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I need some advice please

I need some advice please

Old Sep 27th 2010, 6:21 pm
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Question I need some advice please

Hi everyone. I haven't been on here for a while due to losing my Fiance suddenly back in July.

Basically I have been living for the day at the moment. I haven't gone back to work as that is the place we met 5 years ago. I don't think I can face going back there due to that issue, plus I don't particularly like my job. I figure now this huge thing has happened in my life I may as well just change everything!

I have a few options open to me but I just don't know what the right one is. I was hoping to get some advice from people on here.

Myself and my late Fiance both have family in Canada. My family had said that I can go and stay with them for as long as I like and that they are there for me whenever I need them. Simon's family have pretty much said the same thing which is really sweet of them, I was worried that they wouldn't want to keep in touch with me, I feared they would no longer consider me as family.

I no longer qualify to immigrate there under the FSW program as Si was the main applicant. So, I am thinking of applying for the BUNAC as it will be my last chance. In the meantime I can go over there on a visitor visa and see how I get on without Simon.

My dilemma is that I have a great network of friends here and my whole neighbourhood has been amazing, rallying round to make sure I'm ok etc...
If I go to Canada I am worried that I will feel isolated as most people are working at least part time hours. I don't know how I will fill my days. Plus, I am concerned that it will feel weird being there without Si. I only ever went there with him and it was the last place we went on holiday together. The only thing I can think to do is take a short French course while I am there to give me something to do.

Should I go for just a month initially to test the water? What would you do?

I just feel so confused at the moment and I have been over and over the options in my head. I just can't seem to make a decision at the moment.

Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Many thanks, Angela
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Old Sep 27th 2010, 7:20 pm
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Default Re: I need some advice please

So sorry to hear of your loss.

Its hard to give you advice in your situation, but it does kind of sound like maybe you have to try it or you'll always be wondering? Going for a month doesn't sound like a bad plan, and you can always come back sooner if its not working out.

Is the Bunac visa expensive to apply for? Might not hurt to put an application in if its an easy enuf process - nothing saying you have to take it up in the end is there?

I imagine your days will be hard for a while, no matter where you are. And it sounds like you have amazing support here. I seen your posts when it happened, and it strikes me that if you've been mulling this over since then it is probably worth trying.

Hope it all works out for you.
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Old Sep 27th 2010, 7:28 pm
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Default Re: I need some advice please

Originally Posted by act1980 View Post
Hi everyone. I haven't been on here for a while due to losing my Fiance suddenly back in July.

Basically I have been living for the day at the moment. I haven't gone back to work as that is the place we met 5 years ago. I don't think I can face going back there due to that issue, plus I don't particularly like my job. I figure now this huge thing has happened in my life I may as well just change everything!

I have a few options open to me but I just don't know what the right one is. I was hoping to get some advice from people on here.

Myself and my late Fiance both have family in Canada. My family had said that I can go and stay with them for as long as I like and that they are there for me whenever I need them. Simon's family have pretty much said the same thing which is really sweet of them, I was worried that they wouldn't want to keep in touch with me, I feared they would no longer consider me as family.

I no longer qualify to immigrate there under the FSW program as Si was the main applicant. So, I am thinking of applying for the BUNAC as it will be my last chance. In the meantime I can go over there on a visitor visa and see how I get on without Simon.

My dilemma is that I have a great network of friends here and my whole neighbourhood has been amazing, rallying round to make sure I'm ok etc...
If I go to Canada I am worried that I will feel isolated as most people are working at least part time hours. I don't know how I will fill my days. Plus, I am concerned that it will feel weird being there without Si. I only ever went there with him and it was the last place we went on holiday together. The only thing I can think to do is take a short French course while I am there to give me something to do.

Should I go for just a month initially to test the water? What would you do?

I just feel so confused at the moment and I have been over and over the options in my head. I just can't seem to make a decision at the moment.

Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Many thanks, Angela
I am so sorry to hear about what has happened to you, it is very sad, and I do hope you are ok.

This is very tentative advice, as I don't know you and your situation is a very personal and emotional one. Reading your post, I would say that at this time in your life maybe you need your friends and family around you for their love and support, so perhaps stay put in the UK for now, give yourself some time and space to come to terms with what has happened and then come back to the decision about Canada at a later time?

All the best and take care.
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Old Sep 27th 2010, 7:37 pm
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Default Re: I need some advice please

Originally Posted by ducktastic View Post
I am so sorry to hear about what has happened to you, it is very sad, and I do hope you are ok.

This is very tentative advice, as I don't know you and your situation is a very personal and emotional one. Reading your post, I would say that at this time in your life maybe you need your friends and family around you for their love and support, so perhaps stay put in the UK for now, give yourself some time and space to come to terms with what has happened and then come back to the decision about Canada at a later time?

All the best and take care.
I would agree with this. Canada will always be here, and when you're ready then maybe you could try for a month or so and see how you feel. A support system is hard to give up at the best of times, and I would say you really need that right now. Good luck
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Old Sep 27th 2010, 7:56 pm
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Default Re: I need some advice please

Give yourself time, love.
As Timothy Leary said," Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law."
Take care of yourself, let your mind have time to cope with this terrible event and if you feel confused at the moment, don't beat yourself up about it. Things will become clearer with time, but it can't be rushed.
Go to Canada for a visit if that feeds a need at the moment, but don't feel you need to make any long term decisions. There will be plenty of time for that in future. For now, do what feels right and give yourself plenty of options to change your mind. What you feel will fluctuate for some time - that is quite normal as you adjust to what has happened.
My heart goes out to you.
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Old Sep 27th 2010, 10:52 pm
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Default Re: I need some advice please

Originally Posted by act1980 View Post
Hi everyone. I haven't been on here for a while due to losing my Fiance suddenly back in July.

Basically I have been living for the day at the moment. I haven't gone back to work as that is the place we met 5 years ago. I don't think I can face going back there due to that issue, plus I don't particularly like my job. I figure now this huge thing has happened in my life I may as well just change everything!

I have a few options open to me but I just don't know what the right one is. I was hoping to get some advice from people on here.

Myself and my late Fiance both have family in Canada. My family had said that I can go and stay with them for as long as I like and that they are there for me whenever I need them. Simon's family have pretty much said the same thing which is really sweet of them, I was worried that they wouldn't want to keep in touch with me, I feared they would no longer consider me as family.

I no longer qualify to immigrate there under the FSW program as Si was the main applicant. So, I am thinking of applying for the BUNAC as it will be my last chance. In the meantime I can go over there on a visitor visa and see how I get on without Simon.

My dilemma is that I have a great network of friends here and my whole neighbourhood has been amazing, rallying round to make sure I'm ok etc...
If I go to Canada I am worried that I will feel isolated as most people are working at least part time hours. I don't know how I will fill my days. Plus, I am concerned that it will feel weird being there without Si. I only ever went there with him and it was the last place we went on holiday together. The only thing I can think to do is take a short French course while I am there to give me something to do.

Should I go for just a month initially to test the water? What would you do?

I just feel so confused at the moment and I have been over and over the options in my head. I just can't seem to make a decision at the moment.

Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Many thanks, Angela
I am sorry for your loss Angela.

You should give your self more time before you make any major decisions. It is still very early days.

I once met a grief counselor that said you shouldn't make any life changing decisions for at least a year after a huge bereavement, such as yours. You need your close family and friends around you.

Good luck, I am sure over time your future will become clearer.
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Old Sep 27th 2010, 11:28 pm
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Default Re: I need some advice please

It sounds like you were going to Canada because of your finance.

Don't make any decisions for a while. Like many have said, take time. Stick near to the people that truly love you.
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Old Sep 28th 2010, 2:51 am
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Default Re: I need some advice please

First, from me as well, sorry about your loss.
Second, I do have a little bit different view than the previous comments. If you don't work at the moment ...what do you do? Not meaning that in a negative way..but sometimes one can only think about things and events so much and is turning in circles ..because not moving on. Sorry if that sounds harsh..but all the good and cherished memories don't help to make a future for you.
If it would be me, I think I wouldn't go visit on a tourist visa..because it would end up exactly as you said..you would not be able to work, all others would need to..you would sit at home and dwell on things and feel even more miserable.

I would apply for the bunac visa, this gives you the chance to work..to meet therefore new ppl and don't have the family only feeling sorry for you but maybe build up a new life. You will have to make eventually a new life for yourself, if working in Canada appeals to you as a good option vs going back to the old company.. go for it!!

Bunac still gives you a bit space on deciding when you go...but give it a chance.. maybe you like Canada for itself..and not only because it was a common dream.

Sorry if I come accross rude, really don't mean it...just.. life goes on and you only have one chance at it. Wouldn't he want you to try Canada on and see if it fits?
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Old Sep 28th 2010, 3:17 am
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Default Re: I need some advice please

I can only agree with most of what has been written, I to would not make any decisions that cannot be easily undone. I would suggest maybe going to Canada for a break and just take each day as it comes.

From what you have said so far, I am not sure that you are ready yet to make huge life changing decisions, I think you are still in the one day at a time mode?

Again this is only my opinion, and is only based on here and FB, listen to the people who love and support you.....

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Old Sep 28th 2010, 5:41 pm
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Default Re: I need some advice please

You mention BUNAC but also that you are not ready. If I understand it correctly there are only a certain amount of BUNAC visas issued every year so perhaps you could find out whether the quota has already been reached for 2010. This would at least deal with the issue of whether you could get one or not right now.
Then I would suggest waiting until after Christmas. This is only just under 3 months away and is bound to bring back all sorts of emotions.

At the moment there are so many things happening in your life which are happening for the first time since you lost Simon and each time you realise this it hurts, everything is raw so give yourself time and permission to grieve.

There is no set time for grieving, everybody deals with it in a different way, there is no right or wrong way.

BUT my one real piece of advice is don't ever feel guilty for wanting to get on with your life just make sure you're doing it at your speed and when you're ready.

Good luck with it all
Nicky xx
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Old Sep 30th 2010, 2:51 pm
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Default Re: I need some advice please

Thanks for all the advice

The reason I am considering applying for the BUNAC is because I am 30 now so this will be my last chance to apply.

I'm still weighing things up regarding Canada. Thought about maybe just going over there for 2 weeks to see how I feel.

More opinions/advice is welcome.

Thanks for the help!
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Old Sep 30th 2010, 10:20 pm
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Default Re: I need some advice please

Originally Posted by act1980 View Post
The reason I am considering applying for the BUNAC is because I am 30 now so this will be my last chance to apply.
The BUNAC isn't that great, if you're still not ready, so my advice would be don't feel pressured because this is your last chance to get it. It's only a 1 year open permit, and you can't even renew it. The LMO+TWP route is more faffing but it's not impossible, if you need more time then take more time. There are other routes too.
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