Purley

So, you get company from England- a couple - friends or relatives it doesn't matter. They are staying with you for a couple of weeks. Presumably you are taking them around to see whatever there is to see in your area. Would you expect that they would give you money for meals; or would you think that they should take you out for a meal? If you normally ate at a restaurant where you might pay $10-$12 for a meal, would you take them there - or if you knew that they normally ate in really expensive restaurants, would you take them somewhere where a meal cost $50 a person.

Or would you think -- they have spent $2,500 or more on getting here and so while I wouldn't expect to pay for their meals if we ate out. Making meals for two extra people doesn't cost much more than making food for you and your husband or you and your family - whatever the situation and so really we can eat at home. And I am happy to provide the extra food.

And how about if the situation was reversed. If you went to visit them. If you lived in a small town and usually ate in restaurants where an evening meal might cost $12, and they lived in London or wherever, where an evening meal costs 50 pounds or more would you still take them out for dinner?

This was prompted by a friend telling me that when she was last in England, she took some of her family out for breakfast and it cost 45 pounds, whereas in Regina, it might cost 35 dollars. I had said I'd forgotten how expensive England is and she said most things are the same in dollars as pounds - so if a meal costs 15 dollars here - it costs 15 pounds in the UK - so double what it costs here!

OK - your views?

el_richo

Well from my experience.....

When we're over visiting friends and family in Vancouver / Cranbrook we often opt to pay the restaurant bills or buy groceries seeing as though the hospitality is fantastic and the accomodation is the perfect price........free. If they insist on paying anything then so be it.

When we have people over to London it's generally the same.

I wouldn't even think about it too much to be honest because if it's once or twice a year then i'm happy to splurge or have people splurge on my behalf.

So i guess the bottom line for me is that if we have visitors to London we'll often take them to the local places for great affordable food and also take them to the fancy places for the experience. Either way, i wouldn't dream of inviting people for an expensive night out and having them pay.

iaink

Do what you want to do. If you want to treat them to a meal, treat them. If not, dont.

If you arent comfortable at a fancy restarurant, go where you want to go and be comfortable. Its about the company, not the food. Best to go somewhere where you will remember the experience positively.

Whats the point in putting yourself in financial hardship to "impress" them, they either want to be with you already or they dont, so just be yourself, and enjoy the opportunity to hang out with people you might not see for many more years.


Ultimately your friend probably looks back fondly on a meal spent with friends, and in twenty years will remember that far more than what it cost.

Souvenir

This seems to be mainly about food and restaurants. Why? Most people don't eat in restaurants all that often.

Any visitor to my house gets pampered/shown around for a couple of days and is then given a doorkey and a map of the area.

Purley

I do agree. However, one thing from my experience. I am not sure if there are expensive restaurants in Regina. If there are we don't eat at them. We like the Ethiopian Restaurant. The decor is of the "plastic rose in a Walmart bud vase" type and the service is not great. But the people are really nice and we love the food. You cannot spend more than $13 on a meal there.

So if I go out with my family - the six of us the bill never comes to more than $100 for everyone.

When I was in Vancouver with my granddaughter -- and I haven't been out there for years and years. My sister did pay for our meal the day we got there and we ate at White Spot. I really liked the food. I can't remember how expensive it was but I don't think it was very expensive. Then we went out to a Mexican restaurant. There were five of us. I can't remember what happened, but my sister made some comment about how I was paying. It was kind of a - I wouldn't say "snide" comment - but it was definitely that she expected me to pay. The meal cost $150 for five of us and it wasn't even a great meal. Mind you, I didn't pick the restaurant, my granddaughter said let's go to a Mexican restaurant and so they picked one.

I think if she came to visit us once in ten years, it certainly would not be an issue for me if I had to buy groceries for two extra people for a week or so, and I wouldn't care if she took us out for a meal or we ate here.

Whereas she "made" me pay for the meal out there. She put it in such a way that I had no choice - well I could have had an argument in the restaurant I suppose!!!

And she has made it clear that when I go to England, it is EXPECTED that I will take my sister and her husband out for a meal, which might very well cost me a fortune.

mandymoochops

lol same here - i'll pour the first drink - after that you know where the fridge is type scenario.

Seriously though I think from a personal point of view that as a host I would do my utmost to make them comfy like Souv for the first couple of days - family came over last year and whilst they stayed with us they paid for the groceries for the 2 weeks they were there (board if you like) and we alternated payments if we ate out.

No big deal really but I would be slightly peeved if someone didn't offer at least something for the privilege of staying in my home!

iaink

Seems like it was just a clumsy attempt to avoid being in the situation where she had paid for the first two meals..leading to the expectation of treating you all through the trip...

When family visits me its sort of a random unspoken rule that we alternate paying for meals out.... If Im visiting them and they are putting me up, I always treat them to the first meal out as a thank you, but perhaps if there is confusion and its adding to the stress someone should broach the subject early on.

Family and money issues...always a bad combination Im afraid, best to talk about it up front with them.

macadian

Or just take them to Timmies and tell them thats all we eat here....

Auld Yin

Did you invite (beg) them to come and visit or did they ask if they could come and stay for 2/3 weeks?
If I invite someone to visit me I fully expect to carry the full financial load of entertaining them. There is a high degree of probability that they would insist in partaking of some of the costs but if they didn't, then so be it. If they invite themselves I will provide the food and drink at my house but on eating out the bill would be split 50-50, and I would tell them that.
The bottom line is I shouldn't invite if not prepared for the costs involved and vice-versa for those inviting themselves.

Auld Yin

Obviously, from some prior posts, we need to establish ground rules from the getgo. If we expect them to pay their share of costs then tell them before they leave the UK, then no one on either side takes umbrage with the other.

Souvenir

Yeah. My bro came over a year ago. It was for a week. I made it very clear to him, well in advance, the days I was able to take off work. During those days, we did stuff, including a trip to Quebec City. I picked up the tabs.

After that, he just knew what time to get home for dinner. He did take us out for a meal at the end of the trip. Fair enough: it was my birthday.

I'm going to the UK next week and will be spending a couple of days with bro. He has some days off. He'll use them to take me and my son to places. I don't anticipate putting my hand in my pocket, or being allowed to.

Getting the ground rules in place is very important.

ann m

I think it's easier with friends than with relatives!

Over the years, with all our close friends there seem to be unwritten rules about what is expected, not expected or just plain courteous. This can range from going to stay overnight, to friends staying with us for 6 weeks once (in between homes). Basically, everyone just chips in. The 'hosts' do the main meals and the 'guests' provide alcohol (and this soon adds up, let me tell you ) and desserts and any nice little extras. We usually split when it comes to restaurants - unless it is a 'thank you' meal for allowing us/them to stay.

I've never had family to stay or been on holiday with them!! (I'm referring to husband's family as both my parents are now dead). Could lead to some interesting times. But I think it would fall into the same pattern as above. We did stay with his parents last summer and I stocked up the fridge with the things I knew my kids would like, and we made sure not to completely strip the cupboards of it's contents.

I've stayed with friends in Spain - and they with us - and we both know that the money trees in either garden are not doing spectacularly well this year (!). When we stay, I know she buys half the supermarket to ensure we are well fed and comfortable. Likewise if they stay with us. The last couple of times I've left cold hard cash under the pillow. It's absolutely never expected, but it is gratefully received and is cushions the costs of having visitors - which, no matter what way you look at it, is an expensive pastime.

We potentially have our first visitors this summer (but all friends, no relatives) - maybe three different lots - and I know that we will have to save up in order to accompany them on some day trips. I wouldn't expect it necessarily, but I guess I would be quietly disappointed if no attempt was made at all to buy some wine, or take us out for a meal. It's just courtesy really!

To the OP, I wouldn't be hung up on the prices of meals. I could take out friends in Spain for a very posh meal and it would still be half the price of a UK meal - makes no difference. It's the company that counts, and if it's pretty edible too, well, that's the bonus

AlvicBC

Liz - we must eat at all the expensive restaurants then in Regina - apart form Timmies or the likes I 've never eaten in one that costs $13 a meal.....about time we started

When our parents were with us last year they insisted on paying for all the groceries and extras, for us and most times when we eat out they paid too - after lots of arguements - unless I managed to get to the till before them!!

I think you should just play it by ear and do whatever makes you comfortable.

startwin

It totally depends on who you are staying with/who is staying with you. When we got to England we try to stay in a hotel but if relatives get offended we will stay with each in turn. My sister charges us a set room and board, say 100 pounds. Very nice but we seldom eat there as we rent a car and go off elsewhere. My nephew won't take anything, and will not allow us to take them for dinner, so I get a gift card for their favourite restaurant and leave it with them, and we have bought something they wanted for the garden. My stepson - we usually buy the groceries as we go along, and stuff for the kids.

When they come here (friends, not my family - they have never been here), we feed them, take them around to the touristy places or the first week, then hope they will venture out on their own, and often they will take us out for a nice dinner before they leave, and one friend bought us a garden bench that I had admired.

It's all give and take, I guess.

Purley

Maybe its because I don't eat meat - well hardly ever. The last time we went out we went to Moxies and I had a portobello in naan bread and I think it was less than $13. As I said, we go to Sellam Ethiopian, and nothing is more than $13. The other place we go quite often is India House and again, my meal is often less than $10. My husband often has a couple of beer, but still the whole meal would not be more than $30 for the two of us. I quite often take my granddaughter out - she likes Boston Pizza or East Side Marios - or one of the above two. Again, I probably couldn't spend more than $30 for two.

Where do you eat in Regina that is expensive? Maybe we should try those places!!

The person who said that with friends its easier than relatives - I think hit the nail on the head. I think that I probably object to paying for a meal for my relatives because my one sister has already pressured me into doing so!!!