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Too long in the tooth to emigrate? - London, Ontario

Too long in the tooth to emigrate? - London, Ontario

Old Nov 2nd 2011, 3:29 pm
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Unhappy Too long in the tooth to emigrate? - London, Ontario

Hi everyone
This is my first contribution and would like to say thank you for all the information we have taken on board from BritishExpats whilst applying for and moving to Canada. Our application started in 2006, received instruction to go for meds in late 2009 and then it has taken nearly two years to sell house, sort out business in the UK, eldest child to complete GCSE's etc etc.
We did so much research before we finally decided on SW Ontario. Canada has been a holiday destination for us for many years and we have covered most areas both West and East (not much in the middle). The decision for us had to be based on employment, easy access back to the UK and a host of other things I won't bore you with. Needless to say Ontario was the best overall place for us to be. We also have friends, distant relatives in Ontario that we can call on for support.
We have been in Kilworth (just outside London) Ontario for a little under 3 months now moving everything over including our cat on 15th August. Our two teenagers have started school (16 and 13 year old), OH started work 2 weeks after landing (job offered before we came). I am taking some time off (as agreed with OH) whilst everyone settles in and adjusts.
The area where we live is beautiful and we do love it. We have a Provincial Park at the bottom of our estate where we can pick up numerous paths and bike trails some of which follow the river. We are just a 5 mins drive to a major supermarket with plaza (we do have a shop, hairdressers, gas bar, restaurant etc at the entrance to our estate so not totally isolated).
Successful emigration story you may think? Two of us want to go back to the UK - me and my eldest son. After all that we have gone through, the years of waiting, trying and anticipation not to mention research, research, research, it just does not feel right. I knew my son would find it hard but we were all in agreement to keep an open mind and to give it a try. I am now thinking that it took so long for us to finally get here that our lives became too settled in the UK and we should have been satisfied with what we had. Don't get me wrong its fab here, lots of opportunity for us all, welcoming neighbours, good community feel, we do like it............. but we ache to be back. My younger daughter has settled to a certain extent and my OH is head down not trying to think of whats going on with me and the eldest. Homesickness could it be? It feels more like a definite knowing its not right which has got suddenly stronger this last couple of weeks. My son has struggled which has not helped my state of mind I appreciate that, but he is adamant that he is not staying. He's quite an intelligent young man, quite mature for his age, can think things through constructively and I now feel that we should not have inflicted our dreams on to him at such a late stage. We are both 46 years of age, not ancient by any means but not spring chicks either, but I now think if we could have come much earlier when the kids were younger then it would have been easier for him and for all of us.
Is there anyone out there that has moved a/ in their mid 40s b/ with older children or c/ wondering what the hell have I done??? that could give some advice other than go home or say how it was for them so I don't think that I'm alone in all of this. I/we need help.
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Old Nov 2nd 2011, 3:34 pm
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Default Re: Too long in the tooth to emigrate? - London, Ontario

It seems pretty early days to me to make a decision to up sticks and move everything back after all you have been through to get there. It wont feel like home yet and you have left home and all your knew, for your entire life.
Is it worth deciding on a deadline, say one year and re-considering how you feel then? In the meantime embrace this new life for all it is.

I feel for you - hugs!
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Old Nov 2nd 2011, 3:35 pm
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Default Re: Too long in the tooth to emigrate? - London, Ontario

Welcome to BE.

3 months is still early days, for many people the honeymoon enthusiasm is just wearing thin, and "culture shock" is EXTREMELY common from 3 month to a year into the move, so dont do anything rash till you are sure that its not some temporary emotional condition thats driving things along, it does get easier with time as you find your way around and start to make new connections with people and put roots down in a community. Im not saying it may not be the start of a more permanent discontent, some people do end up going back, but there is a very good chance that this is just a rocky patch on the path towards long term happyness, and it will pass in a few months, the timing is certainly right for it to be culture shock related. You just need to immerse yourself in your new surroundings and jump in with both feet.

For kids it hard, but if hes at school then the social side will improve. and no, 46 isnt too old, but like everyone else, you have to make the effort to get out there and meet folks with common interests, volunteer, do what it takes. People here already have a network of friends and associates, so you have to do the work to some extent, but you cant expect to replace a lifetimes worth of friends over night.

Good Luck!

Last edited by iaink; Nov 2nd 2011 at 4:24 pm.
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Old Nov 2nd 2011, 3:44 pm
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Default Re: Too long in the tooth to emigrate? - London, Ontario

Have a read through this thread. Maybe something will click for yo.

http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=736191

Dreams and reality can often be two very different things and sometimes dreams, and holiday destinations, should remain just that. I cant offer anything other than to say, good luck with everything and do what's best for you and your family.
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Old Nov 2nd 2011, 3:59 pm
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Default Re: Too long in the tooth to emigrate? - London, Ontario

You did lots of research you say? Living somewhere (as you are finding out) is not the same as research.

Still, complaining too much now will just spoil everyone's Christmas. Wait till January when where you live turns into a frozen hell hole of bleakness - you'll have a much better chance of convincing the others to go home when they are cold and miserable.
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Old Nov 2nd 2011, 4:03 pm
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Default Re: Too long in the tooth to emigrate? - London, Ontario

And again I ask, where is Auld Yin ?
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Old Nov 2nd 2011, 4:15 pm
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Default Re: Too long in the tooth to emigrate? - London, Ontario

Your story resonates although we are in LA.

Myself and son never settled, my daughter quite likes it and my husband is also 'head down'.

Six years on, my son is at college here and for the first time seems to be liking it a bit more.

Can't really offer you any advice except sympathy. Once the deed is done it's very hard to change it so it's probably a question of grin and bear it. Your son could go to university in the UK and his time in Canada could make him stand out on application forms so could be seen as a positive in that way.
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Old Nov 2nd 2011, 5:03 pm
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Default Re: Too long in the tooth to emigrate? - London, Ontario

Thanks for the replies so far - we won't just up sticks and go back, not yet anyway. I'm not complaining, I do love the country, and we're not expecting it to be easy (it certainly wasn't getting here) but I think 12 months should settle it one way or another in particular experiencing the winter over here. We are embracing what is on offer, we love bike riding, hiking, camping, anything outdoors really and the kids are quite sporty. We've spent most of our weekends out and about at one of the Lakes, biking or just having a nice stroll along the river bank. And believe it or not we are looking forward to doing some snow related activities. We certainly won't hide away 'til the summer. As I said in my thread there is a strong community feel here and there are plenty of activities to get involved with which we will do (as we did in the UK - cub leaders, swim coaches, etc). Dreams and reality - we couldn't have done much more than we did before we got here but no one can judge just how you are going to feel once here. Mixed emotions which I hope will fade with time
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Old Nov 2nd 2011, 5:15 pm
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Default Re: Too long in the tooth to emigrate? - London, Ontario

Haven't read most of the replies yet - I will later. Just remember, if you were to have moved to a different town in the UK away from family and friends, it would still take about a year for you to feel settled and as though you belong.

Due to a job I had in my early 20's I moved around quite a bit, 5 years, 4 different towns and each time it took almost a year to feel at home.

Good luck with whatever you decide, this emigration lark is a huge roller coaster and it's not always nice.
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Old Nov 2nd 2011, 5:32 pm
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Default Re: Too long in the tooth to emigrate? - London, Ontario

We are mid, or should i say were mid 40's when we came over in 2008 from Blackpool. We also have an older child, 16 now. We also have rellies here, distant too. All very similar to the OP i even had a job lined up ready to start upon arrival.

We rented for the first 2 1/2 years and have now bought our house in Ajax.

We are still putting roots down now after nearly 3 years. My son is enjoying his new, third, high school and has made some good friends. Its all to do with how you approach the move imo, i know its not all flowers and happy faces but if you come here mentally prepared to fail, you will.

Try to enjoy what you have here rather than thinking about what you miss about the UK. If it is hard in another 3 months, go back for a holiday. Just yourself, in early spring, when it rains a lot, and see if you still like it. My wife returned, alone, for a few weeks 6 months into our stay and was counting the days to get back. Unfortunatly she had to attend a funeral, but that trip just strengthend the will to make it work here.

Yes 3 months is too short for a big, move back commitment, but as i said, a short trip back in the near future maybe what you need.

Last edited by magnumpi; Nov 2nd 2011 at 5:42 pm.
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Old Nov 2nd 2011, 5:55 pm
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Default Re: Too long in the tooth to emigrate? - London, Ontario

You don't say why you don't like it. Is there a specific reason?

Human beings are territorial animals and it does take awhile to adjust.

Reality is that as already mentioned, you have made your bed and you must lie in it. To move back would probably be an anti-climax anyway. Plus based on my recent visit the UK is in a pretty dire economic situation at the moment, I wouldn't be volunteering to work there.
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Old Nov 2nd 2011, 6:12 pm
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Default Re: Too long in the tooth to emigrate? - London, Ontario

I wouldn't leave it too late as you don't want to get stuck here hating every second. You also don't want to be too old to get a job back in the UK as the country is very ageist. And those feelings of homesickness won't get better, they'll just intensify and magnify until the pain of it gnaws at every sinew of your soul, every fiber of your body. If you started the process now, you could be home in time for the Christmas footy.
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Old Nov 2nd 2011, 6:19 pm
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Default Re: Too long in the tooth to emigrate? - London, Ontario

Originally Posted by Oink View Post
I wouldn't leave it too late as you don't want to get stuck here hating every second. You also don't want to be too old to get a job back in the UK as the country is very ageist. And those feelings of homesickness won't get better, they'll just intensify and magnify until the pain of it gnaws at every sinew of your soul, every fiber of your body. If you started the process now, you could be home in time for the Christmas footy.
What utter nonsense Oink. For most people the homesick/ culture shock phase lasts a few months, then they are past it. Sure, if they had been here 18 months and felt that way there might be some merit in the idea of returning ASAP, but thats not the case here.

Bare in mind please that some newer posters here might actually take what you write here at face value would ya
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Old Nov 2nd 2011, 6:22 pm
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Default Re: Too long in the tooth to emigrate? - London, Ontario

Originally Posted by iaink View Post
What utter nonsense Oink. For most people the homesick/ culture shock phase lasts a few months, then they are past it. Sure, if they had been here 18 months and felt that way there might be some merit in the idea of returning ASAP, but thats not the case here.

Bare in mind please that some newer posters here might actually take what you write here at face value would ya
It's not 'utter nonsense'. It gnaws away at me after 6 years.
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Old Nov 2nd 2011, 6:27 pm
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Default Re: Too long in the tooth to emigrate? - London, Ontario

Originally Posted by iaink View Post
What utter nonsense Oink. For most people the homesick/ culture shock phase lasts a few months, then they are past it. Sure, if they had been here 18 months and felt that way there might be some merit in the idea of returning ASAP, but thats not the case here.

Bare in mind please that some newer posters here might actually take what you write here at face value would ya
No its not, and don't characterize my intention. I completely disagree with you. I think the best one can do when "homesickness" starts to manifest is learn to endure it. I don't believe it goes away and I think people should be aware of that. I also think a lot of people who live here feel they've become stuck, their spouses might like it, their children maybe entrenched in the culture, so they don't rock the boat because they fell guilty for proposing the move in the first place. IMO there are far more people here who can't stand the place but keep quiet so not to cause upset.
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