What about a Homesickness Help Thread
Apr 13th 2008 | 11:02 am
#31
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Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 89
Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
Thats why the man called susan thread is so long - girlies talking rubbish - but supporting each other and having a laugh.
I know it takes a long time to make new friends and to get to a stage that you feel comfortable with. I think what a lot of us forget is that friends back in England are ones we've had for years - grown up with in some cases and to have to start that all over again is a very daunting task.
I think those who are moving over with young teenagers should actually listen to their concerns - they are the same as ours however they just have a better way of putting it, ie - straight out.
As adults we can amuse ourselves with housework, jobs arranging all relevant paperwork and the list goes on. For a teenager they don't have that to do so their whole lives are their friends - thats why it must be so hard for them.
Sorry just ranting but imagine how you would feel if your whole life had been pulled out from under you?
I know it takes a long time to make new friends and to get to a stage that you feel comfortable with. I think what a lot of us forget is that friends back in England are ones we've had for years - grown up with in some cases and to have to start that all over again is a very daunting task.
I think those who are moving over with young teenagers should actually listen to their concerns - they are the same as ours however they just have a better way of putting it, ie - straight out.
As adults we can amuse ourselves with housework, jobs arranging all relevant paperwork and the list goes on. For a teenager they don't have that to do so their whole lives are their friends - thats why it must be so hard for them.
Sorry just ranting but imagine how you would feel if your whole life had been pulled out from under you?
Hi
I haven't made the big step yet, but it's all in hand.
The only thing I think I will really miss is the people, family, and in particular some of my long standing friends who have been sworn on pain of death to visit! Yeah, would be good to have other people who've been through the big upheaval to have a laugh with, and occasionally give me a 'verbal slap'. Maybe it's a girl thing?
Sas xx
Apr 13th 2008 | 11:24 am
#32
Fluffy Dippindoodle
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 908
From: Newfoundland at last!
Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
Definitely a good idea. So far, have been not too bad with the homesickness - a few bouts of crying, but i haven't had to use my emergency flight which was standing by!
But, I know when OH is away working, and I'm on my own, it would be great to have a homesickness thread to go on to and speak to people - just even to speak crap, not necessarily about the moving/missing family things - for example - is Gordon Ramsay sexy? (yup!), why does my dog always chase squirrels when they just run up trees and laugh at him? does anyone know what's happening on the apprentice? (the only program i have missed in my 4 months in canada!?) why are men sometimes such a**e's? and so on......
just the girlie stuff you miss from the friends at home.
But, I know when OH is away working, and I'm on my own, it would be great to have a homesickness thread to go on to and speak to people - just even to speak crap, not necessarily about the moving/missing family things - for example - is Gordon Ramsay sexy? (yup!), why does my dog always chase squirrels when they just run up trees and laugh at him? does anyone know what's happening on the apprentice? (the only program i have missed in my 4 months in canada!?) why are men sometimes such a**e's? and so on......
just the girlie stuff you miss from the friends at home.
Apr 13th 2008 | 11:31 am
#33
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Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 89
Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
Definitely a good idea. So far, have been not too bad with the homesickness - a few bouts of crying, but i haven't had to use my emergency flight which was standing by!
But, I know when OH is away working, and I'm on my own, it would be great to have a homesickness thread to go on to and speak to people - just even to speak crap, not necessarily about the moving/missing family things - for example - is Gordon Ramsay sexy? (yup!), why does my dog always chase squirrels when they just run up trees and laugh at him? does anyone know what's happening on the apprentice? (the only program i have missed in my 4 months in canada!?) why are men sometimes such a**e's? and so on......
just the girlie stuff you miss from the friends at home.
But, I know when OH is away working, and I'm on my own, it would be great to have a homesickness thread to go on to and speak to people - just even to speak crap, not necessarily about the moving/missing family things - for example - is Gordon Ramsay sexy? (yup!), why does my dog always chase squirrels when they just run up trees and laugh at him? does anyone know what's happening on the apprentice? (the only program i have missed in my 4 months in canada!?) why are men sometimes such a**e's? and so on......
just the girlie stuff you miss from the friends at home.
Sas xx
Apr 13th 2008 | 1:30 pm
#34
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 513
From: Just outside Calgary
Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
I miss people more than the UK itself and it's especially harder for me at Christmas/Birthdays etc.
Apr 13th 2008 | 1:51 pm
#35
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Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 89
Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
This is me. I have met some really lovely people here who i know will be friends for a long time. But i really miss all the ones we left behind. One of my friends, i've had since we were 8, we've been through so much together and while we speak on the phone regularly, it's not the same.
I miss people more than the UK itself and it's especially harder for me at Christmas/Birthdays etc.
I miss people more than the UK itself and it's especially harder for me at Christmas/Birthdays etc.
Can take (or in this case, leave) most things - work, house, all that stuff. But people? I'll be gutted and then some.
Sas x
Apr 13th 2008 | 1:57 pm
#36
Lotus-eater
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 5,069
From: Cascadian Autonomous Elysian Region
Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
I wil tell you all that people are important. Just so very important.
Friends, family, memories, history, culture; it's all important.
You'll miss old friends and you'll make new ones - it'll be hard. the "gap" is the worst - 6-12 months of social "vacuum and space" before you surface for air.
Just be sure to check for "new friends" who turn out to be plastics/assholes.
"you know who you are" ha ha
R.
Friends, family, memories, history, culture; it's all important.
You'll miss old friends and you'll make new ones - it'll be hard. the "gap" is the worst - 6-12 months of social "vacuum and space" before you surface for air.
Just be sure to check for "new friends" who turn out to be plastics/assholes.
"you know who you are" ha ha
R.
Last edited by Rich_007; Apr 13th 2008 at 1:59 pm.
Apr 13th 2008 | 2:17 pm
#37
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 432
From: Centre of the universe (Toronto)
Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
The thing I find interesting is that most of the time on forums etc., guys will stay out of the girlie threads and leave them to be used for their purpose but women just cannot keep themselves from asking questions and joining in the converations on a thread for guys talk
Apr 13th 2008 | 2:31 pm
#40
little snowy owl
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 6,921
Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
In support of unsympathetic posters ...... I know that sometimes they can seem really unkind, but I'll wager that in many cases they were not meant as unkindly as they appear.
My darling husband is a case in point ..... If I say I'm having a hard time at work he'll say, "well go work somewhere else" ..... and that is his idea of helpful advice.
I think men can be particularly bad at being supportive. They think you are asking them for a solution to a problem every time, and don't really "get" the listening ear thing. Some women are like that too of course, and I can be at times, so I know. Sometimes there is no easy pat answer to something that troubles a person, and that can be frustrating to the folks who think they are being asked for a solution, so the answers can get a little impatient as a result.
Often there are conflicting emotions, and something as vast as emigration is rarely without conflict.
Even professionals, if they themselves cannot really see what the problem is, as they haven't experienced it, can come across as unsympathetic. There are some that genuinely feel they are being helpful if they give such advice as "join a gym", "go home then!", "get out and meet people". Yes it's obvious. No, it doesn't seem really to even need saying, but sometimes, due to numerous factors .... it just isn't that easy!!
Here's something you might like to try........
I watched Paul McKenna on tv a week or two ago, helping people to lose weight, and one technique that maybe could be useful to many folks is to picture a wonderful memory (eg holding your baby for the first time, or maybe accepting a new person into your life and knowing it was for ever), .... remember a time when you made a decision and acted on it in a positive way, remember how you felt when you first decided that emigration was the right thing for you, for instance, and take yourself right back to how you felt right then .... pinch your thumb and middle finger together as you recall those wonderful moments and feelings, and then think of something that currently brings on negative emotions, and recall those positive emotions again as you do .... gradually those positive, joyful, motivating emotions that are so strong will be associated with this thing that you feel negative about, and you will soon find that you can bring on those feelings in joyful energetic waves of emotion at will, with the simple act of squeezing that thumb and third finger together.
Whenever things get hard and you need that boost you will have it, literally at your fingertips! Try it! It's working for me anyway!
My darling husband is a case in point ..... If I say I'm having a hard time at work he'll say, "well go work somewhere else" ..... and that is his idea of helpful advice.
I think men can be particularly bad at being supportive. They think you are asking them for a solution to a problem every time, and don't really "get" the listening ear thing. Some women are like that too of course, and I can be at times, so I know. Sometimes there is no easy pat answer to something that troubles a person, and that can be frustrating to the folks who think they are being asked for a solution, so the answers can get a little impatient as a result.
Often there are conflicting emotions, and something as vast as emigration is rarely without conflict.
Even professionals, if they themselves cannot really see what the problem is, as they haven't experienced it, can come across as unsympathetic. There are some that genuinely feel they are being helpful if they give such advice as "join a gym", "go home then!", "get out and meet people". Yes it's obvious. No, it doesn't seem really to even need saying, but sometimes, due to numerous factors .... it just isn't that easy!!
Here's something you might like to try........
I watched Paul McKenna on tv a week or two ago, helping people to lose weight, and one technique that maybe could be useful to many folks is to picture a wonderful memory (eg holding your baby for the first time, or maybe accepting a new person into your life and knowing it was for ever), .... remember a time when you made a decision and acted on it in a positive way, remember how you felt when you first decided that emigration was the right thing for you, for instance, and take yourself right back to how you felt right then .... pinch your thumb and middle finger together as you recall those wonderful moments and feelings, and then think of something that currently brings on negative emotions, and recall those positive emotions again as you do .... gradually those positive, joyful, motivating emotions that are so strong will be associated with this thing that you feel negative about, and you will soon find that you can bring on those feelings in joyful energetic waves of emotion at will, with the simple act of squeezing that thumb and third finger together.
Whenever things get hard and you need that boost you will have it, literally at your fingertips! Try it! It's working for me anyway!
Apr 13th 2008 | 2:43 pm
#41
Thread Starter
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 896
From: British Columbia
Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
In support of unsympathetic posters ...... I know that sometimes they can seem really unkind, but I'll wager that in many cases they were not meant as unkindly as they appear.
My darling husband is a case in point ..... If I say I'm having a hard time at work he'll say, "well go work somewhere else" ..... and that is his idea of helpful advice.
I think men can be particularly bad at being supportive. They think you are asking them for a solution to a problem every time, and don't really "get" the listening ear thing. Some women are like that too of course, and I can be at times, so I know. Sometimes there is no easy pat answer to something that troubles a person, and that can be frustrating to the folks who think they are being asked for a solution, so the answers can get a little impatient as a result.
Often there are conflicting emotions, and something as vast as emigration is rarely without conflict.
Even professionals, if they themselves cannot really see what the problem is, as they haven't experienced it, can come across as unsympathetic. There are some that genuinely feel they are being helpful if they give such advice as "join a gym", "go home then!", "get out and meet people". Yes it's obvious. No, it doesn't seem really to even need saying, but sometimes, due to numerous factors .... it just isn't that easy!!
Here's something you might like to try........
I watched Paul McKenna on tv a week or two ago, helping people to lose weight, and one technique that maybe could be useful to many folks is to picture a wonderful memory (eg holding your baby for the first time, or maybe accepting a new person into your life and knowing it was for ever), .... remember a time when you made a decision and acted on it in a positive way, remember how you felt when you first decided that emigration was the right thing for you, for instance, and take yourself right back to how you felt right then .... pinch your thumb and middle finger together as you recall those wonderful moments and feelings, and then think of something that currently brings on negative emotions, and recall those positive emotions again as you do .... gradually those positive, joyful, motivating emotions that are so strong will be associated with this thing that you feel negative about, and you will soon find that you can bring on those feelings in joyful energetic waves of emotion at will, with the simple act of squeezing that thumb and third finger together.
Whenever things get hard and you need that boost you will have it, literally at your fingertips! Try it! It's working for me anyway!
My darling husband is a case in point ..... If I say I'm having a hard time at work he'll say, "well go work somewhere else" ..... and that is his idea of helpful advice.
I think men can be particularly bad at being supportive. They think you are asking them for a solution to a problem every time, and don't really "get" the listening ear thing. Some women are like that too of course, and I can be at times, so I know. Sometimes there is no easy pat answer to something that troubles a person, and that can be frustrating to the folks who think they are being asked for a solution, so the answers can get a little impatient as a result.
Often there are conflicting emotions, and something as vast as emigration is rarely without conflict.
Even professionals, if they themselves cannot really see what the problem is, as they haven't experienced it, can come across as unsympathetic. There are some that genuinely feel they are being helpful if they give such advice as "join a gym", "go home then!", "get out and meet people". Yes it's obvious. No, it doesn't seem really to even need saying, but sometimes, due to numerous factors .... it just isn't that easy!!
Here's something you might like to try........
I watched Paul McKenna on tv a week or two ago, helping people to lose weight, and one technique that maybe could be useful to many folks is to picture a wonderful memory (eg holding your baby for the first time, or maybe accepting a new person into your life and knowing it was for ever), .... remember a time when you made a decision and acted on it in a positive way, remember how you felt when you first decided that emigration was the right thing for you, for instance, and take yourself right back to how you felt right then .... pinch your thumb and middle finger together as you recall those wonderful moments and feelings, and then think of something that currently brings on negative emotions, and recall those positive emotions again as you do .... gradually those positive, joyful, motivating emotions that are so strong will be associated with this thing that you feel negative about, and you will soon find that you can bring on those feelings in joyful energetic waves of emotion at will, with the simple act of squeezing that thumb and third finger together.
Whenever things get hard and you need that boost you will have it, literally at your fingertips! Try it! It's working for me anyway!
I was actually reading a letter the other day from my dear Mum, one she gave me as I was leaving (husband says I should now burn all the letters from home as I dont need them anymore and they only make me worse
so I also hear what you are saying about MEN! he doesnt understand that I will treasure them to my dying day and will occasionally take them out and torture myself with all the lovely words my mum, dad and brothers and sister wrote to me)..anyway, back on subject of letter from Mum. There was a part in it where, using mothers intuition, she said that she noticed as the date for us leaving drew closer she could see me nearly starting to panic and they thought/hoped I wouldn't go - whereas she said "up until then it seemed like I couldnt wait to get away" - so I am doing what you suggested and remembering that feeling of excitement
Apr 13th 2008 | 4:05 pm
#42
Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 3,885
From: Regina Beach, Saskatchewan
Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
I have people sickness, if my kids and mother could come over here it would be ok. I don't miss the place one iota (at the moment).
But to compensate I get to have lovely lunches with new friends
But to compensate I get to have lovely lunches with new friends
Apr 13th 2008 | 4:29 pm
#43
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Posts: 896
From: British Columbia
Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
Apr 13th 2008 | 6:20 pm
#44
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Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 429
From: Nova Scotia
Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
Been here nearly 3 years now and have never missed a thing. Went back for 3 months last year and hated every second, except time spent catching up with old friends, although many would like to leave and cannot, so did make it difficult. I counted the days I saw the sun shining and blue skies and no rain or grey. It was 2 days out of 3 months, enough to depress anyone.
Good idea for those that do miss family and friends.
I pay for my mother to come over a couple of times a year and my sister came with her last time. That's more than I saw them when I lived there.
Went back for 3 months last year and hated every second, except time spent catching up with old friends, although many would like to leave and cannot, so did make it difficult. I counted the days I saw the sun shining and blue skies and no rain or grey. It was 2 days out of 3 months, enough to depress anyone. Good idea for those that do miss family and friends.
I pay for my mother to come over a couple of times a year and my sister came with her last time. That's more than I saw them when I lived there.
Apr 15th 2008 | 1:18 am
#45
Yorkshire Lass
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 288
From: Selby, in the Vale of York, North Yorkshire
Re: What about a Homesickness Help Thread
Hi i am still in process of moving to NS, but how about organising a meet and greet for other british expats living in your area, say once every few months or so, therefore when homesickness starts to get to you, you can meet up with others in the same boat.
Also i think talking on this website helps. A said i am still in frustrating waiting process and i find when i start to get depressed about the wait that reading the threads on this site helps cheer me up and makes me feel better.
Emmjay
Yorkshirelass - Moving to NS at some point in the future when visa eventually gets processed!!!sigh!!!
Also i think talking on this website helps. A said i am still in frustrating waiting process and i find when i start to get depressed about the wait that reading the threads on this site helps cheer me up and makes me feel better.
Emmjay
Yorkshirelass - Moving to NS at some point in the future when visa eventually gets processed!!!sigh!!!
