i have been offered a position and going september(maybe)
the thing is my partner really doesnt want me to go(going on my own to see if things work out)she says we have a good life here.ive not worked full time since october last year,the job situation is so bad at the minute,hence the reason to go to canada.
we have been together for 8 years,we live in her house,i actually dont own anything.the house is also paid for in december,i tried to tell her that she will be financially sound when she comes to retire,me,not so sound.she also owns a static caravan which we went to most weekends.she now says she wants to sell it as she wont go on her own,and thats basicaly its my fault because im going away.
ive tried to tell her that:
1.ive been offered a job,which im not getting here.
2.there is a chance we can enjoy a better quality of life there,i might be able to earn enough to eventually buy a house,either together or on my own.she just wont understand that i am trying to better myself.
im not coming out there expecting to earn buckets load of cash,but if i keep my head down and work hard,i will probably earn decent money,and as im living in the truck,the money will mostly be banked.
we have had a few ding dongs,one being today.we both ended up shouting and getting upset.
i have told her,or tried,that she would probably like canada.she said she would come out to see me after my 6 months.
i know i will be leaving her on her own worrying about the bills,but i will be sending money over,and i will miss her loads,and it will be hard,but im determined to give it a go.i think she will love the place,if she give it a chance.
before she went to work,she said i was to go,but it wont be with her blessing.also,if i ended up coming back to the uk for whatever reason,im not to expect open arms.
so the question is:what do i do???????????????

Well the answer to this question is unfortunately entirely up to you. It is a difficult situation but in the end she can't expect you to stay, it's your life, it's your decision. At the same time you can't expect her to follow you once you've settled in over there. If you really think that you can better yourself by coming to Canada then by all means do it. And if you still feel the same way and see that it' working after you have arrived here, you will know you made the right decision. Ask her if she wants you to be happy. It sounds to me like she wants you to stay knowing that you wouldn't be happy.

Good luck man... both with Canada and with the woman

Hi Jag, you have to do whats right for you hun,.....she need to understand your doing this the right reasons.......i'm sure she'll love Canada once she comes to visit.....but you can't live your life for someone else or try to please everyone all the time..... You need to do this for yourself, and if by any chance it doesn't work out then deal with that when the time comes....

You only need to read this forum to see that you can't live your life with regrets....if you don't try then you'll never know........

Hi there ...was all this a big surprise to her?? Have you had problems between you before so she thinks this is your "way out"!? Maybe it's about more than just "Canada", I don't know.

She's in a nice secure situation, but perhaps she needs to realise that you deserve to get yourself similarly set up and that is not happening for you where you are right now. Good for you for looking for an alternative source of work!

Where is your job going to be based? Have you ever been there?? Does your other half have negative preconceptions about "Canada" that are unfounded, perhaps?

To help you both make an informed decision, could you manage to have a recce to the area first? I know it's expensive but it could help you both make up your minds, one way or another. Otherwise, why not see if there is anyone on here who lives where you are thinking about going and could tell you / your other half about what life is like in that area - positives and negatives.

We came over for a year initially. If she were more willing to consider the options, perhaps you plan something similar. Ie let's try it out and if it's not for us then we'll just come back. Rent out her house furnished and rent one yourselves over here???

Or if it's a fixed term contract you have in Canada, then perhaps she should be looking at it as though you are on one big recce while she stays at home at first. Why would she not visit during the time and try to keep an open mind about your long term plans together? That way, she wouldn't have to give up her UK life/job but at the same time not your relationship either.

Sounds like you are both at a major crossroads.... but an exciting one! Good luck with what you decide.

thanks monkey puzzle.no it wasnt a surprise.she was all for it until i got offered the job.
i know she will like it,i think its just the fact that im leaving her on her own.
im going to go through with it anyway,otherwise i will kick myself for life if i dont

go for it - you WILL end up resenting her if you stay here with nothing and no prospects. invite her out for a holiday but why wait 6 months ?
you can always come back if you hate it!
good Luck!

Short answer - if she can make her choices, why cant YOU ?

thanks guys.much appreciated.
the company i am going working for,is in lethbridge.so if there is anyone here that lives there,their first hand knowledge would be good.
as i will be living in the truck most of the time,i have picked a place to settle,if it works out.
i know we both like quietness,so we would probably pick outside town,but not too far away.

Tough decision, I suspect she was all for it while it looked like a distant dream as soon as you turned it into reality she had all this unresolved questions in her mind that hadnt been thought through.

I would present it to her that if you don't go for it you will never know, and if you put it off it may be too late. Plus it is an opportunity for her to try something new too.

The UK will still be there in 6-12 months time so if it doesnt work out and you want to be back you can easily go back, and by then the work situation maybe better.

Good luck on your difficult decision.

I, like you, was offered a really tasty job in Canada, in this case a fixed contract with SNC-Lavalin for the Canadian Armed Forces Contractor Augmentation Program. I had a series of typical contracts with Cobham’s Defence Systems back in the UK. The "beau" of five years didn't agree with the temporary move to Quebec (nor of my extracurricular weekend and holiday activities). Christ, she didn't even like the nature of my professional work, often commenting upon the dubious moral nature of the industry. Ah, what can I say? She didn't even want to start a family . . . You know, I love the proverb "time waits for no [wo-]man," because in her case it was so true. No regrets. Do what you have to so as to enjoy your one life. Make a decision that is for you.

Dont listen to her, you will regret it for the rest of your life if you dont try.
My own mother has told me loads of times that if i immigrate to canada & take her grandkids away , she will disown me. I made the mistake of telling her about our dream 2years ago, & i haven't heard the last of it. This is a once in a life time opportunity, take it....

How people can engage in this sort of blatant emotional blackmail is beyond me. Why do they assume that their children and grandchildren will stay around them in today's global society

I do not want my daughters to live their lifes for us. Where ever my daughters end up, I will be sure to visit them, and isn't it a great opportunity to see another part of the world!

Threats like disowning would only make me wonder why am I staying to be abused like this.

We did hear similar half hearted attempts when we announced our dream. But me being a mean b'stard to them to deal with it. We are going back to the UK this year to spend two full weeks with Jule's parents in Whitby having a great time. My parents have not even asked when we are landing (they are aware we are coming over).

Jules and her Mum speak weekly and more often if they wish (we have PRIMUS $25 per month for unlimited calls to UK).

I think I have called home less than 10 times in the last 3.5 years, in return I have received less than 5 calls from my family in the same time. Funny how it is expected that we should be the ones making the effort to call/visit/fit in with their expectations. On our last visit we travelled 3,500 miles to get to the UK, drive hundreds of miles visiting relatives and some people couldn't be @rsed to drive to the local restuarant to have lunch with us.

OK rant over

i think we have come to some sort of agreement,and it amazed me.
my partner came home saying she had been thinking of what i said.
she wants to sell the static caravan,she doesnt want to go on her own,she wants me to do a minimum 2 years,she will come over a few times to see if she would like it.if she doesnt then we have to try something else.so ive got 2 years to make some money,show her decent places that she may like,and just try and convince her that we could have a good life in canada.
its a start!!!!!

That's really great! Good luck with it all!!

Yeah....Best of luck with your plans.....