resume advice
Nov 30th 2009 | 2:00 am
#16
Thread Starter
Forum Regular
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 90
Re: resume advice
Well I'm not willing to post my resume but I was wondering if anyone could take a look at my covering letter?
I think its ok, though it could probably do with being re drafted but the only bit I'm really struggling with is telling them that I live in the UK and the quickest I can get a visa would be mid feburary (BUNAC visa).
P.S is it possible to get a visa quicker than that?
Dear
I am a recent graduate of York St John University and have attained a B.A Hon’s 2:1 undergraduate degree in film and television production. I now wish to further myself and gain new skills in a retail environment.
I read the posting for the position of customer service Coordinator with great interest because I have extensive experience within the industry and it would be a chance to take on new challenges.
I have over four years of experience working in a retail environment, most significantly WH Smiths PLC, one of the largest retailers of books, magazines and stationary in the UK. As such I am highly familiar with the daily runnings of a bookstore and am able to identify the needs of the customers.
As an employee of Tescos PLC, the biggest grocery chain in the UK I have shown my ability to achieve a high visual standard within the store and was able to further develop my time management skills.
Finally as a Sales assistant at Jessops PLC, a camera and photography equipment retailer I have demonstrated my ability to work with customers, advising them on purchase by attempting to meet their needs whilst staying within their budget.
In my free time I take part in several activities including rowing, where I was a coxswain. As a coxswain I am responsible: for keeping the boat and rowers safe by steering the boat safely, keeping the crew rowing in time, motivating the crew and providing tactical decisions when required.
As part of my degree and in my free time I have worked on several short films working primarily as a cameraman. Fulfilling this role meant I had to help the director achieve his vision by providing a variety of ways to shoot a scene.
Throughout this collaboration we produced several pieces including a film called living’la vida longboard.
http://www.vimeo.com/2520618
As a British citizen I will be required to apply for a work visa, I plan on applying for a working holiday visa through BUNAC http://www.bunac.org/ which takes several months to complete, however it requires no paper work from you the employers.
Yours
Sincerely
Phillip Johnson
thanks for the help everyone.
I think its ok, though it could probably do with being re drafted but the only bit I'm really struggling with is telling them that I live in the UK and the quickest I can get a visa would be mid feburary (BUNAC visa).
P.S is it possible to get a visa quicker than that?
Dear
I am a recent graduate of York St John University and have attained a B.A Hon’s 2:1 undergraduate degree in film and television production. I now wish to further myself and gain new skills in a retail environment.
I read the posting for the position of customer service Coordinator with great interest because I have extensive experience within the industry and it would be a chance to take on new challenges.
I have over four years of experience working in a retail environment, most significantly WH Smiths PLC, one of the largest retailers of books, magazines and stationary in the UK. As such I am highly familiar with the daily runnings of a bookstore and am able to identify the needs of the customers.
As an employee of Tescos PLC, the biggest grocery chain in the UK I have shown my ability to achieve a high visual standard within the store and was able to further develop my time management skills.
Finally as a Sales assistant at Jessops PLC, a camera and photography equipment retailer I have demonstrated my ability to work with customers, advising them on purchase by attempting to meet their needs whilst staying within their budget.
In my free time I take part in several activities including rowing, where I was a coxswain. As a coxswain I am responsible: for keeping the boat and rowers safe by steering the boat safely, keeping the crew rowing in time, motivating the crew and providing tactical decisions when required.
As part of my degree and in my free time I have worked on several short films working primarily as a cameraman. Fulfilling this role meant I had to help the director achieve his vision by providing a variety of ways to shoot a scene.
Throughout this collaboration we produced several pieces including a film called living’la vida longboard.
http://www.vimeo.com/2520618
As a British citizen I will be required to apply for a work visa, I plan on applying for a working holiday visa through BUNAC http://www.bunac.org/ which takes several months to complete, however it requires no paper work from you the employers.
Yours
Sincerely
Phillip Johnson
thanks for the help everyone.
Nov 30th 2009 | 3:52 am
#17
Binned by Muderators
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 11,708
From: White Rock BC
Re: resume advice
Six initial thoughts:
1 The opening sentence is incredibly weak. What the hell is York St John University? I don't know what a 2:1 is so my immediate thought is the writer doesn't understand the Canadian market. And, how is a degree in film and television production relevant to a retail position. Again, I am thinking this person wants to be in film and TV but can't get employment in the industry, so is trying to get a filler job. If you must start the letter with I (see below) then, "I am a recent graduate looking to advance my career in the retail industry".
2 Look at the letter and see how many times you say "I" and "my". The employer will read hundreds of letters like this. To be honest, they don't care about you, they care about themselves. "You" and "your" are much better words. What are their needs and how will you meet them?
3 Don't mention employer's names in a cover letter if the reader will not have heard of them. There is room on the resume for that. Talk about "Largest National Retailer" or "National Brand Leader". Even then, the only point in mentioning them is to draw the reader's attention to the fact that you have demonstrated skills that will benefit the reader.
4 You weren't a cox who steered the boat, you were the team leader.
5 Wording is important. The letter and resume has to present you as an active, not passive, person. So, you don't help a film director, you enable them. You don't acquire skills, you use them.
6 Visa. You are telling the employer you are not legally allowed to work in Canada, but that you might be at some indeterminate time in the future. That is not going to encourage them. You need something like, "I will be in Canada with the legal right to work from ....." If it is more than a few weeks in the future you will still have problems as why would an employer wait for you when there are so many Canadian s able and willing to start tomorrow? (Hint: you have to tell the employer why.)
1 The opening sentence is incredibly weak. What the hell is York St John University? I don't know what a 2:1 is so my immediate thought is the writer doesn't understand the Canadian market. And, how is a degree in film and television production relevant to a retail position. Again, I am thinking this person wants to be in film and TV but can't get employment in the industry, so is trying to get a filler job. If you must start the letter with I (see below) then, "I am a recent graduate looking to advance my career in the retail industry".
2 Look at the letter and see how many times you say "I" and "my". The employer will read hundreds of letters like this. To be honest, they don't care about you, they care about themselves. "You" and "your" are much better words. What are their needs and how will you meet them?
3 Don't mention employer's names in a cover letter if the reader will not have heard of them. There is room on the resume for that. Talk about "Largest National Retailer" or "National Brand Leader". Even then, the only point in mentioning them is to draw the reader's attention to the fact that you have demonstrated skills that will benefit the reader.
4 You weren't a cox who steered the boat, you were the team leader.
5 Wording is important. The letter and resume has to present you as an active, not passive, person. So, you don't help a film director, you enable them. You don't acquire skills, you use them.
6 Visa. You are telling the employer you are not legally allowed to work in Canada, but that you might be at some indeterminate time in the future. That is not going to encourage them. You need something like, "I will be in Canada with the legal right to work from ....." If it is more than a few weeks in the future you will still have problems as why would an employer wait for you when there are so many Canadian s able and willing to start tomorrow? (Hint: you have to tell the employer why.)
