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Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .

Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .

Old Jan 18th 2021, 8:59 pm
  #16  
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Default Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .

Cheltenham, the North? I'm confused are you moving up north or to Cheltenham?

I wouldn't move back to the UK right now, who knows how Brexit and COVID will change it, how it will change us all.
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Old Jan 18th 2021, 9:04 pm
  #17  
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Default Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .

Originally Posted by Siouxie View Post
Reading through your various responses I'm not so sure you are really missing the UK per se - perhaps more that you are unhappy with where you are currently living... 'grass is greener syndrome!"

Before you give it all up, why not try a different Province - move near the Great Lakes or by the Ocean.. somewhere there is some history / culture etc. You could buy some properties in cottage country or out east (or anywhere rural) and rent them as holiday lets or annual rentals for income on retirement. We're a big country - don't be put off by the one City you have landed up in.

What draws you to the UK exactly, if you take off the rose coloured glasses? There are good (UK) cheddar cheeses available at many of the cheese stores (and even supermarkets) and markets here - there are breads that aren't salty / sweet (usually the artisan ones - but even some generic brands aren't too bad) - as for greens - grow your own! There are corner shops types of stores that you can walk to in many of the smaller towns; you have been impacted by the place you live but there's plenty of other options that might suit you better without reverting to leaving and going back to the UK!
Absolutely good food for thought.

I think for me it's also about conversation. I do really miss introspective talk, talking to Canadian people I feel its a bit intellectually stubborn, I feel a disconnect. I'm European, we're different, not in a bad way, but different. I have a brit friend in Vancouver and one in Toronto, they feel the same.

I mean don't get me wrong, I know there's issues and problems I'm not going to be happy with in the UK, I was naive when I thought about coming here, 'oh it will be fantastic!' but reality sets in, the grass isn't greener, and just maybe the real utopia is home.

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Old Jan 18th 2021, 9:09 pm
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Default Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .

Originally Posted by bats View Post
Cheltenham, the North? I'm confused are you moving up north or to Cheltenham?

I wouldn't move back to the UK right now, who knows how Brexit and COVID will change it, how it will change us all.
Sorry north of London means north to me. (NW)
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Old Jan 18th 2021, 9:20 pm
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Default Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .

Originally Posted by bats View Post

I wouldn't move back to the UK right now, who knows how Brexit and COVID will change it, how it will change us all.
I don't think us brits will ever change. haha.
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Old Jan 18th 2021, 10:44 pm
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Default Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .

Originally Posted by kate8kate0 View Post
Sorry north of London means north to me. (NW)
Gosh - we lived near Cheltenham - I know it’s technically north of London but I’m not sure I’d have ever described it that way!
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Old Jan 18th 2021, 11:08 pm
  #21  
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Default Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .

Originally Posted by kate8kate0 View Post
Absolutely good food for thought.

I think for me it's also about conversation. I do really miss introspective talk, talking to Canadian people I feel its a bit intellectually stubborn, I feel a disconnect. I'm European, we're different, not in a bad way, but different. I have a brit friend in Vancouver and one in Toronto, they feel the same.

I mean don't get me wrong, I know there's issues and problems I'm not going to be happy with in the UK, I was naive when I thought about coming here, 'oh it will be fantastic!' but reality sets in, the grass isn't greener, and just maybe the real utopia is home.
If you KNOW that you are not going to be happy in the UK, why the heck are you moving back??

It sounds to me as though it is Calgary that is the problem ......... you hate Calgary, you don't like England.

You want the food (or some of it), you want the "introspective conversation".

I'm not sure I understand your "needs" one little bit!

But it does seem to me, if I'm honest and blunt, that this is all about YOU .......

you don't like England, you "just can't leave your daughter behind" even though she is saying that she is happy here and would be unhappy in England.

Are you being totally selfish here, and thinking only of yourself and not your daughter's wellbeing?

She's 18, well old enough to know what she wants, and she can legally leave home.

Would you be happy to have her leave home, maybe move in with a friend ................... no-one's mentioned SHARING a place ............ , and maybe even cutting off contact with you??

I had few problems with my daughter, but a very close relation here did end up in the situation where her daughter left home, and there was little contact for years.
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Old Jan 18th 2021, 11:15 pm
  #22  
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Default Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .

Originally Posted by kate8kate0 View Post
Sorry north of London means north to me. (NW)
Oh good grief, if you think Cheltenham is in the North you've no grasp on reality. Or at the very least geography. It's on the edge of the Cotswolds in prime Hooray Henry country, a little white enclave.i doubt you'll get much vibrancy.
Why did you chose there?
anyway here's a thought. You uprooted your daughter once do you think you might owe it to her to stay a little longer until shes done university/ college or whatever and established herself a little? Siouxie's suggestion that she learns to fend for herself is excellent
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Old Jan 19th 2021, 12:23 am
  #23  
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Default Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .

Originally Posted by scilly View Post
If you KNOW that you are not going to be happy in the UK, why the heck are you moving back??
I don't think the OP quite said that.
I know there's issues and problems I'm not going to be happy with in the UK
I'm sure that means some issues she's not going to be happy with. Same as everywhere it just depends on those issues vs others and whether one set outweighs the other.

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Old Jan 19th 2021, 12:43 am
  #24  
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Default Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .

Originally Posted by bats View Post
Cheltenham, the North? I'm confused are you moving up north or to Cheltenham?
That confused me too. Cheltenham is most definitely in the South!

To the OP, why are you assuming that your daughter will cope well going off to a UK university but not if she stays in Canada? Either way there's a good chance she won't be living at home, so does it matter which country? Why not let her go to the university of her choice and see how she gets on. There's a good chance she'll do better at a Canadian university because she's grown up in the Canadian school system, and if she misses you too much she can move to the UK and transfer the credits for her course.
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Old Jan 19th 2021, 1:22 am
  #25  
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Default Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .

Good lord, what an awful situation to be in.

I don't have any advice, sorry. I hope it works out for you all.
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Old Jan 19th 2021, 2:08 am
  #26  
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Default Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .

Originally Posted by kate8kate0 View Post
Absolutely good food for thought.

I think for me it's also about conversation. I do really miss introspective talk, talking to Canadian people I feel its a bit intellectually stubborn, I feel a disconnect. I'm European, we're different, not in a bad way, but different. I have a brit friend in Vancouver and one in Toronto, they feel the same.

I mean don't get me wrong, I know there's issues and problems I'm not going to be happy with in the UK, I was naive when I thought about coming here, 'oh it will be fantastic!' but reality sets in, the grass isn't greener, and just maybe the real utopia is home.
Oh dear. You can have deep conversations or light conversations with Canadians - or Brits - it really depends who you meet and who you connect with - whether in Canada or the UK! I've had deeper conversations with some Canadians than I've had with some Brits in the UK who haven't ever left their little bit of Britain (some who have not even left the town / city they have resided in since childhood). You say have a disconnect because you feel you are different to others by way of being European - but there are thousands of Europeans in Canada!

You seem to have it in your head that everything is going to magically improve 'if only you can move to England' - yet realistically you could achieve the same thing by moving to a different Province for a few years. For instance - Burlington (which is on Lake Ontario, on the shore) there are many Brits and Brit pubs where you can meet up with them. In Dundas - just a 10 minute drive from Burlington, you can wander the streets that are 'village like' - with a high street, pubs, cheese shops, specialty food / deli shops - the same in Georgetown a little inland. Jumping on the Go Bus/Train from Burlington you can be in Toronto in 30 minutes or less - or go down to Niagara falls in a couple of hours (quicker by car to Niagara). There are small towns and cities scattered along the shoreline of Lake Ontario, Lake Erie, Lake Huron, as well as in the coastal towns and cities out East - many of which have 'culture' and history. I think you have become bogged down with your environment.

Perhaps read through the wiki article on culture shock - especially the part that says "Rejection" https://britishexpats.com/wiki/Cultu...nada#Rejection

What bought you to Canada in the first place - can you remember if you were drawn to Canada as somewhere you had always wanted to be, or were trying to get away from your situation in the London / thinking that anything was better than what you had at the time? Why did you choose Alberta / Calgary?

If you don't believe you could be happy even by moving elsewhere in Canada, if your heart is set on returning to the UK (with all the issues and problems there and those that will arise by moving back) then go for it... once you have Citizenship!

Last edited by Siouxie; Jan 19th 2021 at 2:30 am. Reason: sp
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Old Jan 19th 2021, 2:19 am
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Default Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .

Originally Posted by cxx View Post
That confused me too. Cheltenham is most definitely in the South!

To the OP, why are you assuming that your daughter will cope well going off to a UK university but not if she stays in Canada? Either way there's a good chance she won't be living at home, so does it matter which country? Why not let her go to the university of her choice and see how she gets on. There's a good chance she'll do better at a Canadian university because she's grown up in the Canadian school system, and if she misses you too much she can move to the UK and transfer the credits for her course.
only because i worry about her safety. At Cheltenham university she would be at home, same as university here, she was at home, but she dropped it. The online tutorials were a flop, she , and her friends dropped them,.. Covid.
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Old Jan 19th 2021, 2:35 am
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Default Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .

Originally Posted by kate8kate0 View Post
only because i worry about her safety. At Cheltenham university she would be at home, same as university here, she was at home, but she dropped it. The online tutorials were a flop, she , and her friends dropped them,.. Covid.
So has she quit Uni completely? She may struggle to get a decent job without some form of further education here.. or do you think this a temporary rebellion? If she doesn't commit to staying at Uni, will she be able to get student loans to finance her remaining in Canada alone? I would have thought that 'attending online' would be a doddle compared to attending lectures!
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Old Jan 19th 2021, 2:41 am
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Default Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .

Originally Posted by Siouxie View Post
Oh dear. You can have deep conversations or light conversations with Canadians - or Brits - it really depends who you meet and who you connect with - whether in Canada or the UK! I've had deeper conversations with some Canadians than I've had with some Brits in the UK who haven't ever left their little bit of Britain (some who have not even left the town / city they have resided in since childhood). You say have a disconnect because you feel you are different to others by way of being European - but there are thousands of Europeans in Canada!

You seem to have it in your head that everything is going to magically improve 'if only you can move to England' - yet realistically you could achieve the same thing by moving to a different Province for a few years. For instance - Burlington (which is on Lake Ontario, on the shore) there are many Brits and Brit pubs where you can meet up with them. In Dundas - just a 10 minute drive from Burlington, you can wander the streets that are 'village like' - with a high street, pubs, cheese shops, specialty food / deli shops - the same in Georgetown a little inland. Jumping on the Go Bus/Train from Burlington you can be in Toronto in 30 minutes or less - or go down to Niagara falls in a couple of hours (quicker by car to Niagara). There are small towns and cities scattered along the shoreline of Lake Ontario, Lake Erie, Lake Huron, as well as in the coastal towns and cities out East - many of which have 'culture' and history. I think you have become bogged down with your environment.

Perhaps read through the wiki article on culture shock - especially the part that says "Rejection" https://britishexpats.com/wiki/Cultu...nada#Rejection

What bought you to Canada in the first place - can you remember if you were drawn to Canada as somewhere you had always wanted to be, or were trying to get away from your situation in the London / thinking that anything was better than what you had at the time? Why did you choose Alberta / Calgary?

If you don't believe you could be happy even by moving elsewhere in Canada, if your heart is set on returning to the UK (with all the issues and problems there and those that will arise by moving back) then go for it... once you have Citizenship!
I like that last comment, do you think I should get citizenship? do you reckon I would want to come back? Would you move back to the UK? Do you have a mum or dad back home?( honest question :-)

Last edited by kate8kate0; Jan 19th 2021 at 2:43 am.
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Old Jan 19th 2021, 2:46 am
  #30  
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Default Re: Moving back home but 18 year old refusing .

Originally Posted by kate8kate0 View Post
only because i worry about her safety. At Cheltenham university she would be at home, same as university here, she was at home, but she dropped it. The online tutorials were a flop, she , and her friends dropped them,.. Covid.
Friends' kids in the UK have said their online experiences have been poor too.

I think the problem is that your daughter has grown up in Canada, so whilst she may not have citizenship she is probably more Canadian than British. She obviously has friends in Canada, but does she have friends in the UK? At 18 it must be worrying to move to a country where she doesn't know anyone. We often see people on here asking about good ages to move kids, and the general consensus seems to be the younger the better. Also if she goes to university in the UK will she be classed as an international student meaning higher fees?
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