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I hate it even before we moved there.

I hate it even before we moved there.

Old Feb 13th 2020, 2:41 am
  #16  
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Default Re: I hate it even before we moved there.

I think reviewing the reasons for leaving the UK and moving to Canada, which were presumably made in a less emotionally charged atmosphere, may provide some comfort and stability. I guess you just have to trust yourselves that your reasoning and planning are sound and accept the reality that moving house, let alone country, is one of life's most stressful experiences. That is a reality that one almost needs to accept and just continue breathing. Sounds like you have done careful planning and certainly taken time to structure the move - trust that.

One thing I will add is that, once you get here, you may need to lean into your reasons for coming whilst you take the time to get up and running. It may take time to unearth the opportunities that put you back at the level you left, so you need to prepare for that and, again, just accept it.

I say all this as somebody who did not plan as much or as well as you, and had to take some time off work in order to really work through things. I am coming out the other side in a much better place but I would again encourage you to trust yourselves, your reasons and your careful planning.

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Old Feb 13th 2020, 4:07 am
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Default Re: I hate it even before we moved there.

Originally Posted by Winterdiva View Post
I was ok up until now. I’m beginning to hate the idea of moving to Canada. Everything sounds so expensive. Landlords don’t even respond to us, employers don’t respond (inspite of having loads of RELEVANT experience and masters degrees). Houses are bigger but GTA is the biggest bubble in North America! I’m scared of buying. We are moving (to Waterloo area) to find local jobs and avoid the commute. We got a bit carried away by bigger houses too. Shouldn’t we be just moving to Leeds or Manchester? I don’t know. We’ve been planning this move for nearly 4 years. We sold our house and moved into a rented place last year. We told our landlord we are leaving. This house is already on the market. I am pulling my kids out of a top grammar school here. I don’t know what I’m doing really.

should I just abort this move?? That won’t solve the issues we currently have (long commutes and small house). I am posting here for some hand holding please.
My own experience on the real estate front was it turned out far better that we waited until we landed in Vancouver before settling on a rental property. We did a lot of real estate searching before the move, and it was mostly in vain. What we did learn from pre-arrival searching was:

1. what the market was generally like;

2. what the typical housing stock was like;

3. what the prices were like;

4. what was available in which neighbourhoods.

We entered into negotiations with one landlord before we arrived and thank goodness we didn't proceed with that. We ended with far better housing for close to the same money in what turned out to be a far better location.

It's a big deal moving countries. There will be challenges in the early days getting used to the way things are done here. But it is a great adventure to move countries and facing the challenges with that sense of adventure first and foremost will hopefully provide some inspiration and energy for you in tackling the move. Good luck!
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Old Feb 13th 2020, 10:18 am
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Default Re: I hate it even before we moved there.

Originally Posted by dbd33 View Post
You're a computer person. Do you want a .net contract convenient to Waterloo to get you started? Crap money but, whaddya want, it's .net It does offer that fabled "Canadian Experience".
Thanks so much for being so kind! Unfortunately, I am not a programmer
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Old Feb 13th 2020, 10:21 am
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Default Re: I hate it even before we moved there.

Hi MelVan, Thanks for sharing your experiences.

Originally Posted by MelVan View Post
We entered into negotiations with one landlord before we arrived and thank goodness we didn't proceed with that. We ended with far better housing for close to the same money in what turned out to be a far better location.
How did you find this new place? Internet sources like Kijiji/agents or just driving around?

Originally Posted by MelVan View Post
It's a big deal moving countries. There will be challenges in the early days getting used to the way things are done here. But it is a great adventure to move countries and facing the challenges with that sense of adventure first and foremost will hopefully provide some inspiration and energy for you in tackling the move. Good luck!
Thank you
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Old Feb 13th 2020, 10:28 am
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Default Re: I hate it even before we moved there.

Originally Posted by Tumbling_Dice View Post
I think reviewing the reasons for leaving the UK and moving to Canada, which were presumably made in a less emotionally charged atmosphere, may provide some comfort and stability. I guess you just have to trust yourselves that your reasoning and planning are sound and accept the reality that moving house, let alone country, is one of life's most stressful experiences. That is a reality that one almost needs to accept and just continue breathing. Sounds like you have done careful planning and certainly taken time to structure the move - trust that.

One thing I will add is that, once you get here, you may need to lean into your reasons for coming whilst you take the time to get up and running. It may take time to unearth the opportunities that put you back at the level you left, so you need to prepare for that and, again, just accept it.

I say all this as somebody who did not plan as much or as well as you, and had to take some time off work in order to really work through things. I am coming out the other side in a much better place but I would again encourage you to trust yourselves, your reasons and your careful planning.
Reasons for leaving the UK are clear and strong. When I get worked up and super stressed, I just want to stay back. Within minutes, I know we have to leave. Absolutely sure about that. We did a lot of planning, budgeting and saving. Everything is in a spreadsheet (that has now evolved into a financial model. I can tweak things like exchange rate and figures all automatically update). My pain points are employment and kids I guess. No amount of worrying can help this. I just have to learn to breathe and give it time.
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Old Feb 13th 2020, 10:35 am
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Default Re: I hate it even before we moved there.

Originally Posted by JamesM View Post
If you're dreading the move that much I wouldn't do it.

Canada is a change of scenery and in some aspects can be a change of lifestyle but I wouldn't hope it was necessarily a solution to any problem.

The Golden Horseshoe is over heated in much the same way the South East of England is.
I'm definitely dreading the move. It's not about Canada I guess. Its the mental load of getting rid of all our belongings and moving with just suitcases (we are shipping stuff, but not much). Leaving friends, familiar surroundings, the guilt of taking kids away from their own little bubble. It's like a tornado hitting you - in slow motion.
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Old Feb 13th 2020, 10:37 am
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Default Re: I hate it even before we moved there.

Originally Posted by advent25 View Post
Hi, we moved with two pre-teens to Waterloo a couple of years ago. It takes time to settle and I wouldn’t say we are completely settled but so far the benefits outweigh the negatives. We were in London and the quality of life in Waterloo is better. the biggest thing is missing family and friends as it takes a while to build your social circle but it has brought us closer as a family as we have had to rely on each other far more than we would have done in the UK. We found a house to rent when we got here at the time there was not much rental stock but we still managed to find something within a month of arriving. With a move this disruptive especially with kids, mindset is everything......come with an open mind, don’t compare with the UK and accept it takes time to adapt.
Thanks a lot for sharing this. How did you find your rental? Did you have jobs before you landed? Please could you tell me more about your move?
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Old Feb 13th 2020, 4:57 pm
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Default Re: I hate it even before we moved there.

Originally Posted by Winterdiva View Post
Reasons for leaving the UK are clear and strong. When I get worked up and super stressed, I just want to stay back. Within minutes, I know we have to leave. Absolutely sure about that. We did a lot of planning, budgeting and saving. Everything is in a spreadsheet (that has now evolved into a financial model. I can tweak things like exchange rate and figures all automatically update). My pain points are employment and kids I guess. No amount of worrying can help this. I just have to learn to breathe and give it time.
Originally Posted by Winterdiva View Post
I'm definitely dreading the move. It's not about Canada I guess. Its the mental load of getting rid of all our belongings and moving with just suitcases (we are shipping stuff, but not much). Leaving friends, familiar surroundings, the guilt of taking kids away from their own little bubble. It's like a tornado hitting you - in slow motion.
Your apparent reason for coming to Canada concern me - it sounds as if you are not running TO a place you have always wanted to live, and yearn for...... you are running away from (leaving) the place you no longer feel is right for you... "we have to leave" --- You may struggle to adapt and settle unless Canada is a place you have wanted to live; it's not as if you are moving because you love Canada so much and want to live here... or because you have amazing job offers etc., that you are moving for... so do have a good hard think about why you are moving to Canada - and could those needs be met (the 'escape') by moving to a different part of the UK? Try not to get overwhelmed... but if you are having serious doubts then perhaps emigrating to Canada isn't for you.... or perhaps the time isn't right.. What are the reasons for moving to Canada? My old Dad had a saying which rang very true for me...... "when in doubt, don't"

Perhaps have a read of the wiki about the psychology of relocating: https://britishexpats.com/wiki/Psych...ocation-Canada and culture shock once you have.. https://britishexpats.com/wiki/Culture_Shock-Canada and

You don't have to leave all your worldly goods behind.. in fact bringing memory pieces, favourite items etc., is what will help you feel more at home.
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Old Feb 13th 2020, 5:46 pm
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Default Re: I hate it even before we moved there.

I would agree with Siouxie here.

You are using words like 'hate' and 'dread'. While it is normal to have a few doubts leading up to the move, those are not the kind of words that I would associate with 'a few doubts'. If you go through with the move, with your outlook, you will spot all the negatives and ignore the positives - i.e. you will hardly be objective about your new country. Even for people that have a strong desire to move to Canada, it can be hard to settle. It won't take you long to decide your fears were right, especially in the first year when there are loads of things to do and everything is strange and different.

The quickest I have seen anyone on this forum bounce back to the UK after having gone to all the trouble of gaining PR was just under one month IIRC. There was also a recent thread on this forum from someone who is yearning to return to the UK, but the OH has said that they are staying in Canada - what wins out, the marriage or the country.



It sounds like your OH is extremely keen to move to Canada and you are pretty keen not to.
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Old Feb 13th 2020, 8:28 pm
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Default Re: I hate it even before we moved there.

To be fair a factor of why I left the UK was because I disliked living there. I think not being happy in your home country is very common for immigrants. I had a few places I was considering but Canada (or rather, Vancouver specifically) checked all the boxes for me. I'm sure Winterdiva has legit reasons for picking Toronto, or at least I hope she does!

But that is a fair point that hating/dreading shouldn't really be too severe. I remember I was scared of the move, but I was also incredibly excited for it. If there's zero excitement then that is cause for concern.

I agree you should bring some things with you. I was very fortunate that I had my parents store some of my old belongings and ship them to me and it was a really wonderful feeling seeing them again. Although material items shouldn't matter it can feel like something is missing if you don't have something to connect you to your old life.
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Old Feb 14th 2020, 12:22 am
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Default Re: I hate it even before we moved there.

Originally Posted by Winterdiva View Post
Hi MelVan, Thanks for sharing your experiences.


How did you find this new place? Internet sources like Kijiji/agents or just driving around?


Thank you
Pre-move, we spent a lot of time searching the various internet sources such as Craigslist and Facebook Marketplace, and had our sister-in-law (who lives in Vancouver) do some inspections for us. Once we arrived we started doing the inspections ourselves. We applied for one apartment in the building we're in, and were rejected (!!!), but then we did some searching for other apartments in the same building and found our new Vancouver home pretty quickly after that. There was quite a bit of serendipity in how it happened - we thought the place we were rejected for was pretty good, but the one we eventually took has turned out to be far better - in fact, almost perfect for us.
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Old Feb 14th 2020, 10:01 am
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Default Re: I hate it even before we moved there.

Originally Posted by Winterdiva View Post
Reasons for leaving the UK are clear and strong. When I get worked up and super stressed, I just want to stay back. Within minutes, I know we have to leave. Absolutely sure about that. We did a lot of planning, budgeting and saving. Everything is in a spreadsheet (that has now evolved into a financial model. I can tweak things like exchange rate and figures all automatically update). My pain points are employment and kids I guess. No amount of worrying can help this. I just have to learn to breathe and give it time.
What are these reasons ?
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Old Feb 14th 2020, 11:00 pm
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Thumbs up Re: I hate it even before we moved there.

Originally Posted by advent25 View Post
With a move this disruptive especially with kids, mindset is everything......come with an open mind, don’t compare with the UK and accept it takes time to adapt.
Well said.
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Old Feb 14th 2020, 11:02 pm
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Default Re: I hate it even before we moved there.

Originally Posted by Shard View Post
What are these reasons ?
Exactly.

Also, why Canada? Why specifically Waterloo? What are you expecting to find that you won't find in the UK?
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Old Yesterday, 8:18 pm
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Default Re: I hate it even before we moved there.

We are moving out of the UK and Canada seems to be our best option. I can’t write here about our reasons for choosing Canada as they are very specific and hence potentially identifying. However, we chose Waterloo area due to availability of local tech jobs.


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