iaink

After 6 years thats fine, go home. After three months its in all likelyhood just a symptom of cuture shock and will pass, so IMO its reckless to advise anyone to go home immediately. Thats not to say that in some cases it isnt the start of a permanent dislike, but in many cases its not, so just hang tight for a few more months. After a year its safe to say you should explore some other options, but before then its too soon to be sure of anything.

Oink

In fact I think it gets worse after the initial whirl of excitement of the move and the adjustment to the new culture subsides, it can and does with many I've spoken with, get worse over time. Birthday's missed, babies born, parents dying etc. those milestones that you're never there for often have a profound influence on one's disposition.

iaink

Sorry, Im so used to the sarcasm its hard to tell. Its a double edged sword I guess.

I dont disagree that there are people in that situation, I know there are, and I feel for them, its a sucky situation I would think. But for many people that homesick phase does pass, three to six months is prime time for it to manifest itself, and every immigrant should be aware of it as part of the research phase in my opinion. The advice I would give to someone feeling low after three months and after three years would be totally different for that reason.

Oink

That's fair enough.

I just think that the initial phrase is usually a heady mixture of the excitement of adjustment. If you're feeling crap in this phase, my experience of others in who exhibit the same symptoms is that they are better off going home. Sometimes people need to have support to make those difficult decisions.

Geordie Lass

Hi

I have a lot of sympathy for you.

I agree with those that have said give it a bit more time. IMHO 3 months isn't long enough to decide you have made a wrong decision and go back. Think about why you left the UK in the first place.

Honestly - I am excited about our move to Canada but part of me knows that the homesickness will be really really hard. I expect to miss my friends so much that it will physically hurt. This I am sure will pass but it can take a long time to make really good close friends. I don't expect to do that in 6 months...

Hope this helps a bit.

xx

Steve_

Having moved and lived in many different places, I think lesson #1 is that the grass is always greener on the other side, because moving supposedly solves all these problems, but in reality only solving the problem actually solves it.

If you have specific reasons why place A is better than place B then you should stay and if place B is better than place A you should move, but I have to say that having spoken to a lot of people over the years it does seem to be more often a psychological issue rather than an actual practical issue. They think it's a practical issue and have firmly convinced themselves of it but often it isn't.

Lost count of the number of people I know who say to move to BC for whatever reason, better weather, etc. but I know from experience the perceived major advantages are minimal and there are disadvantages too, so it's just not worth it.

If you're unhappy in one place, moving to another place isn't necessarily going to make you happier. Or worse yet you could be unhappy in one place and end up even unhappier in the other!

gillyd65

Thanks el_richo I've just read the link you put on your post. Good grief I'm not that bad thank goodness which has cheered me somewhat! I certainly don't hate it here and would not compare and then moan about everything. Just trying to say I suppose that however much research or preparation is done you can't predict how you are going to feel until you experience it.
Oink and IainK - thanks for your replies and thoughts. I am going back to the UK in April to a family wedding so will see how I deal with that one.

iaink

On the other hand if you miss you mom and dad, or your BFF, then it makes perfect sense that moving back close to them will compensate for living in a smaller house or whatever the downside is.

Alan2005

Nobody seriously complains about the cost of breakfast cereal, that is a symptom of their unhappiness not a cause. People project their feelings onto all sorts of things - I project mine onto the B.C. liquor control board, those bastards! Consequently when I see "you should have done more research", what I actually see is a load of smug and condescending bollocks that misses the point of the original post in the first place - ok, not always, but in that thread definitely.

Optimistic Pessimist

I am sorry to hear how hard you and your son are finding it. Unfortunately I don’t have any constructive advice. I have only been here just over 2 weeks. It took over 3 yrs for my immigration application to go through and for most of that time my life felt like it was on hold. So finally arrived and all appears to be going as expected. Only thing is, despite not being a particularly emotional person, the emotions have hit me pretty hard. I knew it was going to be difficult, but these feelings have shaken me to the core. I know change isn’t easy, and comes harder to some. But still knowing that and dealing with the feelings are 2 different things.

I can only imagine that your worries are magnified as a parent. The advice to give it a bit of time sounds very good. You say your son is adamant that he wants to go back to the UK. Has he talked to you about his reasons?

I am taking the above advice myself, hoping that in time the quiet but constant voice in my head (screaming OMG what have you done!?) will eventually go away. I came with the approach that I would give it 12 months and I hope once I get a job it will help me integrate more.

The feelings are (I am told), perfectly normal and will ease with time. By supporting each other and being active things will settle down. Your trip in April will be a good indicator for you.

In the meantime, know that you are not the only ones to feel like this.

Good luck

DandNHill

I moved over in August too. I have 4 boys, two who are similar in age to your kids, two younger ones and my husband and I are very similiar in age to you.
My plan originally was not to work. I had worked in the UK and I wanted some "me" time. So I wasn't going to work until at least next year.

We were due to live near Halifax and had a circle of friends already there and even a house but...
...my husband got a job all the way down in Yarmouth, 3 1/2 hours away from Halifax.

So we moved to Yarmouth, a town of 7500 people and the kids went to school and my husband went to work. I'd plan my day around the housework and one day just burst in to tears when ironing his shirts - the highlight of my week!!!
I decided there and then that I was missing two things, friends and a job!!!

I've now taken care of the job side, I work 20 hours per week and really enjoy it! What I earn in a day is what I earned in an hour in the UK but hey, who's counting??

I have now met a few people but don't yet have any friends so I took it upon myself to arrange a "girls night out". This is still at the planning stage but I have invited all the women I know here in Yarmouth to go for a movie and on for a drink!

Regularly I imagine a life back in the UK with my friends and family but I'm gonna give this a real go as I think life will be really good here once we're settled, it'll just take time.

So no you're not alone. Maybe forget about the plan not to work, maybe you need human interaction?
Good luck anyway

lmartin999

I just heard that a friend from Norwich has moved and bought a house about 2 mins from my favourite pub in the world (actually it's a tavern):

http://www.alexandratavern.co.uk/

(Any pub where the landlord decided he was so fat he should row across the Atlantic for charity is ok with me)

I simply asked if I could move in with them.

geedee

Good advice, and excellent attitude. If it's not working for you as it is, then make the necessary changes. That's how "new" countries like Canada develop....

RRhodes

Sorry to hear you are having thoughts of why did you make the move. I see el_richo has put on a link to my post and yes we moved back after 2 weeks in Canada.

No-one can tell you how to feel, only you can decide whether to give it a go or not. For us we moved back but there were other factors - when we initially applied 6 years ago we wanted to moved to BC. A lot changed in that 6 years (not all good) and we almost didnt get onto the bus taking us back to the airport from Ottawa so times were tough.

We know heart on heart that we shouldnt have gone in the first place, mainly because me and my husband had different reasons for moving we just didnt tell each other and felt that after 6 years even though we didnt want to go that we kind of had to!. We had to come back to sort out our own issues and I moved to Ottawa to be with my family but it wasnt enough for both of us. Please dont read my post and move back as we wernt in the right frame of mind to give it a go.

I really hope that you guys will give it a lot longer and use the support you will get from this site. I hear 12 months (all seasons) and you will know, thats the most useful thing I heard. 50% of posts love it there and 50% of posts moved back. There is no right or wrong.

We came back but only another 12 months will tell if that was the right thing to do. However as we didnt put much effort into making a go of Canada we have had some good talks and decided that we are going to put 100% into being back in the UK. My husband is loving his job so far and I am on the hunt. We have bought a house and made loads of good plans for the future. We could have done exactly the same in Canada but the decision is made and we are sticking by it.

I hope that you can stick it out.

Dashie

gillyd65 - I think I know where you live! Not in a creepy way, or your actual house or anything. Is there an ice cream shop and the Talbot Creek Midwives office at the entrance to your estate? If so, I actually know a couple of expats who live very near to you - both of whom have kids that yours might encounter at school

We live about 25 minutes from you, and unfortunately I don't have a car during the day (mind you with a toddler and another baby due any day I'm not really going far anyway), but if you'd like, I'm sure we can work out a way to meet up at some point if you would like to?

There is an adjustment period for sure. We actually enjoyed our first couple of years much more than we've enjoyed the last couple (been here since 2005), so maybe you'll be the other way around?

Anyway, please send me a pm if you'd like to meet up, or chat on the phone