I think I mentioned that my holiday at Easter with my granddaughter, staying 8 days with my sister was not fun. My granddaughter says my sister ruined our holiday.

I just can't bring myself to speak to her. I can't even talk to my sister in BC. The two of them talk all the time and while I consider that my sister in England was just openly nasty and totally rude to my granddaughter, the chances of getting either of them to see a point of view that is not theirs is slim to none. She was also rude to me, but what upset me the most was her treating my granddaughter like that.

But -- it has been nearly two months. Am I being stupid? Do I just start emailing and not mention why I haven't emailed or phoned? I haven't explained why I haven't spoken to them. Perhaps they think I am too busy. Shall I leave it that way and not bother with them?

Did you send a thank you letter? Did your granddaughter?

For goodness sake, send an email. Build bridges, explain and apologise.

I'm not sure whether this advice holds in your case... it all depends on the outcome you want. IMO it's a common courtesy to send a thank you for the hospitality (such as it was) that you received - and it's not too late to do that still.

It's up to you whether you leave it at that or let fly with what you really think and feel. What matters more to you? I know it probably feels like you and your grand-daughter are wholly in the right and your sister wholly in the wrong... it's all about perspective, but usually there is a measure of right and wrong on both sides. Hence I'm not against the "explain and apologise" route - just unsure that's what you want.

The only 'ridiculous' action is to continue to torture yourself over this. So long as you can let the past go and be happy with your decision it's up to you whether to mend bridges, break relations for good or just stay silent and let sleeping dogs lie (no pun intended). Good luck.

It seems to me that you want to start talking again, its up to you.

To be honest with you I would pick up the phone and call her if it has been such a long time, not e-mail.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

Hmm. Have to think about it. Its just that my granddaughter was really looking forward to the trip. She can be rude at times, and I would not have excused that, but she was on her best behaviour. She thinks my sister was rude and nasty because she had made a HUGE deal over my granddaughter and hers being best buddies - and while they got on OK - they were absolutely totally different and they weren't instant best buddies.

And yes I did thank them for the "hospitality". I bought a really nice card and left it on the counter for them when we left.

As to whether things were my "fault". I guess the only thing that I didn't do was take them to dinner. I did say that I intended to take them to dinner on our last evening, and when I said this, she never mentioned that she was out at meetings until 11pm on the Friday and Saturday. She only mentioned this on the Friday morning, and so dinner was out of the question.

Having thought about it, I guess I will send emails about nothing to do with the trip. It would be totally pointless to discuss it with her - I know her and she would NEVER admit she could do anything wrong.

Its not the first time she has been snarky to me and I have just ignored it. And I have to admit that in the past, I have really gone to see my Mom and not really my sister. But now my Mom is in a home and her mental abilities have deteriorated to the point where you can't really have a sensible discussion with her.

When I read your first post I thought that you wanted to be on amicable terms with your sisters. Reading this it doesn't sound like you do. There's obviously old history.

If you want to get back and be friends then suck it up and apologise. It doesn't really matter who is right and who is wrong.

If you can live without contact with them then just let it go. You don't actually have to like your relatives, let alone be friends with them.

It boils down to how much do you need them in your life and what are you prepared to do to keep them there, but don't feel guilty if you decide that you and your sisters have nothing in common and you don't need them.

Personally, I don't think this is nearly enough if you haven't been in contact since.

Whilst you may feel she was rude to your granddaughter or whatever (However rude she was it doesn't really matter), I think it is way ruder of you not to have been in touch since you arrived back from their 8 days of hospitality.

If you decide you don't want to ever be in touch again, fair enough, but I still wouldn't let that get in the way of thanking her.

Did your granddaughter write and thank them? She emailed to say what she didnt want to do on the holiday before she went didn't she? She should take the time to thank them herself.

You should also thank anyone who gave you a meal or other hospitality when you were there. Did you take gifts for them with you when you went?

How many times should she thank them. Purley has already said she said thank you, left a card saying thank you and offered to take them to dinner to say thank you. Personally I think that is enough.

Purley I really do understand where you are coming from and I feel for you. I have had to deal with my SIL for the last 4 months(OH away).She is never wrong, says things that hurt (either doesn't care or doesn't realise) and extremely self centred and to be honest can be quite nasty. I am scared that one of these days I will just let fly and then the sh*t will hit the fan. But I know that if I did she would not understand anything I said as she is perfect and cannot do/say anything wrong. So I will try to continue biting my tongue.

I do not think you are been ridculous at all, feelings are feelings and it is difficult to get by them.

The only thing you have to do now is ask yourself...
Are you bothered if the ties are broken? If not then let rip and get it off your chest.
If you don't want to risk losing the ties you have, then you will have to bite your tongue by the sounds of it.

Family who would have them!!

Sharon

Thanks for the support. I am not mad about it -- I was just upset. Of course I really wanted my granddaughter to have a wonderful time and to like my sister. I wanted them to get along so that when she is older, perhaps she would want to go and visit on her own or with friends or spouse or whoever.

My granddaughter is not really shy, but she is quiet and she and I knew that she was not the kind of personality to leap up and down and throw her arms around the other girl. My sister seemed to assume that because her granddaughter was perky and chatty - mine would be exactly the same! Of course, I knew that thiis was her favourite grandchild. But when we played a word game with the other grandchildren (her younger son's kids) and had a great time and lots of laughs, she got annoyed because she could tell we preferred that to playing a mathematical game (which we hate) with her favourite!!

Anyway, I have emailed about something non connected and she has replied and I guess we have put it behind us. My granddaughter says she would like to go back to England, and she would love to stay with the other (non favourite) grandchildren!

Just noticed you are moving to Radisson - welcome to Saskatchewan - my husband's partner refers to Saskatchewan as "God's country!"