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Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .

Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .

Old Jan 19th 2021, 2:51 am
  #31  
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Default Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .

Originally Posted by kate8kate0 View Post
I like that last comment, do you think I should get citizenship? do you reckon I would want to come back? Would you move back to the UK? Do you have a mum or dad back home?( honest question :-)
Yes I do think you should obtain Citizenship before leaving Canada. If your daughter decides to stay in Canada - gets married - has your grandkids, do you think you might ever want to come back? If you are back in the UK and in 3 years time you decided it wasn't working out, do you think you just might consider moving back? After leaving Canada for 4 years and your PR status lapsing, if you wanted to return you would only be able to come as a visitor (presuming they still allow visitors, lol) but most likely won't qualify for any PR route to enable you to stay long term and work All things to consider.

What does your spouse think about moving back - are they of a similar mind?

I have considered moving back to the UK, I would be better off financially, but as my only (adult) child lives here and is happy; personally the thought of not being able to see him on a reasonably regular basis would preclude me ever doing so. I would like to see my future grandchildren grow up and be part of their lives.
In anwer to your question about parents - my mother died when I was 9 and my father died when I was 41.

Last edited by Siouxie; Jan 19th 2021 at 2:55 am.
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Old Jan 19th 2021, 2:56 am
  #32  
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Default Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .

What if she doesn't want to go to the university in Cheltenham, and live at home??

What if the universities there are still doing online?

Would you have been happy to do what your mother wanted over what you wanted, in this kind of situation, when you were 18?
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Old Jan 19th 2021, 2:57 am
  #33  
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Default Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .

Originally Posted by BristolUK View Post
I don't think the OP quite said that.

I'm sure that means some issues she's not going to be happy with. Same as everywhere it just depends on those issues vs others and whether one set outweighs the other.
But isn't it the same here??

There are issues and problems that the OP is not happy with?
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Old Jan 19th 2021, 3:20 am
  #34  
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Default Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .

Originally Posted by Siouxie View Post
Yes I do think you should obtain Citizenship before leaving Canada. If your daughter decides to stay in Canada - gets married - has your grandkids, do you think you might ever want to come back? If you are back in the UK and in 3 years time you decided it wasn't working out, do you think you just might consider moving back? After leaving Canada for 4 years and your PR status lapsing, if you wanted to return you would only be able to come as a visitor (presuming they still allow visitors, lol) but most likely won't qualify for any PR route to enable you to stay long term and work All things to consider.

What does your spouse think about moving back - are they of a similar mind?

I have considered moving back to the UK, I would be better off financially, but as my only (adult) child lives here and is happy; personally the thought of not being able to see him on a reasonably regular basis would preclude me ever doing so. I would like to see my future grandchildren grow up and be part of their lives.
In anwer to your question about parents - my mother died when I was 9 and my father died when I was 41.
yes my mother died when I was 21, my dad is dying, he's 75 (me 43). I am so sorry your mum died when you was 9, my heart is completely with you on that one.

Last edited by kate8kate0; Jan 19th 2021 at 3:28 am.
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Old Jan 19th 2021, 6:09 am
  #35  
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Default Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .

I’ll chip in with some recent experience of this age group. Some are super responsible, have their shit together, or figure it pretty fast. Others, not so much. I have 2, now 20 and 22. They were not as worldly wise or responsible at 18 as I was, and I truly think that this generation are about 2 yrs different in their development than my generation were at a similar age. That’s not to say all, but many.

My now-20 yr old was desperate to move out at 18, and did a summer at a hotel in Banff. It was rough, she came home a lot! She was skint, hungry and so disorganized. Best waste of 5 months ever which taught her a lot. She was also battling anxiety, panic attacks and depression. She reluctantly came home, we said nothing and she got a “proper” job a month or so later, is staying at home now to save and has figured out life way more, the types of friends who are a support and who are toxic. and grown up a lot in a year.

My other daughter is 22 and it’s only this year that I would say she has figured out more about who she is, what she wants and where. And how to administrate her life. Some days it’s still a battle.

My advice is to quietly be supportive in the background, let her figure some of this out on her own, she may fail, she may flourish, she may surprise you. Or not! If you are willing or able to support her financially in one country or the other, do so still, with a time limit or something. Be prepared to pay a few dollars out to see if she slumps or rises. Offer to pay her down payment on a place. Or fill her pantry, or pay for her phone for 6 months. You would be supporting her anyway if nothing was going to change and you all lived in Calgary for the next few years.

If it all turns out to be a disastrous shit show, so be it. She’ll learn something regardless. Move on. Not even “I told you so”.

At 18 her friends are vitally important - more than you right now I’m afraid. She must be worried about losing them, and on the other hand about her parents wanting to move away too. Either option is bad for her train of thought, but she’s digging her heels in on one of them. Staying put in familiar territory.

Post secondary is also hard at 18 for a huge percentage of students. Mental health all round is a struggle for thousands. And this past year has generally been a bit rubbish all round. I finally accepted there truly is no rush, they’ll figure it out. I have been needed more in my parental role for my kid’s support betweeen the ages of 17 and 22, than I think when they were younger. Or different support anyway. I’m bloody knackered😉.

And finally, if you don’t already live in Cochrane or Okotoks, consider a move. There are tons of Brits you can gas with all day.😂. Good luck.
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Old Jan 19th 2021, 6:10 am
  #36  
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Default Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .

Originally Posted by scilly View Post
But isn't it the same here??

There are issues and problems that the OP is not happy with?

Sorry if weird question, are you male or female?

Last edited by kate8kate0; Jan 19th 2021 at 6:18 am.
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Old Jan 19th 2021, 6:44 am
  #37  
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Default Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .

Originally Posted by scilly View Post
What if she doesn't want to go to the university in Cheltenham, and live at home??

What if the universities there are still doing online?

Would you have been happy to do what your mother wanted over what you wanted, in this kind of situation, when you were 18?
yes my mother kicked me up the arse at 18, to not to move to america!! I never second guessed it.

Last edited by kate8kate0; Jan 19th 2021 at 6:52 am.
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Old Jan 19th 2021, 6:55 am
  #38  
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Default Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .

Originally Posted by kate8kate0 View Post
Yes Brexit, ugh! I've heard annual leave may be cut from 4 weeks to 2.
I can honestly say I've heard nothing about that. Also, it's becoming less common for employers to only offer the legally mandated 20 days. Most I've encountered in recent years offer 25 days plus bank holidays.
​​​​​​
General rule of thumb from my experience is those who only offer 20 days are the ones who don't treat their employees very well and you should probably avoid working for if you can.
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Old Jan 19th 2021, 10:13 am
  #39  
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Default Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .

Originally Posted by kate8kate0 View Post
<snip>
I’ve obviously missed something in this thread? Scilly usually gives helpful advice.
I feel for you, OP, in this situation - we’re a split family across the Atlantic, with daughter returned to the UK although she was 24 so a little older but we’ve always accepted that this could/would happen along the way. 18 is young for your daughter to find her own way, although many do it, out of choice or necessity, but there has been some good practical advice including helping her get set up to sink or swim. That should make it clearer to her how difficult it would be or give you confidence in her. Unfortunately friends can be overly important at that age, more so than family, which doesn’t help.
I wish you well in whatever you decide to do - not easy but you’ve got comments from various points of view now to consider, which hopefully will help.

Last edited by christmasoompa; Jan 19th 2021 at 11:25 am. Reason: Quoted post removed
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Old Jan 19th 2021, 10:21 am
  #40  
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Default Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .

Nobody at 18 really knows what they want to do with the rest of their life or who they will become. If the rest of your family wants to return home then why not start preparing that. If your daughter is anything like I was at that age then she will eventually cave, even if it isn't until you start getting ready to go to the airport and she suddenly realises you're not playing games and just how tough life without the rest of the family around would be. Just make sure you have a few hundred quid saved over in case you need to buy her a flight ticket at short notice.

The majority of people on this forum are in their 30's, 40's and older and even then the forum is full of people who either cancel their plans to relocate overseas or return home because the pull of family ties in the UK is too great.

Last edited by DigitalGhost; Jan 19th 2021 at 10:23 am.
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Old Jan 19th 2021, 11:28 am
  #41  
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Default Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .

Originally Posted by Twitcher1958 View Post
I’ve obviously missed something in this thread?
Ditto. Kate8kate0, no idea what on earth that was about or if somebody else got hold of your account maybe? It's very strange, I've deleted it now on the assumption that you were drunk or hacked.

With talk of Cheltenham being in the north, public schools being rubbish and now this, this thread is beginning to make me feel like I'm in some kind of weird parallel universe.

Last edited by christmasoompa; Jan 19th 2021 at 11:43 am.
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Old Jan 19th 2021, 11:41 am
  #42  
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Default Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .

Originally Posted by scilly View Post
But isn't it the same here??

There are issues and problems that the OP is not happy with?
Yes it's the same. Issues and problems in both places.
But "If you KNOW that you are not going to be happy in the UK..." contradicts that a bit.
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Old Jan 19th 2021, 4:30 pm
  #43  
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Default Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .

Just out of interest, is one of your reasons for returning to the UK to look after you father?
I think Ann M has given some really good advice. Sometimes you have no choice but to let your kids try something, and all you can do is be there to either celebrate their success or look after them if they don't. Just out of interest, is there a reason why you think she would fail? I notice you talk about the clothes on the bedroom floor yet I have a friend who has a very successful career but is the untidiest person I've ever met.
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Old Jan 19th 2021, 5:35 pm
  #44  
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Default Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .

Hi guys thanks for all your input. Really appreciated. So I spoke to my daughter this morning. We had a in depth talk about why she wants to stay (friends mainly), and the fact that in the space of a few months, if she can't get a job, save enough money, she will come back with us and if she really wants to can move back in 6 months. She will try to get a job at the racecourse, apparently a lot of students work there, so my thinking is that she will make some friends and want to stay!! We also talked about Cheltenham university its a lovely university, but she's adamant she wants to come back to Calgary at this point. Argh!! So fingers crossed she will stay. Please God! :-)
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Old Jan 19th 2021, 5:39 pm
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Default Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .

Originally Posted by christmasoompa View Post
Ditto. Kate8kate0, no idea what on earth that was about or if somebody else got hold of your account maybe? It's very strange, I've deleted it now on the assumption that you were drunk or hacked.

With talk of Cheltenham being in the north, public schools being rubbish and now this, this thread is beginning to make me feel like I'm in some kind of weird parallel universe.
SW sorry hadn't given it much thought, that's all. haha.

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