antmeister

i would just forget about it all and go on with your plans when the time comes shes going to have to come with you. with an empty house and no where to live she will want her family. i know when i went to oz i was ok for 4 weeks and then reality hit home, i was alone in australia with no one but i kept busy. i think its part of life to miss friends and family and i know im going to be in the same situation once i got my visa sorted out and i have to leave the uk. At the moment i got my mother and my nan on my back saying i cant take my 4 yr old to australia coz the heat will kill her blah blah, i just want people to be happy for us all and see its for the best!!

Backhomeatlast

It's a hard one, girls at 16 are so mature these days and you can say she is almost an adult, I can see her point to be honest if she does not want to go she really should have the choice to stay in the UK, you cant really drag her over there against her will, hard one.

Spellbound

I agree that some 16 year olds are very mature but they generally are the ones that have had a tough upbringing, particulary if they are able to work, pay bills and live independently away from home at that age.

Most of us with 16 and 17 year olds (even 18) would agree that they are just not ready (and nor should they ) to cope with the stresses of everyday life. My own daughter has never even held a part time job for more than two weeks. She is driving around in a car that we bought for her, we pay for the petrol, running costs, hairdressers, prescription glasses and contact lenses, clothing and petty cash to spend, we transfer a monthly amount into her account and thats before the everyday costs such as food, bill etc.

She is a soft kid who will not cope living in the wider world for quite a while yet and definitely not in a country with no other support system in place around her. we are still responsible for her and she is very much dependant on us.

You can be sure that we will be dragging her against her will - like it or not!

debbie222

I agree

We all know our own children....and we all do what we think and hope is the best for them. Its a tough call.....but I will do everything I can tog et her on that plane!!

Debs

AVW

Hi

Been in oz for 9 months been through it all except my daughter was 18, 17 when we were going through the process......we left our daughter behind at uni hardest thing ever , however she came out july for 2 months and went back , came back for 4 weeks christmas and has now just gone back will be back june for 3 months if iam lucky......hang on in there, it was the hardest decision i have ever made in my life to leave her.........she has a visa and I pray one day she will be with us ..... her reasons for not coming were she had worked too hard at school to go to uni to study medicine and she will not give it up ,it was her dream to become a Dr. ours to come to Oz........so we have to respect that and support her in the best way we can.....( money usually ! )

Very Good Luck
anne

debbie222

Hi all

I have managed to talk her round intio going for the medical! What a relief.....however, it could be a short term and she could change her mind again at any time...small steps! Meds are on 15th feb, which seems ages away. Its going to be a task trying to keep the peace and keep her happy. It could be that I promised to take her shoe shopping after the medical

You thought the visa process was like a rollercoaster ride? It nothing compared to having a teenage daughter

Debs

Spellbound

Hi Debs

Thats good news! The medical will be one more hurdle out of the way.

My daughter was asking for help writing a covering letter to apply for jobs the other day, and part of me wanted to help but part of me didn't want to assist her. I mentioned to my husband that I felt pulled in both directions and he just said 'tough love'.

I think we are going to follow antmeisters suggestion of carrying on with our plans and when everything is packed up and sold, including her car, then she wont have much choice but to come.

My husband, so far has been keeping out of the arguments with the teenager, but I have told him that I am banking on him being the strong one when its time for us to go. We just have to keep planning and hope that they see sense or at least come around to the idea by the time it comes to make the move.

What I should warn you about though, is in another couple of years, when they are old enough/mature enough to do what they want, they could up and leave, so be prepared about that. It was my one big regret of moving to NZ that my eldest daughter returned to the UK and that we were no longer living as a whole family unit. I have actually coped with that better than I thought, but it took a while to get used to.

Debbie

ausi dream

I gave my teenage son the option of if he gave it a try for so long and still didnt like it once there, then he could come back if he wished. And allso lots of pictures e,c,t to show what it looked like in the area we were going. google earth was good for seeing the areas.

debbie222

Thanks for your advice.

I have given her the option that she can come back if she still does nto like it. At the moment I am getting the argument that she is due tostart 6th form and if she went to Oz and came back...she would could miss out and have to start again in Sept!! She always has an answer for every suggestion I make at the moment. We did agree on her giving it 6months, which some how has reduce to 3months...but the last conversation was that I was not agreeing to a time o a number of weeks. I said she must go and see for herself. I have done some homework on education and told her, her options, but she simple does nto want to know.

My husband and I had decided nto to speak about Oz when she is around, but thats not doing anyone any good and she will thing that its all forgotten about. We now openly talk about it.....hoping she will come around!

Good idea about google pics...I will look into that...Debs

midwife-mandy

Karma sent. I have a boy of sixteen and a girl of fourteen so I know how hard teenagers can be. I use every trick in the book to get them to do the right thing but my goodness they are hard work. It normally works with the boy but the girl is a different matter, strong minded to say the least. I try and make myself feel better by thinking they will be wonderful adults but I just have to get them to that stage. You are doing the right thing trying to get your daughter to come with you but she wont see it like that. I try and ignore any feelings of guilt because I would end up feeling guilty about everything. The only thing us parents are guilty of is trying to give our children a good start in life. Good luck with the medicals. I took my daughter to Oxford street top shop after our medicals and that shut her up for a little while.

She is ok about coming to Perth but i know the trouble will start once we have been there for a while. I have an action plan to get her in to school asap, keep her busy, get her a job and try and arrange some meets with other people with teenage children. My son will be fine all the nice food and new girls to chat up will keep him happy, he is very basic

ausi dream

After coming back from second attempt to settle in aus, our son had to start his last year of education again and did quite well. Had missed six months of work but passed exams same if not better than if he stayed. The school education for him was different in aus, and didn't account for what he had done here, but tried to put him in similar courses that matched here. But now we have last chance to settle back to aus, and hes adamant he doesn't want to go, think its the fact of having a steady girlfriend now, and his mind changes from week to week.

Backhomeatlast

Are you going back for a third attempt

ausi dream

yes, we are going back if everything falls into place before our visas run out at the end of this year. My husband had found work and was going out end of feb, and children(depending if eldest will go) and i were going end of march if all ok. But just at the last min the job fell apart, so have got to look again. Hopefully dreams come true.

moneypenny20

If she's still 15 then in theory she has to do what her parents tell her - I did say in theory. Surely though even if she doesn't go, she would still have to have the medical? Tell her (rather you than me) that you guys are going regardless and if she loved you at all she would have the med just to get rid of you

debbie222

LOL...I approached the subject again last night as our meds are tomorrow. Basically, I promised to take her shopping after our appointment and it seems to have worked as she has agreed to go! After a brief chat, she said that she was worried about the move as going for medicals mans that it real and I felt really sory for her as she looked a little scared (or I am being taken for a fool )

GILRLS!!!!:curse: