Rooander

Hi all,

Ive not really posted much on here but Ive been reading some of the threads and please dont think Ive come on here for an arguement, rant or general nastyness (if thats even a word). I dont want to be shouted at or be told Im crazy. Alot of the threads on here tend to get very hostile and I truly havent come on here for that.

I just want to ask and find out if anyone else has felt like this and did it dissappear!

We've been here in Saskatchewan for 2 years now, I moved here with my hubby and 3 children, who are now 14, 5 & 2. We came here because hubbys job was and still is in demand here, he wasnt happy at his place of work in the UK, we lived on the south coast, and was offered a job here. He came out 6 months before our actual move date to do a two week trial and loved it.

Our eldest was getting bullied at school and couldnt wait to get to Canada. (we've been back and forth to Canada for the last 10years as my god mother has a farm out here)

I was unsure about the move but went ahead with it because afterall it was a new start and Ive always been one to move around alot, Ive travelled the world, just not LIVED in any of the places.

Now please dont judge me, as I said above Im only asking if anyone has gone through this feeling and how did you get out of it! Since being here, our 14yr old had a hard time at the first school he went to, we moved areas and now is perfectly happy. Our 5 yr old is in french immersion and loves it. Finding things to do with my 2 yr old is definately a struggle here.

I'm feeling very lonely and shut off, I know the winters are hard and sometimes it feels like we have to hibnernate but even in the summer I feel the same. I had hoped that after 2 years these feelings might have dissappeared but they havent.

I'm desperately missing my dad, (my mum passed away back in 2000), I have no brothers or sisters, no aunts or uncles and no grandparents. I guess that makes me a very lonely person in general BUT I do have my dad and a wonderful family in my inlaws as well as my darling hubby and tiddlewinks ( my 14 yr old would kill me for saying that opps)

My sister in law has just had a baby and Im upset that my kids will never really know their cousin. We as families will never get to do things together. I never wanted my children to have the same feelings as me, like they missed out on family life. Big family christmas's etc.

It's this reason and alot more reasons that I THINK I want to go back to the UK. I'm not saying that Canada isn't a wonderful place, it truly is, but in the 2 years I've been here I have only made 2 friends. That sounds sad I know especially as I am really an outgoing person, sometimes maybe a little too outgoing but i still havent made a "group" of friends.

Maybe I'm being selfish, I dont know, maybe as wife and mother I should stop being silly and just get on with life here in Canada but I cant help but think what if???

I do hope someone out there can give me some advice or any experiences they have had.
xxxx

Beedubya

Hi Roo,

I think you should copy and paste this into the bit of the forum called Moving Back To The UK, you will get friendly support on there and it may help you to make a decision.

Barb

davidsk

I am sorry to hear that you are not happy over there.

I am not educating you here, but I think it may be helpful from the other person's view.

If you are a housewife, your husband's job and income is quite important for your whole family to have a happy life. If you do consider moving back, maybe you can first find out how the job market in the UK is.

Moving country is exhausting and quite expensive as well.

Are you living in a small place? Maybe you can consider to live in another city. How about joining a social club? You can develop your hobby and make new friends with the same interest. How about going to a class to learn something that you always like but didn't get a chance?

Maybe you can set up a goal. So you will be busy and occupied. You will feel more fulfilled and successful at the end.

Cdnshaz

I can certainly sympathize here, only I was a canadian in UK for 10 yrs, I was so homesick many times I wanted to grab a suitcase and passport and just get to closest airport. I didn't however as staying with my husband is what I did. I made very few friends the whole time I was in UK. I had aquaintances but no real close friends. I joined a gym and met a few people there, again no one that I would go out to dinner with or hang with, but nice people all the same and always spoke when we seen one another in or out of the gym.

Both my grand daughters were born in Canada and I couldn't be there, cried for weeks, but got over it. I had very few family members come to UK to visit. A few friends but merely b/c they were coming to UK for other reasons or to visit their family. I know lonesomeness more then most, I had no place to go when he and I had "words"
My father died and my brother died while I was out of the country, I barely had any time to grieve and had to "go home" I had no support during that time either.
I had no family in UK, my husbands family were ok, but never extended a friendly hand to make me feel part of the family, his kids well that's a story in itself I won't get into.
To make a long story short, I stuck it out. When my husband retired last year we returned to Canada, this being talked about for years that this would be our future. Albeit I knew some day I would come back....life here has changed so much as well, was almost tempted to go back to UK!!!!
It is hard when you are in a place where you don't know anyone, no immediate family and knowing how far away the ones you have are.

Sometimes we have to do things maybe doesn't feel right. Maybe you need a good visit back home to see your family and not a week or 2, go for a month when kids out of school. Have to say the depressing weather we are getting here in Ontario, been tempted myself to bail. We have been back a year and part of me really misses UK, and maybe a couple of people.

Some days am glad to be back, some days wish my family were still 4000 miles away!!!

Markandstacey

We are in the process of moving to Nova Scotia we have support from all the family but it still feels hard , we have a 5 year old and a 20 month old ? We think we are doing the right thing.

But are we?

I can see where you are coming from I would try and get out more you have a young child that you can use to get out and about , clubs etc are you rural!

Mark

bombards

Hi Rooander

I don't often post on here either but went through exactly the same feelings, emotions, and loneliness etc as you did almost 6 years ago. It was so hard for me to find myself in Canada, living a life that we never planned for. Moved for a job opportunity, then my dad died 8 months after moving here. I dealt with guilt, sadness, every emotion you probably feel. The number of times I almost booked tickets to run away back home was ridiculous. But something deep inside me told me that the life here would be better for all of us.

My girls were 8/6 when we moved here, they are now almost 15/13 and I can honestly say that we never want to live back in the UK. It got better for me - I hope it gets better for you. The old saying " the grass is always greener" is such a cliche but I think very true! My dear old mum, who is almost 80 and has no other family in the UK tells me not to go back to live in England - she sees that life has so much to offer us all in Canada.

Good luck - I hope you find some happiness with your life here. PM me any time for a chat.

B

Piff Poff

Hi Rooander

After 6 winters, I have had much of the same feelings as yourself, I am frustrated by my job aspects, you seem to need a degree to operate a post it note here, I miss my family (especially my poorly Mum) I am beginning to really dislike the winters. OH's job has been steadily going downhill over the last two years, making him grumpier and grumpier, which makes it harder for me to be positive.

It's so nice to feel the warmer weather coming, it does help lift the spirits. My family (including poorly Mum) are visiting this year, it's going to either make it all worse or it's going to make it better.

We have promised out 16 year old that we won't move anywhere until she's finished High School now, so that gives us time to plan and think and research.

I can't see us moving back to the UK, but I no longer say never

As for the friends thing - I hear ya! We either make friends with people that then move OR we are no longer useful too OR one of their (adult) kids ends up in the center of a Porn ring scandal, makes us want to keep ourselves to ourselves.

Anyhow, don't rush into things, sometimes just admitting to yourself an OH that you're not as happy and settled as you think you should be helps put things into perspective.

Oink

I'm afraid if those feelings of isolation and alienation are kicking in now the excitement of emigrating has worn off they'll only get worse and will gnaw at you making life very unpleasant for you and those around you. You're a foreigner living in a rather backward foreign farming community that has different values and aspirations. You're kids will eventually fit in as they turn into Saskatewan Canadians but you won't. Sorry if that's not what you want to hear.

Tangram

I for one would like to hear more about the porn ring scandal.

Atlantic Xpat

No solutions, but sympathy. Although we are pretty happy clinging to our particularly rock in Canada, seeing our daughter growing up with minimal contact with family back home, including a new neice, and aging parents does give us pause for thought. An annual pilgrammage back has sufficed for the last couple of years, but thats not financially sustainable for the longer term.

jerseytocanada

Oink

I think you can sort of get away with it in a larger cosmopolitan city, with direct flights back, like Vancouver or Toronto, but out in the middle of the prairies I think you're buggered. It must a horrible to eventually realize that you can't even relate to your kids as they've turned into the ones with the foreign sounding parents. You have my sympathy and actually I think making two friends in two years is pretty good for where you live.

Markandstacey

What a comment about sounding foreign , my cousin lives in aus and they don't sound English anymore! My other cousin in Canada and sound canadain so how does that work ! She's English !

Oink

So everybody loses their accent do they? But its not just about that, it's trying relate to their children in cultural terms. As much as Canada seems similar on the surface its very different in reality. There are countless stories by immigrant children of the difficulty they having trying to straddle two cultures. I'm not saying it cannot be done harmoniously but the evidence seems to suggest it is more difficult than people expect. The one thing I think will help the OP is that her husband is British, so she can at least have a sympathetic partner who doesn't become defensive when she wants a moan.

Novocastrian

To you, no doubt. But to the locals? No way.