That's a real toughie and everyone will have a different opinion and experience. All I can say is I have lived with such guilt over my kids growing up without close family, and yet when I asked them about it they laughed at me and said it was no big deal. But maybe they couldn't miss what they never had (or were too young to remember), so I still feel like I deprived them.

Sorry I'm no help. I don't think there's an easy answer.

For what it's worth I agree with your husband. Do stop pretending that you're thinking of your future children's welfare. They will be perfectly happy either way. It's you who can't let go. No wish to be unkind, but think it through.

Hi

Children won't know or fully appreciate the place they live in during their formative years in all honesty - as long as the person or persons caring for them are loving and happy. What you view as a not-so-great country will not matter one iota to a little one. But growing up in what you view as a great country, with just you two, will also not register with them in a deep way. We come back to whether you are happy ....

I had one grandparent who lived in N Ireland and I saw him every couple of years. He died when I was mid-teens. We weren't really close. But I felt for my dad when he died.

My children have two grandparents - who love them to bits, and are missing them terribly. My girls honestly only miss them when they are in one of those tired, tearful moods ! I do feel bad about removing them from my husband's large extended and close family - but my girls are happy here, as long as we are happy.

Have I answered your question? Not at all

Your child-to-be would hopefully grow up happy in almost any country and environment you offer them - so long as you are a content and peaceful soul in said place !

Best wishes.

How would a Chinese infant adopted in to a white family in a foreign country know ANYTHING about his/her culture and grandparents. There must be a ton of people out there walking around resenting their parents for depriving them of their birth culture, grand parents, extended family.

I should be resenting my mother for not growing up with my biological father, never knowing my paternal grandparents. My older brother (on my father's side) should as well. Never knowing me or our baby brother (different mothers to all three, the last grew up with both parents but no grandmothers).

Mek, you and I have PMd about this. You are not going through homesickness. You are suffering from a serious bout of depression and self-pity. You can go the long road and try to snap out of it yourself or you can go seek help. This depression was triggered by your miscarriage. It's similar to post-partum depression and can last for a year or even longer. (Have friend, married, one son who is about 12 now. His wife has probably had post partum ever since the birth.) It is not fair on you nor your husband to go through this. Please call and book appointment for therapy. I've been where you are, several times.

Sorry for being harsh in public.

Massive big HUGS to you. But please get help. You need to talk to someone and get all of it out in the open and possibly even anti-depressants for a while. You WILL be fine and THAT is when you can make an educated decision on wether Canada is right for you or not. Right now you are "off your head" as your husband is saying, and any decision to move back to SCotland under these circumstances would not be made with a clear head.

HUGS

Ps. You are entitled to feel the way you do. I'm not denying you that. But please do not deny yourself to get some help. For your own sake, first and foremost, and then for the sake of your husband. Your relationship will suffer in the long run if you don't.

Dito !!!

Ditto
and also what yyzlover as said, also speak to your OH on this.

We are lucky that our family are not close, my mum lives 5 mins away and his parents 20mins away, yeah they will miss us dragging them to there house etc etc but the few weeks that they will spend with the kids each year will be quality time (if they come)

Asked my eldest who is 9yrs old, she has said that the better life and the adventure that is in front of us of meeting new people and having a good life.
she will miss her friends but knows that she can keep in contact with them.

My now 3yr old would be happy aslong as mum and dad was happy.
Everyone is different, but good luck with yur choice

Big {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}} sent your way

Gill

I'm busy accumulating pretend grandparents for the Baby L2S's when they come along - but I'm being quite fussy so only found one grandma so far......I've got some time yet.

I've found an auntie and uncle (my Ozzie friends who are orphans here too) and hopefully they'll have pretend cousins for the Baby L2S's one day too.



We've all made or are making the "break" which for some people is braver than others. But it will only be 2 generations...maybe 3 before your family is Canadian and is in Canada with you. And if things stay the same, you've made the best decision for your children, grandchildren, great-children......

Why do you think moving to Canada implies that one's children will live in Canada? Such children are eligible for European passports, if they did well in school they'll also have easy access to the US, they may very well move on. In any case, as immigrants to Canada age they'll likely so what older Canadians do; move out of the country. I think it a very dodgy proposition that someone moving to Canada can reasonably expect he or she and his or her grandchildren will live at the same time in Canada.

Sorry - I should have added, if they stay in Canada. All I was meaning, was that if everyone shared the idea that you can't leave because of family then no-one would move anywhere.

But at somepoint some of our ancestors made a move to some extent, and I'm not talking about looking out for flight offers on BA. If not, we'd all be one big happy family still in where ever we came from. (I got Mr L2S a geneology test last Christmas from the National Geographic project https://www3.nationalgeographic.com/...rticipate.html)

For some reason this has lead me into thinking of Brunel and all those other engineers. Where would the UK be without those (ecentric??) pioneers who built the UK's railways and bridges........we'd probably resemble the majority of this country where there is no real viable long distance transit infrastructure (and I'm haven't got the energy today to debate this).

We have become surrogate Uncle and Auntie for a Welsh family here in Fredericton. My daughters have become their babysitting cousins.

Personally I love it and enjoy being Uncle D. We brought them christmas presents.

We now have an extended family group of people who are all from somewhere else. Three families with a two more newcomers, it helps create the stability and network of friends and pseudo relatives you can call on in times of trouble.

I don't expect my two daughters to stay in Canada (especially as they both have UK boyfriends). My OH wishes they would stay around and they may as they settle more. But one of the reasons was to give them the opportunity to be able to live and work in North America and Europe without having too much fuss.

this has recently come up with us, as you would expect at this time of year. my wife misses her mum, until she actually speaks to her. i then get reminded of what i already know. anyway, the point being though grandparents are missing daughter, daughter is not missing grandparents. the very idea of this is causing much consternation, but, she loves it here and everything she is doing, this is typically lost on them, the only thought being for themselves.

you should want your child to have opportunity and challenges in their lives. if my daughter stays here i will be most disappointed. she will not develop character and grow in redneck alberta, temporarily this is fine as a safe environment and relatively good education, subjective i appreciate. look at it this way, all your family could be wiped out in a tragic accident tomorrow and then you will look back at this opportunity as something lost. many kids grow with little or no family support, read a book called 'Ugly', by Britain's first black female barrister for an excellent example of this.

besides, i plan to retire to bermuda, i may let the current missus join me, but daughter is on her todd to make her way in the world, just like i was.