Caimas

Hello there

Having done all of this once before (to Australia several years ago), I would be interested to hear from people who would be willing to share their experiences. Second-time round, we have some idea of all that lies ahead and to some extent it is holding us back.

a) Has there been one half of a couple (if a couple in the first place), who has been more driven to push forward the move?

b) How did you share the mammoth research required and how did it affect you as a couple or as a family?

c) Have you ever just felt like 'throwing in the towel' and if so, what stopped you?

I am sure you will glean from this thread, we are feeling the heat in our household at the moment and would be very grateful to hear how others have managed their own situation. I appreciate this might be very personal and also understand if no one replies!!!

Regards,

Jo-Anne

dazzlerdaz

Its been a journey to say the least Its not so much my wife (because she`s Canadian and wants to be nearer her family) its more my Mum Dad Brothers sister Gran etc !
They seemed to be in denial kept on saying move back up to Manchester (as we live in Kent) and life will be better ! You dont really want to move to Canada do you !
We booked our flights to Toronto last week (flying from Manchester Nov 13th so a couple of weeks with family first). Told them and they were very upset !
Not looking forward to all the teary stuff when we leave

I feel the move will be better for my wife, young Son and myself. If it does not work out then we can come back (most unlikely)
I had considered Australia but of all the people i`ve known that went i would say 90% have come back ! With my wife being Canadian it was a no brainer really !

You only get one life so you might as well make the most of it so GO FOR IT

PS where in Manchester do you live and why did you come back from Oz ?

Julie_p

Hi there, well there is 3 of us going to calgary my husband,me and 12 year old son, we all really want to move, as i am in most days it is me that is dealing with all the important things, hubby probably wouldn't have a clue so needless to say it is me that is so very stressed! As well as dealing with that there is also the matter of dealing with the house viewing and running round the house like a madwoman getting it 'just so' for viewers, we have to be fair argued hell of a lot more too , all ic an say is thank god for this expats site to say it as been a big help is a understatement. I cannot wait till we get to calgary and get settled and finally get rid of this constant headache.
Julie

destinationnovascotia

I just did it all. At first my OH went along with it with limited enthusiasm , but as we have spent more time in Canada and it has got close, he is more eager to be there than I am.

Caimas

Hi. Thanks to you both for your replies.

First of all, we came back from Australia for many reasons. Mainly that we were in a very weak position to have gone in the first place. I was seven months pregnant when we left and looking back, not very well at all. However, our visas were due to expire and so we had a choice. Stay & have our child in the U.K (and face the emotional wrath from family) or cut our losses and go to Australia and have him born there. We chose the latter which was by no way ideal but we felt stuck between a rock and a hardplace. My son was actually born in Caboolture near to where we lived on the Sunshine Coast. It took us nearly six years to bring about our 'dream' but a combination of being diagnosed with skin cancer, having an ectopic pregnancy and family health problems was too much for us to cope with. When we finally overcame these, I found out I was expecting and suffice to say by the time we got there we had no emotional strength left to cope with such a move.

It was nothing to do with Australia as a country. It is a fantastic place and offers many opportunities. We have been there several times and I lived there for a year in my twenties but of course living permanently as a family is somewhat different. In the end, we felt it was too far away for us, and the lifestyle, no longer what we were looking for. Basically the seed had been planted in our mid-twenties but we had outgrown what we felt it would offer us as a family. (Hope that makes some kind of sense).

So this time round we are much more cautious. Older not necessarily wiser but painfully aware that 'you can always come back' sounds a bit lame when you have already done that once!

I know this causes stress and it is a huge undertaking but wondered how others felt. I know it doesn't get easier anytime soon on the other side either!!!

Caimas

Hi Destinationnovascotia

Thanks for your reply. I am the expediter in our household and wonder if it is a male/female thing or just difference in personalities! It seems from a few posters that use BE, one half of a couple is usually more driven than the other. My OH wants to go but I find I am the one obsessing about finding as much info as possible!

We are looking at NS and are hoping to go on a recce trip beginning of October. I will nosey at your threads (if you don't mind) to see how your journey started etc. I know you use the site regularly and have posted stuff I have found of interest. Good luck with it all.

Zoe Bell

When filling in the paperwork , I distinctly remember having a long arguement about Ben's eye colour !!!

We were both very driven , but Ben ended up doing most of the organising when we got the visas and stuff because he was at home and I was still at work. We were fine because we both wanted it so much and had talked about it a lot , so we were both wanting the same thing. If one of you has radically different ideas and expectations then I can see problems happening.

As with anything else communication is the key !

dazzlerdaz

Thats a very good point

purple80

Hi Jo-Anne,

a) Me

b) We didn't, I did it all!

c) No, felt like strangling him with it though.

We have been apart since 25th March 2008....OH was plonked on a plane with his packed suitcase and full set of survival instructions, where to go for OHIP, driving licence, SIN card etc......

We have had plenty of skype rows, and not spoken to each other for days on end. We have really been through the mill and have really struggled at times, I am sure that it will all be worth it in the end.

My advice, thick skin and a sense of humour, you'll get there in the end!

Charlie

Judy in Calgary

In our case we were more or less equally motivated to move.

MOVE #1

The Internet didn't exist when we moved from South Africa to Calgary in 1977, so the amount of research we could do was limited.

I'd previously spent a year in the USA as an exchange student, so that helped. I’d experienced seasons that were out of synch with those in the southern hemisphere, had experienced a snowy winter, knew that people drove on the right hand side of the road, knew that the electricity supply was different, had experienced Thanksgiving and Halloween ... stuff like that.

Our research was confined to a book that we bought on Canada, National Geographic magazine, The Economist magazine, and things of that nature. We also used a “how to” book to navigate the immigration process.

There was no way we could have afforded a recce trip. We were in our mid twenties, and it was all we could do to afford the move itself.

We arrived before we’d had children, and rented an apartment. We then bought a house after about fifteen months.

It was very useful to rent and give ourselves a chance to get to know Calgary before we bought, especially as we couldn’t do research in advance via the Internet as one can now. Even with the Internet, I think there still is a lot to be said for renting, or at least doing a recce trip.

MOVE #2

By the time we moved to Houston in 1995, I was corresponding by e-mail, but had not yet discovered Internet forums.

We had a handful of Calgary friends, also from the oil industry, who had moved to Houston ahead of us. We settled in the neighbourhood in which they had settled and that they all raved about. Once we were living there, I felt it was the wrong neighbourhood for our family. I discovered another neighbourhood that I preferred and that I thought would have been a better fit for us (to the extent that any neighbourhood in Houston could be said to be fit for human habitation). Anyway, I learned then that listening to friends could be a dangerous thing.

MOVE #3

We moved to Melbourne in 1997. During that move my husband's employer provided us with the services of a relocation consultant. She was an absolute gem, worth her weight in gold I would say. She was a retired teacher, and had an encyclopedic knowledge of Melbourne's schools. She helped us to find a neighbourhood that was a wonderful fit for our family and a school that (after their initial period of culture shock) our kids loved.

MOVE #4

We returned to Calgary in January 2000. By this time I was quite Internet-savvy. Ahead of our move, I poured over the Multiple Listing Service website. We'd lived in Calgary for 18 years prior to leaving it, but it had grown during our four-year absence. We didn't know the new neighbourhoods on the outer edges. As it happened, we ended up returned to our former neighbourhood of Oakridge, a stone’s throw from our previous house. We just slotted in again, returned to the same dentist, etc.

Oakridge worked out well at first. But, as we became empty nesters, etc., my husband and I started to disagree about it. I wanted to move closer in, nearer the downtown core, but my husband wanted to stay in Oakridge.

Actually, even a move closer to Calgary's downtown core would have been a compromise for me. What I really wanted to do was to move to the BC coast.

We know a few middle aged couples who are in the process of transitioning to the BC coast. For example, they've sold their Calgary house, bought an apartment in or close to downtown Calgary and bought a house or townhouse at the coast. The coastal property is their primary residence while the Calgary apartment is a base that they use for work. My husband and some of his former colleagues, who are in their late fifties, have left their corporate jobs and are consultants. This gives them more flexibility. If they're doing work for oil companies and the like, they do have to be in Calgary for some of the time, but they don't need to be here all the time.

I wanted to do something that approximated what I've just described. At first my husband agreed, and said we should target a period that was a couple of years away. But, when I tried to discuss it more seriously, I realized that, to my ear, a couple of years meant two years while to my husband’s ear it meant, “Some (very unspecified) time in the future.” When I pressed him, I discovered that his target timeframe was something like ten years away (if that). It became apparent to me that this supposed transition to the coast wasn't going to happen within a timeframe that was acceptable to me.

For this and other reasons, my husband and I recently agreed to separate. We signed the separation agreement this past Friday, a month before what would have been our 35th wedding anniversary. Compared with separations and divorces that we've witnessed amongst our friends, ours has been amongst the most civil and cooperative ones so far. My husband has bought me out of my share of our Calgary house, and this will enable me to buy an apartment on Vancouver Island.

MOVE #5

I am going to move to the west coast around the middle of September / beginning of October. I had been considering Victoria very seriously, but more recently have turned my attention to Nanaimo as well (and there is even a slight possibility of Comox). I'm not sure where I'll settle, but it's likely to be somewhere on Vancouver Island.

I’m thinking of renting a furnished apartment in the Nanaimo area for two or three months, starting around the beginning of October. Vacation rentals are fairly reasonably priced during the winter. I feel this would give me some breathing room and enable me to experience the area as a non-tourist before I took the plunge and bought an apartment there.

Yes.

My husband is from South Africa, and I'm from Swaziland. We have never considered a return to Southern Africa to be one of our options.

During my time on this forum (and also in “real life”), I have seen every combination. In the majority of cases, the couples have migrated together and stayed together (regardless of whether they’ve migrated permanently or later returned to their home countries).

In a minority of cases, differing opinions about migration (or differing opinions about returning home from a migration) have driven them apart, and they have separated and divorced.

I’ve also witnessed some instances in which people have stated that starting off with a clean slate in a new country, getting away from a dysfunctional extended family back home, etc., has improved their marriage. I can think of one forum member in particular who has stated that most emphatically.

I joined this forum around the time that the realization was creeping up on me that Calgary had reached its Use By date for me. In a strange, complex way, my participation on this forum has helped me to find resolution and work out a tentative next step.

All the best in working things out in your own case.
x

purple80

Gosh Judy..............

Guess the WIKI will get some serious additions...

All the best to you Judy!

Charlie

nikki dreaming

Best wishes Judy

Caimas

Thank you Judy for sharing such a personal post with us. Bloody hell fire, you are one determined lady! I wish you the very best of luck with this next stage in your life - It cannot have been an easy decision to make and I admire your courage to follow your heart.

I find hearing other people's stories fascinating because there are so many people (outside of this forum) that do not understand and I don't just mean the immigration maze. The personal side of migration so often can't be discussed with close friends and family for fear of futher upset. Coincidentally, I am counselling a man who is looking to move to Canada and I will have to work very hard in separating 'my stuff' from his. I am sure the BE site will come in useful to help me do this!

I know in the space of nine years, the research facilities available have come a long way. I can't imagine what leap of faith is required to make a move without all this tecnology at our finger tips. That said, it is easier with the optimism of youth and sheer bloody ignorance sometimes!

I really want to try life in Canada for myself and family. I do find my husband's ability to be so relaxed about the research side absolutely infuriating. It seems to be quite common though for the woman to be the main expediter, so maybe I am not on my own! It will be for me to decide whether or not I can accept this as he knows how I feel.

Thanks to everyone who have take the time and trouble to reply so far.

Regards,

Jo-Anne

Julie_p

Thank you Judy for sharing that insight into your life and i really wish you all the best in what i suppose in a way is YOUR new life

Summer-Caitlin

I am most definitely the driving person behind this move. I have known for a long time that I wanted to immigrate. I grew up in Australia and spent some time in Malta so I am used to living elsewhere. My husband has never lived abroad, but he is looking forward to it. I have given this place 10 years and although I have had good jobs, a house of my own and even family here, it still hasn't changed the fact that I want to leave. I think 10 years is more than enough to prove to myself that this isn't just a phase!

Hmmm, share the research, never! I could never relinquish that much control, nor would my husband want me to. As I am the driving force, I know what I need to research to make me comfortable. If I sometimes go to bed with my eyes bleeding, so be it, it's the price I have to pay for getting clued up My husband thinks I am too prepared... can there ever be such a thing? He has often said to give him a link to essential websites and he is happy. My husband refuses to get excited until he has his plane ticket in his hand! You know I still don't even think he knows where in BC we are going yet

We have been going back and forth now for many years, undecided when or even if we would go. We both had a long talk and decided it's more the now or never angle. I am in my late 20's, husband early 30's. We have no children, but would like in to have in the future. I want to continue my education, and we want to sell up here and be debt free for the first time in years. All in all we want a better life than we have here.
Do we argue about this, you bet we do, in fact we did last night But, although this is probably going to be the scariest thing we have ever done, we both know we are doing it for the right reasons so that keeps us going. It's hard, but I just look to the future and hope.

So yes, we have thought about throwing in the towel, but if you make sure you communicate, you will get through this patch. There will likely be more down the road, but all I know is that I want my husband to be there when we finally get to Canada and then I can truthfully say it will have all been worth it