Step children
 

I married for a second time in 2009. I have a son from my first marriage who is 13 now and 2 daughters from my second marriage. My husband has been offered a job in Toronto. I'm worried he might not be able to sponsor us to go as my son is his step son. I have full custody. My ex husband is not interested in him and we haven't seen him for 12 years. I don't even know where he is now. Do we need his permission to go. My son even has my new husbands surname now. I'd be so upset if this stopped us from moving. If anyone has any advice I would be grateful.
Nina:thumbup:

Re: Step children
 

Has he been formally adopted?, if not, then legally he would need permisssion for you to take son out of the country to live. If you can't find his father, then it might well be best to get a courts permission. I doubt you would have any problem, but it's best to ensure there are no problems further down the line.

Re: Step children
 

Thanks for your quick reply Mike. It's so unfair I have to incur such costs cos Mr Ex is such a pig. The CSA couldn't track him so we think he has left the country. Would CSA letter be proof enough?

Re: Step children
 

My husband had 3 step sons and one son to sponsor... (All mine!!).

We did indeed need permission from Dad which was a long and costly exercise... my ex bluntly refused, however he then took legal advice and his whole attitude changed. He even signed the document in front of a solicitor on my birthday! lol

That being said if your ex is not in the picture you might be able to get it done through the courts directly, I don't know but either way you will need permission.

Re: Step children
 

Thanks how much did the whole permission thing cost u? That's if u don't mind me asking?

Re: Step children
 

I can't imagine it would be as straight forward as that... Sadly... Does he have parents that you can speak to to find out his whereabouts?
I would imagine it would be a bit like a divorce or a death where you have to wait a certain time before you can proceed without the persons involvement, you would probably have to wait for something official to happen before you could go without his permission - such as a letter being sent to him at his last known address, or his parents or something like that and then wait 28 days for a response and so on...

But I might be totally wrong :unsure:

Re: Step children
 

Well it cost us about 600GBP for a couple of letters from a solicitor and then I took it in to my own hands... I told him by email as we never spoke, that I was prepared to go to court to sort this out once and for all. It dragged on for about 2 years in all...
He for some reason sought legal advice...not like him..and his whole attitude changed. The solicitor obviously told him something that made him change... no idea what...
Our solicitor originally told us it would be about 3000GBP if we ended up in court...

The advantage I had is that I knew where he was. :o

Re: Step children
 

Oh flipping heck!! I better start the process ASAP! Thanks for your help.

Re: Step children
 

Obviously that is just from my experience, yours could be very different... but it is definitely worth trying to track him down through parents, old friends and so on... Do as much of the leg work as you can to save you money and speed things up...

Good luck :thumbsup:

Re: Step children
 

Oh god I really don't want to see him again but I will do whatever it takes.

Re: Step children
 

I know exactly how you feel on that one... how did we ever fancy them eh?

Re: Step children
 

Didnt he give parental responsibility when he has stopped all contact with his child for 12 years and disappeared off the face of the earth. His parents are useless the pretend they don't know where he is.

Re: Step children
 

What do you mean by "I have full custody"?

Do you have a Court Order providing you with all decision making authority on behalf of your son? If you do, you already have all you need from the English perspective and your husband will simply have to convince CIC that your son is his dependent, which shouldn't be too difficult.

Re: Step children
 

No court order. I meant I keep the child 100% of the time. Surely he reliqished his parental rights by not being around for 12 years?

Re: Step children
 

Not in the eyes of the law I'm afraid..

Re: Step children
 

The law is an ass!!!

Re: Step children
 

It's in place to protect children from being kidnapped and taken abroad by a parent, so hardly.

I would suggest you either get a court order that gives you sole custody or else try and find your ex and get him to sign that he is in agreement.

I am curious as to how you changed your sons name without the fathers consent - or is he just assuming the name? What name is his birth certificate and passport in, as that is the name that you will need to put on the application.

Re: Step children
 

I changed his surname using a deed poll it was easily done I just wrote to the service explaining the situation along with the application and it was done. I then applied for his passport again with a letter explaining the name change and I got a British passport in his new name with no problem.

Re: Step children
 

I'm very suprised as they require a consent letter from the other parent, unless you have sole responsibility.

http://www.ukdps.co.uk/CanIChangeMyC....html#Section2

"... If a father has parental responsibility, his consent is required to make any change to his child's name including double-barrelling the surname. This is the case even if he and the mother have separated, divorced or remarried and if the father has no contact whatsoever with the child.

If a father, who has parental responsibility and who no longer lives with the mother and child, refuses to give his consent, the only course of action is for the mother to apply to the courts for leave (permission) to change the child's name. A court will give permission if it believes it will be in the child's best interests to allow the name change. The court will take into account the degree of commitment of the father to the child and the frequency and quality of contact between the father and child to determine whether the name-link between the father and child can be broken. An older child's views (age 11 upwards) will also be important in deciding whether the name change should be allowed... "

Perhaps they thought you did.

Re: Step children
 

Hmmm well they didnt ask me for anything...anyway it doesn't make any difference now - I still have to get a court order to take my boy.

Re: Step children
 

On that page link I gave, near the bottom, there are links to the forms to obtain a court order which I believe you can use to get a sole parental responsibility order. You can do it yourself, you don't have to have a lawyer.

The other option would be to try and get in contact with his family and ask them to forward a letter to him asking him to sign - you would probably need to 'write' the consent letter for him, then he could sign it and send it back.

:)

Re: Step children
 

Thank you siouxie I will definitely use the thread. You've been a great help. X

Re: Step children
 

How did you obtain a divorce without an Order being made?

Re: Step children
 

My ex told the court he didn't want anything to do with the child and I was awarded full custody. I know parental responsibility and full custody are two different things. I got a letter from my solicitor stating so. I don't know about the order - divorce thing it was 12 years ago. Are you saying there may already be a court order in place?

Re: Step children
 

If you were awarded "full custody" in an Order, you already have all you need; provided, of course, you interpretation of "full custody" (residence and contact are very different things) and mine are the same:p

Re: Step children
 

Unless things have drastically change since i came to Canada... i suspect you are incorrect...

I was awarded ...full custody ... of my children in 1989.... (Oh Lord .. it seems so long ago when you see it in print) but even then still I needed a release from the court to remove the children from the UK.. Before I applied I asked my ex for permission... which he didn't have any problem with ??????... so with his agreement and my application the court awarded me permission ... but only if I agreed that if for whatever reason, I would bring the children back to the UK if requested... My children were 8 and 11 at the time we landed ... they are now 31 and 34 so it turned out to be a mute point ... but even back that long ago it still wasn't a case of I could just do it because I had full custody.

I suspect that if you apply to the court and explain that the father has not been in the picture for 12 years and you do not know where he is ... this may make things more straight forward. He obviously is not paramount in your childs life, nor has he shown any sign that he wants to be ... However I would seek legal advise... it will guide you along the right path. and although it may cost you an hours fee, it may save you a lot of anguish long term.

Go for it and I wish you all the good luck in the world... your move to Canada will be the making of your family if my experience is anything to go by.

Re: Step children
 

My daughter came with us without permission, 1, I was not married to the biological idiot and 2, she was born in 1995, so just before the law changed I believe. All we did was get a satement drawn up by a lawyer and that sufficed.

Re: Step children
 

Well there you go ... Piff Poff had something to add to my comment.. And she may well be correct with what "the new law is" as I moved here before she did and my experience may certainly be out of date ..

However I can't believe the laws on child custody or the removal of a child from the country of their birth have relaxed since my experience ... in fact I would suspect the laws and restrictions would have become more stringent.... However the point of her comment that I think is most telling is that she says she wasn't married to the 'biological idiot'.

I suspect that her particular circumstances may have had an influence on her situation and the ease in which she removed her daughter 'without permission' from the UK..

But in my opinion I would still check it out with some legal advice.... I think it will serve you well in the long term, especially if you ever have to explain your actions to your child, of what you did and why you did it, at some later date.

it's not an impossible hurdle to remove children from the UK...as you can tell from the fact that lots of us have already made 'the leap'

Good luck

Re: Step children
 

Unfortunately, you are wrong and what the OP is or is not entitled to do will depend upon what the Court Order says, as we don't know that, it is impossible to state with any accuracy at all whether she will need a new Court Order.

Most people have no real idea what "custody" means. Most assume that "custody" means which party the child lives. It doesn't. When people refer to having "full custody" what they usually mean is that the child lives with them most of the time, this is not what "full custody" means.

Until the OP chooses to inform us of the terms of the current Court Order, no one, really, is in any position to offer any constructive advice.

Re: Step children
 

There is no court order at present just when we were divorced my ex said he wanted nothing to do with the child but I have no documents or nothing to prove this. Just my solicitor informed me in a letter I had from her.

Re: Step children
 

When my ex remarried, he gained a step-daughter...She is currently 14 so must have been about 11 at the time. Her biological father I believe had vanished from the face of the earth...but was not dead!

My ex managed to adopt her a couple of years ago without her natural father's permission as he was nowhere to be found... I don't know how long it took or how they did it, he didn't share with me, but it shows it's possible to change these things without the biological father's permission...

The irony of it all though is that he and his wife have split up now which makes everything a bit messy as the child is now legally his too!!!

Re: Step children
 

You have me totally baffled now!

If there is no Order, why did you attend Court and what paperwork resulted from that attendance?

If there is no Order granting you full decision making authority for the child, you will need either a Statutory Declaration from your ex permitting you to remove the child from the jurisdiction (I have provided you with a precedent below) or you will need to make an Application to the Court for an Order permitting you to remove the child from the jurisdiction.

Best of luck.

Re: Step children
 

The court case was for the divorce itself.

Re: Step children
 

Thanks for the statutory declaration. I'm pretty sure I will be unable to get hold of him. I have a feeling he lives abroad now as there is no trace of him using his national insurance number. His parents and best friend deny all knowledge of his whereabouts. So I am pretty stuck.

Re: Step children
 

I appreciate that, I am just amazed that your lawyer, or the Judge, didn't think to make, or request, an Order dealing with residence and contact for the child.

Re: Step children
 

Not really, you just need to make an Application. I can't imagine a Judge not giving you the permission you seek.

Re: Step children
 

I wish I had thought of that myself! My solicitor was well aware of the circumstances too. I am kicking myself now that it wasn't all done and dusted when I got divorced.

Re: Step children
 

Thanks for your help. X

Re: Step children
 

What I attempted to say in my response to your post was that in my opinion I didn't think you were correct when you said ...

If you were awarded "full custody" in an Order, you already have all you need;

As your later posts indicate ... she may still need to make an application to the court to remove the child from the UK. And that is what I thought I said in my post ... I agree that there is a lot of confusion surrounding the term 'Full Custody' ... and I never made comment about that because as you quite rightly pointed out ... we do not know the contents of any order she may or may not have.

However all I attempted to provided was the value of my experience as it was then ... When I stated that I was awarded 'full (sole) custody', I know I was ... as the implications of such an order were discussed with the Judge and myself in her chambers prior to the divorce hearing.....yet I still applied to the court for permission to remove the children from the UK permanently. I still have the the original consent document issued by Bristol County Court...

I meant no disrespect to you ... as I said quite clearly in my post, this was only MY OWN experience and I actively encouraged seeking legal advise to be sure based on her own situation... :)

Re: Step children
 

You do realise that AC is a family lawyer right?