Power of Attorney ' for health care.

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1. Your preferences. I've read what you want, and I like it.
2. Mr Mandy. :p How does he feel about your choices.
3. The culture around you. If you want the wake to be a party around the campfire, and your circle of friends and family enjoy that sort of thing, then PARTY ON!!!!!

I see no problems with the above except one thing. Please don't let it happen anytime in the next 20+years. :thumbsup::thumbsup:

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I want a Jewish funeral. They have all the best jokes.

I suppose not being Jewish might be a bit of a problem.

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They might think it's fodder for a good joke!

Re: humanist funerals: a good friend of mine died about a year ago and he had made a list of his favourite music, which was played, and some poetry - eg., "If," by Rudyard Kipling, that he liked. And then friends got up and shared their feelings. There was no presider. It was cool.

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That's exactly what I want...then scatter my ashes. I'm not really bothered about where they are scattered as long as they are not put in the ground.

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But you'll be dead so why worry about it. Let your relatives do whatever they want.

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I've told them I'll come back and haunt them if they put me in the ground.

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^^^
Yes, I'm with you on that one. I want my ashes to be scattered over the headland where I live, it gives me a nice sense of freedom!

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My mum and sisters are currently pondering on where to scatter the ashes. She was told by a friend "beware there are an awful lot of them"
Everyone says what about his favourite place, my sister said that would be messy it was his armchair. :lol:
I know he went to the local tip quite a bit;)

Re: Funerals
 

For my grandads funeral (in England) we had a vicar but we said to him, "my grandad wasn't religious, we don't want a religious funeral". So the vicar spent about 5 minute talking about my grandad (from what we'd told him) then about 20 minutes talking about himself!

We couldn't believe it! He didn't talk bible stuff, but a vicars life story at my grandads funeral was very wtf. Its funny though, the daft self obsessed vicar gave us something to look back and laugh about, on a really sad day.

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Just put me on a boat and chuck me overboard!
I love the ocean and that's where I want to go :D

Alternatively, no religious stuff, just great music (maybe GnR or Metallica, as I got married to them) booze and food :thumbsup:

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My mum still has my dad's ashes, three years on. She takes comfort in having them around. "He" sits on the side next to her bed and she talks to him all the time and even gives him a hug. It's what works for her. On the odd occasion when she's had to have someone else come in the room (eg when she had it decorated etc), she hides dad in the laundry basket out of sight. My dad had a good sense of humour and would have found that really funny. Mum has said when her time comes, we can scatter both their ashes together somewhere.

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I want a Jewish wedding, they're a riot.

I suppose reluctance to undergo surgery is a bit of a problem.

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That might be part of the riot!:p

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A few years ago I would have found that to be really odd...something you only see in comedy films when the urn get broken and the ashes go everywhere.

My father died 18 months ago and my sister ordered a lovely metal urn and keeps it in her conservatory. Although he wanted his ashes scattered in the Lake District she said he spent a lot of time at her house and was at his happiest when he was there. Early this year my mother died...so now mum and dad are side by side in a place they loved, surrounded by their loved ones.

If my husband goes before me I'm having him made into a diamond.

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Now that is a lovely idea.:thumbsup:

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My Mum died in March - two weeks following my Dad's diagnosis of lung cancer, and three days after their 50th wedding anniversary :(

Anyhow, we had a humanist funeral. It was a small 'do' and the bloke presiding was a retired school teacher. He was wonderful - he made sure people knew what to do (we were all in a bit of a state), but other than that he kept out of it. We had Mum's favourite TV show theme tune playing as we went in and some jolly number from the Pirates of Penzance when we came out. We took spring flowers from her garden and kept the whole thing low key and as environmentally friendly as we could.

We then went for a scrummy lunch and spent the afternoon sitting in the garden watching the clouds race across the sky (it was bright and warm :) ).

We don't have long left with my Dad, and he's trying to decide where to have their joint ashes put when he goes.

I remember Mum's funeral as something the whole family decided on together, and we agreed to try to keep it as she would want - "no fuss thank you!" - that brought us a lot of comfort...and some smiles!

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My father has said he wants his ashes scattered over Striding Edge on Helvellen...it will be just my luck to do that in January

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About 8 years ago now, a friend of mine killed himself without leaving a note. He was a bit of a poet/artist/musician. He loved music and we often went to gigs and festivals together. So at his funeral his parents had to make the arrangements and did the best they could. But the wake/party after played the usual medley of banal pop classics. I remember thinking what a terrible send off. For somebody who loved music, to not have a decent sound track at your own funeral is just tragic.

So for me I want to play the music that was the sound track to my life. My desert island discs if you like.

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I intend to make sure I die broke and penniless having spent all my cash while I'm alive. What happens to me after that I really couldn't care less as I'll be dead.

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That's definitely what I'd want.

I really don't like the modern trend to get more and more soppy and over-the-top with weddings and funerals.

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It's all money, money, money...spend, spend, spend.

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That's so true.

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when the undertaker came to talk to me about mums funeral I asked him what price for a cardboard box - they had some and it was a stupid price. :eek:

It was cheaper to go with the standard box. Although I was glad my Aunt was with me because I would have had the most expensive because that's what I thought my mother deserved.................... you know if I hadn't known the undertaker would another guy have taken advantage of me. There's money in death you know.:(

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I hate to think of people making money out of someone's death. In the UK a few large companies now own most of the smaller companies...so the market is more or less sewn up. :frown:

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As are the bodies, hopefully! :p