When your chips are down .. What do you do?
Jan 9th 2009 | 1:20 am
#16
Thread Starter
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 316
Re: When your chips are down .. What do you do?
Glad I made you laugh. Really, though, you want to have detailed proof of everything that counts as "family worth" at the time of separation, such as pension funds in the UK. You certainly want to make sure hubby doesn't bugger off with it all.
On the bright side, it's a nice day today.
I'd offer to come down and buy you a beer but I don'r drive either
On the bright side, it's a nice day today.
I'd offer to come down and buy you a beer but I don'r drive either
Jan 9th 2009 | 1:26 am
#17
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 407
Re: When your chips are down .. What do you do?
What a mess. It sounds as if you really don't want to go back to the UK apart from having some emotional support and I think you feel that it would be the wrong thing for your kids.
NSPaul has given you some absolutely excellent advice in there - I'd say see what you can do about your legal status in Canada. Your husband has a moral and no doubt legal obligation to your children at the very least and as this is a mess of his making, I'd start getting tough with him.
Sometimes tough love is better than coming across needy. He won't like you being all independent and aloof really he won't.
In answer to your question what do I do when the chips are down - well I fight and I fight and I fight, I fight for my rights, I fight for my kids and I fight to keep my sanity!!!
Sit down and plan, do pros and cons lists, list all the questions you have that spring to mind, get busy! Use that hurt and ache to fire you up and be as strong as you possibly can. I know it hurts and will be hurting bad but if you are seeing such an amazing difference in your children then use that too to help you come to decisions.
Ultimately nobody can tell you what to do but it sounds as if deep down you want to start the fight to stay there and if that is what you need then you do that and invest all that negative energy into turning it into something positive.
Sending you loads of keep strong vibes, if you need any one to talk to you can always pm me.
Good luck.
NSPaul has given you some absolutely excellent advice in there - I'd say see what you can do about your legal status in Canada. Your husband has a moral and no doubt legal obligation to your children at the very least and as this is a mess of his making, I'd start getting tough with him.
Sometimes tough love is better than coming across needy. He won't like you being all independent and aloof really he won't.
In answer to your question what do I do when the chips are down - well I fight and I fight and I fight, I fight for my rights, I fight for my kids and I fight to keep my sanity!!!
Sit down and plan, do pros and cons lists, list all the questions you have that spring to mind, get busy! Use that hurt and ache to fire you up and be as strong as you possibly can. I know it hurts and will be hurting bad but if you are seeing such an amazing difference in your children then use that too to help you come to decisions.
Ultimately nobody can tell you what to do but it sounds as if deep down you want to start the fight to stay there and if that is what you need then you do that and invest all that negative energy into turning it into something positive.
Sending you loads of keep strong vibes, if you need any one to talk to you can always pm me.
Good luck.
Jan 9th 2009 | 1:34 am
#19
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,092
From: Calgary
Re: When your chips are down .. What do you do?
Don't mistake the beginning for the end.
Where you are now is not where you will be.
Strange as it sounds you now have more potential and more power to make your own life than before.
Be gentle with yourself.
Peace
Where you are now is not where you will be.
Strange as it sounds you now have more potential and more power to make your own life than before.
Be gentle with yourself.
Peace
Jan 9th 2009 | 1:36 am
#20
Wanna-be Canadian
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 176
Re: When your chips are down .. What do you do?
Hi...
If I were you I'd stay in Canada.
I'd also try and stay put in the same part of Canada too, better the devil you know and there's no moving expenses.
I think you should really focus on your children's current joy of being where they are, and remember how bad Leicester was/is.
Do you have PR status - I'm hoping you have that already so you can work or maybe start your own small scale child minding home business.
...as you have a couple of your own kids, maybe you could look after a couple more at home for an hourly/weekly fee, or look for part time work. This would also give focus and be a destraction, and bring in much needed cash.
As another has said, maybe buying an old banger to give you some more independance is money well spent.
Speak with your ex about financial arrangements and also seek the advice of a good, but affordable, lawyer.
What ever you do, don't go back to the UK, knuckle down and take a small step at a time, before you know it things will be great again for you.
Good luck,
M.
If I were you I'd stay in Canada.
I'd also try and stay put in the same part of Canada too, better the devil you know and there's no moving expenses.
I think you should really focus on your children's current joy of being where they are, and remember how bad Leicester was/is.
Do you have PR status - I'm hoping you have that already so you can work or maybe start your own small scale child minding home business.
...as you have a couple of your own kids, maybe you could look after a couple more at home for an hourly/weekly fee, or look for part time work. This would also give focus and be a destraction, and bring in much needed cash.
As another has said, maybe buying an old banger to give you some more independance is money well spent.
Speak with your ex about financial arrangements and also seek the advice of a good, but affordable, lawyer.
What ever you do, don't go back to the UK, knuckle down and take a small step at a time, before you know it things will be great again for you.
Good luck,
M.
Last edited by loser40; Jan 9th 2009 at 1:39 am.
Jan 9th 2009 | 1:38 am
#21
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 635
From: Cochrane ,Alberta
Re: When your chips are down .. What do you do?
Everything has gone to crap so i'm looking at options available to me now.
I have just been to the DEFRA website, to see how i return my cat to the UK with us (if we take that option) and unfortunately because she isn't on a pet passport, she would have to go into quarantine for 6 months .. ouch .. Hubby doesn't want her as apparantly she is my cat now .. Nice ..
I basically have 2 options available now ..
STAY IN CANADA ..
I have no job yet, nowhere to live as i wouldn't be able to afford this place i'm in at the moment, but my kids are so happy here and i do have about $13K savings (hubby transferred a little money into my account last night) and keep my cat with me. The bus strike vote yesterday was not good news so i also don't have means to travel far ..
GO BACK TO THE UK ..
I have no job, nowhere to live (although i could stay with my mum for a few days but her house is so small), i wont have my cat, my kids will have to go back to a Leicester school, so my eldest's confidence can go back down the toilet .. but i will have support ..
Hubby is moving out tonight for a week so i can try and get things sorted. i am so low that i'm starting to have silly thoughts (you get the idea, wont say it as i don't want to get upset again) .. i have been in tears all morning although hid it very well from the children.
Hubby doesn't want me now and i feel so ashamed as i physically went for him last night .. he knows how low i feel and i am trying everything in my power to make our marriage work but he is just rubbing salt in the wound. Im crying out to feel loved but get no affection in return other than a kiss on the forehead or a kiss on the lips whilst he is looking away, maybe that makes him feel better, knowing i ended it so he can feel less guilt .. I want him to feel guilt .. I came here for something better, now i'm told i emotionally blackmailed him, bull, he could of told me it was over whilst i was in the UK ..
Anyway .. i don't have a clue what to do .. other than cry some more and smoke .. lol ..
I have been talking back and forth with some people on this site about my marriage problems .. and had some very good advice given .. Some days i am strong and i say "yes i can make this work in Canada alone" other days i am so confused .. I can accept my marriage is over (i deserve better anyway and i will divorce him on the grounds of adultry) .. Its the "What should i do next" that scares the hell out of me ..
Any advice?????? Does anyone have a crystal ball???
I have just been to the DEFRA website, to see how i return my cat to the UK with us (if we take that option) and unfortunately because she isn't on a pet passport, she would have to go into quarantine for 6 months .. ouch .. Hubby doesn't want her as apparantly she is my cat now .. Nice ..
I basically have 2 options available now ..
STAY IN CANADA ..
I have no job yet, nowhere to live as i wouldn't be able to afford this place i'm in at the moment, but my kids are so happy here and i do have about $13K savings (hubby transferred a little money into my account last night) and keep my cat with me. The bus strike vote yesterday was not good news so i also don't have means to travel far ..
GO BACK TO THE UK ..
I have no job, nowhere to live (although i could stay with my mum for a few days but her house is so small), i wont have my cat, my kids will have to go back to a Leicester school, so my eldest's confidence can go back down the toilet .. but i will have support ..
Hubby is moving out tonight for a week so i can try and get things sorted. i am so low that i'm starting to have silly thoughts (you get the idea, wont say it as i don't want to get upset again) .. i have been in tears all morning although hid it very well from the children.
Hubby doesn't want me now and i feel so ashamed as i physically went for him last night .. he knows how low i feel and i am trying everything in my power to make our marriage work but he is just rubbing salt in the wound. Im crying out to feel loved but get no affection in return other than a kiss on the forehead or a kiss on the lips whilst he is looking away, maybe that makes him feel better, knowing i ended it so he can feel less guilt .. I want him to feel guilt .. I came here for something better, now i'm told i emotionally blackmailed him, bull, he could of told me it was over whilst i was in the UK ..
Anyway .. i don't have a clue what to do .. other than cry some more and smoke .. lol ..
I have been talking back and forth with some people on this site about my marriage problems .. and had some very good advice given .. Some days i am strong and i say "yes i can make this work in Canada alone" other days i am so confused .. I can accept my marriage is over (i deserve better anyway and i will divorce him on the grounds of adultry) .. Its the "What should i do next" that scares the hell out of me ..
Any advice?????? Does anyone have a crystal ball???
sorry to hear that things arent working out for you, just now.Please bear in mind that you are still young with a lot of good years ahead and more importantly you have two great kids at your side .
Keep on the path and follow your dreams ,i am sure you can make it in Canada,with what you have been going through ,make it anywere.
Best of Luck.
PS you are better off without the ar**wipe
Arty & Co
Jan 9th 2009 | 1:46 am
#22
Thread Starter
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 316
Re: When your chips are down .. What do you do?
I really feel for you and I wish I could help more than by just providing the feable little bit of advice I am about to offer...
If you dont already have one I would say you need a lawyer. It sounds like you have really been left in the lurch and you really need to know what you ought to be entitled to in terms of financial support etc from your husband.
Due to him sponsoring me and the kids via family class, i do know he has to financially support me for a few years and the children 10 years, he has already offered this. He only earns $10.50 hr and has told me that if we seperate, then he is financially screwed as he has to keep this house until September as one year lease or find someone who can rent it out from him but has to follow Minto's rules. It is not in his best interest for me to stay here so i find it surprising that he wants me to remain in this country. although he said recently that if we split and he realises he has made a mistake then he will come and find me .. I am not something he can pick up and put down when he chooses.
I would definitely advocate not returning to the UK if you can possibly help it. Apart from having family support closer by I'm not sure it would fix much else. I presume part of the reason you moved here is for your kids and if you can make it work so you can stay and have them grow up here instead of Leicester I'm sure you will look back on that decision and know you made the right choice. Plus the economy in the UK is completely in the dumps and I certainly wouldnt want to be looking for a job there right now. Plus you'll end up spending a load of money moving back which will leave less to get your life sorted out instead.
I don't really want to go back to England but it is nice that i have that option should everything go pear shaped. The boys have so many more opportunities here so i would try here first and see how it goes.
I cant remember all your circumstances - do you have PR? Assume you are entitled to work but just need the job? Do you have a house in the UK?
yes i do have PR, i can work just got to find something, i would be willing to work in Wal-mart (just had a look at their website) as it isn't to far of a walk away and anyway a job is a job, as long as i can feed my boys and keep a roof over their heads, then thats all that matters. No, i do not have a house in England.
Are you able to get yourself a cheap car so that you dont feel so trapped? Also, if you are struggling to find a job in Ottawa, is moving to a different part of Canada an option? Do you have any specific ties to Ottawa? I know this is more upheaval but much cheaper than going back to the UK and still avoids having to put kid back in British schools.
I don't drive, took my test in UK and failed. I have looked into getting a drivers license here though.No ties to Ottawa, this was the only place that i researched as i was here in 2002 when i first met hubby. Someone on this site very nicely offered me their house in Calgary rent free until i got on my feet .. Better the devil you know ..
I know this is going to sound dumb but the old advice about looking forward not backwards really does apply here. To put it simply you really do have your whole life ahead of you. Okay so there is a lot of emotional baggage and upset and sour memories but those things are in the past not the future. You have $13k in savings - not much but its more than you started out with and you can live wherever you want and, with the right plan, be whatever you want to be. Once you put the past behind you then you will see that you are free and have everything going for you.
I left a message on facebook last night saying when will this bad dream end .. so my mum contacted me online this morning. I rang her back and told her what was going on, i don't usually do that as i don't want her worrying and like i said to her, i think because he feels so much guilt and thinks he's going through a mid-life crisis .. he keeps on flip flopping .. before he left for work this morning, he told me that 2 people should make a marriage work and 2 people should end it and he hasn't made up his mind yet so i should hang in there .. I can't wait for him to make a decision at the cost of me spiralling further into a depression, either he wants me or not. His head say's no, his heart yes .. I am trying to make it work, but it is costing me more emotionally than him. he can do without the intimacy (which he usually can't) and i can not.
One of the troubles with life is that as you get older you tend to get less optimistic. Its easy to look at your current circumstances and feel negative about them because at some point during your life you may have had more or felt things were better. Whereas when you're young the current situation is usually better than is has been and you are much more inclined to be looking forward, generally not even thinking about the past. Looking back is a bit of a curse in a way. If you were 20 again and someone deposited you in Canada with $13k savings how would you feel? You definitely wouldnt feel it was a disaster. You would probably be extremely excitied about the future. I'm not forgetting you have kids but thats okay, they are part of your support network too. So my advice is really this: just try pretending you are 20 again!
If you dont already have one I would say you need a lawyer. It sounds like you have really been left in the lurch and you really need to know what you ought to be entitled to in terms of financial support etc from your husband.
Due to him sponsoring me and the kids via family class, i do know he has to financially support me for a few years and the children 10 years, he has already offered this. He only earns $10.50 hr and has told me that if we seperate, then he is financially screwed as he has to keep this house until September as one year lease or find someone who can rent it out from him but has to follow Minto's rules. It is not in his best interest for me to stay here so i find it surprising that he wants me to remain in this country. although he said recently that if we split and he realises he has made a mistake then he will come and find me .. I am not something he can pick up and put down when he chooses.
I would definitely advocate not returning to the UK if you can possibly help it. Apart from having family support closer by I'm not sure it would fix much else. I presume part of the reason you moved here is for your kids and if you can make it work so you can stay and have them grow up here instead of Leicester I'm sure you will look back on that decision and know you made the right choice. Plus the economy in the UK is completely in the dumps and I certainly wouldnt want to be looking for a job there right now. Plus you'll end up spending a load of money moving back which will leave less to get your life sorted out instead.
I don't really want to go back to England but it is nice that i have that option should everything go pear shaped. The boys have so many more opportunities here so i would try here first and see how it goes.
I cant remember all your circumstances - do you have PR? Assume you are entitled to work but just need the job? Do you have a house in the UK?
yes i do have PR, i can work just got to find something, i would be willing to work in Wal-mart (just had a look at their website) as it isn't to far of a walk away and anyway a job is a job, as long as i can feed my boys and keep a roof over their heads, then thats all that matters. No, i do not have a house in England.
Are you able to get yourself a cheap car so that you dont feel so trapped? Also, if you are struggling to find a job in Ottawa, is moving to a different part of Canada an option? Do you have any specific ties to Ottawa? I know this is more upheaval but much cheaper than going back to the UK and still avoids having to put kid back in British schools.
I don't drive, took my test in UK and failed. I have looked into getting a drivers license here though.No ties to Ottawa, this was the only place that i researched as i was here in 2002 when i first met hubby. Someone on this site very nicely offered me their house in Calgary rent free until i got on my feet .. Better the devil you know ..
I know this is going to sound dumb but the old advice about looking forward not backwards really does apply here. To put it simply you really do have your whole life ahead of you. Okay so there is a lot of emotional baggage and upset and sour memories but those things are in the past not the future. You have $13k in savings - not much but its more than you started out with and you can live wherever you want and, with the right plan, be whatever you want to be. Once you put the past behind you then you will see that you are free and have everything going for you.
I left a message on facebook last night saying when will this bad dream end .. so my mum contacted me online this morning. I rang her back and told her what was going on, i don't usually do that as i don't want her worrying and like i said to her, i think because he feels so much guilt and thinks he's going through a mid-life crisis .. he keeps on flip flopping .. before he left for work this morning, he told me that 2 people should make a marriage work and 2 people should end it and he hasn't made up his mind yet so i should hang in there .. I can't wait for him to make a decision at the cost of me spiralling further into a depression, either he wants me or not. His head say's no, his heart yes .. I am trying to make it work, but it is costing me more emotionally than him. he can do without the intimacy (which he usually can't) and i can not.
One of the troubles with life is that as you get older you tend to get less optimistic. Its easy to look at your current circumstances and feel negative about them because at some point during your life you may have had more or felt things were better. Whereas when you're young the current situation is usually better than is has been and you are much more inclined to be looking forward, generally not even thinking about the past. Looking back is a bit of a curse in a way. If you were 20 again and someone deposited you in Canada with $13k savings how would you feel? You definitely wouldnt feel it was a disaster. You would probably be extremely excitied about the future. I'm not forgetting you have kids but thats okay, they are part of your support network too. So my advice is really this: just try pretending you are 20 again!
Thank you so much for your advice, it is much appriciated.
Jan 9th 2009 | 2:08 am
#23
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 468
Re: When your chips are down .. What do you do?
I'm terribly sorry to read about your situation.
I think you're right, since you are already in Canada it could be the best place to try and rebuild your life. Once you've found yourself a job, even part time or temporary, it will help things out. The bus strike isn't helping but try finding work locally for now.
I think you're right, since you are already in Canada it could be the best place to try and rebuild your life. Once you've found yourself a job, even part time or temporary, it will help things out. The bus strike isn't helping but try finding work locally for now.
Jan 9th 2009 | 2:18 am
#24
Account Closed
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 26,319
Re: When your chips are down .. What do you do?
Two people don't end a marriage, only one does by being unfaithful, unreasonable or by being stupid.
A job will come along, a lot of people find work in Canada through networking, so find a local group you can join to make friends and contacts. The bus strike will end soon then you'll have less transport worries.
I agree with those who say stay, though the choice is yours. As for the ex being screwed if you stay, isn't that what got the the tosser in this situation in the first place. If you leave Canada he doesn't have to support you, whereas here he has to face up to his legal responsibilities.
Your priorities are yourself first, because if you're not happy then you can't bring the kids happiness. A lawyer will help you get what you deserve, and once things star going right for you I think you'll start to feel much better.
There have been others here in a similar situation who have felt the same way. If you need to vent, do so, as it'll help you a lot.
A job will come along, a lot of people find work in Canada through networking, so find a local group you can join to make friends and contacts. The bus strike will end soon then you'll have less transport worries.
I agree with those who say stay, though the choice is yours. As for the ex being screwed if you stay, isn't that what got the the tosser in this situation in the first place. If you leave Canada he doesn't have to support you, whereas here he has to face up to his legal responsibilities.
Your priorities are yourself first, because if you're not happy then you can't bring the kids happiness. A lawyer will help you get what you deserve, and once things star going right for you I think you'll start to feel much better.
There have been others here in a similar situation who have felt the same way. If you need to vent, do so, as it'll help you a lot.
Jan 9th 2009 | 2:20 am
#25
Oscar nominated
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 55,309
From: Moncton, NB, CANADA
Re: When your chips are down .. What do you do?
You do have a bit of time to play with and a bit of cash. Just keep aside some to go back with if it comes to that.
Jan 9th 2009 | 2:24 am
#26
Thread Starter
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 316
Re: When your chips are down .. What do you do?
I'm terribly sorry to read about your situation.
I think you're right, since you are already in Canada it could be the best place to try and rebuild your life. Once you've found yourself a job, even part time or temporary, it will help things out. The bus strike isn't helping but try finding work locally for now.
I think you're right, since you are already in Canada it could be the best place to try and rebuild your life. Once you've found yourself a job, even part time or temporary, it will help things out. The bus strike isn't helping but try finding work locally for now.
I have just been on the phone with OCISO, they are an organisation that help new immigrants in Ottawa ..the lady told me that with my savings i should be fine to be out of work for 4 months, she has given me a phone number to call a housing organisation who help people find affordable accomodation and has offered to email me with some info about jobs openings with my experience. That was very kind of her .. so i am feeling a little more optimistic now ..
Jan 9th 2009 | 2:32 am
#27
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 468
Re: When your chips are down .. What do you do?
And that is part of my problem .. i am such an active person, not working and being stuck in the house (par walking to bayshore/linclonfields/carlingwood mall), its driving me crazy .. and now the drivers have said no in the vote yesterday .. Just sack them all, its rediculous .. the buses are an essential service .. but the good thing is having 3 malls within an hours walking distance should up my chances of finding something/anything.
I have just been on the phone with OCISO, they are an organisation that help new immigrants in Ottawa ..the lady told me that with my savings i should be fine to be out of work for 4 months, she has given me a phone number to call a housing organisation who help people find affordable accomodation and has offered to email me with some info about jobs openings with my experience. That was very kind of her .. so i am feeling a little more optimistic now ..
I have just been on the phone with OCISO, they are an organisation that help new immigrants in Ottawa ..the lady told me that with my savings i should be fine to be out of work for 4 months, she has given me a phone number to call a housing organisation who help people find affordable accomodation and has offered to email me with some info about jobs openings with my experience. That was very kind of her .. so i am feeling a little more optimistic now ..
Regarding the bus strike, they will have to start finding replacement drivers soon and there's a chance that the 25% that voted yes may be able to resume work soon. So this transport problem won't be for too long.
Just stay positive. You're doing great so far!
Jan 9th 2009 | 2:38 am
#28
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 10,630
From: Red Deer, Alberta
Re: When your chips are down .. What do you do?
Oh Sas! What a nightmare have a HUG {{{{o}}}}. I can't offer you any advice. What right does your husband have to say that you should remain in Canada - so he can see his kids regularly I assume:curse: Anyhow, if you want to make it work here you can. Your a woman. Your strong. You have been given some great advice by the other posters and as Triumph Guy has said, it's not the end it's a beginning. It may feel as though the world is ending and the next little while may be tough but you do have some money behind you and it sounds as though you have found a nice supportive lady with OCISO.
So you feel safer I would make sure you had enough money in an account for flights for you and your boys to get back to the UK. This is something I did when we first got here, I made sure I had enough money to at least get back to the UK if necessary (spent most of it now I feel secure
). It sounds to me as though you want to stay in Ottowa and if you want to make it work you can, I know you probably feel like hiding under th covers and not comming out until it's all gone away but one thing you have got to try to stop is your husbands emotional black mail. This is now your decision not his. Bless your heart, I really feel for you.
So you feel safer I would make sure you had enough money in an account for flights for you and your boys to get back to the UK. This is something I did when we first got here, I made sure I had enough money to at least get back to the UK if necessary (spent most of it now I feel secure
). It sounds to me as though you want to stay in Ottowa and if you want to make it work you can, I know you probably feel like hiding under th covers and not comming out until it's all gone away but one thing you have got to try to stop is your husbands emotional black mail. This is now your decision not his. Bless your heart, I really feel for you.
Jan 9th 2009 | 2:48 am
#29
Banned
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,106
From: Beautiful BC
Re: When your chips are down .. What do you do?
Oh my gosh, what an awful situation. Haven't read all the replies but I'm betting others have been in a similar situation. All I can say is.... do NOT make any decisions about anything right now when it is all so emotional. Personally, reading what you have said about your kids, I would be leaning towards staying here, but only you can decide. Just don't make up your mind yet. Hang on for as long as you can. Right now, take care of you and the kids. One day at a time. Good luck.
Jan 9th 2009 | 3:01 am
#30
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 1,830
From: UK
Re: When your chips are down .. What do you do?
Everything has gone to crap so i'm looking at options available to me now.
I have just been to the DEFRA website, to see how i return my cat to the UK with us (if we take that option) and unfortunately because she isn't on a pet passport, she would have to go into quarantine for 6 months .. ouch .. Hubby doesn't want her as apparantly she is my cat now .. Nice ..
I basically have 2 options available now ..
STAY IN CANADA ..
I have no job yet, nowhere to live as i wouldn't be able to afford this place i'm in at the moment, but my kids are so happy here and i do have about $13K savings (hubby transferred a little money into my account last night) and keep my cat with me. The bus strike vote yesterday was not good news so i also don't have means to travel far ..
GO BACK TO THE UK ..
I have no job, nowhere to live (although i could stay with my mum for a few days but her house is so small), i wont have my cat, my kids will have to go back to a Leicester school, so my eldest's confidence can go back down the toilet .. but i will have support ..
Hubby is moving out tonight for a week so i can try and get things sorted. i am so low that i'm starting to have silly thoughts (you get the idea, wont say it as i don't want to get upset again) .. i have been in tears all morning although hid it very well from the children.
Hubby doesn't want me now and i feel so ashamed as i physically went for him last night .. he knows how low i feel and i am trying everything in my power to make our marriage work but he is just rubbing salt in the wound. Im crying out to feel loved but get no affection in return other than a kiss on the forehead or a kiss on the lips whilst he is looking away, maybe that makes him feel better, knowing i ended it so he can feel less guilt .. I want him to feel guilt .. I came here for something better, now i'm told i emotionally blackmailed him, bull, he could of told me it was over whilst i was in the UK ..
Anyway .. i don't have a clue what to do .. other than cry some more and smoke .. lol ..
I have been talking back and forth with some people on this site about my marriage problems .. and had some very good advice given .. Some days i am strong and i say "yes i can make this work in Canada alone" other days i am so confused .. I can accept my marriage is over (i deserve better anyway and i will divorce him on the grounds of adultry) .. Its the "What should i do next" that scares the hell out of me ..
Any advice?????? Does anyone have a crystal ball???
I have just been to the DEFRA website, to see how i return my cat to the UK with us (if we take that option) and unfortunately because she isn't on a pet passport, she would have to go into quarantine for 6 months .. ouch .. Hubby doesn't want her as apparantly she is my cat now .. Nice ..
I basically have 2 options available now ..
STAY IN CANADA ..
I have no job yet, nowhere to live as i wouldn't be able to afford this place i'm in at the moment, but my kids are so happy here and i do have about $13K savings (hubby transferred a little money into my account last night) and keep my cat with me. The bus strike vote yesterday was not good news so i also don't have means to travel far ..
GO BACK TO THE UK ..
I have no job, nowhere to live (although i could stay with my mum for a few days but her house is so small), i wont have my cat, my kids will have to go back to a Leicester school, so my eldest's confidence can go back down the toilet .. but i will have support ..
Hubby is moving out tonight for a week so i can try and get things sorted. i am so low that i'm starting to have silly thoughts (you get the idea, wont say it as i don't want to get upset again) .. i have been in tears all morning although hid it very well from the children.
Hubby doesn't want me now and i feel so ashamed as i physically went for him last night .. he knows how low i feel and i am trying everything in my power to make our marriage work but he is just rubbing salt in the wound. Im crying out to feel loved but get no affection in return other than a kiss on the forehead or a kiss on the lips whilst he is looking away, maybe that makes him feel better, knowing i ended it so he can feel less guilt .. I want him to feel guilt .. I came here for something better, now i'm told i emotionally blackmailed him, bull, he could of told me it was over whilst i was in the UK ..
Anyway .. i don't have a clue what to do .. other than cry some more and smoke .. lol ..
I have been talking back and forth with some people on this site about my marriage problems .. and had some very good advice given .. Some days i am strong and i say "yes i can make this work in Canada alone" other days i am so confused .. I can accept my marriage is over (i deserve better anyway and i will divorce him on the grounds of adultry) .. Its the "What should i do next" that scares the hell out of me ..
Any advice?????? Does anyone have a crystal ball???
I really don't know what the best thing would be. Follow your heart I guess. I would try and stay in Canada, if you go back you may feel like your husband has won and that he has ruined things for you in Canada. I would give it a go, just seeing how happy your kids are will hopefully lift your spirits.
Sorry I couldn't be of more help, it's easy for me to sit here and write things like that as I am not going through what you are.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
(HUGS)
