woodmanbg

I read in this a very strong and capable woman who is lacking only in confidence in herself to do this on her own. It sounds as though you really dont want to leave Canada at the moment and I would try and give it a go before returning back to the UK, if only to prove to your other half that you dont need him to survive! Your kids seem very settled and as someone mentioned speak to them and see how they feel about staying or going back to the UK.

Whatever you decide to do you will succeed - you are strong and can do it.

MikeUK

I just keep it, just because

rach_woz99

Sas-lou,

My thoughts are with you. Best of luck whatever you decide, try to keep your chin up

Rachel

bandit

Hi Sas Lou

Sorry, Only just come across this now.

I really feel for you and your boys. Having read through the responses and yours on this thread, I think you are strong enough to come through this. It's so hard to keep your mind on the job when your heart is being pulled in many directions....

You've had some very good advise here, so I won't add to it, as it's all sound. Please do keep strong, and remember we on BE are all here to help.

All the best
Bx

dingbat

As soon as the husband sees a lawyer, he will find out that half of her savings are his. Savings are considered an asset of the marriage, the triggering event is when the husband leaves. If the OP takes the money as hers, he could get pissy down the road and the OP would have to pay it back. I got screwed over in almost exactly this position, and ended up having to work two jobs, while I finished school, with four kids and no child support. My pond life of an ex got half of all the bank accounts - even though it was money I brought to Canada, and he had no part in earning it. He also left me with $51k of debts, some of which I knew nothing about. I qualified for nothing in terms of welfare...because I had savings. Catch 22. Judge ruled that despite having the children, my earning potential was higher. The OP said that her husband earns $10.50 an hour. I am surprised that he was allowed to sponsor her and two children on that level of income, or am I missing something? Sorry, but I'd get back to England now, before the doo-doo hits the fan, taking your money with you.

purple80

Hi Sas,
Just read all of this thread, just wanted to add my good wishes to everyone else's. I hope it all works out for you and your boys, don't let the ####### grind you down!

Charlie x

sas-lou

Again .. thank you all for your advice ..

When he applied to sponsor me via family class .. i dont think money was mentioned and if it was then we just showed savings which at the time i think with the exchange rate was looking good. He came back to Canada for a month in 2006 and opened an account and sent cheques over when the rate was really good .. I know he has no intention of screwing me over, he could of done it before i came to Canada ( he came in May and i came in December), the savings are in his account and last night he did transfer money into mine .. like i said he is more worried about the kids settling over here for good than about me ..

Anyway we had a long chat today, i needed to draw this to a conclusion although i am already going .. There were certain things i needed to hear .. The biggest one being that he had no intention of making this marriage work when i arrived .. After a lot of tears only one thing stuck with me that makes this all a lot easier for myself, i found out the truth and it wasn't me afterall and now i can let go fully .. I can walk away saying i could do no more ..

Now on to the next challenge .. I'm a believer in fate and that things happen for a reason, although a horrible situation to find myself in, something better will come along .. I dont know in what sense but i shall wait and see ..

Again, your kind words have spurred me on and even made me laugh ..

I am eternally grateful.

celtic warrior

I am so very sorry , as everyone else is on here, and the fact that he had no intention of making it work, would be all the more painful.

However knowing this, you can walk away, with a clearer concious.
In my experience in dealing with situations like this, Women generally deal with the break down off a relationship, better than a man does, (even if he instigated proceedings.) I feel that the reason for this is that women on the whole, approach things with a more open mind than men do, therefore adapt to change quicker.

You will be no different, You have that maternal instinct to protect your young family, and to make sure that any decision you make will be the right one for all of you.

Just keep an open mind babes, and all will change for the better

You have so many people on here that will support you in whatever you choose to do, and whatever problems you have or need to talk about , your friends here at B.E will alway's be here to listen.

I wish you well.
CW

Coffeepot

Thats a shame about him i mean and not intending to give it a go
On the other hand he could have let it drag on for months or even years hun
Great attitude on your part Sas i am sure like others have said you will do well, I agree with CW woman i think have an ability to adapt especially with kids in tow, someone else ( hopefully a strong ruged mounty ) but thats another story
will come and sweep you off your feet, theres a reason you are there hun I really hope it works out for you,

Hope you get a job soon and a place that you can call home. please stay in touch and use all of us to help support you whatever you decide

One more thing can you put the money into the kids account i assume its the same as here i have a joint account with my 7 year old and thats where i put my money when i was getting divorced so he couldn't get it, just as well as he did try

sas-lou

I know i have to let him go .. but with the shock of all of it .. im just not ready ..

I sat down and told the boys of the situation this morning .. and after my eldest said "so we are moving to a smaller place and jason is going to stay with us" .. that made it worse and i had to correct him.

I want to shake him and tell him he is making a mistake .. I have never had my heart broken .. i know im not the first and i wont be the last ..

I feel now im not good enough .. reading all the messages and PM's i gain strength from that all but then i go straight back down and think im not good enough .. to make it here, to get an admin job .. OMG ..

I know i must dust myself off and get back on the horse, but i think the horse may be dead ..lol.

Oh well, nothing i can do now other than get on with it ..

Networking .. I've been working for Barclays for the last 4 years in a processing centre, i am familiar with word but just found out i failed my excel exam that i took before i came here (took a test in an agency here and got over 60% so i need to brush up on that), i have no degrees but i do have 1 GCSE in maths ..lol .. have taken computer courses in the past and studied with the open university several years ago. So i can do basic admin and data entry.

My head now hurts so im going to get under the duvet and hide for a while .. I will reply to the PM's later today and i am going to call Trish from this site later and hopefully meet up with her tomorrow for a drink ..

BristolUK

So, if necessary, keep coming here and regain strength. At least you're retaining your sense of humour and that should help.

Just a point about the admin and data entry....they can mean different things here.

'Admin' in the UK was generally the traditional paperwork stuff, filing, record keeping....clerical things and as IT came in doing much the same stuff but on computers. Administrative Assistant or Administrative Officers being typical job titles.

From Job descriptions I've seen in Canada, Administration is sometimes quite a bit different. More like project co-ordinators and managers.
Even the Admin 'Assistant' ones can be more 'secretarial' with high typing speeds needed.

Data Entry is often advertised as needing certain typing speeds too.

Back when working at the Job Centre I don't recall a single Data Entry employer advertising the need for typing speeds.

Just thought I'd mention it as if you do job searches on admin, some of the stuff coming up can be discouraging.

geedee

Sas-Lou,

Sorry to hear about your obstacles... you'll get over them in time.
I'm not sure about your cat, but I've looked at DEFRA and it says this:

Pets that come from any of these countries can also enter the UK under PETS as long as they meet the rules

Canada is on the approved list, so it looks to me like you can take your cat with you, provided you get a vet that's familiar with PETS, who can do the necessary and your cat will be in the scheme.

If I've got this wrong, I apologise for getting your hopes up... perhaps another member knows more?

DaveLovesDee

Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.

Martin Luther King Jr.