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We're going back
Well, it's been a tough couple of years. Nothing seems to have gone well since we've been in Ontario. Everything has been a compromise, a challenge, and a test.
It took more than 19 months for me to get a job, and every minute of that 19 months was depressing, financially very challenged, and tested our marriage, and our children's resilience. We've finally had enough. My mum died in March, quite suddenly, but I managed to get back to see her for a few days - the first time I had seen her in 2 years. She didn't get to see her grandchildren (her only grandchildren) again. We had to fight to get our children from their awful rough school into a school where they felt safe enough to learn. Our children had to fight to be accepted in everything they did. My husband hates his job, I hate mine. There are things we love. The summers are fantastic, the winters are beautiful (though minus 38 wasn't fun), the falls are - well, leafy. We love the space, the fresh air, the fact that we have a driveway and 3 acres of garden. We've met good people (and bad), and we have good memories (and bad). The shad flies, black flies and mosquitoes aren't pleasant neighbours. Anyway, we have decided to go back. We know that 2 years isn't very long, and things could get better, but we feel it is long enough. If we go now, our older children can go back to their old schools and study for their A levels and GCSE's respectively. If we wait, things get more difficult. So, I'm now home schooling my daughter to help her revise for her international GCSE's. My daughters and I head back to the UK on 5th May for the start of her exams, to start a new life, wiser, much poorer, but with 2 years more experience of life. We'll leave some good friends behind, but we'll take some good memories with us. My husband and sons will stay here to get the house sold, and follow asap. No regrets (except that my mother didn't see the children again), but also no sorrow that we are going back. We came, we did our best, we had good moments and bad moments. Now it's time for a new chapter. |
Re: We're going back
Good luck..
Two years is more than enough time if you don't like what you’re seeing, and you need to make that decision before you run out of money and options too |
Re: We're going back
Originally Posted by MikeUK
(Post 10662239)
Good luck..
Two years is more than enough time if you don't like what you’re seeing, and you need to make that decision before you run out of money and options too |
Re: We're going back
Best of luck back in blighty.
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Re: We're going back
If you remember I did warn you about the shad flies (and lack of jobs) in North Bay.
I hope the move back for you all goes well. |
Re: We're going back
Originally Posted by Novocastrian
(Post 10662280)
If you remember I did warn you about the shad flies (and lack of jobs) in North Bay.
I hope the move back for you all goes well. The lack of jobs - and living in a bubble 20 years behind the times - is worse than the shad flies. Maybe we would have been OK if we'd lived further south. Anyway, thank you. Onward and upward :) |
Re: We're going back
I'm sorry to hear this, but I understand. All the best. :thumbup:
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Re: We're going back
You must feel so relieved now that you have come to this decision. I too wish you every happiness and as stress free as possible return:thumbsup:
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Re: We're going back
Originally Posted by lcar
(Post 10662299)
Yes I remember ;)
The lack of jobs - and living in a bubble 20 years behind the times - is worse than the shad flies. Maybe we would have been OK if we'd lived further south. Anyway, thank you. Onward and upward :) |
Re: We're going back
Wish you absolute good luck in your future for you and your family
Sorry to hear things did not work out but happiness is what matters so chase it wherever it may lead you. |
Re: We're going back
Wishing you all the best for your return. Good luck.
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Re: We're going back
Originally Posted by lcar
(Post 10662299)
Maybe we would have been OK if we'd lived further south.
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Re: We're going back
Sounds like you made a good go of it and have come to a sensible decision. Wish you all the best of British luck. If nothing else, you can look back in later life and remember those times living in the wilds of Canada. How many people can say they've done that?;)
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Re: We're going back
Originally Posted by MillieF
(Post 10662346)
You must feel so relieved now that you have come to this decision. I too wish you every happiness and as stress free as possible return:thumbsup:
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Re: We're going back
Thanks for sharing and I'm very sorry to hear it didn't work out. I haven't gone back to read all your posts. Looking back do you think you would have done anything differently? Did you do a recce trip? Did you research the job situation and lifestyle before making the move? Why did you choose North Bay?
I agree that 2 years is enough time to know that the place is not for you. However, Canada is a large, diverse country so it's possible that somewhere else might have suited you better. I wish you and your family the best of luck on your return to the UK. I hope it works out for you. |
Re: We're going back
First two years of my life in Canada were a huge struggle financially as well, I was living almost entirely on no-name brand food, I couldn't afford a car, and I was always worrying, but eventually I started to get paid more, got a better job, more doors opened up, and now things aren't so bad - and getting better. Other immigrants have told me the first 3 years are the hardest, and I completely agree with this.
If you feel better in the UK then that's where you should be. My only concern is that it does sound like you were fixated on a certain area without considering where might be the best place to live to be able to find employment. In the UK it's not impossible to live that way, the UK is much smaller and more condensed, so you can find a nice house in the country and then commute to work in the nearest city, however in Canada things are much more spaced out, the "country" here can be a 4 or 5 hour drive from a city that has jobs. |
Re: We're going back
Originally Posted by CanadaJimmy
(Post 10663094)
First two years of my life in Canada were a huge struggle financially as well, I was living almost entirely on no-name brand food, I couldn't afford a car, and I was always worrying, but eventually I started to get paid more, got a better job, more doors opened up, and now things aren't so bad - and getting better. Other immigrants have told me the first 3 years are the hardest, and I completely agree with this.
If you feel better in the UK then that's where you should be. My only concern is that it does sound like you were fixated on a certain area without considering where might be the best place to live to be able to find employment. In the UK it's not impossible to live that way, the UK is much smaller and more condensed, so you can find a nice house in the country and then commute to work in the nearest city, however in Canada things are much more spaced out, the "country" here can be a 4 or 5 hour drive from a city that has jobs. I somewhat disagree with your initial statement. For us the first three years were fantastic, we were living the dream, I wouldn't make that statement now and nothings really changed but our perspective and outlook, it's getting harder for us to live here. |
Re: We're going back
Originally Posted by lcar
(Post 10662220)
Well, it's been a tough couple of years. Nothing seems to have gone well since we've been in Ontario. Everything has been a compromise, a challenge, and a test.
It took more than 19 months for me to get a job, and every minute of that 19 months was depressing, financially very challenged, and tested our marriage, and our children's resilience. We've finally had enough. My mum died in March, quite suddenly, but I managed to get back to see her for a few days - the first time I had seen her in 2 years. She didn't get to see her grandchildren (her only grandchildren) again. We had to fight to get our children from their awful rough school into a school where they felt safe enough to learn. Our children had to fight to be accepted in everything they did. My husband hates his job, I hate mine. There are things we love. The summers are fantastic, the winters are beautiful (though minus 38 wasn't fun), the falls are - well, leafy. We love the space, the fresh air, the fact that we have a driveway and 3 acres of garden. We've met good people (and bad), and we have good memories (and bad). The shad flies, black flies and mosquitoes aren't pleasant neighbours. Anyway, we have decided to go back. We know that 2 years isn't very long, and things could get better, but we feel it is long enough. If we go now, our older children can go back to their old schools and study for their A levels and GCSE's respectively. If we wait, things get more difficult. So, I'm now home schooling my daughter to help her revise for her international GCSE's. My daughters and I head back to the UK on 5th May for the start of her exams, to start a new life, wiser, much poorer, but with 2 years more experience of life. We'll leave some good friends behind, but we'll take some good memories with us. My husband and sons will stay here to get the house sold, and follow asap. No regrets (except that my mother didn't see the children again), but also no sorrow that we are going back. We came, we did our best, we had good moments and bad moments. Now it's time for a new chapter. Had to reply to this as this is our story almost exactly (minus the sad passing of your mother). We're still in Canada but for reasons similar to yours would love to return to West Yorks. Ironic - we spent so long hating the UK and trying to get out and now all of us are desperate to get back! Total madness. Hindsight is a wonderful thing and if only we had listened to good friends and parents and thought harder about coming here and what we actually had in the UK maybe things would have been different. Unfortunately we left UK just as the crash happened in 2008. We benefited from high selling house price. BUT what we are going back to and what we can afford is a lot less than in 2008. Mainly the jobs have all dried up in Huddersfield area and minimum wage is the norm - or so I hear. Lower house prices though. Overall the whole experience has aged myself and my husband. Also echo the comments so often made by us and others banging on about 'a better life for the kids'. NO better for them or us - just different. All the best |
Re: We're going back
Good luck on your return to the UK, hope it all works out for you. :fingerscrossed:
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Re: We're going back
Agree, best wishes with the move back !
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Re: We're going back
Originally Posted by CanadaJimmy
(Post 10663094)
First two years of my life in Canada were a huge struggle financially as well, I was living almost entirely on no-name brand food, I couldn't afford a car, and I was always worrying, but eventually I started to get paid more, got a better job, more doors opened up, and now things aren't so bad - and getting better. Other immigrants have told me the first 3 years are the hardest, and I completely agree with this.
It was easier for me, despite living in Canada, I was in the UK as much, if not more after moving to Canada than I was as a UK resident. My OH could go back as much as she wanted, but toughed it out in Canada until she was settled. Readjustment is harder for some than others. One has to decide what one wants to do and give it your best shot. Impossible for others to advise, it is a personal choice and we get to live with those choices. |
Re: We're going back
Originally Posted by Aviator
(Post 10666534)
My OH had a similar experience and we were told it takes 3 years to feel as if you are settling in and to adjust. Almost to the day it was 3 years, then she felt more settled, after 10 years you feel like a fixture and could not imagine going back, after 20 years you wonder what all the fuss was about in the early years.
It was easier for me, despite living in Canada, I was in the UK as much, if not more after moving to Canada than I was as a UK resident. My OH could go back as much as she wanted, but toughed it out in Canada until she was settled. Readjustment is harder for some than others. One has to decide what one wants to do and give it your best shot. Impossible for others to advise, it is a personal choice and we get to live with those choices. |
Re: We're going back
Originally Posted by Oink
(Post 10666569)
Or it gets worse, every day a little more, as the corrosive acid of alienation slowly eats away your soul as you realize you’ve ripped apart a perfectly decent family, your children have become estranged foreigners and your parents are withering away while cousin Jackie is sucking their last penny out of them and no **** still gets your jokes and all because you were a little bored at one point.
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Re: We're going back
Good Luck on your return to the UK. You gave it your best shot and it wasn't for you. Hope it all works out for you.
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Re: We're going back
Good luck on your new start.
When the kids grow up and all that, at least you can say been there, done that & got the t shirt! |
Re: We're going back
Good luck on your return. I can understand why you would be fed up and want to head back to the UK.
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Re: We're going back
Originally Posted by Oink
(Post 10666569)
Or it gets worse, every day a little more, as the corrosive acid of alienation slowly eats away your soul as you realize you’ve ripped apart a perfectly decent family, your children have become estranged foreigners and your parents are withering away while cousin Jackie is sucking their last penny out of them and no **** still gets your jokes and all because you were a little bored at one point.
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Re: We're going back
Originally Posted by huddersfieldlass
(Post 10664081)
Wow
Had to reply to this as this is our story almost exactly (minus the sad passing of your mother). We're still in Canada but for reasons similar to yours would love to return to West Yorks. Ironic - we spent so long hating the UK and trying to get out and now all of us are desperate to get back! Total madness. Hindsight is a wonderful thing and if only we had listened to good friends and parents and thought harder about coming here and what we actually had in the UK maybe things would have been different. Unfortunately we left UK just as the crash happened in 2008. We benefited from high selling house price. BUT what we are going back to and what we can afford is a lot less than in 2008. Mainly the jobs have all dried up in Huddersfield area and minimum wage is the norm - or so I hear. Lower house prices though. Overall the whole experience has aged myself and my husband. Also echo the comments so often made by us and others banging on about 'a better life for the kids'. NO better for them or us - just different. All the best |
Re: We're going back
Originally Posted by sheera67
(Post 10667262)
I like this description :blink:
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Re: We're going back
Originally Posted by Oink
(Post 10666569)
Or it gets worse, every day a little more, as the corrosive acid of alienation slowly eats away your soul as you realize you’ve ripped apart a perfectly decent family, your children have become estranged foreigners and your parents are withering away while cousin Jackie is sucking their last penny out of them and no **** still gets your jokes and all because you were a little bored at one point.
I had a colleague once who I found (overly) cynical and as I get older, I find similar traits creeping into this expat. IOW I understand and it sux :) |
Re: We're going back
Originally Posted by huddersfieldlass
(Post 10664081)
Wow
Had to reply to this as this is our story almost exactly (minus the sad passing of your mother). We're still in Canada but for reasons similar to yours would love to return to West Yorks. Ironic - we spent so long hating the UK and trying to get out and now all of us are desperate to get back! Total madness. Hindsight is a wonderful thing and if only we had listened to good friends and parents and thought harder about coming here and what we actually had in the UK maybe things would have been different. Unfortunately we left UK just as the crash happened in 2008. We benefited from high selling house price. BUT what we are going back to and what we can afford is a lot less than in 2008. Mainly the jobs have all dried up in Huddersfield area and minimum wage is the norm - or so I hear. Lower house prices though. Overall the whole experience has aged myself and my husband. Also echo the comments so often made by us and others banging on about 'a better life for the kids'. NO better for them or us - just different. All the best |
Re: We're going back
Thank you all for your kind and supportive words - they are very much appreciated.
In reply to a query earlier in the thread, we didn't specifically choose North Bay and nowhere else - my husband was offered a decent job here before we came out, and our research on North Bay didn't show anything too bad (low crime, lots of sporting activities for the children, lakes, trails etc), so we went for it. I guess our research didn't show up that there weren't any other jobs in North Bay. In North Bay's support, the lakes and wilderness around are very beautiful. But beautiful surroundings don't pay the bills ;) |
Re: We're going back
Originally Posted by floatsy
(Post 10667689)
:)
I had a colleague once who I found (overly) cynical and as I get older, I find similar traits creeping into this expat. IOW I understand and it sux :) |
Re: We're going back
"This expat" meant me by the way, in case it was not clear :) I don't know, I just found for myself that it can be easy to be negative. Realistic portrayals are always welcome though for sure.
Best! f |
Re: We're going back
Originally Posted by floatsy
(Post 10671707)
"This expat" meant me by the way, in case it was not clear :) I don't know, I just found for myself that it can be easy to be negative. Realistic portrayals are always welcome though for sure.
Best! f It's nice if the pro's and Con's balance but very few coming here seem to give enough attention to the cons' tending to focusing on the pro's, the pink glasses and as such the urge is to remind them to look at the con’s and not to ignore or belittle them, whilst understanding they don’t need any help looking for positives they already got a strong focus on them and in part is why there moving here.. It may make some long timers look negative, with the been there got the tee shirt, just wait till you see it for real, enjoy the winter if you can, mentality.. But many have got the tee shirt of Job hunting, and have a realistic cost of living with a Canadian salary, and I bet a few have found that taking up winter sports as a solution to a long winter isn’t there cup of tea (it is mine :)) |
Re: We're going back
Wow reading these stories and experiences are terrifying me. We are currently I'm in the UK in north yorks and are planning to move on a spousal sponsorship route at the end of the year. I am canadian and my partner is British! And we have a cute rented flat with decent jobs and an okay life... The govt just introduced a new buyer scheme where they lend you a lot of money for a house to buy etc so lots of possibilities ...we want to move to Canada to raise a family and be close to all my family there we want to try the Toronto area to see what jobs are like and really excited as.I always thought life was better and easier in canada... Now reading these posts I am terrified that we are making a horrible mistake. In the UK there are lots of benefits if anything happens to you or anything...in canada you don't get anything at all... You are on your own and only get pitiful amout of uneployment and govt help that never seemed to worry until now and I'm having so much panic .... Is it really that bad!??!?
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Re: We're going back
Originally Posted by ak9
(Post 10673760)
Wow reading these stories and experiences are terrifying me. We are currently I'm in the UK in north yorks and are planning to move on a spousal sponsorship route at the end of the year. I am canadian and my partner is British! And we have a cute rented flat with decent jobs and an okay life... The govt just introduced a new buyer scheme where they lend you a lot of money for a house to buy etc so lots of possibilities ...we want to move to Canada to raise a family and be close to all my family there we want to try the Toronto area to see what jobs are like and really excited as.I always thought life was better and easier in canada... Now reading these posts I am terrified that we are making a horrible mistake. In the UK there are lots of benefits if anything happens to you or anything...in canada you don't get anything at all... You are on your own and only get pitiful amout of uneployment and govt help that never seemed to worry until now and I'm having so much panic .... Is it really that bad!??!?
At least you have a support network and experience of Canada so you have an advantage there. There are no guarantees for a so called 'better life' in Canada but there are no guarantees in life anyway. The only advice I could offer you is a better life often depends on quality of life. By this most people rate home, surroundings, income, work/life balance as factors which directly influence them. This is a mass of information. Largely though your income has a large impact on one's quality of life. Although it is not the be all and end all. Good luck with your decision x |
Re: We're going back
Originally Posted by rubberduck124
(Post 10667716)
Weird all I can think about is leaving Huddersfield :)
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Re: We're going back
To the OP well done on your honest post and having the guts to post it! Good luck with your plans to go back home. There is no such thing as having failed at something only having the guts to try something new and learning from that experience.
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Re: We're going back
Originally Posted by ak9
(Post 10673760)
Wow reading these stories and experiences are terrifying me. We are currently I'm in the UK in north yorks and are planning to move on a spousal sponsorship route at the end of the year. I am canadian and my partner is British! And we have a cute rented flat with decent jobs and an okay life... The govt just introduced a new buyer scheme where they lend you a lot of money for a house to buy etc so lots of possibilities ...we want to move to Canada to raise a family and be close to all my family there we want to try the Toronto area to see what jobs are like and really excited as.I always thought life was better and easier in canada... Now reading these posts I am terrified that we are making a horrible mistake. In the UK there are lots of benefits if anything happens to you or anything...in canada you don't get anything at all... You are on your own and only get pitiful amout of uneployment and govt help that never seemed to worry until now and I'm having so much panic .... Is it really that bad!??!?
If you have an okay life with decent jobs etc. and you still want to go to Canada maybe you should have a backup plan of returning to the UK if it doesn't work out rather than think 'I'm going back home for good'. Also don't underestimate reverse-culture shock if you've been away from Canada for a while. ps. I had family who lived in a small village in north eastern Yorkshire and visited a few times - beautiful place. |
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