Mrs Miggins

Steve - you read them wrong! I meant that you are older and wiser and have been here much longer than most of us......I was singling you out in a good way, and because you posted just above me lol! Hence the smiley face

No offence meant
Mrs M x

triumphguy

"am I making a mistake?"

It would neither be a "mistake" to go back to the UK, or to stay here. It would be a choice.

Each choice will have consequences, financial, emotional and relational.

Which choice would be most right, or most wrong?

It's not that kind of game: It's life. Stuff happens.
My brother and wife moved to Canada, and both got great jobs, their kids were hyper succesful in school, and athletically, and one died in a car crash. If they had stayed in England my nephew would not have been on that road at that time. So did they make the right choice to come to Canada? That's a silly question. My nephew death had nothing to do with that decision. It had to do with the particular road conditions on the day.

The only control you have is over what you do, and your response to stuff that happens.

Your kids are happy here, they might be miserable if they moved back.

You are miserable here, you might be happy if you moved back.

There are consequences for staying and going.

I was deeply unhappy when I moved here with my parents
a couple of decades ago.

But what is happiness - it's not a place. It's the sum of lots of things - relationships, contentment, recreation, spirituality.

And what makes you happy might not be the right thing to do either.

Staying in Canada is a process towards becoming more Canadian: it means letting go, and that entails grief for what is lost.

But Canada has lots to offer - not just open spaces and clean air. It's people are magnificent - because they have all chosen to be here, and have created a nation, they have a sense of identity that is very different to my sense of identity as an Englishman. As a people they have sacrified themselves in war and peace on a global scale.

Get to know some of the people if you can.

Don't impose Englishness on them. They are not re-planted English people who need to be reminded how we do things in the mother country. Learn to do things their way. Some of them even make sense

Be kind to yourself. Know that this will take time and you will be happy again, either here or back over there.

Sometimes it's just making a decision that creates certainty and that empowers us to be happy again - or at least to take a stab at it.

As I said before: I was unhappy for five years.

20 years later I have a Canadian wife and 3 children over here. This is my life, it's my country and I am now proud and happy to be Canadian.

BTW do something active during the winter! In a fairly rural area in Southern Ontario a good choice might be to join the curling club. Learn a new sport, meet people and get out of the house, while making the most of winter.

hippy chick

Just a bit of an update,

It has been decided that we will return to UK in around Feb 08, I know a lot of you will say that we didn't give it long enough but to be honest, I don't think I settled from day one...

Tried a job but hated it and so only lasted 3 weeks, a long story but it wasn't for me.

So, what keeps me going now is the prospect of seeing my friends and family soon. I'm looking at getting quotes for returning a 40 ft container back 'home'....

I don't regret this move one bit, it has taken this 'experience' for us to realise what we 'ignored' about England instead of always looking at the negative points....

I'll keep you updated when anything else happens guys...

Auld Yin

Over the years I have met quite a few immigrants who just could not settle here. Their roots in the UK were just too entrenched to allow them to settle elsewhere. It's unfortunate you've suffered such depressing emotions since coming and it's probably the correct thing that you're going back. It's to be hoped, I'm sure by all posters, that you find your Shangri-La back in old blighty. You had the experience and you can now get it out of your system. I would just ask you to remember, when talking to Brits about your time here, not to unduly malign Canada, because it's a wonderful country, but it just wasn't for you.

hippy chick

I absolutely agree, Yes Canada is a great country. It just wasn't for me. And I also know that what I did was very brave. How many people have the same opportunity that we have?
Thanks for your comments...

PeterF

Know what you mean about wages etc, I'm in the same position, paid a lot less here and stuck until PR at least and the wife hasn't worked at all since being here.

We kept on the place in the UK and are renting it out, in case we didn't settle, the company didn't like me or PR is refused and quite honestly that is the biggest problem we have, its sucked our cash keeping it going as the rent received is a lot short of the mortgage.

Shame you couldn't bare it out though, I've heard stories of people who have done the same, come out, couldn't settle and quickly returned, found themselves in the same rut that got them to come over in the first place an then try to come back. A few months does hardly seem enough time to give it a go.

I've found it completely different here and do miss some things from back home, a decent pub wouldn't go amiss and I do hate these 'family restaurants'.

hippy chick

Thanks PeterF,

I notice you're in Waterloo... Where about are you?? How long have you been here? And who are you using (if anyone) for you PR application...

PeterF

We're living just of Erb St West in a Transglobe townhouse.

I came in April 2007 and the wife followed in June. We found it hard at first, its more to with the fact we are used to big cities rather than the country, we moved from London and before that we lived in Manchester, its a bit countryside here.

I'm on a TWP, they keep giving me 1 year ones though, so hoping to get PR before the next one is due, we're passed the medical stage. I applied in May this year by the way, on fast track, so it may have been worth staying for that process.

We applied via London, UK.

Where abouts did you settle then?

Mikey B

You cant possibly make a decision after 4 months! After 4 years here I love it more than I dream't I ever would and always have from day 1 but who is to say Ill stay here for the rest of my life! Lifes a roller coaster and you never know whats round the corner! Stay for at least a year if not 2 (you cant possibly make a decision before hand) - its an adventure and more importantly its and adventure most people havent got the balls to go on - U will look back when ur older and either way be happy!

Give it 110% and it will give you 110% back, give it 10% and you get 10% back! Get right amongst it!

1jemma1

hi just read your post saying you had decided to go back to the UK. I was just wondering how long you had been out in canada before you made this decision. aslo where abouts in canada was it you were living??

christmasoompa

Read her first post as it tells you the answer to both of those questions.

West-is-best

Hi

Sorry you aren't happy in Canada. At present I am living in Dubai and before that was in the UK.(Britsh born). I have just been informed by the immigration consultant about a job offer which I am waiting for the details of, but the downside is that I have to get a license and for that I need to go to college for a year on a study permit. Husband will have a TWP until I have my license.

I am a little apprehensive about moving as this has been a goal for us for a the last couple of years but living in Dubai hasn't been easy, but you do adjust.

Like other people have said, it takes time to adjust and I don't relish starting the whole process again next year if everything for Canada does come off (at long last). But it took me two years to settle here and now I am but this could never be home. It is far too hot for my liking and the kids hate it here which is one of the reasons for the time it has taken me to settle.

It is not unusual to have homesickness and reflect on your life back in the UK, but if you truly feel that the UK is where you should be then that will be the best for you and yours. Again 4 months is a really short time and like people have said get out join groups anything to make friends. It sounds to me as if it is far more difficult to make friends in Canada as it has here so I am glad for the insight into the hardships and can be prepared that a new life does take a lot of work, but for me it will be worth it.

Good luck in whatever you choose.

WIS

DandL

Hippy chick I really feel for you.
My wife and I and 15 month old daughter want to move so much, difference been we have ( on wifes side ) family already living in Ajax, Toronto.

I am in the UK fire service and cant retire for another 5 years, we are going to apply as soon as we can, but are very confused as to when is best to do this with all the changes that are happening to the Canadian rules of immigration.

My brother in law has his own business in Ajax so if push comes to shove I could work for him, although we would be applying on my wifes credentials.

You guys as a family sound sooo very similiar to us its kind of scary .

Hope you guys are ok now and any advice from you would be greatly appreciated.

D and L.

fledermaus

I feel for you too Hippy Chick.

We have been here just over 2 years and its beginning to make sense now. I came on a student permit, MOH an open work permit. We stayed with friends when we first arrived, very good friends that we have visited many times over the past 20 years.

It's been hard for us, me especially. I find Canadian ways exasperating and frustrating. I've aged physically, when I see pictures of me before we came I am shocked at how god-awful I look now.

We are happy enough now, we have a house we couldn't have afforded in the UK, its small but the location and gardens would have put it out of our price range. If it would have been easy for us to go back we probably would have. I certainly said it a few times. All in all if you can get a decent income in the UK and somewhere to live then I would say to go back. If you can't get a good enough income here to send your kids to college or university, and if that's what they want to do, they however much they like it here they may rather have that choice.

I don't think 3 months is long enough to settle, but why make yourself miserable for 2 years while you settle. Good luck to you, I hope it works out ok.

julius smith

Hi, hippychick! PM sent to you today!