Alan2005

Your fathers sounds like a right git. I mean investing all that time and money in your upbringing and then having the audacity to expect the occasional visit. Cheeky bastard.

dinger24

No he is often visited!
I usually take two holidays a year, these are used to visit family. What I find difficult is that I am expected to use my holiday time to visit them they on the otherhand would never consider visiting us!

Oink

The same principle applied, my mum was upset when I gave her flowers from a roadside memorial for Mothers Day, if she'd fetched me up right I'd never done such a thing. So its her fault.
So if your parents had provided the right support and guidance for you to have a successful life in the UK, you'd never consider moving.

dollface

The Scots are bloody miserable gets

Strawberry

Oooooh mine did that, but I'd still like to try living across the pond??!

TheBestUsername

I find it ironic that you're wondering "what to do about" what other people have refered to as "selfish parents", when you apparently expect your father (who apparently has a moderate fear or disdain of flying) to pay to come over and see you, when it is you who have decided to travel to Calgary, to prove that he really cares enough to do so.

As for him claiming that he may well be dead before he gets the chance to see you, he's probably just being realistic. If you're living so far apart, there's not really going to be much of an opportunity for you to get together. So, he's going to the extremes, a little bit, to prove his point. His point, which is practically true.

Also, your parents going on holiday for Christmas is obviously much different to you emigrating to Calgary. Is it just me, or is there a huge difference there?

Your parents pretending to be happy for you when they're not would be false, would not benefit your relationship and would be bad news for their mental health. But, you want them to go through this, so they don't put you on a "guilt trip"? Poor you.

I realise that me commenting in such a manner on somebody else's private life may appear vulgar. But, you put it out there to be discussed and I couldn't help but share my true opinion on the matter. I don't dislike you, because I don't know you, but this thread just disturbed me. Now, I'm sure you have your reasons for emigrating, and I respect that. But, if there's any selfishness going on, just please don't pretend that it isn't coming from your "camp".

sparkling_gal

Hi Emma - It sounds like your situation is very similar and your parents are around the same age. Skype and webcam is a good idea - I will set it up for them before we go. They are definitely capable of travelling but my mum doesn't want to come in winter - too cold

Hi el_richo - What you say about them being used to folk living in close proximity to where they are born is so true. That is what they are used to - folk round here just don't move away.

I hear what you're saying about the possibility of my own kids moving away. I want to encourage them to travel.

My DD would like to go to Australia for a while when she finishes college and DS is considering London. But I know that if they stay here, they're less likely to do those things. But as you say - it will still be hard if they decide to have kids in another country.

Hi Nats - That is brilliant that they like where you're living and realise that you made a good choice for your kids. I bet it makes life much easier.

Hi Jingle - Very true. You're not a whole heap closer to mum's age though - she was only 19 when I was born

My dad has been for lots of check-ups etc and is doing what the nurse says. Trouble is, I don't think he's been honest with her about the amount he drinks, so he hasn't stopped doing that. He has given up cheese and butter - but not cut down on drink, which is kind of crazy.

It must have been tough leaving your son - but at least you know he's happy and settled. And it's wonderful that you got your MIL on her first plane ride at 86 - what a great adventure for her.

Hi Snoopster - That must make it worse when they get upset on Skype after you've gone. But as you say, if you're mum was missing you too much, she could trade on of her European hols to fly out.

I see where you're coming from re. the mortality awareness thing. I guess everyone goes through it. Hopefully he will get over it in a few months.

Hi Dinger - How selfish of your FIL to expect you to give up all your holiday time, yet he won't give up any of his.

Hi Oink - that is very true. You're joking about the flowers right?

Hi Muskoka - That must have been awful. I can't see them going on a reccie with us. They wouldn't even come here for a meal to meet the inlaws when I got engaged, which was really embarrassing. My dad doesn't like going to folks houses for meals - yet he has no trouble going to my brothers house for meals with his in-laws.

Hi TheBestUserName - You're welcome to say what you want - it makes forums interesting.

My dad doesn't have a fear of flying - he's just selfish and my mother has to go along with what he wants all the time. He's been to a lot of cool places that I've not had the opportunity to visit.

They have a villa in Spain, so they go there a lot, not just Christmas. I was just pointing out that they say they're going to miss us - but obviously not enough so they could stay at home and see us next Christmas when we come back to visit. I don't mind them doing that - it's their choice, so why should they mind me living in another country?

I understand where you're coming from re selfishness though. Choosing to do what is best for me and the kids, is obviously going to impact others and putting ourselves first is selfish in some respects. But we only have one life and I'm betting that if we lived the life our parents want for us - we'd wind up having a lot of regrets.

Falcore

I don't consider it to be selfish to want the best out of your own life!

My FIL is already 3 years over the 5 years he was given to live and he has to be the one that is the most suportive of our plans to move out to Canada. He knows how short life is and that you have to get out there and live it. I just pray he lives long enough to see us get there.

Fingers crossed you can reach some sort of a compromise with your dad

el_richo

Exactly. I do find many posters in these threads don't see the hypocrisy in what they write.

Cdnshaz

I have lived thru this same thing, only opposite direction, I moved to UK to be with my husband. At first my dad said it will never work!! Didn't speak to me for 4 months...yes broke my heart, but once he met my husband he was ok, he was also old fashioned and said a wife belongs with her husband regardless of where they live. My dad was 83 when I left Canada, I also knew there might be a good chance he wouldnt be there when I returned in 2010, I lost my dad in Oct 2007....he died 6 hrs before I landed...We had spent some wonderful time together weeks before his passing, and I did fly home every time they needed me. Do I feel guilty I wasn't there when he passed, bloody right I do..but I can't change time..I know my dad excepted the idea I was living in another country.
My son was also in Canada, so wasn't just my dad that got left behind, my adult son is also there.
We do what we do to make our life better, no one has the right to tell us what we do is wrong, we have to live and learn. If your parents are truley laying on guilt trips they are being selfish, they raised you to make your own decisions, now when you do they guilt you...
My dad never came to UK, but I went home minimum twice a year, more if I could swing it.
They will get used to the idea, give them a chance to adjust.