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I'm going home, i've done my time!!

I'm going home, i've done my time!!

Old Feb 19th 2011, 1:08 am
  #151  
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Default Re: I'm going home, i've done my time!!

Originally Posted by fledermaus View Post
Why so, it's an interesting and informative thread.
I agree. I do not know as much as I should on this matter. It is invaluable for me to read DBD's posts on this.
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Old Feb 19th 2011, 1:39 am
  #152  
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Default Re: I'm going home, i've done my time!!

Originally Posted by fatcat65 View Post
If you want to pm me some details of your daughter, age, diagnosis etc i'll let you know what i did/suggest unless your happy to share it on the thread?
Happy to share....
I am dealing with a 4 yr old
to put into perspective, her speech is minimal (15 words), or
her understanding is probably better than we know but due to no speech we dont actually know what she understands and what she doesnt.
She has no empathy to emotions whatsover
She is rigid in routine
She is due to start school in Sept, dont know how that is going to go
She is still in diapers due to her communication issues and no interest
she has no reality that we recently bought a new pet into the home
She freaks when going to anywhere she decides for whatever reason she doesnt like, smell, noise, look etc

What I love about her is that she does show affection, she is slowly learning more words and she is a huge character, this is down to early intervention , but it is not going to eliminate the mountain she has to conquer to get on in todays world and the realitys that her disablity effect her day to day as I describe above.

She is my girl and I love her for who and everything she is and the day to day of teaching her to cope with basic life skills of brushing hair, teeth, getting dressed, moving from the house to the car, daycare to home when you have to go via a shop etc is all the stuff we are having to learn as we go.

I am planning to take her to the dentist as an example once a week just to even get her to sit in the chair without freaking and build it up from there, these are all strategies that we are learning as we go along with other practical issues.

Any offers of advice or info I will always take and I am grateful, but what is difficult is that each child either diagnosed as autistic or somewhere else on the autistic spectrum disorder is always individual and what works for one may not work for another.

Like I mentioned earlier, I accept that some things can be worked on, but fundamentally my daughter is likely to have a lot of these issues for life and I have to be realistic for her and myself.

interesting thread please keep it open mods
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Old Feb 19th 2011, 1:40 am
  #153  
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Default Re: I'm going home, i've done my time!!

This has been an interesting thread because we have a 6 year old autistic son. He is severely affected.

We love him dearly but there is nothing wonderful about his condition and nothing to celebrate. I hate seeing stuff about valuing autistic people for who they are because from our own selfish point of view we want our son to be cured of this terrible affliction and we know that he won't be.

He is completely non verbal, unable to use the toilet and periodically wrecks parts of our home. We try to second guess everything that he does in order to keep him safe and our house has been adapted by us accordingly.

He was diagnosed when he was three in Ottawa and we had no idea as to what all of our lives were going to be like. We also had no idea as to how little we would be helped. We have not had any success in finding a Doctor who is interested in our son. When our little boy goes in to melt-down mode (which can be many days) we end up taking him to the ER to get his throat, ears etc checked to make sure that nothing is wrong physically with him as he cannot tell us himself.

We had such a spell over Xmas and his Doctor's surgery was closed until 24th January! When he need a couple of shots the Doctor asked us to take him to the health clinic as he was nervous of his autism. This by the way is the second Doctor that we've tried in this town but he's proven to be as useless as the first.

Oh I could go on about the lack of help available here but am inclined to just agree with a lot of what dbd33 has had to say on the subject.

None of what I am saying is of any use to the OP at all. I'm just taking the opportunity to say that in my opinion having an autistic child here where we live in Canada is extremely tough and we feel isolated. That's it. Just ranting really.
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Old Feb 19th 2011, 1:46 am
  #154  
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Default Re: I'm going home, i've done my time!!

Originally Posted by stepnek View Post
This has been an interesting thread because we have a 6 year old autistic son. He is severely affected.

We love him dearly but there is nothing wonderful about his condition and nothing to celebrate. I hate seeing stuff about valuing autistic people for who they are because from our own selfish point of view we want our son to be cured of this terrible affliction and we know that he won't be.

He is completely non verbal, unable to use the toilet and periodically wrecks parts of our home. We try to second guess everything that he does in order to keep him safe and our house has been adapted by us accordingly.

He was diagnosed when he was three in Ottawa and we had no idea as to what all of our lives were going to be like. We also had no idea as to how little we would be helped. We have not had any success in finding a Doctor who is interested in our son. When our little boy goes in to melt-down mode (which can be many days) we end up taking him to the ER to get his throat, ears etc checked to make sure that nothing is wrong physically with him as he cannot tell us himself.

We had such a spell over Xmas and his Doctor's surgery was closed until 24th January! When he need a couple of shots the Doctor asked us to take him to the health clinic as he was nervous of his autism. This by the way is the second Doctor that we've tried in this town but he's proven to be as useless as the first.

Oh I could go on about the lack of help available here but am inclined to just agree with a lot of what dbd33 has had to say on the subject.

None of what I am saying is of any use to the OP at all. I'm just taking the opportunity to say that in my opinion having an autistic child here where we live in Canada is extremely tough and we feel isolated. That's it. Just ranting really.
Completely hear you,

It does seem to depend on province and even region within a province as to the lottery of what help you are able to obtain for your child

I wish you and your family well
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Old Feb 19th 2011, 2:08 am
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Default Re: I'm going home, i've done my time!!

Originally Posted by nikki dreaming View Post
Completely hear you,

It does seem to depend on province and even region within a province as to the lottery of what help you are able to obtain for your child

I wish you and your family well
Thank you. And we extend our best wishes back to you.
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Old Feb 19th 2011, 2:18 am
  #156  
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Default Re: I'm going home, i've done my time!!

Originally Posted by stepnek View Post
That's it. Just ranting really.
Nothing wrong with that. More serious observations when the curse of the demon drink leaves me, I'd like to be precise in what I say.
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Old Feb 19th 2011, 2:43 am
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Default Re: I'm going home, i've done my time!!

Originally Posted by dbd33 View Post
One of my daughters is emigrating from Canada. She intends to live in Limehouse. I'm not sure if that's actually in Tower Hamlets but I bet it's a lot less dirty, aggressive and overcrowded than she's used to. Breath of fresh air, I shouldn't wonder.
WHAT! HAHAHA! Limehouse is in Tower Hamlets. Mate.... NO WHERE! and I mean NO WHERE in Canada can match Tower Hamlets. Not even Toronto on it's worst day! Your daughter will have the shock of her life. Trust me, I know! I'm not saying that she won't like it there but it will be a process of major adjustment. I assume she has a partner from there or a job in an East London School. Can't think of any other reason why a Canadian would emigrate to Tower Hamlets. LOL! I am from Bow which is 5 minutes up the road from Lime House. In defence of my home Borough... Tower Hamlets is only "polluted, racially explosive, drug riddled, poverty stricken" because of it's history. We have always been the dumping ground for the country. Tower Hamlets has great culture and history but the thing is, its people has a hard time working well together. I spent all of my teens and half of my 20's teaching kids about racism and promoting conflict resolution in London so I know first hand. I am Cockney. I can speak Cockney and I love my culture but it is being pushed out. Not at anyones fault. Just the fact that the East End has always been a "Non-static-society". People come and people go.

I wish your daughter all the best and make sure to remind her to carry her purse (Handbag) to her front and not her rear. She'll lose many valuable things otherwise.
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Old Feb 19th 2011, 2:57 am
  #158  
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Default Re: I'm going home, i've done my time!!

Originally Posted by nikki dreaming View Post
Happy to share....
I am dealing with a 4 yr old
to put into perspective, her speech is minimal (15 words), or
her understanding is probably better than we know but due to no speech we dont actually know what she understands and what she doesnt.
She has no empathy to emotions whatsover
She is rigid in routine
She is due to start school in Sept, dont know how that is going to go
She is still in diapers due to her communication issues and no interest
she has no reality that we recently bought a new pet into the home
She freaks when going to anywhere she decides for whatever reason she doesnt like, smell, noise, look etc

What I love about her is that she does show affection, she is slowly learning more words and she is a huge character, this is down to early intervention , but it is not going to eliminate the mountain she has to conquer to get on in todays world and the realitys that her disablity effect her day to day as I describe above.

She is my girl and I love her for who and everything she is and the day to day of teaching her to cope with basic life skills of brushing hair, teeth, getting dressed, moving from the house to the car, daycare to home when you have to go via a shop etc is all the stuff we are having to learn as we go.

I am planning to take her to the dentist as an example once a week just to even get her to sit in the chair without freaking and build it up from there, these are all strategies that we are learning as we go along with other practical issues.

Any offers of advice or info I will always take and I am grateful, but what is difficult is that each child either diagnosed as autistic or somewhere else on the autistic spectrum disorder is always individual and what works for one may not work for another.

Like I mentioned earlier, I accept that some things can be worked on, but fundamentally my daughter is likely to have a lot of these issues for life and I have to be realistic for her and myself.

interesting thread please keep it open mods
Any offers of advice or info I will always take and I am grateful, but what is difficult is that each child either diagnosed as autistic or somewhere else on the autistic spectrum disorder is always individual and what works for one may not work for another.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hello Nickki
I'm just posting this to get the necessary 3 posts so that I can PM a suggestion to you.
My son was pretty much the same as you describe at this age. I did something that overnight put him on the road to being the happy lad he is now - albeit still ASD. It may not work for others so I do not want to broadcast it.
I know what you are going through but I did not take it as phlegmatically as you seem to do. I admire your forbearance
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Old Feb 19th 2011, 3:08 am
  #159  
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Default Re: I'm going home, i've done my time!!

No precision needed for this theme.

Originally Posted by roxye3 View Post
WHAT! HAHAHA! Limehouse is in Tower Hamlets. Mate.... NO WHERE! and I mean NO WHERE in Canada can match Tower Hamlets. Not even Toronto on it's worst day!
As a kid she played ice hockey at Moss Park. She went to school on Jarvis Street. She now works near Moss Park. As far as Toronto goes that's a fair crack at rough.

Originally Posted by roxye3 View Post
Your daughter will have the shock of her life. Trust me, I know! I'm not saying that she won't like it there but it will be a process of major adjustment.
No doubt.

Originally Posted by roxye3 View Post
I assume she has a partner from there or a job in an East London School. Can't think of any other reason why a Canadian would emigrate to Tower Hamlets. LOL!
Close enough.

Originally Posted by roxye3 View Post
I wish your daughter all the best and make sure to remind her to carry her purse (Handbag) to her front and not her rear. She'll lose many valuable things otherwise.
While I am from a far more refined and delicate part of London, Kilburn, I believe I've been able to successfully able to convey that idea. She took a hell of a pasting once in NYC due to not being willing to give it up. She kept on biting and kicking. I think she's ready for prime time.

Limehouse may not be the west end but for a kid from a little town in the middle of nowhere, a kid from Toronto, any part of London is the big time. She's some stoked. And, bluntly, I'm some jealous.
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Old Feb 19th 2011, 3:09 am
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Default Re: I'm going home, i've done my time!!

Originally Posted by mancunian.com View Post
I did something that overnight put him on the road to being the happy lad he is now
What?
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Old Feb 19th 2011, 9:32 am
  #161  
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Default Re: I'm going home, i've done my time!!

Originally Posted by dbd33 View Post
No offense taken. I hope though that I have shown some knowledge of autism and related issues. I can't guess why someone, not a close relative of an autistic person, would have any such knowledge.

I think flogger's right, "the autistic spectrum" is too wide, including as it does people with autism (completely disabled needing help in performing the basic functions of life) and those with mild aspergers, likely as not the lazy and/or dimwitted children of affluent parents, fashionably diagnosed, who are not in any significant sense disabled. Confusing such diverse conditions helps no one.
I also agree with flogger - the vastness of the spectrum definitely causes some confusion and there are many conditions that fall under the autistic umbrella. For instance SPD in the UK is recogised as being under the umbrella, however in the USA it's recognised as a seperate condition to autism.
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Old Feb 19th 2011, 9:41 am
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Default Re: I'm going home, i've done my time!!

stepnek & nikki, thanks for sharing about your kids. Have either of you heard of AAC (Alternative and Augmentative Communication)? It's a picture exchange system that is really effective for those who have little or no verbal communication.
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Old Feb 19th 2011, 1:39 pm
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Default Re: I'm going home, i've done my time!!

Originally Posted by Cowgirl View Post
stepnek & nikki, thanks for sharing about your kids. Have either of you heard of AAC (Alternative and Augmentative Communication)? It's a picture exchange system that is really effective for those who have little or no verbal communication.
yes, thanks, we use it.
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Old Feb 19th 2011, 5:07 pm
  #164  
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Default Re: I'm going home, i've done my time!!

hey guys...to all those of you who have younger children with Autism, I hear ya! I've been there and woke up in the morning and wished I hadn't! My son went through all the same things you are speaking of and I know you think it will never get better but it does (mostly).
My son didn't speak either until he was 6, he was still in diapers until 2 weeks before starting school, he still freaked everytime we went someone different or somewhere he couldn't cope with. We had to buy a people carrier with 7 seats and sit him in the back so that he couldn't beat me up whilst I was driving...this went on until he was around 10! Until we came to Canada 2 and half years ago his food stuffs that he would eat i could count on one hand...we constantly worried about how this would affect him and doctors told us not to worry!!
In terms of cutting his hair, my OH used to have to hold him wrapped in a towel so that he couldn't hit us and I had to quickly trim his hair. However, one day we took his brother to get his hair cut and my son watched the whole thing, then whilst we were paying, my son jumped into the chair and sat waiting to get his hair cut.... the hairdresser looked at me and said what do you want me to do...i said 'cut it quick', which she did and he loves having his hair cut now. We had the same problem with his nails too but is fine with it now.
One thing i did noticed with him when he was young is that he watched what others were doing, and eventually tried stuff himself. He learnt a lot off his brother and he taught him many things.
I also had staff and friends that put up with his outbursts around him and never gave up. He used to be very rigid with schedules, which is great when they are very young but you can insert a little card with 'surprise' on it and give or do something they like, and that will wean them off the scheduling as they get older. I know it seems like it won't but it worked for my son.
However, the big change when we came here is that he couldn't have the stuff he ate back home and just started eating what ever we ate. The only thing he won't eat now is green veg and thats just broccoli and peas. He couldn't have his food touching each other before and gravy...well, never! Now he eats everything, even mashed potatoes, however, he still likes his beans in a separate dish given the opportunity.
We can go anywhere with him now, visiting peoples houses, basically anywhere, and this was something we never thought would happen.
I can honestly say, hand on heart, that even 6 years ago we never thought we would get him to a place where we can leave him in the house alone, where he can make his own lunch, answer the phone and take himself to bed when he's ready, but he does and that's why i'm proud of him.
His sense of humor is second to none and he is a very funny young man and loves taking the p-ss out of his brother!
someone mentioned about their child being really loving...my son is too, however, that took some teaching. The first time he said i love you i burst in to tears but he said it. He gives me a hug if I ask for one and sometimes he just links my arm when we're out shopping!
However, those dark days when he was younger were hell and I know the difficulties that you speak of when you go to the doctors/hospital etc, we did all that and had the same responses in the UK. Alot is just awareness and knowledge of what autism entails and the difficulties they face.
There are some days that you wish would end but i used to find that my son would do something, however small that amazed me or surprised me and that made everything else worth while.
With the dentist thing, I think you are doing the only thing you can do, by taking her and desensitizing her to it. Give her a reward everytime she sits there, ask the dentist if she can hold the tools and look at the mirror etc.
I don't remember this ever being a problem for my son he just did it. Hospitals were his main problem and as he had a heart murmur when he was born this had to be checked regularly too. They even talked about sedating him once when we went as he wouldn't stop screaming and lashing out but we persevered and he gave in eventually.
I don't know if this sounds daft but i feel they have a sense of when people are trying to help them medically. I remember when he was only 18 months old and his autism had just shown itself, he was run over outside our house and had to spend 3 months in hospital and he was as calm as a cucumber. They could do anything with him, it was us that was stressed out he was cool and calm and responded to everything.
Anyway, I always remember one of our other charity members telling me, it will get better, honestly and I didn't believe her, but for most its true, they do. Just take each day a time and celebrate the little things they achieve.
I always think of it as 'finding a key' to unlock their potential and his support assistant in school did just that to get him to speak. We then used his dinosaur obsession to get him to speak to us. He would pick up 'Dave Dinosaur' and pop his head around the door and say, 'Dave's hungry'. This went on for about a year and then he found he didn't need them anymore.
I remember being black and blue when he was young when he would lash out and beat me for even trying to get him dressed for school, that went on for years! Now he tells me off for reminding him to put deodorant on...'i know', he says!
anyway, i hope I've given you an insight into his life and ours living with Autism and the improvements he made with good knowledgeable people around him, who never gave up....we were very lucky to have those people in our lives.
Any other questions i'd be happy to share how we dealt with things.
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Old Feb 19th 2011, 6:10 pm
  #165  
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Default Re: I'm going home, i've done my time!!

Originally Posted by fatcat65 View Post
hey guys...to all those of you who have younger children with Autism, I hear ya! I've been there and woke up in the morning and wished I hadn't! My son went through all the same things you are speaking of and I know you think it will never get better but it does (mostly).
My son didn't speak either until he was 6, he was still in diapers until 2 weeks before starting school, he still freaked everytime we went someone different or somewhere he couldn't cope with. We had to buy a people carrier with 7 seats and sit him in the back so that he couldn't beat me up whilst I was driving...this went on until he was around 10! Until we came to Canada 2 and half years ago his food stuffs that he would eat i could count on one hand...we constantly worried about how this would affect him and doctors told us not to worry!!
In terms of cutting his hair, my OH used to have to hold him wrapped in a towel so that he couldn't hit us and I had to quickly trim his hair. However, one day we took his brother to get his hair cut and my son watched the whole thing, then whilst we were paying, my son jumped into the chair and sat waiting to get his hair cut.... the hairdresser looked at me and said what do you want me to do...i said 'cut it quick', which she did and he loves having his hair cut now. We had the same problem with his nails too but is fine with it now.
One thing i did noticed with him when he was young is that he watched what others were doing, and eventually tried stuff himself. He learnt a lot off his brother and he taught him many things.
I also had staff and friends that put up with his outbursts around him and never gave up. He used to be very rigid with schedules, which is great when they are very young but you can insert a little card with 'surprise' on it and give or do something they like, and that will wean them off the scheduling as they get older. I know it seems like it won't but it worked for my son.
However, the big change when we came here is that he couldn't have the stuff he ate back home and just started eating what ever we ate. The only thing he won't eat now is green veg and thats just broccoli and peas. He couldn't have his food touching each other before and gravy...well, never! Now he eats everything, even mashed potatoes, however, he still likes his beans in a separate dish given the opportunity.
We can go anywhere with him now, visiting peoples houses, basically anywhere, and this was something we never thought would happen.
I can honestly say, hand on heart, that even 6 years ago we never thought we would get him to a place where we can leave him in the house alone, where he can make his own lunch, answer the phone and take himself to bed when he's ready, but he does and that's why i'm proud of him.
His sense of humor is second to none and he is a very funny young man and loves taking the p-ss out of his brother!
someone mentioned about their child being really loving...my son is too, however, that took some teaching. The first time he said i love you i burst in to tears but he said it. He gives me a hug if I ask for one and sometimes he just links my arm when we're out shopping!
However, those dark days when he was younger were hell and I know the difficulties that you speak of when you go to the doctors/hospital etc, we did all that and had the same responses in the UK. Alot is just awareness and knowledge of what autism entails and the difficulties they face.
There are some days that you wish would end but i used to find that my son would do something, however small that amazed me or surprised me and that made everything else worth while.
With the dentist thing, I think you are doing the only thing you can do, by taking her and desensitizing her to it. Give her a reward everytime she sits there, ask the dentist if she can hold the tools and look at the mirror etc.
I don't remember this ever being a problem for my son he just did it. Hospitals were his main problem and as he had a heart murmur when he was born this had to be checked regularly too. They even talked about sedating him once when we went as he wouldn't stop screaming and lashing out but we persevered and he gave in eventually.
I don't know if this sounds daft but i feel they have a sense of when people are trying to help them medically. I remember when he was only 18 months old and his autism had just shown itself, he was run over outside our house and had to spend 3 months in hospital and he was as calm as a cucumber. They could do anything with him, it was us that was stressed out he was cool and calm and responded to everything.
Anyway, I always remember one of our other charity members telling me, it will get better, honestly and I didn't believe her, but for most its true, they do. Just take each day a time and celebrate the little things they achieve.
I always think of it as 'finding a key' to unlock their potential and his support assistant in school did just that to get him to speak. We then used his dinosaur obsession to get him to speak to us. He would pick up 'Dave Dinosaur' and pop his head around the door and say, 'Dave's hungry'. This went on for about a year and then he found he didn't need them anymore.
I remember being black and blue when he was young when he would lash out and beat me for even trying to get him dressed for school, that went on for years! Now he tells me off for reminding him to put deodorant on...'i know', he says!
anyway, i hope I've given you an insight into his life and ours living with Autism and the improvements he made with good knowledgeable people around him, who never gave up....we were very lucky to have those people in our lives.
Any other questions i'd be happy to share how we dealt with things.
Thank you for your insights, its all very familiar and I can only hope that she does keep progressing the way forward that she is at the moment, albeit it slowly, but still small steps in the right direction. It is inspiring to read of stories where children have made huge progress and I really do have big hopes for my daughter too, although I just keep in mind the realities too.

My approach to her and her future is that as a parent I know that she will have a niche of some kind in life and it is my job to explore as many opportunities as I physically and financially can to enable her to find her path in life whatever it may be, I have lots of questions for her future, basic things that us with normal kids dont really think about and likewise for our son, such as will she ever live independently, will she get married , have children etc, I really dont know, but no one can answer that so for now we take each day as it comes and she is her own unique self and we love her dearly!
Most days its fine and you get on with what you have to do, occassionaly things will come up though where it hits you again that you do have a child with a disability and those are the harder days.
nikki dreaming is offline  

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