jazzyc

looking for advice from anyone who is/has been in the same postion as i currently in.
I would like to emmigrate to vancouver with my wife and child and start my business there which i do here in the u.k
I desperatly want to leave the uk and make a fresh start for various reasons most of which my wife agrees with and thinks it would be good for family and my business.
Here is the huge problem she doesnt want to leave the uk and given the choice wouldnt but as she doesnt want to return to her career (which she hates) as we plan another child so its on my shoulders to provide our income and our childrens future.
can it work given that we are so different on staying/leaving will she ever get over it and settle in canada.
Can anyone offer any advice or experiences that may help me as i feel pretty confused and low at the mo
thanks in advance.

Glaswegian

You need to talk to each other and she needs to explain why she doenst want to leave the UK. Until you resolve that one then it may be hard to settle anywhere else.

You also suggest that there is no real choice - so perhaps its a case of the lesser of two evils and she will learn to adjust.

joggerjo

Hi

Poor you what a dilema! It might work but it will be tougher and the bad days for her will be worse. Hard to say, sounds like you are on a negative before you even leave the country but you just never know, she may get here and settle down and love it, especially if things go well for you and she can see the benefits or looking at the negative she may get here and always want to go back and might not want to comitt to Canada.......there is only one way to find out how it will work.....!

JJ

dingbat

It won't be any cheaper for her to stay at home here - you will get no benefits and who knows if your business will survive the transatlantic shift. If your wife wants to stay put in the UK, it will create problems if the going gets tough here, as Vancouver will get blamed for everything. There is no way of knowing how current and present disagreement about the way to manage the family's future will affect your relationship with your wife. My 18/19 year marriage and relationship ended six years after moving here to Vancouver, because we failed to deal with problems that were already there and thought that moving countries would help. I guess what I am trying to say is that you need to both be on the same page for a move like this be successful and you both need to be sure that it is what you want to do. This is a tough place to start again, and maybe looking at a career change for your wife in the UK would be a more realistic option at this point. Just my 2c. Best of luck, whatever you decide.

Gachim

Hi,

I just briefly landed in Vancouver, and enjoyed the beauty this place has to offer. I know from experience what you are getting through.... imho, one compromise would be to split for a while, you settle down in Vancouver, set up your business, then she may see the transition with better eyes. put down on paper what makes you leave the UK, and what you are looking for. and above all, ensure there are no hidden issues in your marriage that may radicalise during the move... migration is abreeding ground for situations like these. Good Luck with your decision.. I certainly know how tough it is.

stepnek

I reckon a good relationship is all about teamwork and I can't imagine a move as big as this being successful if both partners are not pulling hard in the same direction. Canada certainly has strong appeal about it but you only need to see the various threads on this forum to see what difficulties possibly lay ahead. If you aren't both 100% for the move then it could just make it more difficult.

prodigyking

Maybe you guys should see Dr. Phil.

(Sorry, I couldn't resist! )

Ed_and_Karen

Have you both been over for a visit - preferably an extended one, just to check the place out? Maybe your wife will love it when she sees it. Maybe you'll hate it!

jazzyc

we have been to van 3 times and going for two weeks in october
we known where we want to settle and she loves the area and the country thats what makes it so hard

Little Hazel

Hello you

I am sure you are aware that the immigration process takes well over two years at present, and you have plenty of time to make a decision. I would point out something to you though, if you are both not in agreement at the outset of your adventure, it will become a nightmare for you both. There will be plenty of people in the U.K. trying to put doubts into your mind up until the point of you actually getting on the flight and if you are both not strong enough, it will be a disaster, sorry I am not more positive, My family and I have been in Burnaby for 11 weeks now and we are happy enough, but there have been some minor setbacks, which would have become major issues if my husband and I had not been in agreement to come here, do yousee what I mean.

Lots of luck

jazzyc

thanks for your thoughts yea i know about time scale have been debating this for over a year now.my wife is in aggreement with me on everything which may sound like there isnt a problem but she just doesnt like change or taking risks thats the real reason thats the way she has been brought up.

squarepants

Your wife might be right in not wanting to move, may be she is seeing something that you aren't. You've got to see it from her point of view though, not everyone is willing to get away from what they know, to start all over again somewhere else, and then having to find where everything is, and how things are done.

There are days that I say to myself, jeez....back home, I know where to go get this and that, and for a cheaper price.

stepnek

I'm in that position at the moment. All that time spent on looking forward to the big move and yet now feelings of uncertainty and guilt are creeping in as we make final preparations to go. I am not looking forward to the goodbyes.

Glaswegian

This is an interesting downside of the availability of forums like this - I didn't look at them way back in 2000 when we decided to emigrate, I'm not sure they even existed then?

The result was that life in Canada held a few surprises when we got here, despite having made several fact finding trips over. Research trips aren't te same as living in Canada.

My memories of the UK (I haven't been back since I left) still aren't very nice - increasing urban decay, deteriorating services - my own personal whinging about specific issues aside, I can't really see much about life in Canada that's worse than the UK.

I'm also becoming less convinced the "immigrant trap" actually exists - there are people who will come to Canada who will prosper here and survive the change of gear, and there will be people who don't - until you try it, you don't know if you're one of them.

I assume all you people out there contemplating emigration have enough funds to survive here until you can earn an honest crust, I also assume you all have an exit strategy if that makes you feel more comfortable. If you're emigrating on a whim or because you think Canada's streets are paved with gold, that's you probably haven't done a lot of research.

This forum is useful, but you can't reliably base important life decisions on a handful of people who haven't got anything better to do for a few minutes per day - accept the factual stuff as accurate, it usually is, but opinions are just opinions.

It's a big move, but you all thought at some point that you could do it - you wouldn't have applied otherwise.

If I could do it over again, I'd quit sweating over the small stuff while I was in the UK - stop fretting and enjoy you last few months or weeks of UK residency - there's a lot to see and do. Breath deep, relax, go see some really old stuff, enjoy the history and atmosphere, store up good memories of your friends and family.

Then when it comes to emigrating, close the door on that part of your life and start living in Canada.

You can always go back to visit if you really want to

That's only my opinion .... feel free to ignore it if you like

iaink

I find it kind of interesting that the title of this thread is I cant decide, when really it should be We cant decide.

Emmigrating is stressfull enough when it is a familly decision, if you are not both fully in agreement I suspect it is a project doomed to failure.

My 2c

Iain