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-   Immigration, Visas & Citizenship (Australia) (https://britishexpats.com/forum/immigration-visas-citizenship-australia-32/)
-   -   Teenage daughter driving me mad!! What ar my options? (https://britishexpats.com/forum/immigration-visas-citizenship-australia-32/teenage-daughter-driving-me-mad-what-ar-my-options-510136/)

debbie222 Jan 29th 2008 7:49 pm

Teenage daughter driving me mad!! What ar my options?
 
Hi all

My daughter who will be 16 in Aug is driving me mad.:curse: She said she will not go to the medical and she doesn't want to go to Oz. She will be 16 in Aug. I know she is way too young to stay behind (she could stay with her grandad or uncle).

(What are my options)
I am on a 475 temp state sponsorship visa - how simple is it to remove her from the application at this stage?

Do I have to prove that someone will have parental responsibility for her even though she will be 16 in Aug 08?

It hard being a mum! (heres hoping that she will change her mind - but she thinks I am ruining her life)

al150n Jan 29th 2008 8:00 pm

Re: Teenage daughter driving me mad!! What ar my options?
 
Sorry I don't have any advice to offer but wanted to wish you all the best & hope you can come to some sort of compromise with her.

:ohmy: TEENAGERS :ohmy:

Alison

SimonG Jan 29th 2008 8:02 pm

Re: Teenage daughter driving me mad!! What ar my options?
 

Originally Posted by debbie222 (Post 5855175)
Hi all

My daughter who will be 16 in Aug is driving me mad.:curse: She said she will not go to the medical and she doesn't want to go to Oz. She will be 16 in Aug. I know she is way too young to stay behind (she could stay with her grandad or uncle).

(What are my options)
I am on a 475 temp state sponsorship visa - how simple is it to remove her from the application at this stage?

Do I have to prove that someone will have parental responsibility for her even though she will be 16 in Aug 08?

It hard being a mum! (heres hoping that she will change her mind - but she thinks I am ruining her life)

I wouldn't remove her from the application, the wind will change direction or some other insignificant change will make her change her mind, and then change it back and then change it etc. etc.

Ours is only 15 and I can totally appreciate where you are coming from. Try and explain that she will be giving herself options by at least going for the medical and then just take it step by step. People assure us that she will grow out of it by the time she is 20.

Simon.

antmeister Jan 29th 2008 8:06 pm

Re: Teenage daughter driving me mad!! What ar my options?
 
damn mines 4 yrs old and shes like that lol :rofl:

katsmajic Jan 29th 2008 8:14 pm

Re: Teenage daughter driving me mad!! What ar my options?
 
Full sympathies here - we know exactly what your going through...

the medical doesnt mean she has to go - it just opens that door for her...

we bargained with our oldest that he only has to validate - stay a couple of weeks then we'll pay for his return if he really wants to.
He was 15 at the time - hes now 16, he says hes still coming and wants to give it a go but we'll see.
At the end of the day you can only do your best, try to convince her to pop over to see and give her the option of returning, especially if you have family who will help.
Our 15 yr old is now saying she wants the same deal - validate and return ticket if she wants it...

antmeister Jan 29th 2008 8:30 pm

Re: Teenage daughter driving me mad!! What ar my options?
 
i think its a childs job to annoy there parents, i used to love making my mum mad when i was a teenager. if you say dont do this they do it and if you say do it they dont lol. id be happy if i had your problem, my problems getting a trade and a visa im 29 this year :curse:

debbie222 Jan 29th 2008 10:06 pm

Re: Teenage daughter driving me mad!! What ar my options?
 

Originally Posted by katsmajic (Post 5855312)
Full sympathies here - we know exactly what your going through...

the medical doesnt mean she has to go - it just opens that door for her...

we bargained with our oldest that he only has to validate - stay a couple of weeks then we'll pay for his return if he really wants to.
He was 15 at the time - hes now 16, he says hes still coming and wants to give it a go but we'll see.
At the end of the day you can only do your best, try to convince her to pop over to see and give her the option of returning, especially if you have family who will help.
Our 15 yr old is now saying she wants the same deal - validate and return ticket if she wants it...

Thank you all for all you advice and support - :D I too was a cow at 15!

In response to the email above....I am at this stage at the moment. Offered her a flight home and even opened a bank account witht he cash in it to reassure her its there. She had received a letter today to say that she has a place at 6th form, so all the emotions have risent ot he top! I have spoken to her til I am blue in the face....she doesn't even hear what I am saying.

Let see what tomorrow brings...meds on the 15th feb...fingers crossed!

Thank you all:D

Debs

antmeister Jan 29th 2008 10:15 pm

Re: Teenage daughter driving me mad!! What ar my options?
 
lol tell her its a new thing that the nhs bought in and its a mot , i had one the other day and found out im 3 pounds over weight :curse:

Wendy Jan 29th 2008 10:16 pm

Re: Teenage daughter driving me mad!! What ar my options?
 

Originally Posted by debbie222 (Post 5855931)
Thank you all for all you advice and support - :D I too was a cow at 15!

In response to the email above....I am at this stage at the moment. Offered her a flight home and even opened a bank account witht he cash in it to reassure her its there. She had received a letter today to say that she has a place at 6th form, so all the emotions have risent ot he top! I have spoken to her til I am blue in the face....she doesn't even hear what I am saying.

Let see what tomorrow brings...meds on the 15th feb...fingers crossed!

Thank you all:D

Debs

Tell her that she has to have medicals whether she comes or not. ;)

debbie222 Jan 29th 2008 10:17 pm

Re: Teenage daughter driving me mad!! What ar my options?
 

Originally Posted by Wendy (Post 5855991)
Tell her that she has to have medicals whether she comes or not. ;)


I'll even try and bribe her with shopping for shoes....after the medical appointment of course!;)

Simpleton Jan 29th 2008 10:31 pm

Re: Teenage daughter driving me mad!! What ar my options?
 

Originally Posted by antmeister (Post 5855982)
lol tell her its a new thing that the nhs bought in and its a mot , i had one the other day and found out im 3 pounds over weight :curse:

3 Pounds? Three? I lose that much when I go to the toilet. :eek:


Good luck with the Kid Debs, it must be a difficult time for her to make a decision like this, she probably feels very settled where she is in her life at the moment. Maybe it will help if you look at what 6th forms are available to her where you plan to move to. Good luck anyway!

Wendy Jan 29th 2008 10:32 pm

Re: Teenage daughter driving me mad!! What ar my options?
 

Originally Posted by debbie222 (Post 5856003)
I'll even try and bribe her with shopping for shoes....after the medical appointment of course!;)


Of course. Maybe a shopping trip to Australia is a good idea ;):D

LisaD_uk Jan 30th 2008 4:27 am

Re: Teenage daughter driving me mad!! What ar my options?
 
There is a teenage section on here maybe you could check it out and see if there is anyone on there near where you are looking at moving to and set her up with an acoount on here, she may meet a few people her own age and if they can tell her how good it is and how she will make loads of new friends.
Its just a thought.
When we first decided to do this ourselves we discused it as a family and we were all up for it but the closer we got the more our 13yr old daughter didn't want to come, we did manage to pursuade her as leaving her would not have been an option being only 13yrs:rofl:(sometimes i could just send her back though). She loves it here, yes there have been moments(usually when she can't get her own way) but all in all she has been fine, she has lots of friends and is having more fun here than she had with her old friends.
I hope you find a way to help her see that moving is not the end of her world, there is the internet and web cam.
Good luck.

Spellbound Jan 30th 2008 8:28 am

Re: Teenage daughter driving me mad!! What ar my options?
 
Hi Debbie

There are loads of threads on here about Teenagers refusing to come to Aus, I know because I have read most of them. I'm always looking for an answer to my problems with my own teenage daughter and have read lots of positive advice in the process.

Its terrifying, isn't it, the thought of leaving them behind. I feel sick with worry most days and my husband keeps telling me not to worry, as leaving her behind isn't going to be an option, but it must be a mum thing.

Luckily my 17 year old has had her medical done, but I think that was due to one of her friends mum, telling her to keep her options open. I agree though that you should tell her that all dependents have to have one done, even if they don't go to Aus with the rest of the family. Try to find some information to print out about the reasons for it, so she knows that its not coming from you. Little steps but another step closer.

We have tried everything with our daughter, talking to her as an adult, explaining our reasons for wanting to go, to telling her that we cannot support her financially, so she will have to support herself (playing the hard line) but its hard, they are very, very stubborn.

I would suggest that you don't mention that she can stay with your relatives though, this would provide her with an option to stay behind and she could put her feet down firmly about that one. We too are trying this hard line but we wont know if its worked for quite a while yet (hopefully May 2008).

We live in Auckland, NZ, we emigrated about 3 years ago. Our eldest daughter returned to study in the UK at almost 18 years old (now 20), as she didnt settle here. She is currently studying at Uni and we send her quite a bit of money every month to help support her whilst she studies.

Our youngest, the 17 yr old wants to stay living in NZ but we have very strong/valid reasons for wanting to go to Aus, as soon as possible, with or without her.

It scares me, the thought of her staying behind here in NZ, particularly as she will be completely alone as we have no family or friends here to look out for her. She has never even worked part time, but she thinks that she is going to be able to work full time and live in rented accommodation and save for her overseas experience and university fees. It just isn't going to happen!! but at the moment we are trying to keep the peace.

Closer to the time, we are going to become the worst parents in the world, as we intend to sell her car (which we purchased for her to use and is in my husbands name) and we have made it clear that we will not be offering her any financial support because we cant afford to, as we have to continue supporting our eldest daughter until she completes her studies. We certainly cant afford to support two daughter living in separate countries to ourselves.

We have also tried the bribe and dangled a carrot of paying for her to have a holiday in the UK with her sister next Christmas as it is her 18th birthday and her sisters 21st. We have made it clear though that this will only be organized for her if she is in Australia with us and not NZ.

Sometimes, I feel like the worst mum in the world! Its very manipulative, I know but deep down, I believe that she will have a much better life, full of opportunities in Aus, if she was to give the move a proper chance.

They do think that we are ruining there lives. I remember my mum and dad when my dad left the army, asking myself and my sister if we wanted to move to Australia when we were about 10 and 12 years old. We said no, because we wanted to stay with our friends. We didn't move to Aus but moved to a completely new area (not an army town) and never saw those friends, that were so important to us, again. My parents let a 10 and 12 year old determine our entire families future.

Good luck Debbie, I know from experience that its not easy.

Someone once said to me, when I once said that I thought that I was a good mum (when my girls were both young) that you wont find that out until they are all grown up and now I can appreciate how thats true. I just hope that my girls, when they are bringing up their own families, that they can appreciate me and understand my decisions in life that effected them.

From Debbie

debbie222 Jan 30th 2008 5:16 pm

Re: Teenage daughter driving me mad!! What ar my options?
 

Originally Posted by Spellbound (Post 5857908)
Hi Debbie

There are loads of threads on here about Teenagers refusing to come to Aus, I know because I have read most of them. I'm always looking for an answer to my problems with my own teenage daughter and have read lots of positive advice in the process.

Its terrifying, isn't it, the thought of leaving them behind. I feel sick with worry most days and my husband keeps telling me not to worry, as leaving her behind isn't going to be an option, but it must be a mum thing.

Luckily my 17 year old has had her medical done, but I think that was due to one of her friends mum, telling her to keep her options open. I agree though that you should tell her that all dependents have to have one done, even if they don't go to Aus with the rest of the family. Try to find some information to print out about the reasons for it, so she knows that its not coming from you. Little steps but another step closer.

We have tried everything with our daughter, talking to her as an adult, explaining our reasons for wanting to go, to telling her that we cannot support her financially, so she will have to support herself (playing the hard line) but its hard, they are very, very stubborn.

I would suggest that you don't mention that she can stay with your relatives though, this would provide her with an option to stay behind and she could put her feet down firmly about that one. We too are trying this hard line but we wont know if its worked for quite a while yet (hopefully May 2008).

We live in Auckland, NZ, we emigrated about 3 years ago. Our eldest daughter returned to study in the UK at almost 18 years old (now 20), as she didnt settle here. She is currently studying at Uni and we send her quite a bit of money every month to help support her whilst she studies.

Our youngest, the 17 yr old wants to stay living in NZ but we have very strong/valid reasons for wanting to go to Aus, as soon as possible, with or without her.

It scares me, the thought of her staying behind here in NZ, particularly as she will be completely alone as we have no family or friends here to look out for her. She has never even worked part time, but she thinks that she is going to be able to work full time and live in rented accommodation and save for her overseas experience and university fees. It just isn't going to happen!! but at the moment we are trying to keep the peace.

Closer to the time, we are going to become the worst parents in the world, as we intend to sell her car (which we purchased for her to use and is in my husbands name) and we have made it clear that we will not be offering her any financial support because we cant afford to, as we have to continue supporting our eldest daughter until she completes her studies. We certainly cant afford to support two daughter living in separate countries to ourselves.

We have also tried the bribe and dangled a carrot of paying for her to have a holiday in the UK with her sister next Christmas as it is her 18th birthday and her sisters 21st. We have made it clear though that this will only be organized for her if she is in Australia with us and not NZ.

Sometimes, I feel like the worst mum in the world! Its very manipulative, I know but deep down, I believe that she will have a much better life, full of opportunities in Aus, if she was to give the move a proper chance.

They do think that we are ruining there lives. I remember my mum and dad when my dad left the army, asking myself and my sister if we wanted to move to Australia when we were about 10 and 12 years old. We said no, because we wanted to stay with our friends. We didn't move to Aus but moved to a completely new area (not an army town) and never saw those friends, that were so important to us, again. My parents let a 10 and 12 year old determine our entire families future.

Good luck Debbie, I know from experience that its not easy.

Someone once said to me, when I once said that I thought that I was a good mum (when my girls were both young) that you wont find that out until they are all grown up and now I can appreciate how thats true. I just hope that my girls, when they are bringing up their own families, that they can appreciate me and understand my decisions in life that effected them.

From Debbie

Debbie

Thank you so much for your email....you actually made me cry.
All your words are so true! I have dangled to carrot, played the hard line, spoken to her like an adult....done it all...and its get you nowhere. However, small steps are whats needed. She actually said tonight that she might go for the medical (after her dad spoken to her for for over an hour!), so there is some hope.

Thanks again for you email....need a tissue!:)

Debs
x


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