VanillaVodka

Hi all,

I am wondering if you can help please?

My (English) grandfather who lived in Hungary for years married to a Hungarian lady, died on Monday. She died about 15 years ago.

My mum was with him when he died in hospital and his body was taken away for cremation.

There will be a service in a few weeks time that we will all be travelling over to but I am just looking for guidance on funeral etiquette I guess in Hungary, if someone can help? His wife's family will all be there and are all Hungarian so kind of know the ropes already.

It's the simple stuff that is taken for granted like, are there flowers, do we wear all black etc.

If anyone has any advice we would be really grateful,

Thanks in advance,

Peter_in_Hungary

There may be a religious service to start with, this will depend upon the family, if so the coffin or urn will not be in the place of worship. After the service all proceed to the cemetery. If there is no service then you gather at the cemetery at the allotted time. Each cemetery has a building where a service of remembrance will take place. (Typically a covered area in front of a small building wherein the coffin/urn will be placed and the close family will sit with others out in the open). This service will focus on the life of the deceased and will be given by the the religious leader (vicar, priest what have you) or by another if non.denominational. The coffin or urn in your case will be present at this service. There will be chairs in the front row (for want of a better term) for the members of the close family (as grandchild I would expect you to be seated next to your mother) with others standing behind. It is here that floral tributes can be placed if they have not previously been delivered to the undertaker.
When the service is over the undertaker will take the urn to the internment site (either a dug grave or a place in a wall of remembrance) and all will follow the urn to that place, The undertaker will place the urn in the grave which will then be filled in by undertakers staff (same applies to a coffin) or if a wall of remembrance then the urn will be places in this and closed. The undertaker will then place all the floral tributes on the grave or in front of the wall.
Some of the larger cemeterys have facilities for scattering the ashes if this is a particular request.
It is the custom for the close relatives to stand by the grave after internment to receive words of sympathy from those present although increasingly the undertaker will make an announcement that the family thank those present for coming but would find that part of the ceremony too stressful so ask the followers not to carry out this part. This will end the 'public' part of the funeral.
After the ceremony the close family members will usually go for a gathering, usually meal either at the family home, a hall or a pre-booked restaurant.
It is usual to wear black at funerals - especially for the close family and even today some widows wear black for a year after - real old school.

(from funerals I have been to here)

VanillaVodka

Thank you so much for such a detailed reply Peter, that really helps.

I'm going to pass that on to my mum and dad so they know what to expect.

Thanks again,

wolfi

If it's a typical Christian (catholic?) funeral be prepared for a lot of "show":
Singing, speeches, more singing ...
We've been to several and always stayed in the back to refrain from giggling ...

FenTiger

I attended a funeral recently for my mother-in-law. My wife being the older sister and myself sat on the front row under a large sheltered terrace/covering. A guy read out the history of my mother-in-law's life, both personal and work related, children she had, her husband who died last year. My sister-in-law prepared the speech and as my Hungarian is too basic I was given a translation via Google Translate. There were two deaf friends and they were given a copy of the speech.
Most wore black, dark colours and some guys a white shirt.
After the speech two guys carried the urn to where it was to be buried. My wife and I followed behind, then younger sister and family, then others. After the urn was buried wreaths were placed on the burial plot/grave. As the cemetery burial plots are quite packed there wasn't much space for those attending to come up to us to say their condolences.
We had a wake at sister-in-law house.

wolfi

Tiger, that sound like civil funeral - no church involved?
We went to something similar after my wife's brother in law died.
And after that the close family went to a dinner at a restaurant.

FenTiger

Funeral was at a catholic cemetery. It was a short service, no hymns or prayers. Had exactly the same for father-in-law just less than a year ago.
The cemetery although quite crowded seems to be in a nice resting spot looking towards Miskolc Avas.