Telling Family you are emigrating
Mar 3rd 2007, 9:38 am
#106
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Joined: May 2001
Location: Now in West London, but one day soon in Vancouver.....!
Posts: 448
Re: Telling Family you are emigrating
hi, guys! i posted a reply to this thread yesterday, but for some reason it has disappeared without trace! anyway, as i said yesterday, i just could not resist being drawn into this conversation again, after all the stuff we are going thru. as many friends on this forum know by now, we have had a real rough time, but for those of you who have not read my history, we emigrated in 2004, settled reasonably well in ontario, had a nice job, home, car etc. ok, we had a few odd niggles heren there, which is not unusual when you move into a new country. but what really drove us mad was the constant bickering, back-biting, winding up, manipulation going on behind our backs (i still call it the UK branch of the KGB, as only they could think up some of the subterfuge that my parents keep planning!!). anyway, it got so bad, that even people outside our family were telling us, that if something happens to your parents, YOU will be the ones to blame. so after some deliberation, we once again upped sticks and came back. came back to what? well, first day we got back and the door to the house opened, not so much as a hug or a peck on the cheek for the kids--just " oh, so youre back......"!!
i just cant understand what we have done by moving out--its like as if a great big cardinal sin has been committed. now, we walk around the house like complete strangers, not a word is spoken--parents say we dont talk to them, we say when we try to, there's no response, vicious circle!
and thats not all. my siblings have the cheek to tell me i cant sell my OWN house in order to move again. what am i supposed to do? buy another house for them to live in before i go back!! then there is the constant winding up of the kids against us--"johnny, how will your grandmum survive without you here? you'll miss your grandmum, wont you, dear?" etc etc. and soon as my bros and sisters heard that we are going back again, one suddenly said he's emigrating to spain, the other to italy and the sisters to god knows where! why? because they dont want to be lumbered up with looking after the parents. one of my siblings actually came round and said you cant go anywhere now -- its too late, you're heading towards 50 and if something happens to them, YOU will get the blame!! what actually hurt me was when i overheard my dad saying to my mum, "...get them to stay here for a few more years -- we're not going to live that much more anyway now, so by that time, the years will have passed, they will lose their immigration and everything will be fine, as we wont be here anyway" !! i mean, is that being selfish or what! position now has become that due to constant winding up when me or the wife are not at home, kids now say they want to study here and think about going to canada or wherever later on. this is obviously a very clever move by the instigators, as they know we will never easily leave our kids behind here, so our staying behind with the kids guarantees we stay, too! very very clever! but the wife and i are comitted to going back, hook or crook and are working out ways to get out, as we speak! and who said parents always look after their kids welfare...............
i just cant understand what we have done by moving out--its like as if a great big cardinal sin has been committed. now, we walk around the house like complete strangers, not a word is spoken--parents say we dont talk to them, we say when we try to, there's no response, vicious circle!
and thats not all. my siblings have the cheek to tell me i cant sell my OWN house in order to move again. what am i supposed to do? buy another house for them to live in before i go back!! then there is the constant winding up of the kids against us--"johnny, how will your grandmum survive without you here? you'll miss your grandmum, wont you, dear?" etc etc. and soon as my bros and sisters heard that we are going back again, one suddenly said he's emigrating to spain, the other to italy and the sisters to god knows where! why? because they dont want to be lumbered up with looking after the parents. one of my siblings actually came round and said you cant go anywhere now -- its too late, you're heading towards 50 and if something happens to them, YOU will get the blame!! what actually hurt me was when i overheard my dad saying to my mum, "...get them to stay here for a few more years -- we're not going to live that much more anyway now, so by that time, the years will have passed, they will lose their immigration and everything will be fine, as we wont be here anyway" !! i mean, is that being selfish or what! position now has become that due to constant winding up when me or the wife are not at home, kids now say they want to study here and think about going to canada or wherever later on. this is obviously a very clever move by the instigators, as they know we will never easily leave our kids behind here, so our staying behind with the kids guarantees we stay, too! very very clever! but the wife and i are comitted to going back, hook or crook and are working out ways to get out, as we speak! and who said parents always look after their kids welfare...............
Mar 3rd 2007, 11:15 am
#107
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jan 2007
Location: BC
Posts: 1,375
Re: Telling Family you are emigrating
My view?
Step back from the bickering. Look long and hard at what's the right thing for you and your's, and get on with it. That's what we've done.
Yep, we'll miss friends and family. But there are regular flights to Canada - it's not Mars for heaven's sake - and the internet, web cams etc bring everyone that much closer. It can take us 6 hours to drive to Yorkshire. The Vancouver flight is only 9!
If you allow yourself to be blackmailed into a course of action which you're unhappy about, it will only make for misery all round. You'll begrudge the fact you're still here. I'm sure your parents have their reasons - and in their eyes their legitimate ones - for keeping you here, but there comes a point where you have to agree to differ and move on.
That's my view - not right for everyone - but it's the best I can come up with.
Good luck. You have my sympathies!
Step back from the bickering. Look long and hard at what's the right thing for you and your's, and get on with it. That's what we've done.
Yep, we'll miss friends and family. But there are regular flights to Canada - it's not Mars for heaven's sake - and the internet, web cams etc bring everyone that much closer. It can take us 6 hours to drive to Yorkshire. The Vancouver flight is only 9!
If you allow yourself to be blackmailed into a course of action which you're unhappy about, it will only make for misery all round. You'll begrudge the fact you're still here. I'm sure your parents have their reasons - and in their eyes their legitimate ones - for keeping you here, but there comes a point where you have to agree to differ and move on.
That's my view - not right for everyone - but it's the best I can come up with.
Good luck. You have my sympathies!
Mar 3rd 2007, 1:42 pm
#108
Scottish Canuck
Joined: Aug 2006
Location: Auld Scotia > Nova Scotia > Calgary
Posts: 3,703
Re: Telling Family you are emigrating
hi, guys! i posted a reply to this thread yesterday, but for some reason it has disappeared without trace! anyway, as i said yesterday, i just could not resist being drawn into this conversation again, after all the stuff we are going thru. as many friends on this forum know by now, we have had a real rough time, but for those of you who have not read my history, we emigrated in 2004, settled reasonably well in ontario, had a nice job, home, car etc. ok, we had a few odd niggles heren there, which is not unusual when you move into a new country. but what really drove us mad was the constant bickering, back-biting, winding up, manipulation going on behind our backs (i still call it the UK branch of the KGB, as only they could think up some of the subterfuge that my parents keep planning!!). anyway, it got so bad, that even people outside our family were telling us, that if something happens to your parents, YOU will be the ones to blame. so after some deliberation, we once again upped sticks and came back. came back to what? well, first day we got back and the door to the house opened, not so much as a hug or a peck on the cheek for the kids--just " oh, so youre back......"!!
i just cant understand what we have done by moving out--its like as if a great big cardinal sin has been committed. now, we walk around the house like complete strangers, not a word is spoken--parents say we dont talk to them, we say when we try to, there's no response, vicious circle!
and thats not all. my siblings have the cheek to tell me i cant sell my OWN house in order to move again. what am i supposed to do? buy another house for them to live in before i go back!! then there is the constant winding up of the kids against us--"johnny, how will your grandmum survive without you here? you'll miss your grandmum, wont you, dear?" etc etc. and soon as my bros and sisters heard that we are going back again, one suddenly said he's emigrating to spain, the other to italy and the sisters to god knows where! why? because they dont want to be lumbered up with looking after the parents. one of my siblings actually came round and said you cant go anywhere now -- its too late, you're heading towards 50 and if something happens to them, YOU will get the blame!! what actually hurt me was when i overheard my dad saying to my mum, "...get them to stay here for a few more years -- we're not going to live that much more anyway now, so by that time, the years will have passed, they will lose their immigration and everything will be fine, as we wont be here anyway" !! i mean, is that being selfish or what! position now has become that due to constant winding up when me or the wife are not at home, kids now say they want to study here and think about going to canada or wherever later on. this is obviously a very clever move by the instigators, as they know we will never easily leave our kids behind here, so our staying behind with the kids guarantees we stay, too! very very clever! but the wife and i are comitted to going back, hook or crook and are working out ways to get out, as we speak! and who said parents always look after their kids welfare...............
i just cant understand what we have done by moving out--its like as if a great big cardinal sin has been committed. now, we walk around the house like complete strangers, not a word is spoken--parents say we dont talk to them, we say when we try to, there's no response, vicious circle!
and thats not all. my siblings have the cheek to tell me i cant sell my OWN house in order to move again. what am i supposed to do? buy another house for them to live in before i go back!! then there is the constant winding up of the kids against us--"johnny, how will your grandmum survive without you here? you'll miss your grandmum, wont you, dear?" etc etc. and soon as my bros and sisters heard that we are going back again, one suddenly said he's emigrating to spain, the other to italy and the sisters to god knows where! why? because they dont want to be lumbered up with looking after the parents. one of my siblings actually came round and said you cant go anywhere now -- its too late, you're heading towards 50 and if something happens to them, YOU will get the blame!! what actually hurt me was when i overheard my dad saying to my mum, "...get them to stay here for a few more years -- we're not going to live that much more anyway now, so by that time, the years will have passed, they will lose their immigration and everything will be fine, as we wont be here anyway" !! i mean, is that being selfish or what! position now has become that due to constant winding up when me or the wife are not at home, kids now say they want to study here and think about going to canada or wherever later on. this is obviously a very clever move by the instigators, as they know we will never easily leave our kids behind here, so our staying behind with the kids guarantees we stay, too! very very clever! but the wife and i are comitted to going back, hook or crook and are working out ways to get out, as we speak! and who said parents always look after their kids welfare...............
I remember reading your posts when I first came on here last year and it was pretty traumatic reading.
For my tuppence worth I think that you have to move back to Canada and settle for good. Hopefully the kids will come too and you should all fulfil your dreams. I fear if you don't move it will eat away at you over the years and leave you very bitter. Everyone deserves to make their life a happy one. You just have to go with your gut instinct and not be manipulated by people who not only don't appreciate you but are nasty with it. I have a strong feeling that all the moaning rellies and friends are very jealous.
Good luck to you all and make 2007 the year you all permanently moved to Canada to start your new and exciting life
Mar 3rd 2007, 3:59 pm
#109
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: SW England
Posts: 1,491
Re: Telling Family you are emigrating
Hi Julius, I've also followed your past threads. I think you've been 'done up like a kipper' by your family. I would get back to Canada asap and enjoy the rest of your life .......... you only have one so do what you want to do!
Mar 4th 2007, 8:04 am
#110
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Joined: May 2001
Location: Now in West London, but one day soon in Vancouver.....!
Posts: 448
Re: Telling Family you are emigrating
yep, you can say that again alright! we have been well done up like a kipper. but with hindsight, it could well be my own fault partly too, for not seeing the wood before the trees (is that how they say it???)--the writing was on the wall that the parents were looking after their own interests and not ours, so i should have stuck it out. the funniest one i heard was of friends friend who met a lovely girl, decided to settle down with her, and chose spain as their next home. well, you can imagine the who-haa that created! his mum tried and tried to get him to dump the girl and get someone SHE (his mum) suggested he go with, but they were in love and not to be budged. so anyway, the day came when they were flying out to spain for good--thats when the amateur dramatics started! his mum literally kept falling over pretending to be seriously sick etc etc. when they had gone, his mum actually flew over to their house in spain and set it on fire!! can you believe that? of course, she couldnt get away with that, and she was apprehended by the police there etc etc and when asked why she did it, she replied "if i cant have my son back in my house, then why should he live with THAT woman in his house...." !! talk about control-freaks! anyhow, in our case, i think we have come to the conclusion that i need to fly out first, settle down with a job, home, business whatever and then wait for the kids to finish their studies in another year or 2 and then come over and join me. their minds have been truly brainwashed by their grandparents behind our backs, so we will have to live with that for a while 
Mar 4th 2007, 10:34 am
#111
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Oct 2006
Location: BC
Posts: 1,361
Re: Telling Family you are emigrating
yep, you can say that again alright! we have been well done up like a kipper. but with hindsight, it could well be my own fault partly too, for not seeing the wood before the trees (is that how they say it???)--the writing was on the wall that the parents were looking after their own interests and not ours, so i should have stuck it out. the funniest one i heard was of friends friend who met a lovely girl, decided to settle down with her, and chose spain as their next home. well, you can imagine the who-haa that created! his mum tried and tried to get him to dump the girl and get someone SHE (his mum) suggested he go with, but they were in love and not to be budged. so anyway, the day came when they were flying out to spain for good--thats when the amateur dramatics started! his mum literally kept falling over pretending to be seriously sick etc etc. when they had gone, his mum actually flew over to their house in spain and set it on fire!! can you believe that? of course, she couldnt get away with that, and she was apprehended by the police there etc etc and when asked why she did it, she replied "if i cant have my son back in my house, then why should he live with THAT woman in his house...." !! talk about control-freaks! anyhow, in our case, i think we have come to the conclusion that i need to fly out first, settle down with a job, home, business whatever and then wait for the kids to finish their studies in another year or 2 and then come over and join me. their minds have been truly brainwashed by their grandparents behind our backs, so we will have to live with that for a while
You got to set boundaries with your siblings and parents ,cannot be a
doormat to them, when you could see for yourself that they do not
have any respect for you or any concerns for your well being.
Got to ask yourself what kind of life do you want for your family?
What kind of a role model and message do you want to teach your kids
by allowing your parents and siblings to use you and disrespect you.
Get over the guilt and take control of your life.
I do not think it is a good idea to be separated from your kids because
it is an unhealthy environment for them to grow up in, with all these
manipulations ,dramas and emotional blackmailing (I am sorry to say).They
need their parents. I know it is difficult but you got to make the move to
achieve the life you know is best for your family.
Best of luck with your decision.By the way,I did my RMN at Tooting Bec Hosp.
which was not too far from Streatham.
Yoong
Mar 6th 2007, 7:37 am
#112
BE Enthusiast
Joined: May 2001
Location: Now in West London, but one day soon in Vancouver.....!
Posts: 448
Re: Telling Family you are emigrating
You are very right, Yoong.
It took a bit of time, and a helluva headache and arguments, but we have finally put our feet down and stamped our authority on things at last! In fact, we had done that many times before but nobody would accept our reasoning, until i finally blew it and went crazy. with the kids, they are at A level stage now, and to wrench them away now would be foolhardy i think, so i plan to let them do their A's and then they can move. meantime, their mum will have to stay here with them and i will go and settle down in canada. yes, i know its difficult to have family split here and there, but sometimes you have to sacrifice things in order to get the long term view sorted out. thats where we stand right now......
It took a bit of time, and a helluva headache and arguments, but we have finally put our feet down and stamped our authority on things at last! In fact, we had done that many times before but nobody would accept our reasoning, until i finally blew it and went crazy. with the kids, they are at A level stage now, and to wrench them away now would be foolhardy i think, so i plan to let them do their A's and then they can move. meantime, their mum will have to stay here with them and i will go and settle down in canada. yes, i know its difficult to have family split here and there, but sometimes you have to sacrifice things in order to get the long term view sorted out. thats where we stand right now......
Hi Julius Smith,
You got to set boundaries with your siblings and parents ,cannot be a
doormat to them, when you could see for yourself that they do not
have any respect for you or any concerns for your well being.
Got to ask yourself what kind of life do you want for your family?
What kind of a role model and message do you want to teach your kids
by allowing your parents and siblings to use you and disrespect you.
Get over the guilt and take control of your life.
I do not think it is a good idea to be separated from your kids because
it is an unhealthy environment for them to grow up in, with all these
manipulations ,dramas and emotional blackmailing (I am sorry to say).They
need their parents. I know it is difficult but you got to make the move to
achieve the life you know is best for your family.
Best of luck with your decision.By the way,I did my RMN at Tooting Bec Hosp.
which was not too far from Streatham.
Yoong
You got to set boundaries with your siblings and parents ,cannot be a
doormat to them, when you could see for yourself that they do not
have any respect for you or any concerns for your well being.
Got to ask yourself what kind of life do you want for your family?
What kind of a role model and message do you want to teach your kids
by allowing your parents and siblings to use you and disrespect you.
Get over the guilt and take control of your life.
I do not think it is a good idea to be separated from your kids because
it is an unhealthy environment for them to grow up in, with all these
manipulations ,dramas and emotional blackmailing (I am sorry to say).They
need their parents. I know it is difficult but you got to make the move to
achieve the life you know is best for your family.
Best of luck with your decision.By the way,I did my RMN at Tooting Bec Hosp.
which was not too far from Streatham.
Yoong
Mar 6th 2007, 8:44 am
#113
Forum Regular
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 118
Re: Telling Family you are emigrating
hi, guys! i posted a reply to this thread yesterday, but for some reason it has disappeared without trace! anyway, as i said yesterday, i just could not resist being drawn into this conversation again, after all the stuff we are going thru. as many friends on this forum know by now, we have had a real rough time, but for those of you who have not read my history, we emigrated in 2004, settled reasonably well in ontario, had a nice job, home, car etc. ok, we had a few odd niggles heren there, which is not unusual when you move into a new country. but what really drove us mad was the constant bickering, back-biting, winding up, manipulation going on behind our backs (i still call it the UK branch of the KGB, as only they could think up some of the subterfuge that my parents keep planning!!). anyway, it got so bad, that even people outside our family were telling us, that if something happens to your parents, YOU will be the ones to blame. so after some deliberation, we once again upped sticks and came back. came back to what? well, first day we got back and the door to the house opened, not so much as a hug or a peck on the cheek for the kids--just " oh, so youre back......"!!
i just cant understand what we have done by moving out--its like as if a great big cardinal sin has been committed. now, we walk around the house like complete strangers, not a word is spoken--parents say we dont talk to them, we say when we try to, there's no response, vicious circle!
and thats not all. my siblings have the cheek to tell me i cant sell my OWN house in order to move again. what am i supposed to do? buy another house for them to live in before i go back!! then there is the constant winding up of the kids against us--"johnny, how will your grandmum survive without you here? you'll miss your grandmum, wont you, dear?" etc etc. and soon as my bros and sisters heard that we are going back again, one suddenly said he's emigrating to spain, the other to italy and the sisters to god knows where! why? because they dont want to be lumbered up with looking after the parents. one of my siblings actually came round and said you cant go anywhere now -- its too late, you're heading towards 50 and if something happens to them, YOU will get the blame!! what actually hurt me was when i overheard my dad saying to my mum, "...get them to stay here for a few more years -- we're not going to live that much more anyway now, so by that time, the years will have passed, they will lose their immigration and everything will be fine, as we wont be here anyway" !! i mean, is that being selfish or what! position now has become that due to constant winding up when me or the wife are not at home, kids now say they want to study here and think about going to canada or wherever later on. this is obviously a very clever move by the instigators, as they know we will never easily leave our kids behind here, so our staying behind with the kids guarantees we stay, too! very very clever! but the wife and i are comitted to going back, hook or crook and are working out ways to get out, as we speak! and who said parents always look after their kids welfare...............
i just cant understand what we have done by moving out--its like as if a great big cardinal sin has been committed. now, we walk around the house like complete strangers, not a word is spoken--parents say we dont talk to them, we say when we try to, there's no response, vicious circle!
and thats not all. my siblings have the cheek to tell me i cant sell my OWN house in order to move again. what am i supposed to do? buy another house for them to live in before i go back!! then there is the constant winding up of the kids against us--"johnny, how will your grandmum survive without you here? you'll miss your grandmum, wont you, dear?" etc etc. and soon as my bros and sisters heard that we are going back again, one suddenly said he's emigrating to spain, the other to italy and the sisters to god knows where! why? because they dont want to be lumbered up with looking after the parents. one of my siblings actually came round and said you cant go anywhere now -- its too late, you're heading towards 50 and if something happens to them, YOU will get the blame!! what actually hurt me was when i overheard my dad saying to my mum, "...get them to stay here for a few more years -- we're not going to live that much more anyway now, so by that time, the years will have passed, they will lose their immigration and everything will be fine, as we wont be here anyway" !! i mean, is that being selfish or what! position now has become that due to constant winding up when me or the wife are not at home, kids now say they want to study here and think about going to canada or wherever later on. this is obviously a very clever move by the instigators, as they know we will never easily leave our kids behind here, so our staying behind with the kids guarantees we stay, too! very very clever! but the wife and i are comitted to going back, hook or crook and are working out ways to get out, as we speak! and who said parents always look after their kids welfare...............
Mar 6th 2007, 7:24 pm
#114
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Oct 2006
Location: BC
Posts: 1,361
Re: Telling Family you are emigrating
You are very right, Yoong.
It took a bit of time, and a helluva headache and arguments, but we have finally put our feet down and stamped our authority on things at last! In fact, we had done that many times before but nobody would accept our reasoning, until i finally blew it and went crazy. with the kids, they are at A level stage now, and to wrench them away now would be foolhardy i think, so i plan to let them do their A's and then they can move. meantime, their mum will have to stay here with them and i will go and settle down in canada. yes, i know its difficult to have family split here and there, but sometimes you have to sacrifice things in order to get the long term view sorted out. thats where we stand right now......
It took a bit of time, and a helluva headache and arguments, but we have finally put our feet down and stamped our authority on things at last! In fact, we had done that many times before but nobody would accept our reasoning, until i finally blew it and went crazy. with the kids, they are at A level stage now, and to wrench them away now would be foolhardy i think, so i plan to let them do their A's and then they can move. meantime, their mum will have to stay here with them and i will go and settle down in canada. yes, i know its difficult to have family split here and there, but sometimes you have to sacrifice things in order to get the long term view sorted out. thats where we stand right now......
Sorry, that I came across blunt and strongly about your family situation.
I went through alot of family mess and because I was a slow learner,
it took me over 20 years to let go from fixing my family's problems.
It costs me a great deal financially and emotionally.
My friends already pointed out the problems but I kept hoping for the best
that things would turn around for them. Things got better for me when I
decided to look at my own life , be real to myself and face my shortcomings. Enjoying the self discovery journey ,found out the issues are more about
me and not about them. Trying to fix their mess was my avoidance of facing
my own issues and not taking responsibility for my life .
The mess in the my family is still the same,but I am able to stand back
and let them let them sort out their own financial mess and learn from them.
Yoong
Mar 6th 2007, 9:41 pm
#115
Just Joined
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 17
Re: Telling Family you are emigrating
Have just come back from Canada with a job for my hubby and had to start to tell family and friends. WHAT A B£$%%Y NIGHTMARE!!!! :scared:
My mom has gone off like the atomic bomb and said some very hurtful things to me ending in us not talking to each other. THis is hurtful as I am an only one and being worried about her reaction spoilt the joy of my hubby getting the job and also the holiday I have just spent a fortune on.
What do I do now ? No intention of letting my mom's outburst stop us coming over there but she is my mom after all.
Just feel dreadful and just can't seem to pull myself up out of the depths of gloom.
Anyone else suffered with a bad reaction from parents
My mom has gone off like the atomic bomb and said some very hurtful things to me ending in us not talking to each other. THis is hurtful as I am an only one and being worried about her reaction spoilt the joy of my hubby getting the job and also the holiday I have just spent a fortune on.
What do I do now ? No intention of letting my mom's outburst stop us coming over there but she is my mom after all.
Just feel dreadful and just can't seem to pull myself up out of the depths of gloom.
Anyone else suffered with a bad reaction from parents
I initially felt really upset for wanting to leave them, now it has just made me even more determined. Envy my husband his family were great, they all want to come and visit and his brother is now even thinking about applying himself!
Mar 7th 2007, 7:27 am
#116
BE Enthusiast
Joined: May 2001
Location: Now in West London, but one day soon in Vancouver.....!
Posts: 448
Re: Telling Family you are emigrating
hi cmk03. i dont know what your folks are talking about when they say "working all hours for little pay...". take my example--i was in a job paying almost $50 000 basic, thats without overtime etc, working the normal 38hrs with the w/ends off. i cant see anything bad about that! and that was within 8 weeks of landing there, too. ok, the weather was a little inclement in the winter, but you learn to live with it. just take a look at my postings and you will see wexactly what happens when you start pandering to your folks, putting their needs and wants before yours and your family's!!! my advice is -- get on with your plans and leave everyone else to their own comments. if you dont, you will regret it just like i am now!!!
I know how you feel! "Canada bashing" has become a daily past time with my parents and sister. In every call we have I have to listen to at least five minutes of "You'll never get work, you'll freeze, it will rain all year, they work all year for practically no holiday and very low wages", this is then repeated over and over again.
I initially felt really upset for wanting to leave them, now it has just made me even more determined. Envy my husband his family were great, they all want to come and visit and his brother is now even thinking about applying himself!
I initially felt really upset for wanting to leave them, now it has just made me even more determined. Envy my husband his family were great, they all want to come and visit and his brother is now even thinking about applying himself!
Mar 7th 2007, 7:30 am
#117
BE Enthusiast
Joined: May 2001
Location: Now in West London, but one day soon in Vancouver.....!
Posts: 448
Re: Telling Family you are emigrating
no problem, yoong! i know what you were talking. sorry to hear you ahve had a lot of problems too. thats life--you live and learn. at least you have actually made that critical move and done something for yourself and made a life for yourself too. otherwise, if you hadnt you would be crying your eyes out now for what could have been!! where abouts in bc are you by the way? and are you working in the medical field there?
Julius Smith,
Sorry, that I came across blunt and strongly about your family situation.
I went through alot of family mess and because I was a slow learner,
it took me over 20 years to let go from fixing my family's problems.
It costs me a great deal financially and emotionally.
My friends already pointed out the problems but I kept hoping for the best
that things would turn around for them. Things got better for me when I
decided to look at my own life , be real to myself and face my shortcomings. Enjoying the self discovery journey ,found out the issues are more about
me and not about them. Trying to fix their mess was my avoidance of facing
my own issues and not taking responsibility for my life .
The mess in the my family is still the same,but I am able to stand back
and let them let them sort out their own financial mess and learn from them.
Yoong
Sorry, that I came across blunt and strongly about your family situation.
I went through alot of family mess and because I was a slow learner,
it took me over 20 years to let go from fixing my family's problems.
It costs me a great deal financially and emotionally.
My friends already pointed out the problems but I kept hoping for the best
that things would turn around for them. Things got better for me when I
decided to look at my own life , be real to myself and face my shortcomings. Enjoying the self discovery journey ,found out the issues are more about
me and not about them. Trying to fix their mess was my avoidance of facing
my own issues and not taking responsibility for my life .
The mess in the my family is still the same,but I am able to stand back
and let them let them sort out their own financial mess and learn from them.
Yoong
Mar 7th 2007, 4:45 pm
#118
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Oct 2006
Location: BC
Posts: 1,361
Re: Telling Family you are emigrating
no problem, yoong! i know what you were talking. sorry to hear you ahve had a lot of problems too. thats life--you live and learn. at least you have actually made that critical move and done something for yourself and made a life for yourself too. otherwise, if you hadnt you would be crying your eyes out now for what could have been!! where abouts in bc are you by the way? and are you working in the medical field there?
I live and work in Vancouver, specialised in psych ,I supposed the
good old Tooting Bec Hosp's.RMN training had a positive impact on me .
I like my job and colleagues,good support and all personal problems are
discussed in the open.In my case it did not work in my favour for it made
me too comfortable to make any changes because of the support readily
available and was not painful enough to make real changes.
Anyway,I am grateful and thankful for the lessons.
Thanks for your support and all the best to you and your family.
Yoong
