Well now Schooks, perhaps you didn't see the bit about making me laugh. Paying it forward for colon cancer is terribly admirable and all that, but not really tres amusement...

However, on Jings'll Fix It, even the kids whose parents obviously wrote the letter get what they asked for, so a $100 Gift Card for Winners is on its way.

PM me your address and it'll be in the post.

(Folks, I am leaving Canada so don't worry about finding me sitting outside your house with a pair of binoculars, a bag of candy and a hatchet. I'll let you know who I am so you can get )me arrested if you're worried!)

86,500 miles left.

Hmmm...... Well I know Mr Jingsamichty would be receiving boatloads of karma if he got me one of THESE... (really. like boatloads)

https://www4.aeroplan.com/mrch/elect...odCC01947.html

It has a community use clause, can be used to DJ for any future BE meetups that Gozit attends

Donation done! Screenshot attached.

And in the interest of making you chuckle, a friend posted this on FB and it made me laugh - Hilariously annoyed professor tears a student's email apart word by word | 22 Words (mainly because terrible grammar drives me batty!).

When I get the gift card, I'll buy some soap and put a big sticker on one of the bottles so that the soap is branded Jingsoap. I will send a picture. (But it will be way down in November, we only get the house at the END of November!)

PM on the way, thank you so much!

Consider it done, young Malteser.

Now, PM me your address and figure out a way to explain to your Mum & Dad how a middle-aged bloke off the internet is sending you presents while pretending to be Jimmy Savile.



60,500 miles left.

And to copy Schnooks, i'll donate $50 to the Epilepsy society. (My sister is epileptic)

PM sent! Christmas has come early... Thanks mate!

My donation won't be quite as speedy as Schnooks, I don't have me own credit card so will have to source a prepaid

I just know that it would help me to feel much better about the cost of good cheese in Canada if I were able to cut it (fnarr, fnarr) with an exquisite Italian cheese knife like this https://www4.aeroplan.com/mrch/home-...odCC05771.html
Heaven knows, Canada needs more people who can cut the cheese politely.

But I already have a cheese knife, so no thanks, Jim'll, I'll have to think again.

Given that your generosity stems from too many hours spent on an aeroplane, and that I occasionally have to suffer the same fate, my bid would be for a pair of these rather splendid looking noise-cancelling earphones. https://www4.aeroplan.com/mrch/elect...odCC05054.html

If you could fix it for me, Jim'll, I promise I won't be able to hear anything that you say in the background to the producers/procurers behind your magic chair

I totally need one of these

https://www4.aeroplan.com/mrch/healt...odCC05726.html

because it looks all high tech and shiny and I'm not 100% sure what you are meant to do with it, I think it involves electricity and legs. Ans it's 'clinically proven" so it must be good

I may persuade my partner in crime in the science dept to wire it up to the mains, and then stick it under someone's desk.

Maybe it'll cause them to lose control of their bladder.

I will post pictures

Hmm, Oaky wants headphones and Zoe wants a big vibrator. I know which one I'm inclined to go with...

Can't do both I'm afraid, not enough points left in the bag.

Come back with a re-bid, and a PM with your shipping address and it'll be yours.

Well, Zoe's vibrator looks truly awesome, so it would be coldhearted of me in the extreme to deny her the opportunity of possessing such an essential tool for "leg health." Just be sure, Zoe, to use it on an aircraft only when you are in the passenger cabin, and not the driving seat.

Instead, if snazzy headphones will push Jings' generosity beyond natural limits, I would like to re-bid for an Android tablet thingy for reading movies and watching music and playing ebooks and stuff. If I can't have noise cancelling headphones then the least I can do is play Angry Birds at sufficiently high volume that the annoyingness of the music drowns out the background noise. Please Jings, could you fix it for me to have one of these?
https://www4.aeroplan.com/mrch/elect...odCC05777.html

And that should leave you with a couple of thousand points to spare...

Well done Sir, a true gentleman knows that a woman's vibratory needs should always come first.

Said tablet shall be on the way as soon as your PM with shipping details (include mobile number) is received.

Upon mature reflection, I don't really need this cluttering up the kitchen so I'll decline your kind offer and let you return the 7k aeroplan points to the kitty. You can buy me a beer on the 2nd if we manage to meet for lunch!

I thank you all , kind sirs, for your deference to my oscillatory needs.
I do hereby promise an entire series of blog posts devoted to the exploits of my newly acquired device.

PM on way ( I'm assuming that this isn't just a ploy on Jinsg's part to get the address of a desperate woman!)

Fret not, dear lady, electronic relief is on the way... satisfaction guaranteed. I think it even comes with a cigarette for afterwards.

Tablet gizmo depatched to Oakvillian, perhaps he can get a cheese-cutting app for that.

10,500 miles left.